Trying To Decipher Meg Whitman’s Messican Advertisement

by Jack Stuef

WHAT? Speak American! Meg Whitman has decided to court the Messicans in her race for California governor, and here is her first ad. It airs today during a soccer match, so apparently she’s trying to get the gay vote too. What is being said? WE DON’T KNOW, WE’RE AMERICAN. So here’s an attempt to figure out what’s being said by what’s going on in the video.

Whenever Meg Whitman wants to know about gardening tools, she consults the Hispanic community FIRST.

Meg Whitman loves children and as CEO of eBay had the privilege to see many of them auctioned off.

Meg Whitman once had a Chihuahua, like many Hispanic people. It was named Pepe and made this face all the time.

“This opone got laid in Arizona.”

In this election you have a choice: Meg Whitman and suave Hispanic businessman or grinder thing and keyboard. Only one ticket has what it takes to lead California.

She has boobs.

Meg Whitman plans to fix California’s fault lines with giant Post-It notes. No more earthquakes!

She has boobs. This undocumented Hispanic construction worker knows what I’m talking about!

Meg Whitman and her girlfriends are fans of well-known Mexican-American singer Selena Gomez. Here they are before heading out to her concert!

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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CindyinEncinitas June 17, 2010 at 4:12 pm

It’s Met-sican, fool!

Mr Blifil June 17, 2010 at 4:13 pm

You can also now buy contractors off the corner using PayPal.

BarackMyWorld June 17, 2010 at 4:13 pm

This reminds me of a story I read in The Onion that one time.

Geogre June 17, 2010 at 4:14 pm

The message here is obvious:

Vote Whitman. She’s good for Mexico. She will ensure that Mexico gets more jobs. Those Post-It (TM) notes are all jobs that she created, and she has told the landscapers, “Gather your armies!”

As CEO of eBay, Meg Whitman has been good for Mexico, and as a millionaire, she has been good for low wage undocumented work. How could the immigrant community not absolutely love her?

What? Path to citizenship? Escape from low wage work? Skilled labor jobs? Uh. She opposes Arizona!

chaste everywhere June 17, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Here’s a rough on-the-spot translation:

For Meg wishes to sleep the dream of the apples,
to learn a lament that will cleanse her to earth;
she wants to live with that dark child
who longed to cut his heart on the high seas.

Katydid June 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Did they cut out the part where she shoves the cute kids down the stairs de la escuela?

Zadig June 17, 2010 at 4:20 pm

[re=601189]Geogre[/re]: “She opposes Arizona!”

Not the law, just, you know, in general.

Neilist June 17, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Okay, okay, here’s a campaign slogan:

“And A Graying, Fat, Bad-Tempered Old Puta Shall Lead Them!”

(Can anoyone translate the rest of that into Beaner? I could put it in Latin, but it would be better in Official Low Rider.)

samsuncle June 17, 2010 at 4:24 pm

To listen to the Youtube video in English press 1.

SayItWithWookies June 17, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Nice 1970s pea green epaulatted jacket. That’s a pretty fashion-forward statement — for the Mark Trail Ladies’ Auxiliary.

Katydid June 17, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Why didn’t she take two-tree mil and shop for clothes somewhere besides K-Mart’s Polyester Pantsuits Blue Lights Specials? She looks like shit. Get a decent outfit, Megs.

Aurelio June 17, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Now what is Jerry Brown going to do? How about an ad with Jerry giving head to an illegal farmworker, out in the lettuce fields?

bitchincamaro June 17, 2010 at 4:27 pm

I think they said “Wha? Spain lost to who?” Should have been “whom”, though, amirite?

Aurelio June 17, 2010 at 4:29 pm

[re=601206]Katydid[/re]: Katy, you are missing the point: Messicans shop at K-mart.

doxastic June 17, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Weird, every time Meg Whitman sees a Mexican, she thinks: [perdidos] MAS TRABAJOS.

GOPCrusher June 17, 2010 at 4:32 pm

How does she expect to get elected in Arizona?

I Heart Accuracy June 17, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Great casting getting John Cleese to play Meg Whitman.

bitchincamaro June 17, 2010 at 4:33 pm

[re=601200]Neilist[/re]: Awesome.

Joshua Norton June 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Behold the California Republican’s motto:

Can’t stand Latinos but love their votes. Comprende señor?

weejee June 17, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Querida Meg, y su caballo también.

ph7 June 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Comprar ahora!

gurukalehuru June 17, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Oh, the teabaggers are going to love this. Vote for Jerry Brown, teabaggers! Not that RINO Mexican lover Meg Whitman!!!

progressiveinga June 17, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Meg Whitman: Para Una California Nueva…….Menos Messicans!

Mista Eko June 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm

mas trabajos is honduran for more boobs.

I was more focused on her watermark reading “Meg W Hitman”

Joshua Norton June 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Needs moar Spanx.

Simba B June 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=601188]BarackMyWorld[/re]: oh snap

imissopus June 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=601206]Katydid[/re]: Perhaps she was out of money after spending a cool $71 million just to win the primary.

If only there was some website that might sell fashionable clothes cheap to the busy careerist with no time to go out and shop…

Fnor June 17, 2010 at 5:00 pm

I love how her url is Not or /latinos.

This is a great idea, though, I’m looking forward to campaign websites like

RedNo.4 June 17, 2010 at 5:03 pm

@chaste everywhere: No hay nadie que comprenderlo. Aun Chihuahuas no saben.

Canmon (the Inadequate) June 17, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Frida Kahlo looks very happy in the last picture.

doloras June 17, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Mexico 2 – France 0. Party in the streets time!

madtowngooner June 17, 2010 at 5:06 pm

She’s Meg-sican, I knew it

sati demise June 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Meg ate a taco once, or twice, that is all.

DC Hates Me June 17, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Dear Mexican aliens, when a white women solicits you, it usually costs mucho dinero. See her pearl necklace at 0:14? It didn’t come from oysters but clams.

RoscoePColtraine June 17, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Pander, much?

Press “two” for Spanish, goddamit!!!

Cherry Garcia June 17, 2010 at 5:18 pm

If you look real carefully you can see in one of those shots her campaign chairman and advisor on all things Messican standing there in the shadows. What’s his name? Former Governor? Oh yeah, Pete “Prop 187″ Wilson. No better way to get the Latino vote in Cali!

user-of-owls June 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm

You fools! Don’t you realize this is one long coded message to activate the thousands of leaf-blowing and room cleaning sleeper cells!? Sweet Jesus….Operacion Aztlan has already begun!

Ducksworthy June 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm

I just watched this hideous thing. I was afraid Meggers was speaking Messican but apparently she is merely una otra mujer ignorante grasa. Is grasa a cognate with the english grease? Ok then grasa.

Johnny Zhivago June 17, 2010 at 5:23 pm

And she’ll punch you in the face if you steal her yard signs.

Ducksworthy June 17, 2010 at 5:25 pm

[re=601273]Cherry Garcia[/re]: That’s excellent news.

bloatedwhitetruck June 17, 2010 at 5:30 pm

In that last photo the second woman on the left looks suspiciously Asian. Is that the underling Meg pummeled with her bare fists? Heh?

edgydrifter June 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Senora Cabezagrande lurvs her jardineros con mucho gusto!

Lamar June 17, 2010 at 5:33 pm

That whole thing makes me hungry for a taco.

BklynIlluminati June 17, 2010 at 5:36 pm

All she had to do is have some one teach her to say in Spanish. “If i get elected i personally will go and piss on Arizona” Fucking gringos never know the difference anyway.

Also any phrase off this page would have got her bonus points

I’m Rican and i haven’t heard half of these but they are hilarious.

Neilist June 17, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=601221]bitchincamaro[/re]: “Awesome”? Gesh, B.I.C., haven’t you learned anything? NEVER agree with Neilist. He’s an ASSHOLE.

[But I still need it translated in Beaner. My Latin probably doesn't quite match up, it being about 2100 years out of date.

Vale et atque!]

twoeightnine June 17, 2010 at 5:49 pm

What, no mention of the truck full of weed?

RPolanski June 17, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Ella es una pinche cabrona.

ZombieRichardFeynman June 17, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Don’t bother to try to translate this. It’s not real Spanish. This was a recording of George Carlin doing his pretend-Spanish baseball announcing.

jimstoic June 17, 2010 at 6:10 pm

All the votes in the world won’t make you pretty or loved.

SayItWithWookies June 17, 2010 at 6:20 pm

[re=601250]Fnor[/re]: She’s also got a more general minority outreach page at

Snarkalicious June 17, 2010 at 6:21 pm

La Burma Shave

loquaciousmusic June 17, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Oooo, you know what? This video totally reminds me that I have to take the recycling out tonight so the nice Hispanic men can drive up at 5:45 tomorrow morning and put it in their big truck.

Thanks, Meg Whitman!

BlueStateLiberal June 17, 2010 at 6:22 pm

And then she shoves a Mexican at the very end, knocking out his front teeth. Fixed!

Mr Blifil June 17, 2010 at 6:24 pm

[re=601185]CindyinEncinitas[/re]: How ’bout “Meg-sican?”

Mull_Man June 17, 2010 at 6:41 pm

this is Meg’s “pendejo” moment

tribbzthesquidz June 17, 2010 at 6:51 pm

[re=601368]Mull_Man[/re]: “pendejo”
Haha! I was thinking about Cheech and Chong just now. I don’t know if that’s your reference point. Just a guess. “Hey pendejo’s!”

ThisIsNotAnAvatar June 17, 2010 at 7:13 pm

I think you spell “change,” “chenga,” in Megsican.

JoeCool BigPecker June 17, 2010 at 7:33 pm

Hey Bitch, when I need to unload some used socks or some dumb shit I may well turn to you for guidance but you ain’t no fucking FDR.

Katydid June 17, 2010 at 7:47 pm

[re=601302]BklynIlluminati[/re]: Carajo means cock in Spain, although it might also mean a small cup of coffee…

Well. Who said Wonkette isn’t educational? What I just learned is be very freaking careful when speaking Spanish!

I think my favorite is lavahuevos. Spanish clearly has many more, and far more creative, malas palabras than English does.

Baby who ate the Dingo June 17, 2010 at 7:52 pm

Dios mio, my mama come ALpo, pero estoy unsa chica con un buen arbusto!

jon c June 17, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Meg Whitman opposes the Arizona law (you know … that one Arizona law) AND Prop 187 (16 year after the fact). WHY DOESN’T MEG WHITMAN JUST RUN ON THE COMMUNIST PARTY TICKET WITH ALL HER MUSLIN TRAITOR MESSICAN FRIENDS. pinche puta comunista quiere chupar las vergas de pinche che guevara.

Baby who ate the Dingo June 17, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Ede Cacam et Morer!

Catholics4Condoms June 17, 2010 at 8:05 pm

[re=601185]CindyinEncinitas[/re]: In a Texas men’s room wall is saw it spelled “Meskin”. Isn’t it bit too soon after the pre-republican primary “i’m more conservative then thou” I will crack down on the border commercials she ran. Oh, but hispanics only watch spanish language tv…keep telling yourself that, Meg, and run some more ads on proper American language tv saying “The Meskins are comin’, the Meskins are comin’”.

Catholics4Condoms June 17, 2010 at 8:14 pm

THis is a bit off topic from her courting of the “Megsican” vote but I saw a yard sign “Meg for California in 2010″ in the median of an expressway in Santa Clara. I had to urge (and still do) to put a sign above it that reads “If you (heart)your boss then vote for…” I think she will do good winning the kiss-ass vote.

assistant/atlas June 17, 2010 at 8:18 pm

The solution to California’s budget problems is not electing Meg Whitman governor. It is taxing the shit out of people like Meg Whitman who obviously have far too much time and money on their hands.

Geogre June 17, 2010 at 8:24 pm

[re=601250]Fnor[/re]: Megwhitman/latinos

I noticed that, too. It was really quite something, wasn’t it?

“I’m Meg Whitman, and I’m as subtle as a shove and as principled as a hoe.”

/rednecks /libertarians /teaparty /geriatrics /women, except that the last one will be blocked by spam filters.

Barrelhse June 17, 2010 at 8:26 pm

[re=601189]Geogre[/re]: And tits.

Barrelhse June 17, 2010 at 8:32 pm

I don’t know about her Spanish, but I’m certain that an evening with Joran Van der Sloot would do WONDERS for her converational Dutch.

NYNYNY June 17, 2010 at 10:37 pm

[re=601200]Neilist[/re]: If you learned Latin from Erik Erikson, you don’t really know Latin, you know. Sic Semper Tyrranus Pluribus Unum etceteray.

DustBowlBlues June 17, 2010 at 10:38 pm

[re=601258]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: ” Frida Kahlo looks very happy in the last picture.”

Oh, shit, I was thinking something like that only not as kind. I’m glad someone else brought it up first, because this makes it okay to say, “When that girl fell out of the ugly tree, she hit every branch on the way down.”

That’s it. That’s the meanest thing I’ve got in me, because I teach the Sunday School and don’t want to make Jesus cry.

elenique June 17, 2010 at 11:11 pm

i just wish with all that money she’d get a new hairstyle. surely somebody can improve upon that do.

Katydid June 18, 2010 at 7:49 am

[re=601203]samsuncle[/re]: Perfection.

Tcaalaw June 18, 2010 at 9:53 am

[re=601258]Canmon (the Inadequate)[/re]: My eyes didn’t feel the need to move past the left-hand side of that picture, so I’d missed Frida.

Nigel June 18, 2010 at 12:06 pm

“Se opone la ley de Arizona” = The Arizona law opposes itself.
Arizona has sentient laws — that’s pretty goddamn awesome.

Arcturus June 18, 2010 at 5:25 pm

If this bitch doesn’t look like Cathy Bates knocking Jimmy Caan’s ankles off with a sledge hammer, I don’t know who does.

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