meg whitman loves hispanic things you guys

Trying To Decipher Meg Whitman’s Messican Advertisement

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WHAT? Speak American! Meg Whitman has decided to court the Messicans in her race for California governor, and here is her first ad. It airs today during a soccer match, so apparently she’s trying to get the gay vote too. What is being said? WE DON’T KNOW, WE’RE AMERICAN. So here’s an attempt to figure out what’s being said by what’s going on in the video.

Whenever Meg Whitman wants to know about gardening tools, she consults the Hispanic community FIRST.

Meg Whitman loves children and as CEO of eBay had the privilege to see many of them auctioned off.

Meg Whitman once had a Chihuahua, like many Hispanic people. It was named Pepe and made this face all the time.

“This opone got laid in Arizona.”

In this election you have a choice: Meg Whitman and suave Hispanic businessman or grinder thing and keyboard. Only one ticket has what it takes to lead California.

She has boobs.

Meg Whitman plans to fix California’s fault lines with giant Post-It notes. No more earthquakes!

Sponsored Intermission

She has boobs. This undocumented Hispanic construction worker knows what I’m talking about!

Meg Whitman and her girlfriends are fans of well-known Mexican-American singer Selena Gomez. Here they are before heading out to her concert!

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • CindyinEncinitas

    It’s Met-sican, fool!

  • Mr Blifil

    You can also now buy contractors off the corner using PayPal.

  • BarackMyWorld

    This reminds me of a story I read in The Onion that one time.

  • Geogre

    The message here is obvious:

    Vote Whitman. She’s good for Mexico. She will ensure that Mexico gets more jobs. Those Post-It (TM) notes are all jobs that she created, and she has told the landscapers, “Gather your armies!”

    As CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman has been good for Mexico, and as a millionaire, she has been good for low wage undocumented work. How could the immigrant community not absolutely love her?

    What? Path to citizenship? Escape from low wage work? Skilled labor jobs? Uh. She opposes Arizona!

  • chaste everywhere

    Here’s a rough on-the-spot translation:

    For Meg wishes to sleep the dream of the apples,
    to learn a lament that will cleanse her to earth;
    she wants to live with that dark child
    who longed to cut his heart on the high seas.

  • Katydid

    Did they cut out the part where she shoves the cute kids down the stairs de la escuela?

  • Zadig

    [re=601189]Geogre[/re]: “She opposes Arizona!”

    Not the law, just, you know, in general.

  • Neilist

    Okay, okay, here’s a campaign slogan:

    “And A Graying, Fat, Bad-Tempered Old Puta Shall Lead Them!”

    (Can anoyone translate the rest of that into Beaner? I could put it in Latin, but it would be better in Official Low Rider.)

  • samsuncle

    To listen to the Youtube video in English press 1.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Nice 1970s pea green epaulatted jacket. That’s a pretty fashion-forward statement — for the Mark Trail Ladies’ Auxiliary.

  • Katydid

    Why didn’t she take two-tree mil and shop for clothes somewhere besides K-Mart’s Polyester Pantsuits Blue Lights Specials? She looks like shit. Get a decent outfit, Megs.

  • Aurelio

    Now what is Jerry Brown going to do? How about an ad with Jerry giving head to an illegal farmworker, out in the lettuce fields?

  • bitchincamaro

    I think they said “Wha? Spain lost to who?” Should have been “whom”, though, amirite?

  • Aurelio

    [re=601206]Katydid[/re]: Katy, you are missing the point: Messicans shop at K-mart.

  • doxastic

    Weird, every time Meg Whitman sees a Mexican, she thinks: [perdidos] MAS TRABAJOS.

  • GOPCrusher

    How does she expect to get elected in Arizona?

  • I Heart Accuracy

    Great casting getting John Cleese to play Meg Whitman.

  • bitchincamaro

    [re=601200]Neilist[/re]: Awesome.

  • Joshua Norton

    Behold the California Republican’s motto:

    Can’t stand Latinos but love their votes. Comprende señor?

  • weejee

    Querida Meg, y su caballo también.

  • ph7

    Comprar ahora!

  • gurukalehuru

    Oh, the teabaggers are going to love this. Vote for Jerry Brown, teabaggers! Not that RINO Mexican lover Meg Whitman!!!

  • progressiveinga

    Meg Whitman: Para Una California Nueva…….Menos Messicans!

  • Mista Eko

    mas trabajos is honduran for more boobs.

    I was more focused on her watermark reading “Meg W Hitman”

  • Joshua Norton

    Needs moar Spanx.

  • Simba B

    [re=601188]BarackMyWorld[/re]: oh snap

  • imissopus

    [re=601206]Katydid[/re]: Perhaps she was out of money after spending a cool $71 million just to win the primary.

    If only there was some website that might sell fashionable clothes cheap to the busy careerist with no time to go out and shop…

  • Fnor

    I love how her url is Not or /latinos.

    This is a great idea, though, I’m looking forward to campaign websites like

  • RedNo.4

    @chaste everywhere: No hay nadie que comprenderlo. Aun Chihuahuas no saben.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    Frida Kahlo looks very happy in the last picture.

  • doloras

    Mexico 2 – France 0. Party in the streets time!

  • madtowngooner

    She’s Meg-sican, I knew it

  • sati demise

    Meg ate a taco once, or twice, that is all.

  • DC Hates Me

    Dear Mexican aliens, when a white women solicits you, it usually costs mucho dinero. See her pearl necklace at 0:14? It didn’t come from oysters but clams.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    Pander, much?

    Press “two” for Spanish, goddamit!!!

  • Cherry Garcia

    If you look real carefully you can see in one of those shots her campaign chairman and advisor on all things Messican standing there in the shadows. What’s his name? Former Governor? Oh yeah, Pete “Prop 187” Wilson. No better way to get the Latino vote in Cali!

  • user-of-owls

    You fools! Don’t you realize this is one long coded message to activate the thousands of leaf-blowing and room cleaning sleeper cells!? Sweet Jesus….Operacion Aztlan has already begun!

  • Ducksworthy

    I just watched this hideous thing. I was afraid Meggers was speaking Messican but apparently she is merely una otra mujer ignorante grasa. Is grasa a cognate with the english grease? Ok then grasa.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    And she’ll punch you in the face if you steal her yard signs.

  • Ducksworthy

    [re=601273]Cherry Garcia[/re]: That’s excellent news.

  • bloatedwhitetruck

    In that last photo the second woman on the left looks suspiciously Asian. Is that the underling Meg pummeled with her bare fists? Heh?

  • edgydrifter

    Senora Cabezagrande lurvs her jardineros con mucho gusto!

  • Lamar

    That whole thing makes me hungry for a taco.

  • BklynIlluminati

    All she had to do is have some one teach her to say in Spanish. “If i get elected i personally will go and piss on Arizona” Fucking gringos never know the difference anyway.

    Also any phrase off this page would have got her bonus points

    I’m Rican and i haven’t heard half of these but they are hilarious.

  • Neilist

    [re=601221]bitchincamaro[/re]: “Awesome”? Gesh, B.I.C., haven’t you learned anything? NEVER agree with Neilist. He’s an ASSHOLE.

    [But I still need it translated in Beaner. My Latin probably doesn’t quite match up, it being about 2100 years out of date.

    Vale et atque!]

  • twoeightnine

    What, no mention of the truck full of weed?

  • RPolanski

    Ella es una pinche cabrona.

  • ZombieRichardFeynman

    Don’t bother to try to translate this. It’s not real Spanish. This was a recording of George Carlin doing his pretend-Spanish baseball announcing.

  • jimstoic

    All the votes in the world won’t make you pretty or loved.

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=601250]Fnor[/re]: She’s also got a more general minority outreach page at

  • Snarkalicious

    La Burma Shave

  • loquaciousmusic

    Oooo, you know what? This video totally reminds me that I have to take the recycling out tonight so the nice Hispanic men can drive up at 5:45 tomorrow morning and put it in their big truck.

    Thanks, Meg Whitman!

  • BlueStateLiberal

    And then she shoves a Mexican at the very end, knocking out his front teeth. Fixed!

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=601185]CindyinEncinitas[/re]: How ’bout “Meg-sican?”

  • Mull_Man

    this is Meg’s “pendejo” moment

  • tribbzthesquidz

    [re=601368]Mull_Man[/re]: “pendejo”
    Haha! I was thinking about Cheech and Chong just now. I don’t know if that’s your reference point. Just a guess. “Hey pendejo’s!”

  • ThisIsNotAnAvatar

    I think you spell “change,” “chenga,” in Megsican.

  • JoeCool BigPecker

    Hey Bitch, when I need to unload some used socks or some dumb shit I may well turn to you for guidance but you ain’t no fucking FDR.

  • Katydid

    [re=601302]BklynIlluminati[/re]: Carajo means cock in Spain, although it might also mean a small cup of coffee…

    Well. Who said Wonkette isn’t educational? What I just learned is be very freaking careful when speaking Spanish!

    I think my favorite is lavahuevos. Spanish clearly has many more, and far more creative, malas palabras than English does.

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    Dios mio, my mama come ALpo, pero estoy unsa chica con un buen arbusto!

  • jon c

    Meg Whitman opposes the Arizona law (you know … that one Arizona law) AND Prop 187 (16 year after the fact). WHY DOESN’T MEG WHITMAN JUST RUN ON THE COMMUNIST PARTY TICKET WITH ALL HER MUSLIN TRAITOR MESSICAN FRIENDS. pinche puta comunista quiere chupar las vergas de pinche che guevara.

  • Baby who ate the Dingo

    Ede Cacam et Morer!

  • Catholics4Condoms

    [re=601185]CindyinEncinitas[/re]: In a Texas men’s room wall is saw it spelled “Meskin”. Isn’t it bit too soon after the pre-republican primary “i’m more conservative then thou” I will crack down on the border commercials she ran. Oh, but hispanics only watch spanish language tv…keep telling yourself that, Meg, and run some more ads on proper American language tv saying “The Meskins are comin’, the Meskins are comin'”.

  • Catholics4Condoms

    THis is a bit off topic from her courting of the “Megsican” vote but I saw a yard sign “Meg for California in 2010” in the median of an expressway in Santa Clara. I had to urge (and still do) to put a sign above it that reads “If you (heart)your boss then vote for…” I think she will do good winning the kiss-ass vote.

  • assistant/atlas

    The solution to California’s budget problems is not electing Meg Whitman governor. It is taxing the shit out of people like Meg Whitman who obviously have far too much time and money on their hands.

  • Geogre

    [re=601250]Fnor[/re]: Megwhitman/latinos

    I noticed that, too. It was really quite something, wasn’t it?

    “I’m Meg Whitman, and I’m as subtle as a shove and as principled as a hoe.”

    /rednecks /libertarians /teaparty /geriatrics /women, except that the last one will be blocked by spam filters.

  • Barrelhse

    [re=601189]Geogre[/re]: And tits.

  • Barrelhse

    I don’t know about her Spanish, but I’m certain that an evening with Joran Van der Sloot would do WONDERS for her converational Dutch.


    [re=601200]Neilist[/re]: If you learned Latin from Erik Erikson, you don’t really know Latin, you know. Sic Semper Tyrranus Pluribus Unum etceteray.

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=601258]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: ” Frida Kahlo looks very happy in the last picture.”

    Oh, shit, I was thinking something like that only not as kind. I’m glad someone else brought it up first, because this makes it okay to say, “When that girl fell out of the ugly tree, she hit every branch on the way down.”

    That’s it. That’s the meanest thing I’ve got in me, because I teach the Sunday School and don’t want to make Jesus cry.

  • elenique

    i just wish with all that money she’d get a new hairstyle. surely somebody can improve upon that do.

  • Katydid

    [re=601203]samsuncle[/re]: Perfection.

  • Tcaalaw

    [re=601258]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: My eyes didn’t feel the need to move past the left-hand side of that picture, so I’d missed Frida.

  • Nigel

    “Se opone la ley de Arizona” = The Arizona law opposes itself.
    Arizona has sentient laws — that’s pretty goddamn awesome.

  • Arcturus

    If this bitch doesn’t look like Cathy Bates knocking Jimmy Caan’s ankles off with a sledge hammer, I don’t know who does.