Important Washington Post person Ashley Halsey III found some online poll on the paper’s website, and the results are apparently worth an article: PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE THIS WAR OF 1812 MARYLAND LICENSE PLATE DESPITE THEIR ALLEGED PATRIOTISM.
The poll is unscientific, Halsey notes, but it found “86 percent of respondents were unimpressed.” (Actually if you look at the poll, it does not even have an option for “unimpressed.” When will a correction be printed, Ashley III?)
The Maryland War of 1812 Bicentennial Commission created the new Maryland plate design, and the commission’s director believes the commission created an excellent license plate, even if people can’t appreciate it. “It’s a great country,” director Bill Pencek said. “Everybody is entitled to their opinion.”
And also he said this: “The design is directly taken from the way the ramparts looked.” Directly. The ramparts looked like a giant flag pin sticking out of a child’s toy box with some clip-art fireworks thrown about. Bill Pencek would know because he was there.
Then Pencek got really defensive about the plate design. It was a COMPLEX PROCESS, MARYLANDERS. “We were trying to brand the flag.” They almost had the flag smoking a cigarette and going down a mountain on a snowboard but ultimately decided on this thing.
Then Pencek got desperate. They made the license plate ugly ON PURPOSE AND TOTALLY KNEW IT WAS NOT VERY BEAUTIFUL ALL ALONG because they didn’t want to take away money from herons and farms, who receive proceeds from the plates they’re depicted on, he said.
“We didn’t want to compete with the other background plates,” Pencek said. “There was an intention to be beautiful, but not more beautiful than the bay plate or the farm plate.”
That’s a nice sentiment, but it’s more important that we pay off our war debts from 1812. Seems like there’s been a long of time and a lot of inflation to still have debt on that.
So buy this stupid license plate, people of Maryland. These War of 1812 people desperately need your license plate money and any gently-used ironclads you don’t want anymore. [Washington Post]
{ 102 comments }
Why do they hate the colonial troops? Socialists.
We fuggin lost that war, and Maryland only got a poem out of it. The tune was already a bar room song, and that’s where Marylanders, and everyone else, would be best advised to spend time now that we have another assault from the British.
The plate looks like it’s aiming to be perceptible to the colorblind. Perhaps this is for the “millennials” who have burned out their retinas in un-taxed tanning beds?
Do they also desperately need any gently-used redcoats we don’t want anymore? My family’s had a couple of them hiding out in the basement since they “won” the War in question. (“What about the smell?” you ask. They don’t seem to mind. They grew up in B.O. central, aka Grate Briton.)
So nice of Maryland to commemorate a war that usually takes up a page at most in history texts, and specifically a battle that’s only remembered as more than a footnote because of a poem written about it that got awkwardly set to a drinking song.
Burning issues. Of our time.
How about Barbara Fritchie shaking her tits at the British instead?
An “unscientific poll” is like an “untrue fact” or a “milk” made from almonds or soybeans. Which is to say: worse than useless.
Thank Satan I already have one of the boring old (classy) Maryland license plate.
Great, now when they mail me $40 speeding camera tickets with a picture of this masterpeice on the back of my civic, I’ll get weekly reminders of what they were fighting for in 1812. That being the freedom for the city of Baltimore to extort yet more money from it’s citizens through private companies.
86% of boys named Ashley get punched in the nose a lot.
[re=599180]Sussemilch[/re]: Alas for Anthony Ashley Cooper!
However, 94% of boys named Hunter are jerks. It’s from an unscientific poll finding, too.
I’m just surprised they didn’t rename it “The War of Canadian Aggression”.
So Jack, let me see if I got your long and confusing post right. The WaPo is declaring war on the Pencheks cause some guy named Flag went down on some mountain gal named Snowbird, or Snowboard or something, and they’re defending Flag because he caught some Maryland crabs? Were the Brits involved in this? What does Tony Haywire think?
Given that 2/3 of Americans can’t name a single current member of the US Supreme Court, I’m betting that 86% of poll respondents had no clue whatsoever that such a thing as the “War of 1812″ even happened.
wait.. who the fuck is jack stuef?
They should have used a scene from that award-winning 70′s era documentary they still show every 20 mins. at the Ft. McHenry visitor center.
Well, in fairness, it took us until, what, 2006 to pay off the Spanish-American War. For realsies.
The War of 1812 veterans just do not get the respect they deserve. Remember, people, please … hate the war if you must, but honor the troops. Always honor the troops.
Come to think of it, though, Maryland like several of the smaller states (Delaware, Connecticut, Rhode Island, really all of New England except Mass.) doesn’t have all that much to use on its plate.
Catholics? They’re everywhere now. The Wire? It doesn’t exactly show off anything the state wants to brag about; ditto the perennial bottom-feeding baseball team. Maybe the Naval Academy, but the Navy hasn’t had all that much to do in any war since WWII. It’s home to no Presidents, either by birth or residence. A lot of important things have happened in a carved-out former part of the state, but that doesn’t count.
They do produce some great crabs. So maybe that should be their logo – crabs. Although then Maine might accuse them of being copycats.
My favorite history test question was “When was the War of 1812?”. For people who had trouble with that, the follow-on was “Who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?”.
Huzzah! We lost that one.
As a result of the United States’ extreme lack of winning, Britain got to keep Canada. We got to keep what was left of Washington City.
Yeah, sure, Mr. Pencek. I’d like to see the designs that were rejected as “too beautiful.”
[re=599207]Big Liver[/re]: I know how Sarah Palin would respond to the second one: “All of ‘em.”
[re=599154]Geogre[/re]: We didn’t lose that war; we tied, which was a win just like our 1-1 win over England’s kickball team the other day. It’s not like chess; game’s not over when they burn down your capital.
My favorite part of the article was when (intern?) Ashley III snarkily noted that the plate sez 1812, while Key didn’t write his poem until 1814. The War of 1812 lasted from 1812 to 1815, Ashley III. Don’t kids know how to read the Wiki any more?
[re=599157]JMP[/re]: Hey…this was an important war. If the war didn’t happen we wouldn’t have this classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxB42cjHTGg
I’m just waiting for the ironic “Victory in 1814″ Louisiana plates.
[re=599202]JMP[/re]: We had lobsters and potatoes thank you very much. Spuds – yay! Lobsters, crabs, and other bottom feeding nasty-ass aquatic bugs – boo!
[re=599215]Lazy Media[/re]: Sort of; but from the British perspective, our War of 1812 was just a series of side battles in their war against our cross-Atlantic ally Napoleon. And that war, the Brits definitely won.
[re=599177]megs[/re]: That was my first thought, myself. I was astounded how bad it looks and I don’t astound easy.
What is the state motto of Maryland?
According to http://www.netstate.com/states/mottoes/md_motto.htm...
“The Maryland motto, Fatti Maschii Parole Femine, has not specifically been adopted as a state motto. Rather, it has been accepted as a state motto because it was adopted as an element of the Great Seal of Maryland.”
And it means “No mashed pototatoes for fatties in Parole,” apparently. I’ve been to Parole, and that motto is widely ignored.
GO SAVE A WHALE ER SOMETHING DEMRATS
[re=599154]Geogre[/re]: [re=599215]Lazy Media[/re]: Got to go with Lazy Media on this one — we won the War of 1812 by not losing to the greatest military power of the day. On the other hand, we lost in Vietnam by not winning.
As a Marylander, I understand the desire to highlight one of the 6 or so things actually worth remembering that is identified with the state (lessee, crabs, Mason/Dixon line, Chesapeake Bay, former Governors indicted on felony charges, and… wait… it’s coming to me… oh, yeah! Lewis Black). However, the leggo-like depiction of Ft. McHenry and the other cartoonish features like the toy flag and little explosion-emoticon looking things would not lead me to recognize the design as being inspired by the War of 1812 were it not explicitly stamped on the plate.
And I’m guessing they depicted the flag as waving because they couldn’t remember how many stripes were on it when if was the official U.S flag (15). But maybe that’s overly harsh.
Or maybe not.
1812 is also the last time North Carolina changed their plate design. First in Flight, Last in Creative Concepts, perhaps?
“Shoot if you must, this old grey head, but spare your country’s license plate!” she said.
[re=599226]JMP[/re]: We weren’t allied with Napoleon; we were fighting a separate war against the Brits at the same time. They actually defeated Napoleon BEFORE they admitted they weren’t going to get anything out of fighting us (and, of course, his defeat eliminated their need to piss us off with impressment and blockade of Europe). Napoleon wasn’t popular in the U.S.; we had fought a quasi war against him from 1798 to 1800.
It was a side show to them, but considering they had the world’s largest navy and best infantry, we did pretty well to fight them to a standstill. There were a number of British politicians who saw the war as a way to win back some of what they lost in the Revolution, and that didn’t happen.
[re=599202]JMP[/re]: excuse me, motherfucker, CT is the Constitution State!!1!
Also, this is good news for BP.
Was Nancyland taken?
[re=599202]JMP[/re]: And far be it from me to defend my lunatic fellow New Englanders in New Hampshire, but their tags give you a stark choice: Live Free Or Die. Sure, there aren’t a lot of options, but they’re important ones. You can live free, or you can die. Simple, stark, New Englandy.
ANY thing is better than “visitpa.com”.
Whadda they mean they’re trying to brand the flag? Maryland’s state flag is one of the coolest things about the state and it’s already on the standard plates. Or was, till yesterday.
At least their muse wasn’t the second verse of Maryland, My Maryland..the part that goes, Avenge the patriotic gore that swept the streets of Baltimore. Sounds like it was messy.
[re=599232]V572625694[/re]: A classics major at College Park once translated that for me as “Fat Dykes on Parole.” I never argue with a scholar.
[re=599244]rttinker[/re]: Those “ramparts” look more like the warehouse wall at Camden Yards than anything still standing at Fort McHenry.
[re=599256]Katydid[/re]: It’s a rather interesting logo to say the least. It’s still better than the blandly generic “Keystone State” Pennsylvania has; the thing is (and this also applies to state quarters, etc.), there’s has a lot of history the state could mine but it’s almost all from Philadelphia, and the Pennsyltucky hicks who run the statehouse hate us and will never acknowledge anything from here, even Independence Hall.
But no, instead the state logo refers to its geographical position and became outdated in 1803.
I’ve never really understood the Constitution State logo.
[re=599154]Geogre[/re]: We fuggin lost that war…
Take it back!!! U-S America has NEVER lost a war, you dumb liberal traitor. Why doncha go back to where you came from is you hate U-S America? Don’t have a map?
Since I have little to say about this, I want to steer the conversation to more talk of me. Discuss.
[re=599265]JMP[/re]: CT is the Constimatooshon State because some 19th century historian, John Fiske, claimed the Fundamental Orders of 1638-39 made up the first written constitution in history. Lots of historians dispute that claim, but we got our tags stamped out too quick.
We’re also called Nutmeggers ’cause our heads are small, brown, and nutlike.
[re=599162]chascates[/re]: Or William Zanzinger hitting Hattie Carroll over the head with the cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger.
[re=599244]rttinker[/re]: Maryland’s history is a bit like the history of the Netherlands: notable for so-and-so’s army marching through the place on their way to someplace else (Washington going to Yorktown, Lee going to Gettysburg, etc.). Nobody bothered to get off I-95 except for Baltimore and Antietam.
Harford County is particularly proud of being the birthplace of the state’s favorite son, famed actor Edwin “What Brother?” Booth.
When was the war of 1812?
Because “come on vacation, leave on probation” was already taken?
It is an ugly plate because it was an ugly war. You want a pretty war? Go ask your fancy pants new black president for one, and ask him to throw in some new ramparts while he’s at it — I’m tired of staring at the same fucking ramparts year after year.
[re=599215]Lazy Media[/re]: Actually, you’re right about the tie, sort of.
However, Canadians know this war really, really well. For them, it was “the American invasion of Canada war, where Canada won.” The U.S. changed its war aims at least once, and so did the U.K., and so we can call it a tie or a loss or a win for each. The British stopped press ganging U.S. citizens (win!), but they burned DC. The British didn’t undo American Independence, but they kept the US from it’s 54-40 nonsense.
Meanwhile, a whole passle of Indian tribes suffered, as the Indian tribes always did when their kind and loving Usonian neighbors started winning wars.
Again: nobody mention 1812 to a Canadian unless you have all day.
What would Alvin Greene have to say about all of this?
Let’s call him.
[re=599267]Katydid[/re]: “I believe that it is very important for underprivileged places, such as, and maps and such as and the children of the world to have such as, and that they can know where they are such as, and Iraq, such as, that they can know where to get off such as.”
I put my [valentine] in America because I already got my [donkey] out.
[re=599256]Katydid[/re]: Is the living free or dying with or without [re=599232]V572625694[/re]‘s Maryland mashed potatoes? This is important! What’s the use of living free without yer mashed potatoes, I ask ya?
Isn’t “Huzzah” one of the things Mr. Burns says for archaic late-19th/early-20th-century pop-culture comedy effect? Kind of like “23 skidoo”?
Better crap for Maryland to get all braggadocio about:
1) The state song: “O tannenbaum” (“O Jewish Xmas tree”) with slightly less sappy lyrics
2) The Preakness, where they play said song every year
3) My dad, who used to start blubbering when they played said song at the Preakness
4) John Waters
5) David Byrne
6) Edgar Allen Poe, who married his cousin in her hometown of Baltimore soon after her 13th birthday, and many years later croaked there under mysterious circs (now there’s a shock).
7) The governor once referred to legislators from the Eastern Shore as “the shithouse contingent.”
[re=599247]JadedDIssonance[/re]: omg, I had to memorize Barbara Fritchie when I was a kid. I haven’t thought about that poem in years!
[re=599195]emmasue[/re]: I’m not sure either. He just sorted showed up one day and started posting stuff (rumor has it he is Alvin Greene’s former campaign manager). Nobody tell Ken though, he seems alright.
“We were trying to brand the flag.”
what the hell is that supposed to mean? is it a little dogie, to have its butt burned with the lazy-bar-none logo? “that thar flag don’t belong to nobody lessen we brand it! yee-haw!” when the whore of alaska drapes it over a stool and poses next to it, will it be branded then?
the tide of stupid just keeps rising, coated with a sheen of fresh oil sprung from the deep seabed, and littered with the bloated corpses of intelligent judgment, clear perspective, measured insight, and common sense.
[re=599295]chaste everywhere[/re]: Don’t forget F. Scott Fitzgerald is buried about 15 feet from Rockville Pike and Veirs Mill Road, which must be the worst resting places of all time. And, they had to dig F. Scott up from his first grave to put him there – the catholics didn’t want him at firstm – but some cash intercession brought him back into the fold and bought him a place on the Pike.
[re=599265]JMP[/re]: It’s the same in Kentucky. The entirety of the state absolutely hates the city of Louisville, even though they’d all be driving their tractors and pickups on gravel instead of paved roads if it weren’t for Louisville’s tax dollars. But they hate Louisville so much that they forced the state to change the license plate from the one and only cool thing about Kentucky (the twin spires of Churchill Downs) because it was too much about the city-folk. These are the people that vote for Rand Paul. Asshats.
I’m still waiting for the Michael Steele Commemorative License Plate with pictures of people shitting out Oreos all over the damn place.
Any live-blogging of Obama’s BP spanking this evening?
The War of 1812 was a TIE? What did you people smoke for breakfast? We invaded Canada twice and got our asses handed to us. We had our capital burned to the ground and what was the English concession? Oh, yeah, they stopped kidnapping American sailors and drafting them into the English navy.
Was it because we burnt London to the ground? No.
Was it because we conquered Canada? No.
It was because the English had already defeated Napoleon and didn’t need American sailors anymore! They stopped kidnapping US sailors in 1814, the war ended in 1815. We lost. We gave up our claims to Canadian territory. We had our capital burned to the ground. The greatest American success was in New Orleans, after the war was officially over. It wasn’t a tie. It was a mild ass-kicking. And we’re the ones who got kicked.
[re=599154]Geogre[/re]: You mean this one?
The despot’s heel is on thy shore,
Maryland! My Maryland!
His torch is at thy temple’s door,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Avenge the patriotic gore
That flecked the streets of Baltimore
And be the battle queen of yore,
Maryland! My Maryland!
Oops, wrong war. Needs moar Anacreonic Society.
[re=599191]Judas Peckerwood[/re]: 70% of high school seniors probably cannot tell you in which decade the War of 1812 was fought.
Why is it every time an asshole says something assholey he follows it up with, “It’s a great country. Everybody is entitled to their opinion.”?
[re=599184]Geogre[/re]: What do you wanna bet that Rand Paul has a kid named Hunter and DuzzItTaYew has one named Ashley? My money’s on it. And the rest are all named after characters in prime time soaps or Confederate heroes. (But it still doesn’t beat “my son Walker and my other son Texas Ranger.”)
[re=599260]Skwerl Nutz[/re]: I think visitpa.com was comeuppance to people such as yours truly who bitched about You’ve Got a Friend in Pennsylvania being ungrammatical. I blame James Taylor.
Turn on the gas, Stuff up the cracks, I’m gonna take my life (..Stuef it)
[re=599348]Starrigavan[/re]: Somebody is not supporting the troops. Change your anti-American attitude buddy, or Sarah Palin will change it for you!
No liveblog? Wonkette is losing its appeal.
That’s a steaming pile of beauty right there.
NPR: Congressional investigators released documents this week showing that BP took several shortcuts that may have led to the disastrous oil spill. In one document, an engineer described the well as a “nightmare” just days before the April explosion.
NYTimes:
…a government panel raised its estimate of the flow rate from BP’s damaged well yet again on Tuesday, declaring that as much as 60,000 barrels a day could be gushing into the Gulf of Mexico.
Obama announces to head of fed agency formerly involved in getting high with oil companies and enjoying their prostitutes.
[re=599381]chascates[/re]: I mean, announces a new head. I hope he’s not wearing a sweater in the Oval Office, which ruined Jimmy Carter’s presidency and led to the Iranian hostage crisis.
Carpe diem! The House passed a climate bill. But the Senate is full of oil-lovin’ pussies. But WE ARE ADDICTS!!
We can fight for the ‘Merica we want. Even if we don’t know what that looks like or how to get there. But we will get to the promised land.
[re=599347]chascates[/re]: He can’t spank them too hard because the Brits have their panties in a wad.
OI, ow come e’s pickin on us? Whys that darkie always gotta say “British Petroleum”. It innit Bri-ish anymore mate, it’s jus BP, which stands for BP.
Today we will bless the fleet, including fake religions but not including Scientologists or probably Mormons. Sorry Glenn Beck. You will face more crises under Obama. But we are strong, reliant, and we think something better is coming. Even though that’s absolutely crazy.
But pray like a mofo!
Former Mississippi Governor Ray ‘Ray’ Nagin to become new fall guy.
[re=599385]druranium[/re]: Just as bad are the Dutch ‘Shells’ who also raped Africa.
[re=599387]chascates[/re]: That’s actually Ray ‘Ray’ Mabus which is even more Mississippian.
To confuse the issue even more, the War of 1812 was essentially won by the Brits, but due to disaster at New Orleans (in the news even then), the ‘Merkans won the treaty and got to cut up the British colonies. One delightful line on the map drawn from the southern tip of Lake Michigan straight across the map to the Pacific was erased, giving new meaning to the continental divide!
[re=599348]Starrigavan[/re]: We burned Fort York (now Toronto), they burned Washington. Andrew Jackson got a victory and a Johnny Horton song. Call it a draw, and if the Canadians don’t like that we’ll steal another hockey team.
Problem for me is I have seen the old Empire of Benin flag and now I can’t get too worked up over any license plate design that doesn’t incorporate it.
[re=599401]Bz[/re]: “the ‘Merkans won the treaty”
Did the win the afternoon?
[re=599357]DangerousLiberal[/re]: Many Murkans would have trouble identifying the century the War of 1812 occurred in.
Ahhhh!!!!!
It’s just a license plate!!!!
-Ashley Halsey III
[re=599202]JMP[/re]: Lord Baltimore’s portrait. They should get the current Lord Baltimore to be their governor for life.
[re=599244]rttinker[/re]: John Waters’ movies!
[re=599282]Geogre[/re]: You don’t really need a whole day, just 4 minutes with Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7jlFZhprU4&feature=related
Ghent. Elba. Let’s call the whole thing off…
[re=599232]V572625694[/re]: This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life.
[re=599232]V572625694[/re]: “manly deeds, womanly words”…The David Beckham State!
[re=599533]Needz moar guns[/re]: There you go!
That about sums up “War of 1812, Canada edition, amateur set.”
The “professional set” goes into all sorts of detail about the Great Lakes naval battles. Everything I know about warships on the Great Lakes comes from having to endure an argument between a couple of Canadians and a few Usonians. (The Americans won on the Great Lakes, and that’s a sign of evil, but then that’s because they lost, and that’s a sign of weakness….)
I think, in this case, “American’s don’t know when it was” may actually be the best.
After all, we were the ones with the messianic, revolutionary ideology setting out to spread our revolutionary ideology and “free” other nations (awfully like Marxist countries that overthrew their colonial masters in the 20th century), and we wanted to free our neighbors. The UK saw us as political poison and needed containment. Now, our ideology of “freedom” also had that tinge of “and we’ll send our commercial concerns there to take over these unused natural resources for you.” One of the hilarities is that we now think freed nations that want to “export revolution” are evil, when that’s exactly what we were for 100 years, and, in fact, what we still kind of are (“We will bring them freedom”).
Edgar Allen Poe, John Barth AND John Waters. Hellfire and damnation, there’s a whole truckload of stuff they could put on a license plate without referencing the Viet Nam of the 19th century.
Hey, Ogre, thanks for turning me on to 3 Dead Trolls in a Baggie and, by extension, Arrogant Worms. You have changed my life this fine morning.
[re=599348]Starrigavan[/re]: Invading Canada wasn’t the point, that was a bonus that didn’t work out. The point was to show Great Britain that we wouldn’t take a bunch of shit just because we had a weak military.
Here’s how the war went, based on the excellent history “Six Frigates”:
USA: Hey, GB, stop touching my ships
GB: ::touches ships some more::
USA: No, seriously, cut that shit out or I will fuck you up.
GB: ::snickers, touches ships, kills a bunch of doods on USS Chesapeake:: You and what army/navy, punk?
USA: That does it. ::declares war::
GB: WTF?
::Several abortive invasions and minor U.S. naval successes later, minus one Napoleonic War::
GB: You guys AREN’T a complete military joke. Let’s call it a draw.
USA: That’s what I THOUGHT you’d say. Bitch.
GB: Don’t push it.
The End.
Bombs bursting in “air”, are entirely ineffective.
[re=599202]JMP[/re]: A Spiro Agnew memorial plate, perhaps?
Ashley crashed a plane at National two weeks ago due to his heavy handedness on his “throttle.”
[re=599599]scotack[/re]: not so. there is shrapnel.
and there is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBGFlFl922g&feature=related
(in case the link doesn’t work, that’s the moab. you can look it up.)
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