girl talk (about murdering the poor)

Angry Sun God To Stop Sarah Palin From Harassing Maggie Thatcher

THIS IS THE ACTUAL PIC THE BRITISH PAPER USED!  MUST CREDIT WONKETTE!Sarah Palin didn’t even have a passport before 2007, and the only non-America places she’s ever been to are Canada (“America del Norte”), Mexico (for body shots at Señor Frog’s), and U.S. military bases in Germany and Kuwait. Like many an American, she’s trying to slowly work her way up the ladder of exoticness, so why not start with the U.K., where they (sort of) speak English? And while there, why not meet England’s President, Margaret Thatcher?

Sarah Palin has been informed by her meddling lawyers that she cannot legally dig up Ronald Reagan’s corpse and make sweet photogenic love to it, so she is planning on doing the next best thing: have a photo op with ex-Prime Minister Thatcher, Reagan’s secret lover. Thatcher is supposedly up for it, but then again she is also demented.

Oh, and what about Britain’s actual leader, David Cameron, who just got elected by basically disavowing his party’s entire Thatcher legacy? It might be kind of awkward for him to figure out whether he ought to appear in public with a crazed dingbat that all the Brits hate, but fortunately Palin is a private citizen with no government job to speak of and therefore he’s under no obligation to talk to her. And anyway, an anonymous person in charge of arranging the visit said this about Palin’s handlers: “I’m not sure they know who David Cameron is.”

Still, the God of the Britons is not about to take this sacrilege lying down. Having already destroyed the upstart Hebrew messiah, the Druid sun-deity plans to attack all of Earth with a mighty solar storm. “Britain could face widespread power blackouts and be left without critical communication signals for long periods of time,” noted one reputable British newspaper. Avoid this fate and keep Palin and Thatcher away from each other AT ALL COSTS, we beg you, lobsterbacks! [Daily Mail]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

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80 comments

  1. thefrontpage

    Informed sources in the Palin camp confirmed today that if Palin is elected president, one of her first nominations would be Alvin Greene as Secretary of Defense. “He’s quite knowledgable about defense issues, and during his military career, not many people know it, but he was a strong, capable war hero. He knows defense issues very well, and he’d make a great Defense Secretary,” said Colin Powell.

  2. JMP

    To get the obvious out of the way, sending Palin to the Brits is our revenge for the BP spill. And we’re not taking her back.

    Like her buddy Reagan, when Thatcher became demented, how could anyone tell the difference?

  3. V572625694

    So when Maggie said to Ronnie, “Don’t go all wobbly, Ron,” what we’re they talking about again?

    Enjoy our Snowbilly, UK! She’s just like your public school twits: overprivileged and intellectually challenged. She does wear less tweed, though.

  4. Lazy Media

    If only there were some non-electronic means of navigating from place to place. Maybe based on a simple, 2D representation on a portable medium. And here’s a crazy thought – I know, this is nuts – what about NOT-smart phones, attached to the wall with a cord? You’d have to be out of touch for up to an hour at a stretch when traveling between places with phones, so I guess that would cause the end of civilization.

  5. charlesdegoal

    I thought she once went to Asia to speak at some business conference, didn’t she? Anyway, I suspect she wants to go over to the UK to offer her environmentalist-blamer services to BP. Complete whore. And stupid to boot.

  6. ella

    And anyway, an anonymous person in charge of arranging the visit said this about Palin’s handlers: “I’m not sure they know who David Cameron is.”

    I’d put money on it. Any currency you choose.

  7. bfstevie

    Is that picture pre-untrue-boobjob-rumor or post-untrue-boobjob-rumor?

    I’m not even into boobs, but based on that picture maybe she should be visiting the corpse of Benny Hill.

    [cue: Yakety Sax]

  8. RoscoePColtraine

    Palin to have a public photo op with an outspoken person afflicted with dementia? What could possibly happen?

    This could bode well for those of us who prefer keeping Sarah around as a laughingstock, is all I’m sayin’.

  9. Ducksworthy

    [re=598835]JMP[/re]: I’m puzzled by the fact that the main stream media continually fails to report the conservatives are demented until long after it has become obvious to the rest of us. For example, it has not even been suggested as a cause for Palin’s evident inability to think coherently.

  10. JMP

    Oh, and here’s a somewhat scary fact. The largest known solar storm occurred in 1859, not too long after we were first able to detect them. Luckily, the only technology affected at the time was the telegraph, but every one in the Americas stopped working. A similar storm today would probably temporarily kill power and communications across whichever hemisphere was facing the sun at the time, and scientists have no idea how often storms of that size occur.

  11. Prommie

    This will go over well. She is a true child of the 80s, so I am betting a special visit to the tomb of Lady Di will be arranged. She will dress inappropriately, everywhere she goes, and the tabloids over there will come up with nicknames that would make the wonketteers blush, though I think the whole world should settle on “snowbilly grifter.”

  12. Bordo

    Imagine the stimulating conversation between a poorly-educated, unread snowbilly grifter and an elderly woman addled by dementia. The mind boggles.

  13. Long Form Def Certificate

    It’s still 1989 in Alaska.

    Metaphorically.

    If it really were, there would be no Track.

    #secondchances

  14. JMP

    [re=598872]Ducksworthy[/re]: Because Palin has never been able to think clearly. Of course, the same was true for Reagan since at least HUAC.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    The question is who could tell the difference between Maggies dementia and Palin’s normal state of “mind”?

    No one.

  16. jus_wonderin

    Sarah, remember when in London and riding the tubes, “mind the gaff”. Oh, and Sarah, riding the tubes is not some form of kinky brit sexual gratification.

  17. bfstevie

    [re=598880]Prommie[/re]: You are so good, and kind, and wise. We should think of you as the “Glinda” of Wonkette, not to be confused with “Glenda”, of “Glen or Glenda”, the Ed Wood film.

    Of course, Glinda was the Good Witch of the South, and the south part might be a deal breaker.

  18. RoscoePColtraine

    I’m just trying to imagine what their conversation will be like. I mean, what does a person SAY to Margaret Thatcher in 2010, when meeting her for the first time? This is rich with comedic potential, people.

  19. Autoo

    [re=598852]slappypaddy[/re]: Yay. An excuse to link to a photo of Jeremy Bentham, his body on display in a glass case, as dictated in his will.

    Sarah should go visit him, I hear she likes a man with a head on his shoulders (and his real one on the floor).

  20. plowman

    [re=598930]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: She doesn’t have to say a goddamnned thing, just show Maggie her new tits and, if enough shock and awe is in evidence, maybe the tramp-stamp on the small of her back. Not many folks know about da tat…


  21. Post author
    Josh Fruhlinger

    [re=598853]charlesdegoal[/re]: Argh, you are right, I forgot about this! Eh, I think that was in Hong Kong, aka “China’s England,” so, doesn’t count.

  22. Okie Dokie Dog

    Since Palin is now a Conservative feminist, I’m sure that she wants to go see where the feminazies bombed Britland during the war to create Israel, because she loves Israel and such and stuff, you betcha. I heard her say that on the boob tube!

  23. Scaggsville guy

    [re=598870]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Palin to have a public photo op with an outspoken person afflicted with dementia? What could possibly happen?

    Oh YEAH! Like when your old great-aunt who you always suspected was racist goes senile, and loses her inhibitions and starts screaming about the black nurses stealing her stuff. Or when Ronnie was going demented as President and couldn’t answer the simplest question and Nancy had to cue him, “We’re doing everything we can.”

    C’mon Maggie, give us a memorable moment. Push Sarah down a flight of stairs or something!

  24. Manos: Hands of Fate

    Just becuase we elected Obama doesn’t mean still we can’t have ignorant jack asses sullying our reputation world wide.

    And seriously, they are actual Tory MPs who like Sarah Palin? BSm I think even Albertans find her terrifying.

  25. mustardman

    Not true. She hung out in Hawaii or about half a semester before she flunked out or whatever. And any good teabagger knows that Hawaii is not real America because Obama is from there. In fact Hawaii is really a foreign country now that we should not care about like we did for Pearl Harbour.

  26. you didn't ask, but

    I hope she comes back w a fake accent.

    [re=598870]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: That’s a long way to travel for a couple of pictures…I can’t wait for Ms. Grift to dress wrong for the occassion. She’ll either overdo it and be obsequious and phony or underplay it and look typically trashy. The clothes wear *her*, folks.

    And this is before she even opens her mouth. I wonder if she’ll take in a play or something. [re=598930]RoscoePColtraine[/re]:

  27. Jim89048

    Seeing Maggie is just a side-trip from the real reason for her visit, the Spice girls reunion tour.

  28. lumpenprole

    Maybe she’ll ask to see Pearl Harbor or the concentration camp they killed Christ in. Isn’t Elizabeth Taylor buried over ther? Todd wants to know.

  29. Elephants Gerald

    I hope they get video of her schmoozing Maggie whilst sheep are butchered in the background.

  30. Bordo

    If she dresses like she did for the Belmont Stakes, we’re talking international incident, folks.

  31. Geogre

    Damien Thorne is Ambassador to London!

    If the two of them meet, head for Carthax Abbey with holy water, immediately!

  32. RoscoeWild

    The British love royalty, so they will love our populist princess, our badlands Boadicea, our Celtic warrior queen, Sarah Palin.

  33. Limeylizzie

    [re=598831]stew[/re]: Please stop making me feel hated on my beloved Wonkette, I beseech you. Blame BP, blame the plutocrats but don’t hate the regular Limeys.

  34. chaste everywhere

    [re=598885]Long Form Def Certificate[/re]: So Northern Exposure hasn’t even started yet?

    [re=598898]JMP[/re]: They still have “Love, Actually” to make up for, though.

  35. ShiningMathPath

    [re=599029]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: No mystery there — she added some $19.99 silicone falsies.

    Chest Bumpits!

  36. oldguy

    [re=599225]GreatRightHope[/re]: Exactly. I guess it was Mr. Thatcher who died a few years ago. Good to know. Do Palin’s handlers know who Thatcher is?

  37. Zorg

    Mooselini visits an 84 year-old woman with Alzheimer’s? For a photo op? In front of the British press? Oh, this is going to be good. “Et Dona Ferentes” and all that, wot.

  38. Starrigavan

    The first thing our Sarah will do is ask Mrs. Thatcher what it’s like to be queen. She will then wonder to herself, in full view of the cameras, why the English have such British accents. And then she will ask to be directed to the place where “Yankee Doodle rode the ponies.”

  39. rocktonsammy

    Hope SP meets Sir/ Ma’am Elton John to write a nice song about our Princess Dingbat.

  40. eyesfriedopen

    I suspect any Royal Fuck-ups instigated by Our Sarah will meet with cries of, “Well, M’Chelle NObama did it first!!1!1!”, as soon as Rush works it into his spiel.

  41. gaswhisperer

    [re=599205]ShiningMathPath[/re]: So you’re saying it’s more of an overlay than an embed?

  42. ShiningMathPath

    [re=599313]gaswhisperer[/re]: she’s not going to have surgery when she can bring out the Chest Bumpits as needed

  43. ShiningMathPath

    [re=599326]ShiningMathPath[/re]: or should it be: “Mrs. Palin, are you trying to seduce us?”

  44. BobTheBuilder

    According to Margaret Thatcher’s daughter, on a bad day “her mother can ‘hardly remember the beginning of a sentence by the time she got to the end’.”

    Heck, that’s still better than Palin on one of her good days.

  45. babsinbuffalo

    [re=598852]slappypaddy[/re]: A chat with Jeremy Bentham, or merely a chat with Jeremy Bentham’s Head?

  46. S. Cullen Bonz

    Palin, when she visits York, England- “This town is named after New York, right?”

  47. Accordion-o-rama

    With Sarah, Trig and the now demented Maggie, it’ll be like a round of Celebrity Jeopardy.

  48. ShiningMathPath

    [re=599338]gaswhisperer[/re]: Oh no, Mrs. Palin. I think, I think you’re the most attractive of all my grandparents’ friends. I mean that.

  49. the problem child

    [re=598833]thefrontpage[/re]: “Informed sources in the Palin camp” is an oxymoron.

  50. Jukesgrrl

    [re=599169]Limeylizzie[/re]: Who could hate a country that gave the world Richard Thompson and Bryan Ferry?

  51. iwillsavethispatient

    The question is will the British tabloid press build her up before tearing her down, or just tear her down immediately?

  52. OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin

    [re=599310]eyesfriedopen[/re]: I was thinking the same thing. Lawdy knows the rwnj forgot about Michelle-said-whitey feeling up the queen long ago, after they were scandalized by her wearing shorts in public.

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