Portrait of the Bleeder As a Young Congressman.When you’re driving down the street and blood starts pouring from your nose, how do you usually react? Do you say “Whoah!,” reach for the nearest tissue, and pull off to the roadside until the bleeding stops? Or do you suddenly feel euphoric, stop paying attention to the road altogether, and stare at your passenger until they take a blurry “Twitpic” of your gore-face? If you chose Answer #2, then Congressman Jared Polis is your Congressional soulmate!

Rep. Polis, whose district includes hippy-dippy Boulder, Twittered a funny with his horrific portrait: “Got a bloody nose today, but u should have seen the other guy!” (Your Wonkette has no conclusive evidence that “the other guy” was fellow Coloradoan and Focus on the Family Grand Wizard James Dobson,, who likes to throw crucifixes at Democrats’ heads “for sport”).

When another Twitterhead asked Polis, “R U OK?,” the Rep responded, “yeah first bloody nose in like 5 years, oh well. It stopped after like ten mins.”

Why does Polis have nosebleeds like every five years? Is that how long he waits between fistfights? Or is it high blood pressure-related, or part of a demon-purging ritual? Perhaps most importantly, how many grandmas, cows, and other innocents did he hit with his car while he was totally not paying attention to his driving? [Twitter]

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  1. Not only twittering while driving. Twittering while driving while bleeding while doing cocaine while looking away from the road. When does he get his own driver?

  2. Beam him up Scotty. And take that NRA ass kissing knucklehead OKie Republican… oops… I mean Democrat, asshole Dan Boren with you. I’m too po’d watching that jackoff’s campaign ad on the teevee to give a flippin’ fuck about what some other whorish Senator is doing.

  3. “but u should have seen the other guy!” He meant “u should of seen”. Still, funny. A funny man. Jared Polis is just a funny, funny man.
    Who doesn’t look anything like Steve Buscemi, even with a bloody nose, so why is he quoting him?

  4. Huh…you know, if you look at the tree in the background just right, it sort of looks a someone (a woman?) wearing a low cut blouse is leaning on the car. Like a hooker.

  5. As a CSI fan, I noticed the shirt contains no blood spatter, indicating that the alledged bloody nose was self-inflicted, probably from picking buggers as Mr. Grumpe noted.

  6. FACTS:
    1 – no one else in car; he took picture himself, obvs
    2 – it’s a split lip, not a nosebleed
    3 – lips=labia, “split labia”
    4 – tree in bckgrnd is a vag, obvs
    5 – ergo, “i’m completely alone & i’m way into giving rough menses head”
    6 – or, deeper, “i’ll wear your spent eggs on my face”
    7 – which natch culminates in “i support mandatory universal prebortion to clear the way for the lizards”

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