Gulf Coast Lawyers, Your Recession Is Over!

 
 We just finished listening to that BP investors' conference call -- because we are, ultimately, business journalists -- and we're really regretting not going to law school now like all the other poor journalists. That $20 billion in U.S. assets that BP is setting aside? It's strictly for claims, not for fines, not for any kind of government penalty for the Terrible Oil Disaster. Let's see let's see what's 50% of $20 billion?Oh, well it's going to be a very good next seven or eight years for the Wonkette & Associates chain of storefront legal services retail locations! Come on in, Mister Dubious Shrimp Guy, and let's tally up your losses if you hadn't sold your boat in '07.

Upfront money? Of course not. What do we look like, a bunch of New York shysters? Why, our editor -- we mean, our chief counsel and senior partner -- was born and raised right here in N'awlins. So he can do all that bullshit short-bus slow-Brooklyn-accent and talk about stayin' by y'all's mama and makin' groceries and whatever. Po Boys for all! But not for long, because this $20 billion is not a limit, it's afloor. [ ABC News / Washington Post ]