idiots

Michele Bachmann’s Husband (!) Super Upset Over F-Word Used On Sign Somewhere

Oh shut the fuck up and be glad you're not all in prison.Having called for armed revolution against America’s democratically elected government, duck-faced sociopath Michele Bachmann truly exemplifies mature political discourse. This is why her alleged husband just put his name on a Bachmann 4 Congress fund-raising email, because the staffer who wrote this email cannot believe the local communists have gone so far as to put up some anti-Bachmann signs around Minneapolis, where they live. What do these signs say? Nobody knows for sure, because of the Bachmann’s campaign sudden, shocking ability to self-edit, but it’s a four-letter word that starts with “F.” We are going to check the dictionary!

Foul? Fail? Frog? Fart? Fire? Let’s say “Fire Michele Bachmann.” Yep, sounds un-American to us!

Hmm we might even have to check Urban Dictionary because what’s a derogatory term for black people that starts with “F,” anyway?

This fictional character, “Michele Bachmann’s husband,” then goes on to whine about some nasty political humor that appeared in the 1950s pinup magazine Playboy, which of course nobody can confirm because come on, Playboy? But the message is clear: As long as anyone says anything negative or even vaguely rude about Michele Bachmann — an actual insane person calling for her insane supporters to MURDER THE ELECTED GOVERNMENT OF AMERICA, WITH GUNS — well, that is somehow “trampling of our freedoms.” Uhh:

You and I both know they are resorting to these vulgar attacks because they know their time is up — the American people have their number and won’t put up with the continued trampling of our freedoms at the expense of their liberal ideology.

So, once Bachmann’s Militia assassinates the elected Democratic leadership and the president and his administration in Washington and anyone who isn’t a hard-right drooling suburban wingnut in Minnesota — everybody in the cities, for instance — then Michele Bachmann’s husband can begin the untrampling of our freedoms, via fund-raising email.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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100 comments

  1. Gorillionaire

    I say the signs are spot on “Fuck Michelle Bachmann”. It’s like “Don’t Litter” and “Watch Out For Children” – it is a sign that reminds people to do good things. If Michelle got fucked on a regular basis she wouldn’t be such a goddamn prude.

  2. Snarkalicious

    Finn! Bachman is a Finn! Come my Sweedish American brothers! Let us destroy der interooper, ya?

  3. Autoo

    I think what hubbie is missing here is those folks sincerely *do* want to F*** Michelle. It’s the crazy! Irresistible! (Not something one would advertise on a poster, however, that’s just gauche.)

  4. actor212

    [re=601761]Snarkalicious[/re]: HEY NOW!

    Some of us Finns might take exception to your tone!

    Really? She’s one of us?

    I feel sick now.

  5. slappypaddy

    who could possibly want to fuck her? she has the mad in her eye (though i suppose from behind that wouldn’t matter).

    i’m voting for “free.” that’s it: “free michelle bachmann.” she has been enslaved to her gummint post for far too long, it’s time to let her go-go.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Forp. It says “Forp Michele Bachmann.” It makes no sense whatsoever, so she should be able to understand it.

  7. ManchuCandidate

    Sedition and treason might overthrow the gubbiment, but words can never hurt me…

  8. penalcolony

    O the irony! Given that not even Mr. Bachmann wants to REALLY “F*** Michele Bachmann.”

  9. weejee

    Michelle has to be a zombie.

    1. Minnesota has 10,000 shallow lakes
    2. Those 10,000 lakes breed 10 bazillon skeeters
    3. Skeeters go to CO2 like flies to a fresh turd
    4. Michelle’s mouth, to fill countless rooms with her vapid words, generates more CO2 than a coal-fired electrical plant
    5. Attracted by her CO2 the skeeters drained Michelle of blood years ago

    Therefore, she must be a zombie. How she got re-animated I leave to others. She’s a zombie, case closed.

  10. Gorillionaire

    It is pretty bad when your husband issues a statement on the internets that says having sex with you is “vulgar and disgusting.”

  11. steverino247

    I think her e-mail thingy should read “Fucking up for Minnesota.” More accurate that way.

    As for fucking Mrs. Bachmann, that would be a violation of Ryan’s Law. “Never fuck anybody crazier than you are.” Ironically, both my sons have violated that law–multiple times–despite having met Dr. Ryan.

  12. Ruhe

    Do you think that maybe while he was composing that e-mail and proofreading it and basically seeing the phrase Fuck Michelle over and over again, just maybe the Husband from Minnesota popped a little chubby? And if that led to anything maybe he owes those rock and roll punks with their crude posters some sincere thanks for the gift of some hard to come by autumn-of-your-marriage frisson.

  13. Native of SL UT

    Mr Bachmann proclaims that they “won’t put up with the continued trampling of our freedoms” by trampling on the freedom of those liberals. The best way to promote freedom is by telling people to people to shut the fuck up.

  14. La Cieca

    “As her husband, I am in a position to know that fucking Michele Bachmann is the most vulgar and disgusting act imaginable, even worse than eating cheese curds.”

  15. jus_wonderin

    I think the sign is an admirer’s desperate plea for intimacy with MicheLe. My guess is the plea is a bit late. Someone has alread Fled the L out of her.

  16. ttommyunger

    Fuck Michele Bachmann? Really? John Edwards calling…..one ringy-dingy, two ringy-dingy….

  17. Clancy_Pants

    F*** Michelle Bachmann is very dignified. Immature and juvenile would be “Michelle Bachmann is a fucking cunt”.. nothing I would ever write and splatter all over town.. yet.

  18. peanutbutterjellytime

    Michele Bachmann’s hubby knew he had to send that, or nobody was “F’ing” Michele for a while…

  19. Baby who ate the Dingo

    The word is “FARK,” which is a hybrid of the term “Fart Fuck,” which is what you get when you have sexytime with a gaseous anus.

    Which is probably what Michelle’s “husband” is getting.

  20. comicbookguy

    “…trampling of our freedoms at the expense of their liberal ideology”

    Does that mean we are giving up our liberal ideology in order to trample their freedoms? This guy speaks good Teabonics.

    Also, Frog Michelle Bachmann. And put lipstick on it.

  21. Escape Goat Nation

    Marcus Bachman received his degree from Regent University (Pat Robertson’s school)
    Word on the street has it that he can fix the Gay.

    Michele Bachman received her degree from Oral Roberts University.

    This really explains everything about these two brainiacs

  22. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    So wait, who’s running against her anyway? Someone please tell me we have a credible candidate against this horrible, horrible woman. I’m not kidding, if we can’t unseat someone who blatantly advocates violence against the US Government, and blatantly advocates a return to McCarthyism, we’re pretty much fucked, as an ideological movement, as a party, as a people.

  23. Anonymous Office Zombie

    Fist Michele Bachmann?

    Perhaps one to the face, but othewise, ewww, no thank you.

  24. harry palmer

    Laugh if you want, but it’s brilliant PR. I activates wingnut rage, self-righteousness, AND gets them thinking about fucking Michelle Bachmann. I imagine this guy in a superfly suit.

  25. BklynIlluminati

    If he was a real man he would have been the first one to tell her STFU and stop embarrassing the shit out of the family. He deserves that harpy, coward

  26. One Yield Regular

    Dignified debate? This river don’t GO to Dignified debate. You done taken a wrong turn somewhere. This-here river don’t go nowhere NEAR Dignified debate.

  27. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I’m waiting for a list of these freedoms being trampled by liberals.

  28. doxastic

    Unless you give money to my wife, her feelings will be so hurt that she cannot continue to whine about foul mouthed children playing devil-music, who will f-bomb your freedom.

  29. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=601818]harry palmer[/re]: Of course you’re right. Fucking libtards and your too clever by half sense of humor that has all the political awareness of a clubbed baby seal.

  30. Golfing OJ

    Christ, it’s actually from her own redneck supporters, ya fukkin swabs: Frag. It says “Frag Michele Bachmann.” As in, “bring it, haters of the corporate profits which by the way are earned in totally only ethical ways, you can frag our leader, who’d be more than happy to begin the frontal assault on those snipers on the White House roof, but you’ll never take our blah-de-blah.”

    Bachmann, Crowley, Malkin, Palin, Coulter — don’t you just want to fuck their brains out, all of them? I mean, who wouldn’t want to be in the political “party” that has the $200 hookers? What the fuck, I’m gonna rinse Rachel Maddow’s face in man-sauce and hate myself five seconds later? Fuck that.

  31. iantenna

    that concert was a lot of fun. my socialist canadian cover band bachmann-turnip-overdose played.

  32. Naked Bunny with a Whip

    @I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO: You’re assuming that Bachmann’s district isn’t gerrymandered to the point it only includes Wal-Marts and insane asylums.

  33. Oblios Cap

    she’s also been known to be foetiferous. Hey, this is almost as much fun as reading Dame Peggy Noonanshire’s new “column”.

  34. Fran Rogers

    OK, so when Bachmann tells people to be “armed and dangerous” against “the enemy” in Washington, obviously not speaking literally, it’s just rhetoric! Only the LIE-beral DUMB-o-cRATs would want you to think she actually wants you to grab your gun and mow down some public servants. No way. That’s nuts. Figurative, not literal.

    But when these pinko foot soldiers of Hussein Soetero come along and say “fuck Michele Bachmann,” they clearly mean it in the most literal fashion – they want the public to have sex with our beloved Mama Grizzly! That other dictionary definition, “7. (vulgar, colloquial) (often derogatory) used to emphasize displeasure with someone or something”? Pfft. Only book-learned LIE-berals read dictionaries.

  35. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=601837]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: That’s the only way i could imagine she got elected.

  36. Katydid

    Hey! I sent you a tip with the flier and a story. You guys want to click, trust me. The flier is worth it. It involves buttsex with a GOP elephant. Or maybe you don’t.

  37. comicbookguy

    [re=601824]Naked Bunny with a Whip[/re]: Freedom to live in a country without liberals was the first to be trampled.

    Fist fuck Michelle Bachmann with a flatulent frog. For freedom. Falso.

  38. Prommie

    [re=601811]I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO[/re]: “We?” Who is this “we?” Do you have a mouse in your pocket?

  39. Fran Rogers

    [re=601846]Katydid[/re]: The full response from Mr. Bachmann is also available on that site. Including this statement that poignantly captures the very essence of the crusade for family values and moral purity: “Click here now to make a contribution of $25, $50, $100, $500, $1,000 or more.”

  40. proudgrampa

    Here you go, all the four-letter F-words:

    FAAN FAAS FABS FACE FACT FADE FADO FADS FADY FAFF FAGS FAHS FAIK FAIL FAIN FAIR FAIX FAKE FALL FALX FAME FAND FANE FANG FANK FANO FANS FARD FARE FARL FARM FARO FARS FART FASH FAST FATE FATS FAUN FAUR FAUT FAUX FAVA FAVE FAWN FAWS FAYS FAZE FEAL FEAR FEAT FECK FEDS FEEB FEED FEEL FEEN FEER FEES FEET FEGS FEHM FEHS FEIS FELL FELT FEME FEMS FEND FENI FENS FENT FEOD FERE FERM FERN FESS FEST FETA FETE FETS FETT FEUD FEUS FEYS FIAR FIAT FIBS FICE FICO FIDO FIDS FIEF FIER FIFE FIFI FIGO FIGS FIKE FIKY FILA FILE FILL FILM FILO FILS FIND FINE FINI FINK FINO FINS FIRE FIRK FIRM FIRN FIRS FISC FISH FISK FIST FITS FITT FIVE FIXT FIZZ FLAB FLAG FLAK FLAM FLAN FLAP FLAT FLAW FLAX FLAY FLEA FLED FLEE FLEG FLEW FLEX FLEY FLIC FLIM FLIP FLIR FLIT FLIX FLOC FLOE FLOG FLOP FLOR FLOW FLUB FLUE FLUS FLUX FOAL FOAM FOBS FOCI FOEN FOES FOGS FOGY FOHN FOHS FOID FOIL FOIN FOLD FOLK FOND FONE FONS FONT FOOD FOOL FOOT FOPS FORA FORB FORD FORE FORK FORM FORT FOSS FOUD FOUL FOUR FOUS FOWL FOXY FOYS FOZY FRAB FRAE FRAG FRAP FRAS FRAT FRAU FRAY FREE FRET FRIB FRIG FRIS FRIT FRIZ FROE FROG FROM FROS FROW FRUG FUBS FUCI FUCK FUDS FUEL FUFF FUGS FUGU FUJI FULL FUME FUMS FUMY FUND FUNG FUNK FUNS FURL FURR FURS FURY FUSC FUSE FUSS FUST FUTZ FUZE FUZZ FYCE FYKE FYLE FYRD

  41. TGY

    Ordinarily, I’m against the use of profanity unless it’s: A) on Wonkette, B) applied to Michele Bachmann, or C) used some other way that’s justified or desirable or artistic.

  42. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Sorry, but I wouldn’t fuck Michele Bachmann with Michelle Malkin’s two-headed dildo. I bet Marcus wish he could, though.

  43. Ducksworthy

    [re=601944]Ducksworthy[/re]: I know, Tarryl OK but its better than Elwin Tinklenberg.

  44. martinette

    [re=601944]Ducksworthy[/re]: Whoops, you neat me to the same point. Still, the best way to f— Bachmann…

  45. Ducksworthy

    [re=601954]martinette[/re]: Of go to the Fuck Michele Bachmann Concert. Its a Concert? This could be fun. Thank you for that Marcus.

  46. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    [re=601863]Prommie[/re]: Dammit, I gotta stop talking for the whole decent portion of the human race again.

  47. GOPCrusher

    Maybe the real purpose behind their rage about these signs, is that they just came to the realization that someone in America may not think highly of Michele, Queen of the Batshyt Crazies.
    Some people don’t deal well with rejection.

  48. JSDC007

    Fuck her, so that you don’t have to, Mr. Michelle Bachmann.

    Because, clearly, if you dip your wick in the pustulence that is Michelle Bachmann, your peen will fall off, hit the ground, and turn into Sarah Palin.

  49. Jukesgrrl

    [re=601993]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Merci, Monsieur. I WAS wondering. I was just about to head over to The Google when you saved me the trouble with quite an excellent photo.

    Do you Blingee?

  50. PsycGirl

    [re=601846]Katydid[/re]: “Let’s you and I stand up together…” AHA! It’s TRIO Michele Bachmann!!!!

  51. Tundra Grifter

    If “One-L’s” husband thinks that poster has the most vulgar and disgusting terms, he clearly lacks imagination.

    Thanks to ordering a free ticket to the Michele and Gov’Nor show a while back, I’m not on the mailing list.

    What does it say about this gentleman, and their entire family, that he takes this poster as an opportunity to raise more money for the campaign?

    WoW!

  52. Rotundo

    Just a concert? I think it sounds like a great name for a band. Beats the Durocs and Revolting Cocks (just barely on the latter…).

  53. Pandy

    “You and I both know they are resorting to these vulgar attacks because they know their time is up — the American people have their number and won’t put up with the continued trampling of our freedoms at the expense of their liberal ideology.”

    Is it me or is this sentence not saying what he thinks it is saying?

  54. maven

    [re=601871]proudgrampa[/re]: Thanks. I think “Fuse” is the right word, it might have something to do with the Human Centipede movie and Sarah Palin.

  55. PsycGirl

    [re=602224]Pandy[/re]: I don’t know what the hell it means. It’s kind of like a teabagger version of a line from 1984.

  56. Veritas78

    Michele Bachmann put up those signs herself, right where her clueless hubby would see them. Post-It notes on the fridge didn’t work, either.

  57. crcombine

    I’m going with “feed” Michele Bachmann…I think this is some sort of clever, if insidious, campaign by the Minneapolis Restaurant Association. Especially too, since I wouldn’t fuck Michele Bachmann with Ann Coulter’s dick.

  58. Hoplight

    I’m going with Fawn. Someone must be fawning over this loon or she wouldn’t get elected.

  59. oldsparky

    [re=601794]BOOBIES![/re]: Read next Sunday’s Pearls Before Swine – the Wonkette office moves next door to the Zebra, and the Guard Duck is PISSED OFF.

  60. GreenHalo

    If wanting to knock the bottom out of Crazy Gray Eyes Bachmann is wrong, seriously, I don’t want to be right. Chicks with gray eyes are like slapping two bricks of subcritical plutonium together. The hotness can’t be denied, and if that’s the way you’re fated to check out, well, okay. It’s not like you wasted your last moments on something dull and pedestrian, like a brown-eyed blondie or something.

  61. Joey Ratz

    Felch Michele Bachman. Nothing else makes any sense.

    [re=602224]Pandy[/re]: It’s not just you. I’m starting to think that Michele may actually be the brighter part of that couple…

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