The other day (we’re old and can’t remember exactly when … or even where we are right now, actually!), the Wall Street Journal posted on the computer thingamajig that Helen Thomas is “the future of America,” for being 89 years old and (until this month) still working a day job. Perceptive scribe Brett Arends (America’s zeitgeist) listed a bunch of economic reasons for America’s Helenization — no pensions, no savings, no Social Security, no nothing. But what sort of health factors might turn us all ranty a la O.G. Workplace Crone?
The blog WalletPop, which talks about fancy finance things, suggests that people get looser with their language when they get older, and this “uninhibited talk of seniors who say what’s on their mind won’t fly in a customer service job” like White House press correspondent. Also, aging can affect oldsters’ brains:
Someone with dementia or the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease will have memory loss that will affect their job. [Dr. Marc Agronin, medical director for Mental Health and Clinical Research at Miami Jewish Health Systems in Miami] said that by age 85, almost half of people in that age group will have Alzheimer’s.
“Sooner or later, it’s going to crop up at work, there’s no question,” Agronin said.
Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer’s and he never told any Jews to go back to Poland or Germany, though he did once lay a wreath at a Nazi cemetery, which was in Germany. Will historians come to remember Bitburg as Reagan’s “Helen Thomas moment”? Why did nobody force him to resign?
Anyway. Physical limitations and problems learning new tasks might also turn “uber maturists” into anger bears. Studies show that anger can lead to prejudice, which often leads to tirades. You go, old girl. Then you GO. But leave your chair, because Bloomberg and Fox News both want it.
But there is good news! Older workers are generally “wiser and happier” than the youngs, and can even demonstrate more patience as long as nothing or no one pushes their buttons.
Do you think you’ll become a Helen Thomas someday? Will your signature moment involve anti-Semitism, racism, or something else? What medium will you use to express it? Discuss your future in the comments — we can’t offer any health advice, but we’re happy to listen. [WalletPop]
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Oh, based on family history and lifestyle, I’ll die of cancer or a stroke LONG before I get that old. I’m hoping for 75, but I figure that’s ambitious.
All of my relatives who made it past 85 were MISERABLY feeble/demented/sick, so don’t figure I’m gonna miss much.
As for the foot-in-mouth moment: hell, I do that NOW.
As long as I’m waving my member at passing cars at age 80, I’ll die a happy man.
I’m pretty good at keeping all my horrible, racist comments to myself, and that will probably continue even when I’m crazy.
What’s going to happen instead is that, in a fit of dementia, I’m going to forget where I am and start trying to jerk it in public.
Soon, all our working dinners and lunches will be at 10 am and 4 pm respectively.
Uhhh. working lunches and dinners…
“uninhibited talk of seniors who say what’s on their mind won’t fly in a customer service job”
You just have to find a company that hates customers as much as you do – then go to work for them.
For once we have bad news for John McCain.
“We’re All Helen Thomas”
So…is that supposed to make me moist?
I’m no Helen Thomas, but the older I get (and the more I work) I seem to be getting stupider and crankier. Much crankier.
Oh, I already have my famous last words ready. They involve “Baby Jesus” with a four-letter imperative verb immediately preceding it. And considering the number of people who invoke the deity around me on any given day, I’m still slightly amazed it hasn’t just popped out without me thinking about it. Soon, though.
[re=600902]Lazy Media[/re]: Today we are all miserably feeble/demented/sick. Some of us because we miss Mr. Newell. And some of us were just born this way.
“You go, old girl. Then you GO.”
As perfect a seven word summary of the entire tawdry mess as could be imagined.
At office we haz some oldes, self included. But we have a very important office rule. No talking about pooping, or lack thereof, in the office. If an employee needs to talk about poo they are directed to do so on an appropriate forum such as Wonkette.
We handle enforcement of this office rule just like in China. A pistol shot to the head, body tossed in the dumpster, and the next of kin billed for the cost of the ammo. As Neilist can tell you, the post Nobama 2nd Amendment ammo feeding frenzy has pushed the cost of that stuff through the roof.
i am so looking forward to my final years as a worker (which will coincide with my final years, given my financial state). i will be working as a wal-mart greeter, where one beautiful day i will blow the big fuse and tell all the fat, stupid waddlers looking for bargains that they can suck my limp dick at a cut-rate price, with a two-for-one special if they have teenaged daughters.
i come to wonkette to practice for that glorious day.
It’s what I’ve practiced for all my life. I’ve even had telemarketers hang up on me!
does this mean jim newel will be back posting on this blog in the year 2060 about chuck todd’s son todd todd and how he is awful?
“Studies show that anger can lead to prejudice, which often leads to tirades”
Which lead to the Dark Side.
I’ll discuss what a great country Israel was for the Arabs took it over.
Jesus, I hope to get myself killed in an awesome/dumb accident before I get that old. If I get up into my mid-seventies and haven’t been able to make it happen yet, I’ll probably just try to hunt down Osama bin Laden. I figure we still won’t have caught him 50 years from now, although my righteous punishment may be limited to pooping on his grave.
What’s the excuse for all the middle-aged douches who are constantly advocating the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians?
[re=600906]Aerox[/re]: My God. You are me.
My racist anger-bear father turned into a cheerful, smiling, kind and friendly 80 year-old. And he wasn’t even demented, he just quit drinking. So now I know not to make that mistake.
It’s been my experience that the cranky old fucks were cranky young fucks.
I love Helen Thomas and I miss her already.
Judging by my family history, I should be making it to 90-something; hell, my parents right now are off on a vacation with my dad’s parents to celebrate their 70th anniversary (yes, 70th). I’ll probably be angrier and snarkier.
I hope to go out in a blaze of glory, Grand Torino style.
Helen Thomas was great.
But Second Life Helen Thomas was and IS the scourge of the space orcs, and they shall live in fear of her forever.
[re=600973]Prommie[/re]: My dad did it the other way: quit his corporate job and opened his own bidness so he could take a spliff break whenever he needed one. He’s much cuddlier now. And considerably thinner; apprently in Dad’s case, the munchies never were a factor. [re=600911]x111e7thst[/re]: I see my future lies with airlines, or possibly the cable company, assuming those smug monopolist turds still exist.
The world revolves like ancient women scattering Jews from vacant lots.
[re=600902]Lazy Media[/re]: Personally, I’m pulling for either heart disease or liver failure for myself.
Personally, though, I plan on living forever; just need to make it until someone finds a cure for aging. Or the Jonah Goldberg dreams of having your brain uploaded into a cyborg body come true.
Someone who’s demented would do a way better job at customer service than the youngs I talk to at Verizon. They don’t even possess the 7th-grade word-level ability, judging from their inability to understand the content of the scripts they read from.
Oh, I forgot, the ones who DO pass the 7th grade test get their own TV shows, so what do they want with jobs at Verizon.
[re=600911]x111e7thst[/re]: or work for any municipality in ANY capacity.
[re=600906]Aerox[/re]: I have that same fear.
Otherwise, fuck’em I’ll be old and olds are allowed to be mouthy/racist/stupid/loud, it in the constitution.
Also.
I have noticed a personal tendency toward increasing frankness as I near 60. Oddly, though, my advancing age seems unrelated to degenerative political views. Maybe I’m just doing it wrong?
In any case, get the fuck off my lawn.
God send us all such rants, such poop, and so long a life.
[re=600973]Prommie[/re]: My racist anger-bear father turned into a cheerful, smiling, kind and friendly 80 year-old. And he wasn’t even demented, he just quit drinking.
I hear that happens a lot. Quit drinking / start drinking, either way. Whatever you weren’t doing before, do that other thing. Out of the rut and into a brand new you.
[re=600961]Zadig[/re]: Remember to bring plenty of fiber supplements on the trip. Otherwise it could be awkward at your moment of victory.
i will lose to the alcohol and if i don’t, i will rage against hippies and patchoili.
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