swingin' party down the line

White House-BP Party Looks Like So Much Fun

A very merry Un-birthday, to you ....
Here’s Barack Obama and Tony Hayward and the rest of the sad BP people and bitter White House people sitting around sipping glasses of lukewarm vinegar ‘n tears, earlier today. People are usually really excited to go to the White House, even if they hate the president or whatever, but we’re pretty sure all these people just went back to their hotel and emptied the mini-bar and passed out on the floor, weeping. Oh, did you want more super-fun party pix?

Here. Here you go:
'My people believe that the White Lodge is a place where the spirits that rule man and nature here reside.'
Locked in the terrifying White Chamber — no windows, and no doors! — with an emotionless, ice-blooded Obama. That was the fate of BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg today. It was hard to tell if he’d been crying or if he’s just got a terrible accent, when he was whimpering that latest apology to America today. No way to confirm that Rahm Emanuel stomped on his nuts for two hours, while wearing golf cleats, or that Svanberg hobbled out wearing an inch-thick diaper of Saran Wrap under his pants. [White House Flickr]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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70 comments

  1. I_KILL_ZOMBIES_ALSO

    Best alt text ever. Too bad it made me shit myself. It’s okay, Ken, I won’t bill you for this one.

  2. trondant

    I hate to be serious, but there’s something really Kubrick about that second pic. Or maybe it’s the bowl of TruckNutz on the coffee table.

  3. Litlebritdifrnt

    Stoopid question, but they need name tags, really. I mean they need a place card in front of POTUS saying POTUS? They need a tag in front of VPOTUS saying VPOTUS? They need a name card in front of “the evil most fucking hated CEO on the planet at this moment” to identify the BP CEO? Really?

  4. Bearbloke

    The second pic doesn’t show the armed-and-ready Marine sharpshooters aiming at Herr Von Douche as Obama explains how surprisingly easy it is to remove blood from the space-age white fabrics in this room…

  5. Jukesgrrl

    [re=600347]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: Was Joe Biden there? That would explain the nameplates. Also, it was to keep the CEO from taking the seat at the head of the table to establish his supremacy.

  6. thegunner

    [re=600347]Litlebritdifrnt[/re]: that because of place sitting, the Potus gets in later in the room.thus the need to identify who sits where and accordingly put the harshest chair for the motherfuckest Ass.

  7. facehead

    Is black the new boring? Someone get Obama a sidekick immediately, is Flavor Flav still alive?

  8. JackDempsey

    The WH staff should have served BP execs glasses of water mixed with 0.3% crude oil as a slurry.

    [[[metaphor]]]

  9. Jim89048

    Again with the apples! Would it kill them to maybe try a nice ripe banana once in awhile?

  10. Dr.Zoidberg

    When Tony Hayward goes to jail, can he be Lynndie England’s cellmate? I think it’s only fair he also experiences what the gulf coast is going through: getting fucked in the ass by an Englishman.

  11. Dolmance

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Vladamir Putin should be President and Obama should run Russia. They need a gentle touch over there and we need a nasty piece of work to deal with all the bastards in the Press and the corporate world; irradiate their sushi when they’re not looking, infect them with awful diseases, toss them out the windows of very tall buildings and lock them up in ice cold dungeons with raw sewage on the floors for the rest of their lives. That’s the only change anyone with half a brain can possibly believe in.

    Peace… God bless…

  12. schvitzatura

    [re=600365]trondant[/re]: The rules of Kanly must be observed. Please escort all BP functionaries to their respective pain amplifiers, also.

  13. loquaciousmusic

    [re=600355]Katydid[/re]: Jack Steuf is actually in the photograph. See if you can find him! (Hint: check the portrait of the dude on the horse behind Belinda Frumpalot, the executive in the teal jacket at the head of the table!)

  14. rocktonsammy

    you don’t hear much from the teabuggers lately.

    Palin has been dispatched to England and my teevee doesn’t bet FOX NEWS.

    Barry, you have to really really have to kick some ass.

  15. JackDempsey

    note to fed gov renovators:
    next time you install those supersupersecret panic room doors that lead to the places where they flip the levers of power
    LOSE the brass door knobs.

  16. Radiotherapy

    Why aren’t the doors in the 1st pic all double-naught spy, covert, camo, like those awesome ones in the 2nd pic?

  17. Custersdeadhorse

    I think the man on the horse must be Ronnie Raygun from one of those 20 mule team Borax commercials, just to drive the wingnuts insaner, or W clearing brush!

  18. Holding Out for a Hero

    Speaking of Rahm, I don’t see him in the room. Because if Svanberg had a translation problem with the word “small”, he probably wouldn’t even know where to begin after Rahm got through cussing him out.

  19. ifthethunderdontgetya"

    [re=600408]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: Rahm is a corporate whore. Rahmbo curses out dirty fucking hippies, and unions, only. Also.

    You betcha!
    ~

  20. KnaveOfDiamonds

    The part I like best in the second photo is how the BP chairman is seated next to the president under a painting of George Fucking Washington. Too bad he’s not actually British.

  21. Texan Bulldoggette

    Sorry but every time I see Tony Hayward, I think of Rand Paul. Must be the curlies on top of their pointy little heads.

  22. you didn't ask, but

    Thanks for posting all in the evening and shit, Ken.

    That first picture got me. When Joe Fuckin’ Biden is hanging his head for you, you are having your ass *handed*. The second picture looks like the guy’s minicoop nutz are in a vice being squeezed.

    You can tell Barry’s giving them the “I’m not mad, but I’m really disappointed” Dad lecture. The one that makes you feel worse. (If you have a soul, which these Brit assholes do not. But they sure do look shitty, er, shitey.)

    [re=600422]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Spot on, Texan. and we haven’t seen them in the same place at once so…

  23. Johnny Zhivago

    My theory is that the leak is far worse than anything anyone has admitted yet and that either TopKill damaged something or the well casing was damaged in the original incident.

  24. slappypaddy

    “sipping glasses of lukewarm vinegar ‘n tears” — this is true, this is what barry actually serves in these meetings where he’s disappointed with you. and you have to finish your glassful before you’re excused.

  25. Sharkey

    You will note two “secret” doors in this photo – one to the left and one to the right. On the left the handle is visible; on the right, only the hinge.

    Which one is the secret door used by one Monica Lewinski?

  26. Brick Oven Bill

    Chicagoan Barack, with his left thing Janet, and Timothy, meet a corporation. Barack proceeds to tell the corporation that they are bad.

    Other people listen on.

  27. lumpenprole

    [re=600341]trondant[/re]:
    It looks like every scene of “The Shining.” Based on the body language, I think Svanberg is Lloyd the bartender.

  28. Zadig

    [re=600369]facehead[/re]: Flava Flav will never die, so long as there are serious rap artists left to embarrass.

  29. NYNYNY

    [re=600444]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: 1- I agree. It’s all lies- 2- I don’t even know what 100,000 barrels a day means anyway, 3- How can you call this a “leak” – I mean, is the amazon basin flowing into the Atlantic a “leak” too. This is like a new river of oil from the earth’ crust. We are such fucking idiots.

  30. ivenson

    OK, Tony, we’re going to do an exercise in creative visualization. I am going to throw these apples at your head…blindfolded, while concentrating on the names of various marine species. You will record my hits and misses on this chalk board.

    All my life, I have had a deep and abiding interest in the culture of the gulf states……

  31. ivenson

    [re=600466]NYNYNY[/re]: Nonsense. It’s a leak just like that un-pronounceable Icelandic volcano was leaking hot earth interior into our breathable atmosphere. Or how the sun leaks thermal energy into our planetary space.

    Its all how you define your terms.

  32. obfuscator

    [re=600467]ivenson[/re]: “ok, tony, i’m going to put on these steel toed boots and kick you in the balls repeatedly until your company cleans up the mess it created. i’ll also need a real time estimate of your sperm count decrease. 2000 swimmers killed per day? 10,000? 60,000? take your time, i’ll wait for an accurate record.”

  33. DC Hates Me

    It’s hard to believe that these 2 men are in charge of a major oil company. Tony is the guy who changes the ink cartridges for the office printer, and the Swede is the alkie sales rep in the corner stall.

  34. Beanball

    Personally, I can’t find a goddamed thing funny to say about this whole sordid affair. That set from the Shining creeps me out longtime, for one. For two, considering that the Chinese bureaucrat that was responsible for the lead paint in the childrens’ toys committed suicide from shame, the least that fucking Swede could do is lick Obama’s boots and plead for mercy.

  35. Pat Pending

    I envision this meeting going into the wee hours, as the cleaning lady vacuums around them and as if on cue they pick up their feet so she can get under the chairs…

  36. sati demise

    [re=600341]trondant[/re]: it has the Laura Bush touch. In consultation with W. of course.

    the room will never, ever be redecorated because of no mo’ money.

  37. obfuscator

    [re=600487]sati demise[/re]: i’m kind of surprised that w. didn’t hang a st. pauli neon sign in the oval.

  38. SayItWithWookies

    In that first picture Janet Napolitano is thinking “Oh shit — we had this in the most serious room in the White House and nobody took down that damn Asshole on a Horse painting that Dubya forgot to pack up.”

  39. bago

    [re=600473]obfuscator[/re]: A whack and jack off proposal. He might actually enjoy it. People with power are kinky.

  40. SayItWithWookies

    “So Mr. Svanberg — the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men…”

  41. Smoke Filled Roommate

    The Pink Lady is there to guide them into a very sad rendition of ‘Greased Lightning’.

  42. SayItWithWookies

    [re=600501]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: For a moment there I thought you were referring to one of the apples in the bowl in picture #2 and was impressed with your ability to distinguish varieties at that resolution. Oops.
    And you know, it’s probably extra easy to get people to do what you want when you have the attorney general there by your side. Being president is one thing — executives have brushed presidents aside before — but having the country’s chief law enforcement officer there lends a bit of gravity that even a tablefull of rich bastards can’t ignore. You couldn’t sit under a dumbass painting of Teddy Roosevelt (that’s my guess at who it is anyway) and ask twenty life sentences worth of BP executives for Central America’s GDP in an escrow account without the AG sitting by your side. On the other side of Joe Biden, that is. That cockblocker.

  43. schvitzatura

    By the way, we had that water brought in specially for you folks. Came from a well in the GOM.

  44. Johnny Zhivago

    Biden’s all upset because the BP people only brought 10 BP Travel Coffee Mugs and Obama goes and gives theirs away to two of the cabinet secretaries.

  45. Geogre

    “In a white room, with black cousins…”

    In the lead, though, we get the famous Tan Boy painting (Teddy on a horse), and then Janet sits across from Tony. Message? “Cuba, Tony. Remember Cuba? Remember the Navy base we have there and the camp we haven’t ‘been able’ to close there? This lady is the one in charge of Homeland Security.”

  46. cheeto_jeebus

    ” We found a dead Sperm Whale yesterday near the well. You know how sad that makes me? Do you? ” long pause, sips his spring water. ” Listen Raum is going to take you out to see the carcass floating forlornly in the gulf. You know, Some marine biologists did a quick autopsy, collected some tissue. Raum is going to bring along a spool of twine. He’s going to sew your asses up inside that rotting corpse. ” taps on the table a few times looks at Teddy Roosevelt’s portrait. ” You know this isn’t personal, it’s just business. Good business practices, that’s all”

  47. Way Cool Larry

    I really doubt Obama is getting all hardass on them — – more likely they are just plotting how best to screw us over, again.

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