If we knew a famous line from 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' this is where we'd put it.Whoa, forget the oil spill, here is some tabloid sexytime gossip about Al Gore: The Star reports tonight that Gore has been having a sex affair for two years with Laurie David, the environmental activist and ex-wife of teevee grouch Larry David. Is this true? Well it was true about another southern politician who wanted to be president and some lady sort of connected peripherally to the entertainment business, as reported by a different tabloid, two years ago!

Here is the promotional announcement from the supermarket weekly:

In the June 28 issue of Star, on sale Wednesday, we report that Al and Tipper’s breakup didn’t come as much of a surprise to one Hollywood player — Laurie David. Star has learned that Al has been having an affair with Laurie, who divorced Seinfeld creator and Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David in 2007 amidst reports she was cheating with the caretaker of their Martha’s Vineyard summer home.

“Al and Laurie went from friends to lovers,” an insider tells Star. “It couldn’t be avoided.”

That’s right, America: These things can never be avoided. If people could avoid doing bad things, well, it would be like we had free will and were responsible adults instead of bloated children having a tantrum because they can’t eat everything in Willy Wonka’s factory.

Anyway, if true, this affair would confirm once again why Al Gore did not run for president. So he’s smarter than John Edwards, a little bit, at least. [The Star]

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  1. Need a quote from Larry David? Here’s a classic rant:

    “Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ? You Know? It’s like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It’s like, I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say “You must like lobster”? “Eat lobster! It’s good. It’s good.” You know, it’s not only where you live; you go to Africa. You travel all over the world. “Eat lobster! Have some more lobster! It’s good!”

  2. How is this scandal even Wonkette-worthy? If Al had been carrying on an affair with Larry David…actually, that wouldn’t work either. Now, T. Boone Pickens, that’s a story.

  3. God, I can’t even begin to imagine the sex chatter between either pairing. Well, maybe between Larry David and Al Gore- but they didn’t pork. Right?

  4. And who were those Hollywood friends of the Clintons, Arkansawyers by birth, that ‘helped’ him during the unpleasantess involving blowjobs? Are our politicians now no more than the eastern equivalent of Britney Spears or Mel Bigson?

    Never mind.

  5. I called it, no backsies. Or rather Mrs. Blifil called it. Now in her honor I will attempt to perpetrate sexytime upon her. It cannot be avoided.

    Seriously look up my comments history, I am not shitting you. In fact given the current state of my dietary habits, I’m not exactly sure what it is I am shitting. Maybe Freedom.

  6. “it was true about another southern politician … and some lady sort of connected peripherally.” That actually sounds kind of exotic.

  7. The concept of Al Gore having sex at all is pretty unpleasant. Until I consider the subject using Karl Rove or Rush Limbaugh instead. Then it is strictly horrible.

  8. Well, I hope they were willing to sleep in the wet spot or use only one square of toilet paper to mop up the moisture. Gawd, they both gross me out.

  9. I suspect Al may be one of those boring men who are complete sexual animals, and as an aside I noticed once when he was on Conan some years ago , that he is really blessed in the old penis department,he was wearing chinos and bulging all over the place.

  10. [re=599490]Limeylizzie[/re]: I am shocked, LL, that you would take such interest in Al’s pecker. I mean, look at the rest of him. Negative net utility.

  11. Not that I wasn’t excited for the next season of “Curb,” but now I’m REALLY excited for the next season of “Curb.”

    [re=599463]Mr Blifil[/re]: I totally called it too.

  12. Wow. I totally didn’t call it — I kept hoping that Tipper took the Susan Sarandon route — but, hey: there’s still time!
    and Aurelio: you have summed up my reaction to Al Gore so elegantly: negative net utility

  13. Oh Al. Al, Al. So vulgar, so common.

    This is even more disappointing than when Woody Allen revealed himself, for real, as a pedophilic narcissist.

  14. Typical Al — the one human thing he does his whole life and he tries to hide it. Well I hope they keep this quieter than Johnny Boy glorified suburban narcissism binge — why that man hasn’t left Rielle Hunter for his own head of hair I’ll never know.

  15. This is almost as bad as when he lost becoming president. It was basically handed too him on a silver platter. The economy (however hollow) was booming, pre 9/11 hysteria, and a gubment surplus. His opponent was a dolt with nothing more than a proto-theocratic, oil-soaked Rovian/Cheney agenda. He couldn’t even win his home state.
    Yeah, this is almost as bad.

  16. Now the ending of Curb makes sense. They were about to get back together and then they started arguing over a piece of wood.

  17. [re=599521]Radiotherapy[/re]: Al lost because in 2000 America would rather have a beer with George Bush, who was (notionally) on the wagon, yet. Now you find out that you could have a beer with Al, and the next thing you know he would have his ovipositor down your throat.

  18. [re=599525]WadISay[/re]: Yep, now were stuck with the worst pick-up line ever…Wanna see my knob, er, Nobel Prize?

    {BTW, what a gorgeous pup!}

  19. [re=599433]Jim89048[/re]: Not sure Laurie David’s hittable. She looks pretty nice, but jeez all that scolding: “Couldn’t you at least unplug the clocks when you’re not looking at them?”

  20. Al Gore, you know, has a mansion that you can see from space. He also is partners in this whole Generations Investment, Limited Liability Corporation, with David Blood, Goldman Sachs.

    Not like there is anything wrong with that.

  21. So convenient to get the Fox News roundup delivered here. If you only looked more like a barbie doll and had that much intellectual range, maybe they’d let you intern there, provided you sucked O’Reilly’s dick.

  22. I’m sorry, but Republicans have just been raising the bar on sex scandals way too high. There needs to be a mix of hypocrisy in with the ass-fucking. He’d pretty much have to be banging Sarah Palin.

  23. I like how Al is taking one for the Democratic team. Now who’s going to be talking about Barry’s somewhat uninspiring/lackluster/check-his-pulse/doesn’t this dude’s staff watch ANY cableTV(?) speech?

  24. [re=599540]Guppy06[/re]: Unless Al and this environmental wacko-lady liked to do it w/ the lights on, and they had to be incandescent bulbs.

  25. [re=599542]harry palmer[/re]: No, it’d have to involve setting fire to actual barrels of oil as foreplay, before copulating on a pile of plastic grocery bags. And even then, he’s still no Rekers.

  26. /snark off

    Hey! Couldn’t Gore put his Enviro-cred to work heckling and shaming BP across the world and expressing the right level of popular outrage, and allow Obama to by the calm, sorted, decisive one?

    /snark on

  27. A actual Hollywood producer? Al may have the dick, but Laurie’s got the balls. At least in this relationship. Offering odds that the Star flubbed this one.

  28. [re=599539]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: i’m still actually glad that barry doesn’t watch cable news. i just wish he’d put his foot up bp’s ass… in rhetorical sense, obviously.

    /put them in the stocks ’til they rot.

  29. Why do our politicians settle for ugly women? LD is better-looking than Tipper, but still, you might as well be hanged for sheep as for lamb!

  30. The Star has mastered time travel!

    Their June 28th edition, the one published on June 28th, is out today. Whoa. Someone alert Rand Paul. If The Star can work its time bending backwards as well as forwards, he can go back to a happy time in Kentucky where he’ll be elected before he was born and vote against the Civil Rights Act, but only part of it.

  31. This is particularly lame gossip. The other tabloids have DIFFERENT bullshit stories about what broke up Al and Tipper. One (National Enquirer, which has the best track record for accuracy on this crap) sez Tipper’s a craxzy jealous bitch for no good reason, while a third (The Globe, which is nearly always bullshit) sez Al was having a gay homosexual affair.

  32. Obviously the new standard for commitment to the environment is whether or not you have boned Laurie David. There may be hotter and more attractive women on this big blue marble, but what kind if legacy are we leaving our children if we become apathetic about our stewardship of Gaia? 10 years from now it will be too late to say we had our chance to bone Laurie David and failed to take it.

  33. Wasn’t this the same woman who was carrying-on with her Contractor while he was overhauling her home in Mass? I believe that with two alleged paramours, she would qualify as a candidate for the Republican Governor of South Carolina. Lets start a write-in petition.

  34. Wait, I am confused by the sequence here:

    Laurie … was cheating with the caretaker of their Martha’s Vineyard summer home.

    “Al and Laurie went from friends to lovers,” an insider tells Star. “It couldn’t be avoided.”

    Does this mean Al Gore was the caretaker for the Davids’ summer place? Biggest comedown for a joint Nobel/Oscar winner ever!

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