Sarah Palin didn’t even have a passport before 2007, and the only non-America places she’s ever been to are Canada (“America del Norte”), Mexico (for body shots at Señor Frog’s), and U.S. military bases in Germany and Kuwait. Like many an American, she’s trying to slowly work her way up the ladder of exoticness, so why not start with the U.K., where they (sort of) speak English? And while there, why not meet England’s President, Margaret Thatcher?
Sarah Palin has been informed by her meddling lawyers that she cannot legally dig up Ronald Reagan’s corpse and make sweet photogenic love to it, so she is planning on doing the next best thing: have a photo op with ex-Prime Minister Thatcher, Reagan’s secret lover. Thatcher is supposedly up for it, but then again she is also demented.
Oh, and what about Britain’s actual leader, David Cameron, who just got elected by basically disavowing his party’s entire Thatcher legacy? It might be kind of awkward for him to figure out whether he ought to appear in public with a crazed dingbat that all the Brits hate, but fortunately Palin is a private citizen with no government job to speak of and therefore he’s under no obligation to talk to her. And anyway, an anonymous person in charge of arranging the visit said this about Palin’s handlers: “I’m not sure they know who David Cameron is.”
Still, the God of the Britons is not about to take this sacrilege lying down. Having already destroyed the upstart Hebrew messiah, the Druid sun-deity plans to attack all of Earth with a mighty solar storm. “Britain could face widespread power blackouts and be left without critical communication signals for long periods of time,” noted one reputable British newspaper. Avoid this fate and keep Palin and Thatcher away from each other AT ALL COSTS, we beg you, lobsterbacks! [Daily Mail]
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After BP, these limey assholes deserve it!
Informed sources in the Palin camp confirmed today that if Palin is elected president, one of her first nominations would be Alvin Greene as Secretary of Defense. “He’s quite knowledgable about defense issues, and during his military career, not many people know it, but he was a strong, capable war hero. He knows defense issues very well, and he’d make a great Defense Secretary,” said Colin Powell.
To get the obvious out of the way, sending Palin to the Brits is our revenge for the BP spill. And we’re not taking her back.
Like her buddy Reagan, when Thatcher became demented, how could anyone tell the difference?
Can the passport be revoked once she’s in England?
So when Maggie said to Ronnie, “Don’t go all wobbly, Ron,” what we’re they talking about again?
Enjoy our Snowbilly, UK! She’s just like your public school twits: overprivileged and intellectually challenged. She does wear less tweed, though.
If only there were some non-electronic means of navigating from place to place. Maybe based on a simple, 2D representation on a portable medium. And here’s a crazy thought – I know, this is nuts – what about NOT-smart phones, attached to the wall with a cord? You’d have to be out of touch for up to an hour at a stretch when traveling between places with phones, so I guess that would cause the end of civilization.
Our own National Embarrassment is about to go international, baby!
Interesting that Mrs. Todd Palin prefers demented politicians…Reagan, Thatcher…
I’ll bet a demented Maggie Thatcher knows more about current affairs than SP.
after her chat with maggie, she’ll be conferring with jeremy bentham.
I thought she once went to Asia to speak at some business conference, didn’t she? Anyway, I suspect she wants to go over to the UK to offer her environmentalist-blamer services to BP. Complete whore. And stupid to boot.
And anyway, an anonymous person in charge of arranging the visit said this about Palin’s handlers: “I’m not sure they know who David Cameron is.”
I’d put money on it. Any currency you choose.
Maybe she’ll have the opportunity to change Maggs’ Depends.
The Telegraph, reputable? Really?
Is that picture pre-untrue-boobjob-rumor or post-untrue-boobjob-rumor?
I’m not even into boobs, but based on that picture maybe she should be visiting the corpse of Benny Hill.
[cue: Yakety Sax]
Palin to have a public photo op with an outspoken person afflicted with dementia? What could possibly happen?
This could bode well for those of us who prefer keeping Sarah around as a laughingstock, is all I’m sayin’.
[re=598835]JMP[/re]: I’m puzzled by the fact that the main stream media continually fails to report the conservatives are demented until long after it has become obvious to the rest of us. For example, it has not even been suggested as a cause for Palin’s evident inability to think coherently.
Please use this picture of SP from now on…daddy likey ta-ta’s!
Oh, and here’s a somewhat scary fact. The largest known solar storm occurred in 1859, not too long after we were first able to detect them. Luckily, the only technology affected at the time was the telegraph, but every one in the Americas stopped working. A similar storm today would probably temporarily kill power and communications across whichever hemisphere was facing the sun at the time, and scientists have no idea how often storms of that size occur.
This will go over well. She is a true child of the 80s, so I am betting a special visit to the tomb of Lady Di will be arranged. She will dress inappropriately, everywhere she goes, and the tabloids over there will come up with nicknames that would make the wonketteers blush, though I think the whole world should settle on “snowbilly grifter.”
Imagine the stimulating conversation between a poorly-educated, unread snowbilly grifter and an elderly woman addled by dementia. The mind boggles.
It’s still 1989 in Alaska.
Metaphorically.
If it really were, there would be no Track.
#secondchances
I shudder to think of what Thatcher looks like now.
[re=598835]JMP[/re]: I thought she was our revenge for Andrew Lloyd Webber.
“the Druid sun-deity plans to attack all of Earth with a mighty solar storm.” That is one wicked scary article, Josh. But how is the Sun getting stronger when all the other newspapers are fadin’ fast? Most likely thanks to its penetrating investigative journalism:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/2815514/Kylie-Minogue-admits-I-fancy-girls-too.html
[re=598872]Ducksworthy[/re]: Because Palin has never been able to think clearly. Of course, the same was true for Reagan since at least HUAC.
[re=598891]chaste everywhere[/re]: No; we already gave them Madonna in revenge for him.
The question is who could tell the difference between Maggies dementia and Palin’s normal state of “mind”?
No one.
Did Thatcher get a boob job? Enquiring minds want to know!
Sarah, remember when in London and riding the tubes, “mind the gaff”. Oh, and Sarah, riding the tubes is not some form of kinky brit sexual gratification.
[re=598880]Prommie[/re]: You are so good, and kind, and wise. We should think of you as the “Glinda” of Wonkette, not to be confused with “Glenda”, of “Glen or Glenda”, the Ed Wood film.
Of course, Glinda was the Good Witch of the South, and the south part might be a deal breaker.
I’m just trying to imagine what their conversation will be like. I mean, what does a person SAY to Margaret Thatcher in 2010, when meeting her for the first time? This is rich with comedic potential, people.
[re=598852]slappypaddy[/re]: Yay. An excuse to link to a photo of Jeremy Bentham, his body on display in a glass case, as dictated in his will.
Sarah should go visit him, I hear she likes a man with a head on his shoulders (and his real one on the floor).
[re=598867]bfstevie[/re]:
Post- boobjob pics.
[re=598867]bfstevie[/re]: That picture IS the boobjob rumor.
[re=598930]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: She doesn’t have to say a goddamnned thing, just show Maggie her new tits and, if enough shock and awe is in evidence, maybe the tramp-stamp on the small of her back. Not many folks know about da tat…
You can see France from there.
[re=598853]charlesdegoal[/re]: Argh, you are right, I forgot about this! Eh, I think that was in Hong Kong, aka “China’s England,” so, doesn’t count.
Since Palin is now a Conservative feminist, I’m sure that she wants to go see where the feminazies bombed Britland during the war to create Israel, because she loves Israel and such and stuff, you betcha. I heard her say that on the boob tube!
[re=598870]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Palin to have a public photo op with an outspoken person afflicted with dementia? What could possibly happen?
Oh YEAH! Like when your old great-aunt who you always suspected was racist goes senile, and loses her inhibitions and starts screaming about the black nurses stealing her stuff. Or when Ronnie was going demented as President and couldn’t answer the simplest question and Nancy had to cue him, “We’re doing everything we can.”
C’mon Maggie, give us a memorable moment. Push Sarah down a flight of stairs or something!
If she doesn’t speak before the Oxford Debating Society then there is no God.
Just becuase we elected Obama doesn’t mean still we can’t have ignorant jack asses sullying our reputation world wide.
And seriously, they are actual Tory MPs who like Sarah Palin? BSm I think even Albertans find her terrifying.
Not true. She hung out in Hawaii or about half a semester before she flunked out or whatever. And any good teabagger knows that Hawaii is not real America because Obama is from there. In fact Hawaii is really a foreign country now that we should not care about like we did for Pearl Harbour.
Maggie’s first words will be, “Nice rack! Where’d you get it?”
I hope she comes back w a fake accent.
[re=598870]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: That’s a long way to travel for a couple of pictures…I can’t wait for Ms. Grift to dress wrong for the occassion. She’ll either overdo it and be obsequious and phony or underplay it and look typically trashy. The clothes wear *her*, folks.
And this is before she even opens her mouth. I wonder if she’ll take in a play or something. [re=598930]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:
Seeing Maggie is just a side-trip from the real reason for her visit, the Spice girls reunion tour.
Maybe Palin will like England and run for Queen.
Maybe she’ll ask to see Pearl Harbor or the concentration camp they killed Christ in. Isn’t Elizabeth Taylor buried over ther? Todd wants to know.
I hope they get video of her schmoozing Maggie whilst sheep are butchered in the background.
If she dresses like she did for the Belmont Stakes, we’re talking international incident, folks.
Damien Thorne is Ambassador to London!
If the two of them meet, head for Carthax Abbey with holy water, immediately!
The British love royalty, so they will love our populist princess, our badlands Boadicea, our Celtic warrior queen, Sarah Palin.
[re=598831]stew[/re]: Please stop making me feel hated on my beloved Wonkette, I beseech you. Blame BP, blame the plutocrats but don’t hate the regular Limeys.
[re=598885]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: So Northern Exposure hasn’t even started yet?
[re=598898]JMP[/re]: They still have “Love, Actually” to make up for, though.
[re=599029]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: No mystery there — she added some $19.99 silicone falsies.
Chest Bumpits!
And the takeaway from this article? Margaret Thatcher is still alive.
[re=598870]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Well if the photo-op appears on page 2…
[re=599225]GreatRightHope[/re]: Exactly. I guess it was Mr. Thatcher who died a few years ago. Good to know. Do Palin’s handlers know who Thatcher is?
Mooselini visits an 84 year-old woman with Alzheimer’s? For a photo op? In front of the British press? Oh, this is going to be good. “Et Dona Ferentes” and all that, wot.
The first thing our Sarah will do is ask Mrs. Thatcher what it’s like to be queen. She will then wonder to herself, in full view of the cameras, why the English have such British accents. And then she will ask to be directed to the place where “Yankee Doodle rode the ponies.”
Hope SP meets Sir/ Ma’am Elton John to write a nice song about our Princess Dingbat.
I suspect any Royal Fuck-ups instigated by Our Sarah will meet with cries of, “Well, M’Chelle NObama did it first!!1!1!”, as soon as Rush works it into his spiel.
[re=599205]ShiningMathPath[/re]: So you’re saying it’s more of an overlay than an embed?
She’s already practicing her curtsy.
[re=599313]gaswhisperer[/re]: she’s not going to have surgery when she can bring out the Chest Bumpits as needed
just one word: plastics
[re=599325]gaswhisperer[/re]: In what respect, sir?
[re=599326]ShiningMathPath[/re]: or should it be: “Mrs. Palin, are you trying to seduce us?”
According to Margaret Thatcher’s daughter, on a bad day “her mother can ‘hardly remember the beginning of a sentence by the time she got to the end’.”
Heck, that’s still better than Palin on one of her good days.
[re=598852]slappypaddy[/re]: A chat with Jeremy Bentham, or merely a chat with Jeremy Bentham’s Head?
[re=599328]ShiningMathPath[/re]: Do you find me undesirable?
Palin, when she visits York, England- “This town is named after New York, right?”
With Sarah, Trig and the now demented Maggie, it’ll be like a round of Celebrity Jeopardy.
[re=599338]gaswhisperer[/re]: Oh no, Mrs. Palin. I think, I think you’re the most attractive of all my grandparents’ friends. I mean that.
[re=598833]thefrontpage[/re]: “Informed sources in the Palin camp” is an oxymoron.
[re=599169]Limeylizzie[/re]: Who could hate a country that gave the world Richard Thompson and Bryan Ferry?
Is there a sign up sheet to nail Bristol? When Tits MaGee is away…
The question is will the British tabloid press build her up before tearing her down, or just tear her down immediately?
America traded Gwyneth Paltrow for Heather Mills.
[re=599310]eyesfriedopen[/re]: I was thinking the same thing. Lawdy knows the rwnj forgot about Michelle-said-whitey feeling up the queen long ago, after they were scandalized by her wearing shorts in public.
I’d still hit it.
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