EXPIRED INTERNET FADS  12:15 pm June 17, 2010

Alabama Psychopath Lost Election, Will Now Shoot Everyone

by Ken Layne


Remember this guy, Dale Peterson, with his dumb horse and dumb gun and whatever? Well, he lost. But like every other tween-aged girl on YouTube, this fool equates national derision with sudden local importance. We were laughing at you, Dale. Go ahead and dream of shootin’ people for taking campaign signs promoting the guy who handed your flat ass right back to you. [Political Wire]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 70 comments }

germansteel June 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

You don’t have to be a dumbfuck to wear a cowboy hat, but every dumbfuck does.

crapshooter102 June 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Hey Dale; What’ll you take for that Carbine? Shit, just throw in the Hat and the Horse and I’ll give twenty bucks Confederate.

13ollocks To The Rules June 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Actually, no – I wouldn’t want that crazy motherfucker anywhere behind me.

PatrickS June 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Curiously, all of Dale Peterson’s remaining campaign signs have large holes in the middle.

p showard chunt June 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

no, no i don’t want dale peterson watching my back. in fact if i ever have to get from georgia to mississippi, i would probably go through tennessee, maybe even kentucky just to be safe….if ever a guy was born to die cleaning his gun its dale peterson.

Buzz Feedback June 17, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Maybe Tony Hayward will try to steal on Tony MACKmillan sign before JOO-lie.

SayItWithWookies June 17, 2010 at 12:25 pm

And you better not touch his lawn jockey either.

Tom the Bunny June 17, 2010 at 12:26 pm

I teach hunter safety in Alaska, and noticed that in the first ad, this dumbass broke three of the four basic rules we teach students, and in this ad, he broke the fourth one. Nice going. Also, notice the phrasing “I was a Marine during Viet Nam.” I think it’s safe to assume he wasn’t teaching gun handling here in the states.

WadISay June 17, 2010 at 12:27 pm

Anger issues??!!! Who sez I got anger issues???!!1!!

JMP June 17, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Is “head on back to his chicken farm” a common Alabama insult, or another Dale Peterson patented nonsense phrase?

For a second, the “psychopath lost election, will now shoot everyone” made me think I had fallen into a time warp to November and Reid had been reelected over Sharron Angle, and I was reading a traditional newspaper.

13ollocks To The Rules June 17, 2010 at 12:29 pm

“I was a Marine during Viet Nam” is not exactly the same as “I was a Marine in Viet Nam”. Mmmmmmmmm must find out.

Katydid June 17, 2010 at 12:30 pm

So tough guy has a degree in Sociology, and has a thing for llamas. I know this thanks to a link from Wonketteer Enslave the Whales.

“Dale and his wife, Kathy, became intrigued with llamas in the mid eighties.”

Keep fuckin’ those llamas, Dale.

Autoo June 17, 2010 at 12:33 pm

I’m not laughing at him, I’m turning away, cringing in embarrassment.

(OK, I’m laughing a little, too.)

Ninong June 17, 2010 at 12:34 pm

He lost the primary and now he’s about to lose his Wikipedia entry. “It is proposed that this article be deleted because of the following concern:
Failed politician.” LOL

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 17, 2010 at 12:35 pm

[re=600834]Katydid[/re]: So “became intrigued with” is the new “yiffing”?

harry palmer June 17, 2010 at 12:36 pm

[re=600834]Katydid[/re]: “Keep fuckin’ those llamas, Dale.”

And the sick part of it is, he calls his llama “mama”

13ollocks To The Rules June 17, 2010 at 12:36 pm

From “Shoot’em Up” Dale’s bio: “He joined the Marine Corps in 1963, returning to Birmingham in 1967, where he became a police officer”. I’m seeing no evidence that he was protecting lawn signs in Southeast Asia during the Viet Nam war…..damn it, no wonder we lost….

slappypaddy June 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm

poster boy for the sore losers of america.

if he’s looking for a new meaningful pursuit, he should get himself over to pakistan. i hear they have a lot of openings there for angry white american men with guns and chips on their shoulders.

arewethereyet June 17, 2010 at 12:38 pm

All hat and no llamas.

kapish June 17, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Yes, but does he support “The Barton Agenda” some (students want to know)?

Prommie June 17, 2010 at 12:39 pm

[re=600834]Katydid[/re]: Musta been a big Michael Jackson fan, didn’t Michael have llamas, at Neverland? Wait a minute, are we talking llamas, or Tony Lamas?

Lazy Media June 17, 2010 at 12:42 pm

AWWWWWWWW SHIT, NO HE DI’N just insinuate that Dorman Grace’s paid sign-stealers are Tennessee fans (check the hat). “Dummy” is one thing, but he better lay in some extra ammo if he starts throwing “Vol” around.

doxastic June 17, 2010 at 12:42 pm

I just came across a passage from, of all sources, Theophrastus (371-287 BC) that seems relevant:

“Ἀδολεχία is a mode of circumlocution in rambling and rashly chosen words, and the ἀδολέσχης is, e.g. a man who approaches someone he does not at all know (in a train or wherever) and gives him a long speech in praise of his own wife, ir relates to him what he dreamt that night, or treats in detail what happened in the afternoon. After that, if the other is still listening, he goes on to say that people today are much worse than formerly, that the price of wheat in the market has rise, that there are many foreigners in town, that since the Dionysian festival the sea has become more navigable again (these are all obvious things), that if Zeus would send more rain it would be better, that the harvest will be such and such this year, and that in general life is difficult” (Characters, M. Heidegger, trans.).

So, put into historical perspective, Dale Peterson is just one example of a rich tradition of babbling assholery.

Duz Itayew June 17, 2010 at 12:43 pm

I would like to apologize to the rest of America for this douchenozzle. I have no snark or words for this. He, Fresh Hell? You got anything?

Prommie June 17, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Hey, did you all see, that man filmed a political ad, in which, the entire time he is speaking, he is holding a loaded gun over his shoulder, and at the end, he threatens to shoot someone with it.

Johnny Zhivago June 17, 2010 at 12:47 pm

That’s just fucking crazy…

Most yard signs are taken down by road crews mowing weeds.

On second thought there should be a law against yard signs. They are a total waste of money, cause all kinds of moronic problems and never get picked up after the election is over.

Lazy Media June 17, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=600847]13ollocks To The Rules[/re]: I’m betting he was an 8th and I POG. Combat vets generally don’t talk about it, and they tend not to be gun nuts, either.

Dave J. June 17, 2010 at 12:48 pm

“I was a Marine during Vietnam.”

I had sex during the time that Scarlett Johansson was alive, on Earth.

Lazy Media June 17, 2010 at 12:49 pm

[re=600873]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: I dunno. My dad was a local politician in rural Tennessee, and he was ALWAYS getting his signs stolen by his redneck opponents. It’s sort of a Southern tradition.

Gumboz1953 June 17, 2010 at 12:52 pm

We need somebody like him in southern Louisiana right now.

pondscum June 17, 2010 at 12:53 pm

[re=600825]Tom the Bunny[/re]: I teach that here in Illinois. And I’m thinking I should show these ads in the next class…right after I tell the Dick Cheney story about shooting his friend in the face because the rich men were too cheap to have dogs along on their hunting trip. Stupid Fucks.

Johnny Zhivago June 17, 2010 at 12:54 pm

[re=600880]Lazy Media[/re]: When I was in local politics here in NJ, I never had signs tampered with – but my opponent in a primary – claimed to have a bunch of his signs taken down and set on fire on his driveway. He never blamed me and the story was that he was a school soccer coach who was widely despised by a lot of parents and one of them decided to take it out on his signs.

PortlandSmartAss June 17, 2010 at 1:06 pm

[re=600886]Gumboz1953[/re]: If he was in southern Louisiana right now, presumably he’d be shooting BP cleanup workers … “that’ll show their damn bossman”

eyetooth June 17, 2010 at 1:08 pm

As a chicken farm, I am deeply offended by this ad.

fatimcgee June 17, 2010 at 1:10 pm

We could have had this guy at the Hayward hearing but noooooooo, we get Code Pink screaming nonsense and rubbing corn syrup on their face and hands.

Aurelio June 17, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Meanwhile, Wonkette hero and macho Alabama bidnessman Tim James, is in the midst of an exciting RECOUNT in the Republican primary for Governor in Alabama, where he is behind by 208 votes out of some 490,000! Needs moar coverage. How about a liveblog?

Prommie June 17, 2010 at 1:14 pm

[re=600893]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: When I worked for a congressional campaign, and I would bet money its someone you know, a real rocket scientist, the kids on the campaign (I was considerably older) thought it was great fun to sandwich the opponents signs, leave them where they were, but put one of our signs on either side of it, about, oh, a millimeter away. I think the signs are more morale-booster, drama make pretend fun for the supporters, than any real value. You have to do them, just because you’d look bad if you don’t.

SouthernDem June 17, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=600865]Duz Itayew[/re]: This is much worse than the original. Whereas in the primary we could laugh while Dale Peterson and Les Phillip put out crazy ads and came in last, this ad has the potential to have a real impact. At least we have Glen Zorn in November.

oldguy June 17, 2010 at 1:25 pm

“”That means exactly what it says, ‘during Vietnam,’ ” Peterson said. “I say what I mean and I mean what I say.”

Peterson said he never served in Vietnam.

So where did he serve? “From San Juan to Camp LeJeune to Parris Island.”

That’s San Juan, Puerto Rico; the Marine Corps base camp in LeJeune, N.C.; and the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in Parris Island, S.C. Peterson said he was an MP (military police) in San Juan.

Does he worry that he might have given the impression that he served in Vietnam?

“All they have to do is look at the words,” Peterson said. “If I had served in Vietnam, I for damn sure would have said I did. I served during Vietnam, and I am quite proud if it.”"

http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2010/may/25/dale-peterson/dale-peterson-was-marine-and-it-was-during-vietnam/

Aurelio June 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=600864]doxastic[/re]: If you keep reading Heidegger, your dick will fall off.

imissopus June 17, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Sweet oily Gulf Jesus that was terrifying.

notreallyhelping June 17, 2010 at 1:35 pm

Man sipping a mint julep whilst standing by a picture window: Oh Jeez, hon. Dale’s out there with that goddamn video camera again. Wonder who he’s going shoot this time.

peanutbutterjellytime June 17, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Dale Peterson, charged with 7 counts of first-degree murder, pleaded not guilty, using the time-tested defense of “but them thugs and criminals was stealin’ yard signs!”

Barrelhse June 17, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=600889]pondscum[/re]: You mean they usually shoot their DOGS in the face?

JoeCool BigPecker June 17, 2010 at 1:50 pm

somebody better tell em’ before I spill a hundred rounds and have evvverybody bailin. I’ll have your stupid ass dead up in the woods dude.

Duz Itayew June 17, 2010 at 1:52 pm

[re=600930]SouthernDem[/re]: Glen Zorn for the corn!

Duz Itayew June 17, 2010 at 1:59 pm

[re=600813]p showard chunt[/re]: I know someone who actually does that.

vag June 17, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Maybe Bob Etheridge has a future in Alabama.

Can O Whoopass June 17, 2010 at 2:20 pm

“Ah wud in da Marines durin’ Nam. Ah smashed some roaches in Hawaii, beat up sum hippy girl and raped a few Chinks. Vote fer me, Ah’ll sayve ya from dose ‘niggers’ if’n yer a rich whate guy”.

Can O Whoopass June 17, 2010 at 2:21 pm

[re=600812]PatrickS[/re]: No, that’s his kids.

GOPCrusher June 17, 2010 at 2:23 pm

I’m not sure if I would want to live in an Amerika that doesn’t have Dale Peterson in it. The man is a comic genius!

BobTheBuilder June 17, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Dale Peterson selflessly sacrificed to be stationed in San Juan, Puerto Rico: thus giving another man in his stead the chance to say “I was a Marine IN Vietnam.”

Unfortunately, that other man died in combat.

Neilist June 17, 2010 at 2:39 pm

[re=600808]crapshooter102[/re]: That’s not a “carbine.”

It’s a Henry rifle that Dale’s great-grandpappy stole from the dying hands of an 18 year old member of the color guard of the 20th Maine VIR (Col. Joshua L. Chamberlain, MoH, commanding) before the remaining heros of the Pine Tree State drove what was left of the 15th Alamba down the slopes of Little Round Top at the point of the bayonet:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Round_Top

Over the years, the rifle was past down, from father to son, as an honored heirloom and memento mori of the fact that ALABAMAIANS IN PARTICULAR, AND SOUTHERNERS IN GENERAL, ARE A BUNCH OF FOOOKIN’ LOSERS!!!!!!

:::Ahem::: Sorry about that last bit. Col. Chamberlain, a professor of rhetoric, said it better: “Boys, give them the bayonet! CHARGE!!!!”

glamourdammerung June 17, 2010 at 2:42 pm

[re=600889]pondscum[/re]: Dogs are not going to stop one from shooting someone in the face after having “a few beers”.

S.Luggo June 17, 2010 at 3:10 pm

[re=600831]JMP[/re]: In Nevada it’s called a chicken ranch. In New Jersey it’s a “pussy parlor”. I love our regional colloquialisms. So quaint.

Tundra Grifter June 17, 2010 at 4:00 pm

[re=600834]Katydid[/re]: One “L” lama is a priest, two “L” lama is an animal. Three “L” lama is a dang big fire.

Tundra Grifter June 17, 2010 at 4:02 pm

[re=600847]13ollocks To The Rules[/re]: From 1963 to 1967 most American service personnel weren’t white. It was when white folks started getting drafted and sent over there and shot up that we called the whole thing off…

Tundra Grifter June 17, 2010 at 4:04 pm

[re=600867]Prommie[/re]: I call BS. I don’t think that gun was loaded. The recorded report sounded a whole lot more like a .22 LR than a carbine round.

Needed more jump cuts like in the original. Also.

Tundra Grifter June 17, 2010 at 4:06 pm

[re=600921]Prommie[/re]: Agreed. And I think some are torn down in every campaign. What I really love, however, is the “winners’ signs” that go up the morning after the election!

Tom the Bunny June 17, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=600889]pondscum[/re]: Good idea- show the two ads, and ask everyone to list the instances of unsafe gun handling- I’ll bet every single student spots every offense right off the bat. What an asshat.

Senile Agitation June 17, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Dale, it’s MICK-millan, you goofy gun-mad sign protectin’ ‘lection losin’ chicken farmer hatin’ Vietnam action hintin’ big John likin’ more than is natural heapa shit. Does it to you?

Neilist June 17, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Oh, one other thing: Anyone who carries/owns a brass receiver Winchester lever-action copy/clone (or whatever it is) such as Dimbulb is mishandling is, by definition, a homo.

The same is not necessarily true of a reproduction black powder revolver. Not necessarily, mind you. But even in a revolver it would be suspect.

(But the hooded front set, on a “saddle rifle,” definitely is GAY. Completely.)

Neilist
Executive Director,
Transgendered Outreach/Reach Around Program
National Rifle Association Capitol Lobby Unit
The Men’s Room Closest To The Office Of The Senator Minority Leader
Stall No. 3
Washington, D.C.

Tundra Grifter June 17, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=601314]Neilist[/re]: I thought most people who own the John Wayne Commemorative Model just keep it on the wall.

Neilist June 17, 2010 at 6:16 pm

[re=601327]Tundra Grifter[/re]: :::Ahem:::

Both the Winchester Model 1894 .32-40 John Wayne Commemorative and the Model 1892 .44-40 John Wayne Centennial have steel receivers:

http://www.auctionarms.com/closed/displayitem.cfm?itemnum=7247891.0

http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/content/community/gun_inventory/inventory/sidney/commemorative/02428411_johnwayne.jsp?hierarchyId=10474&cmCat=netcon&cm_ven=netcon&cm_cat=Google&cm_pla=John%20Wayne%20Commeorative%20Model&cm_ite=netcon&rid=2146251080

(The problem is that brass is a softer metal. It is easier to machine, but not as strong. You can get away with using brass in a lower-powered black powder pistol replica, but it is much more problematic in a rifle receiver chambered for modern ammunition.)

That said, anyone who hangs a “commemorative” anything on a wall is, by defintion, a homo.

Neilist
Executive Director,
Transgendered Outreach/Reach Around Program
National Rifle Association Capitol Lobby Unit
The Men’s Room Closest To The Office Of The Senator Minority Leader
Stall No. 3
Washington, D.C.
“Tap Three Times, And ENTER!”

Mr Blifil June 17, 2010 at 6:22 pm

So he’s…basically admitting that his was a shadow candidacy designed as a turd in the punchbowl of the frontrunner. That’s real white of him to come out and admit it. Now pull the danged trigger, dad gum!

natteringnabomb June 17, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Ain’t dat sumah the funnest sheit youd ever seed Bubba?Glad to see the south rising again.

Veritas78 June 17, 2010 at 8:47 pm

Okay, now it’s time to bring back the poll tax.

PsycGirl June 17, 2010 at 10:29 pm

The Onion would have a hard time with this guy. It’s hard to satire satire itself.

weave June 17, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Shooting a gun into the air? That’s pretty stupid. What goes up must come down.

bakeneko June 18, 2010 at 12:44 am

I suspect even Tim James knows that Vietnam is a place, not a time period.

Space/time issues don’t confuse me so much anymore. How ’bout yew?

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