Virginia is for time travelers

Virginia Townsfolk ‘Verklempt’ About Return of Rebel Statue

The people of Franklin County, Virginia, are feeling so emotional today, because their Confederate monument stands tall and proud once again — hooray! The Confederate-Americans had to live without their rebel-flag statue and prayer tower for three years after some jerk (probably a matured “anchor baby”) knocked it down with his liberalism-powered truck and broke it. Does it not warm your heart that even the 1860s have a place in post-racial America?

The old-new monument, which is located in Rocky Mount — the seat of Franklin County, located just south of Roanoke — is “something that gives us great pride,” said one lady Confederatti, who was on the verge of tears when teevee reporters caught up with her.

“It shows that there’s patriotism which continues today from all the wars. We still have people going off to battle and it’s kind of the same thing,” she explained.

Another townswoman said she called her son to come watch the installation proceedings and have a multi-generational history moment (she also wanted him to bring her celebratory red- and blue-flavored Freezepops.) Also spotted in the crowd was the ghost of Robert E. Lee, who said he’s “really down” with Virginia’s recent efforts to make Virginia a place where he feels welcome.

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Some Franklin County residents are trying to get a different monument established in the town that would recognize people of color, because hey maybe it isn’t 1864 after all. But a proposal to make this happen was tabled because “moar input” is needed. “The last thing anybody wants is that this request be divisive in any way,” an official told the popular Franklin News-Post. [WDBJ TV]

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About the author

Lauri works at the Chicago Reader, and also writes and makes art-pictures for Wonkette. Her creative projects—including a now-defunct blog about finding clothing in the trash and wearing it, and an exhibition of portraits of all 50 Chicago aldermen made by 50 different artists—have been featured by NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, BUST Magazine, and other media outlets. She's written things for the Austin Chronicle, Texas Observer, In Pittsburgh Weekly, The Black Table, and other places, and taken photos for various nonprofits, bands, and publications. (She also has a law degree, for some reason.)

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77 comments

  1. memzilla

    “‘Es zeigt, dass es den Patriotismus, die heute weiterhin von allen Kriegen. Wir haben immer noch Leute davon abzuhalten, in die Schlacht, und es ist irgendwie das Gleiche’, erklärte sie.”

    There, Google-translated from Redneckian into Sturmabtielangen. Skinheads is as skinheads does.

  2. Mild Midwesterner

    None of y’all libruls understands its abouts states rights and not racistsism.

  3. Nappied Hypotenuse

    As a squishy libtard, I don’t like to think that our current adventures in the Middle East are “kind of the same thing” as the Confederate defense of chattel slavery, but if racist lady tells me so, then, so be it.

  4. Chain Tattoo

    I think a revision of the rebel battle flag may be in order. Replace the stars with yellow “Have a Nice Day” happy faces, and the true message of Southern hospitality and friendliness will be evident to all. Then we can get past this whole thing about how the Confederacy was all about defending slavery and show that the flag really is all about heritage, not hate.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    Maybe it’s just me, but for me this would be like building a monument to family members who served with Japan in WW2 or North Korea in the Korean War (1950 – forever.)

    It’s not going to happen which is why I have to admit that I cheered for Brazil yesterday.

  6. JMP

    Patriotism: you’re doing it wrong, Ms. Stanley; celebrating traitors is not exactly patriotic.

    Nice performance by the mainstream local media, waxing on how great having that horrible monument back is.

  7. V572625694

    [re=599732]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: Exactamundo. All those “rebel” patriots have been mis-characterized. The proper term for them is “traitors.”

  8. harry palmer

    In the article, they quote a resident of Franklin County, “It shows that there’s patriotism which continues today from all the wars. We still have people going off to battle and it’s kind of the same thing,” says Stanley.

    Yes, you twat, just like today, however y’all (yalls? alla y’alls) just not patriotic about THIS country.

  9. Gratuitous World

    [re=599732]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: well, her son is fighting for the Taliban. That’s clearly the missing detail.

  10. ph7

    [re=599723]WarAndG[/re]: Can we keep Florida? We can build an all-american amusement park there – they got surfing, too.

  11. Prommie

    Its “heritage, not hate.” A heritage of racist hate, treason, rebellion, and ignominious, total defeat and failure.

    When do we celebrate “Marching through Georgia” day? Why is “Appomatox day” not a national holiday? Its heritage, not hate, the northern heritage of kicking southern pigfucker ass.

  12. Geogre

    Them idjits don’t even know their Confederate flags.

    The St. Andrews cross was Beauregard’s flag, devised for the defense of Charleston Harbor, in 1863. The flag of the Confederacy was different. No, I don’t know what it looked like, and I don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter.

    I have experience with that “We don’t want to talk about that, because it would be divisive” crap. You see, the code is, “It would get teh coloreds all agitated, and we’ve got everything peaceful now.” It’s a common illusion in Real America. This is why small town America is no place to go to find values. Dang turd jugglers.

  13. PsycGirl

    [re=599743]widget09[/re]: What about the Miley Cyrus classic “Party in the USA”? You don’t want to shake your hips like yeah?

  14. Geogre

    [re=599745]Prommie[/re]: That, of course, is the wrong answer.

    Stereotyping the south is soooooo safe and so wrong. Be not smug, Others. Wandering through the Bronx, each bodega had a tale of why the other bodega owner was a terrorist and belonged to an ethnicity that needed to be deported. Sitting in a doughnut shop, the Bangla speakers wanted me to get involved in helping with the rights struggle against the invading Hindi speakers who committed atrocities.

    Oh, but in Maryland all was well, except that Baltimore was 72% Black and Baltimore County was the same white.

    And, of course, in Manhattan the Puerto Rican pride parade drew protests. Odd, I thought. Then again, the Irish parade was uncontroversial, except for the whole gay bashing thing.

    Klan membership is highest in the midwest.

    Oh, well.

  15. Franklin Pierce & Pierce

    Let us once more honor those who heroically fought and died for the freedom to enslave, rape and torture other human beings.

    Also, I’m pretty sure that being a patriot of the Confederacy is pretty much the national history equivalent of being a fan of the Chicago Cubs or Washington Generals.

  16. mookworthjwilson

    Wow, suddenly being a traitor and taking up arms against your own coutry is patriotism…nice to know…

  17. harry palmer

    The first commenter on the linked website says Lincoln’s arming of Fort Sumter proves it was a war of Northern aggression. So this commie is claiming we are perpetrating wars of aggression everywhere we have bases that we secure with weaponry. These fucking peacenik rebels.

  18. Terry

    We all should have taken the West Virginians’ word for it about Virginia when they split the state at the time of the Civil War. If a bunch of half crazy Scots-Irish living back in the hollers think Virginia is WAY to backward and crazy, the rest of us should take this as a basic truth. The problem, though, is that Virginia puts on these airs, pretending that they aren’t just South Carolina with the addition of a few Presidents in the early years of the Republic.

  19. Escape Goat Nation

    The only appropriate place the stars and bars should be displayed is in a museum.

  20. JMP

    [re=599735]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I do have ancestors who fought for the Confederacy; but somehow manage to feel the proper emotion of shame over that.

  21. Blue_in_VA

    [re=599723]WarAndG[/re]: Agreed, but can northern Virginia stay with you guys? The rest of Virginia hates us anyway.

  22. Geogre

    What’s weird, if you look at the photo, is that the “memorial” is … well… not.

    The thing looks like it was modeled on a memorial to Civil War dead. Given the losses, no town should be snarked at for having a memorial like that. However, if any town replaces a memorial to the war dead with a memorial to the Confederacy itself or the “Lost Cause,” it needs its name in the Book of Shame and ignominy. If a newspaper or town council takes a veterans/dead memorial and tries to play it for political gain in the “Confederatti” line, then those people need to be locked in cages with Rush Limbaugh and a glazed ham.

    Weird, weird thing. The object looks like your standard stile. Each town in the south, and most old towns in the north, has such an object. Frequently, they hold all the war dead, but some towns lost most of their male population during the Civil War and kept those as separate memorials.

  23. actor212

    “It shows that there’s patriotism which continues today from all the wars. We still have people going off to battle and it’s kind of the same thing,” she explained.

    Them boys in Eyeraq iz dyin’ so I can put trucknutz on mah vee-hick-kull.

  24. Geogre

    [re=599744]ph7[/re]: I’d rather keep Australia. The population is younger, and the politics are at Greener.

  25. Pandy

    [re=599751]Geogre[/re]: Eh, I think you’re trying to use the old “everybody else does it” excuse. It ain’t working.

  26. mookworthjwilson

    [re=599761]Geogre[/re]: When you die in a treasonous fight to keep people as property you do not deserve to be memorialized.

  27. JMP

    [re=599763]Geogre[/re]: Eh, Australia might as well be part of the South; both are filled with racist white people with incomprehensible accents.

  28. harry palmer

    [re=599761]Geogre[/re]: “Given the losses, no town should be snarked at for having a memorial like that.”

    If only they’d acknowledge in some way that not only was it the Lost Cause, but the Misguided/ Vicious/ Evil Cause. If your grandfather was a chicken fucker, you still have a right to love him, but asking us (and the chickens) to give him a parade is in poor taste.

  29. Terry

    [re=599763]Geogre[/re]:

    Australia. Yeah, that black face routine they had on Australia’s Got Talent (or whatever the show is called) was a pure riot.

  30. Terry

    [re=599773]JMP[/re]:

    Better beer in Australia, though. Have you ever tasted Dixie or Lone Star? Bleech.

  31. Baby who ate the Dingo

    Reminds me of Alexandria, and its aggitated Reb statue that has his arms crossed, looks pissed, and faces South on Washington Street. Probably staring at the LOSERS who LOST the JUST CAUSE. Or he has fire ants crawling up his ass, and he’s encased in concrete without his negress butTOCKS scratcher.

    And the bumper sticker I saw in Collinsville that said:

    North: 1
    South: 2
    HALFTIME

    Actually, Franklin County is home to some of the nicest rascists you’ll ever meet. Also, its the bootlegger capitol of the world, and the true home of NASCAR since that’s where the first hopped up cars came from, runnin’ “squeezins.” Thunder Road. Good booze; vomit for brains.

  32. southern mark smith

    [re=599784]Formerly Preferred[/re]: On Second national flag (the Stainless Banner):

    Initial reaction to the second national flag was favorable, but over time it became criticized for being “too white”

    HA! I guess they solved that problem.

  33. mookworthjwilson

    [re=599751]Geogre[/re]: None of these areas had armed insurrection in order to be able to own people.

  34. queeraselvis v 2.0

    So now the state’s new tourism motto is “Virginia is for Losers”? Works for me.

    [re=599778]Terry[/re]: Heresy, good sir or madam! Lone Star is not completely bleech. Dixie, otoh, is one step up from the piss expelled by the carriage-drawing horses that parade around the French Quarter. One small step.

  35. coolcatdaddy

    When it comes right down to it, you can’t blame Southerners for still living in the Civil War.

    After the War, they were depressed and addicted to cocaine and laudanum, during the early part of the twentieth century they pretty much shunned any kind of economic development and reason in favor of being poor and ignorant, and, in the later part of their history, grew fat asses sitting around at NASCAR and shopping at Walmart.

    So, yeah, the Civil War was pretty much the last time Southerners got up off their ass to actually do anything except go to the refrigerator.

  36. Gewurztraminer

    “Klan membership is highest in the midwest.”

    Which state was pretty much run by the KKK in 1920s? It wasn’t a rebel state, it was Hoosier Hospitality at its best.

  37. Baby who ate the Dingo

    Correction to the Bumpersticker:

    NORTH: 1
    SOUTH: 0

    HALFTIME

    Now lets go drink some piss beer an’ beat up a colored guy for halftime activities. Bonus points if he is gay, Muslim, or Trekkie, but Mega bonus points if he a black Republican, ’cause theres only like two in the world. And I know where they live.

  38. Tommmcatt

    [re=599751]Geogre[/re]:

    Except that you don’t see monuments and flags representing slavery and oppression put up by city governments in the North, or in the Midwest; nor would any government official who celebrated the “heritage” and “civic pride” of old slaveholder traditions, and the unprecedented misery and death that was dealt out in the war fought to defend them, keep his job for very long. It’s only in the American south where racism is still so endemic, where it is woven into the fabric of culture and politics. Yes, other states have racists, but only the South institutionalizes and celebrates them (and Arizona, now that I think about it, but still).

    I don’t agree with demonizing all Southerners outright, but you have to admit that if American institutionalized racism has an epicenter it lies somewhere in South Carolina.

  39. SayItWithWookies

    The whole “it’s heritage not hate” thing really doesn’t fly in the state that chose to close its public schools rather than give black children the same education it gave white children. Oddly enough, the white Virginians seem to forget this episode a lot more often than the black people.

  40. One Yield Regular

    O Lord, nice job on the $250K plaster Jesus statue in Ohio, but you’re needed again. Can you point some of those lightening bolts towards the Southeast, please? Amen.

  41. LittlePig

    [re=599855]Tommmcatt[/re]: Well we know what flag the German-Americans in Wisconsin will be flying, amirite?

  42. Dolmance

    I followed the links to that little berg’s paper and the comments section has to be seen to be believed. Boy, do they ever HATE US YANKEES!!!

    I never was up for paying reparations to the blacks, mainly because I hate paying for things myself. But I wouldn’t be at all adverse to giving every black person in America their very own white southerner that they could call their own. In fact, if I were President, that’s the very first thing I’d do, after putting 700 billion dollars into a special dog and cat fund.

  43. DC Hates Me

    Many black confererate soldiers worked in General Stuckey’s army as pecan log rollers. In NYC, we have seperate water fountains for dumb crackers.

  44. mookworthjwilson

    When is this town going to start honoring other traitors like John Walker Lindh??? The Rosenbergs??? Benedict Arnold???

  45. Lazy Media

    [re=599984]Lazy Media[/re]: Oh, and one of the main reasons for secession in Virginia was that Lincoln was calling for 2,300 Virginia volunteers to fight (if necessary) to restore the union. Nice work, geniuses; the Confederacy took about 50 times that many through conscription, and got half of them killed.

  46. Zadig

    [re=599766]Pandy[/re]: It’s not an excuse for the south, it’s a request for the North not act like their shit doesn’t stink on the subject of race. I live in Memphis, one of, if not the worst cities in the nation in terms of race relations, and the most appalling racist prick I know is a fucking Yankee transplant. And when I say he’s the worst, know that that’s compared to the guy who repeatedly asserts that the service at Sam’s Club is crappy because there aren’t enough whites working there to keep “them” working.

  47. mookworthjwilson

    [re=600018]Zadig[/re]: But did he ever take up arms in order to try to own people?

  48. edgydrifter

    [re=600018]Zadig[/re]: And this racist Yankee prick chose to move to Memphis rather than staying in Yankeeland. Hmmmm, I wonder why…

  49. Accordion-o-rama

    [re=599728]Gratuitous World[/re]: Lee’s colors coloreds don’t run.

    Fixed.

  50. Geogre

    [re=599767]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Oh, well, yes, you actually do.

    You see, both fought to keep people as property. When the Emancipation Proclamation was made, there were riots in New York City in protest, and the draft riots that followed required military involvement. Abolitionism was a minority view in the north.

    The political/legal issue that would define the act as treason was not settled until after the Civil War, and Jefferson Davis sat around Washington literally trying to get arrested, hoping for a court fight instead of a battlefield fight. (He also had the courts on his side, which is one reason that they wouldn’t arrest him.)

    In other words, glazing over the northern side with a halo is silly, anti-historical, and every bit the re-enactor’s silly as the Confederatti. Both the “we fought to free the slaves” and the “we fought to preserve the noble way of life” are lying to themselves and robbing graves to do so. The politics of whether the Constitution had an “out” clause took a long, long time to settle — if they’re settled now.

    Frederick Douglas was quick to say that he didn’t give a rat’s behind about the Union in the war, as it had nothing to do with freeing slaves. Odd thing for him to say, isn’t it?

    The point of this is that this is not an “et tuque” argument. Instead, this is pointing out that we can ridicule these people for silliness, for hyperventilating about nothing, but we need to do so about anyone and everyone who trashes history to get a quick high, who cops a feel off of misconceptions and lies. Their nostalgia and stereotyping sanctimony are near bedfellows, so far as I can tell.

    And I absolutely despair of the south being redeemed any time in the 21st century, but part of it is living down to all of this scorn.

  51. Geogre

    [re=599855]Tommmcatt[/re]:
    Every town (look through yours, if you’re on the eastern seaboard) has or has had a civil war memorial to the town’s dead. That’s fine.

    This town took one of those and decided to change it to a “memorial to the Confederacy.” I agree with all here that that’s stupidity, and yet it’s so strange, so completely twisted, so utterly fucked up that I have to imagine that there was some town council machination ten years before that did it.

  52. mookworthjwilson

    [re=600137]Geogre[/re]: Go join a southern revisionist history organization and jerk off to the corpse of stonewall jackson.

  53. Rotundo

    Whenever I hear the old phrase “The South will Rise Again!” I keep wanting to add “Because Shit Floats!” to the conversation. Does that make me an elitist yankee asshole? If so, I guess I’ll wear the label with pride or something.

  54. Neilist

    “More than three thousand soldiers from Franklin County are believed to have fought in the Confederate Army, many of them black. On Tuesday the Board of Supervisors met with residents who’d like to see a second statue erected honoring African Americans and their contributions to the war.”

    “Many of them black”?

    That is Complete HORSESHIT. There were a lot of blacks “in” Confederate military formations. But they were there as SLAVES, you dumb motherfuckers. Not as soldiers. They did a lot of the engineering and behind-the-lines work, e.g., digging ditches, tending animals.

    Toward the end of the war, when the Confederates were being eaten up by the attrition tactics used by the Federals (e.g., Grant), and were losing men through DESERTION, the Confederacy started to consider the idea of using blacks as soldiers. No less than the Sainted Robert E. Lee himself suggested/advocated this. But Gen’l Lee believed that any black who served as a soldier would have to be given his freedom — which the Confederate Congress rejected when it voted in April 1865 on whether blacks could be used as troops.

    In April-May, 1865, a few blacks started drilling with white Southerners. But they were never deployed before the war ended.

    God, Southerners are Ignorant Assholes. We should have killed all of them before the War of Rebellion ended. Would have made things a lot easier.

  55. Pandy

    Okay, so to recap the comments here, white people in the north, south, east and west (and overseas in the island nation of Australia), didn’t or still don’t like anyone that is different (mainly the really dark skined people). Well, thanks, George & Zadig. You really ruined my day, the two of you! I mean I used to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and well yes also that Jesus guy who told me we were all brothers and stuff. *sigh* Now I’m a sad panda bear. *sigh again* *one more sigh for effect*

  56. Neilist

    [re=600137]Geogre[/re]: A lot of that isn’t accurate either. Even though you aren’t a Southerner.

    1. From the Northern perspective, the Civil War did not start in order to “free the slaves,” but instead was about perserving the Union. But as the war progressed, and more lives and money were spent, the dynamic changed. By the end of the war, ending slavery — and the entire “Southern Way Of Life” it supported — were part of the Union’s war aims.

    (That’s not to say most Northerners were not racist. They were — including Lincoln. But there is a diffence between being racist and supporting slavery.)

    2. From the Southern perspective, the Civil Way always was about slavery, both in terms of the original slave states and in terms of the extension of slavery into the Federal Terrorities. Anyone who contends that the issue was “State’s Rights” is ignorant of the written positions of the Southern politicans at the time (e.g., Davis, Andrew Stephens); stupid; in denial; or all of the above.

    3. Interesting side point about whether the U.S. Constitution had/has an “out clause”: The Confederate Constitution specifically prohibited succession/withdrawal by any of the Confederate states. Which proves, once again, that all the political theorizing and justifications are Complete HORSESHIT.

    4. All That Said: In anything approaching a fair fight (in terms of manpower and logistics, etc.) the Sainted Gen’l Robert E. Lee and the Army of Northern Virginia would have beaten Grant and the Army of the Potomac like a Red-Headed Stepchild.

  57. Tommmcatt

    [re=600141]Geogre[/re]:

    All of which has nothing to do with the point I made. I said that the South has continued to institutionalize racism politically and socially in a way that the rest of the country just hasn’t. I don’t think you can rebut that statement and remain intellectually honest.

  58. DC Hates Me

    John Ozmore was the man who drove his Chevy S-10 pickup truck into this “Johnny Rebel” statue while having a seizure, destroying a piece of sourthern history forever. Where’s epileptic Johnny Ozmore’s statue? He’s the real rebel.

  59. mookworthjwilson

    [re=600264]Neilist[/re]: Statement I will never type again…I agree with Neilist completely here!

  60. Neilist

    [re=600313]mookworthjwilson[/re]: Mook, clearly you are INSANE. Neilist is an asshole.

    BURN HIM! HE’S A WITCH!

  61. Oldskool

    [re=600270]Tommmcatt[/re]: “the South has continued to institutionalize racism politically and socially in a way that the rest of the country just hasn’t.”

    I would have to disagree. When the whole busing thing began, it went smoothly in the South as compared to say, Boston. They were still rioting there into the 1970′s. The Southern racist stereotype is not unlike the militia movement which some still paint as a southern thing, which, of course, is happening everywhere.

  62. Enslave the Whales

    [re=600326]Neilist[/re]: It may well be true that Neilist is an asshole, but one with an impressive grasp of political history.

    I would add a caveat to your point 4. You are asserting a conclusion based on an entirely counterfactual universe. It’s been a long time (possibly forever) since any battle, much less an entire war, was conducted as a “fair fight”. There are always differences in manpower and logistics and economics and manufacturing capability and weaponry and politics and foreign-power involvement and whatever, and most of the time those factors rather outweigh the differences in generalship and troop quality that would figure in a fair fight.

  63. Jammer

    While I agree with the general sentiment displayed here, I am dismayed to see that several of the commenters, while understanding racial stereotypes to be insensitive, find regional stereotypes to be just fine.

Comments are closed.