Happy Fun Cuddly Cartoon Violence
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Normally this feature only brings you terrifying visions of nightmare horror, like rivers of blood and naked Dick Cheney and such. Editorial cartoons are full of these things, because editorial cartoonists think that they're "edgy," and much darker and real er than the people who draw, like, Blondie, man. But with so much genuine pain and suffering in the world, we thought maybe we'd take a different tack this week, showing you the lighter side of editorial cartooning, full of love and happiness and adorable critters! Get ready for hugging, after the jump.
Click on the cartoons to make them larger and cuter!
Like these dinosaurs! Aren't they cute? All round and colorful and plush-looking. I like the way that the orange one's eyeballs are floating six inches above its head, not really attached to anything. And he says "son of a T-Rex," an adorable fake swear. They represent your state's absolutely darling budget, and they're about to be wiped out by the meteor of Medicaid costs. Except that the "meteor" looks more like a delicious meatball! Awwww! (Also, every state in the union will be bankrupt, soon, because of poor people and their insatiable need for health care.)
Also adorable: animals that walk on their hind legs and talk and love, as humans do! And, by extension, humans who pretend to be such animals, by dressing in elaborate costumes, are lovable as well. Many of these costume enthusiasts can be found among Wall Street's investment banking set, because there's nothing that helps blow off steam after a 19-hour-day of bundling up doomed mortgages and abusing cocaine like a good yiffpile. But now the liberal Big Government wants to impose regulations on Wall Street's furry fun. Fortunately, our Ivy League hotshots are smarter than the state college kids running the enforcement agencies: maybe it's illegal to wear a fursuit, but you can get around it by wearing another fursuit inside that fursuit. "Why, no, there isn't a person in here, just a walking, talking animal, to which your laws don't apply!"
And you know who else is just cute as a button? Soccer fans! Ha, with their fresh-faced innocence. This one, who, in his spirit of One World Order fair play, isn't rooting for a particular team but just the "World Cup" as a whole, has traveled back in time several months specifically to harass this bar of surly, drunken real football fans, who are just trying to enjoy real football in peace. Because doing anything remotely different from the mainstream is always a calculated attempt to irritate that mainstream, our time-traveling soccer aficionado will no doubt offer a "spoiler" about the winner of the 2010 Superbowl, which everyone knows is the third worst thing a time traveler can do (right behind killing one of your own grandparents and seducing one of your own grandparents).
And, uh, that's pretty much all I've got for cute this week. Here, enjoy this drawing of a spectacularly drunk Uncle Sam, vomiting into a toilet after getting "drunk" on too much "Hope and Change"-brand discount bourbon-style liquor product. Ha ha, his butt is round and fat, which is ... kind of cute, maybe? I think the drop of liquid coming from the general direction of his nose, which I hope is supposed to be sweat, and not the barf that sometimes comes out your nostrils during a particularly vigorous session of yacking, is a nice touch. At least there aren't puke chunks in his little chinbeard.
Aaaaannnd since I've ruined the "cute" theme I might as well show you this giant mechanical dildo device, with which BP is literally raping the Earth, so as to ruin your weekend as well.