Tony Hayward Fired As Director of Oil Spill

Famous congressional punching bag Tony Hayward will have a "different role" at BP, according to British Petroleum's teevee channel, "SkyNews." We read this on the Twitter, which is where all important news is now posted, so we won't notice it. BP's chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg, last in the news for incorrectly referring to America's fat people as "small people," told the UK news channel that Hayward's idiotic comments have apparently "had detrimental effects as the company seeks to control the fallout from the disaster."

But Hayward hasn't been fired. Instead, somebody named "Bob Dudley" will be in charge of the oil spill disaster, because he is presumably better at talking.

"This has now turned into a reputation matter, financial and political and that is why you will now see more of me," Svanberg said. Europeans sure see things in funny ways! [ SkyNews ]