Today is Flag Day, when we celebrate the time Betsy Ross beat one of her slaves who was really good at graphic design until he came up with a flag that was suitable for a young, self-important nation. And we also commemorate that one time when Teddy Roosevelt beat up a guy who was blowing into a handkerchief that sort of looked like an American Flag. So how does one properly observe Flag Day?
According to experts, take the number of flags you usually fly and multiply that by two, then add three flags. If you usually wear a flag pin or t-shirt, keep doing that, but if you don’t, you have to find somebody who hasn’t sung “The Star-Spangled Banner” today and beat them up for disrespecting the flag on its special day. Here is how to display the flag with dignity:
1. Get an Army flag, too, from Big Lots or whatever. Israel flags are fine, too.
2. Throw the flag over the bar stool — the one covered in baby vomit and cheeto dust — and just lean on the American Flag, like a slob.
3. Wear pantyhose while jogging, for some reason.
4. If the flag touches the carpet, ticks could get on it. That’s not allowed according to the Constitution.
{ 96 comments }
Our freedom will never be safe until we have a constitutional amendment banning flag desecration. Or burning.
And lookit Sarah-McTeenyBoobs there! How old is that pic?
Hang Old Glory in your daughters window, to stop that pervert McGinnis peering in.
She’s a Yankee Doodle Dandy…
5) Propose a Constitutional Amendment that would specifically limit the First Amendment and ban one certain form of political speech.
6) Disingenuously claim that all who vote against the Amendment must hate the flag.
7) Profit.
How ’bout American flag pasties on her fake titties?
“What am I going to wear so that nobody will look in an area that I don’t need them to look at?”
There is nothing you can do. We love your areas, Sarah !
I love Palin Photo Hunt!
Item #1 is a service flag, denoting a member of the family is currently serving. The blue star is replaced with a gold one if that individual dies.
I never noticed the flag in that picture before. Perhaps it’s because I was trying to puzzle out if she was wearing hose, or if they photo-shopped in a low-qual set of manikin legs.
Also:
5. Strike a pose that draws attention towards your hips/crotchal region instead of the flag. Old Glory is camera shy.
I like this new Jack Stuef and salute him on flag day.
Oh, and pantyhose are not appropriate, ever, not even while sitting in an office. You could bake bread in there, if you get my drift. And shiny ones? Trashy!
Looks like a fucking barber pole. Betsy Ross had the worst graphic design slaves in the world.
She poses like kindof a tard. This is what I imagine the contestants in a special olympics beauty pageant pose like.
5. It wouldn’t hurt to be holding a fucking Bible, Voodoo Queen!!!
[re=598215]V572625694[/re]: Or, you know, have someone else make the same point as me, but faster.
i give her new tits 50 stars. but only 13 for the old ones.
Though she looks like the narcissist she is, the flag on the window is a service flag.
It deserves respect, as does her kid for doing his job while enlisted. Maybe your point #1 deserves a little less snark. You don’t get these at Big Lots. There’s too many gold star ones out there.
Her displaying it in this photo is cheesy, though — kind of like her kid’s service, like everything else in her universe, is all about her.
“for some reason”
That reason be cottage cheese thighs, if you seen the Hawaii pics.
[re=598227]freakishlystrong[/re]: Shiny = Hooter’s waitress.
That’s nice and all, and the flag is an important symbol, but the holiday I’m really gearing up for is Constitution Day, when we celebrate the actual bedrock of our laws and their Enlightenment humanist values that ensure, for instance, separation of church and state, free speech — wait, what? There isn’t a day to celebrate the Constitution, but just a day to fetishize its outward symbol and other forms of empty nationalism?
Well fuck it, then — Bloomsday is only two days away, so if I start drinking right now I might be ready.
Needz moar hooters.
Shouldn’t you be texting something about the flag too? I mean, people need to know this stuff!
…
3. Wear pantyhose while jogging, for some reason. …
I’ve gotta wear pantyhose? Or the terrorists win? Geeze louise, it’s summer. Will it stop teh soshallism?
[re=598239]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Constitution day is Sept. 17.
That hairdo makes her look as if she just got off the bus from Graceland.
it’s the most beautiful flag i’ve ever seen. too bad it has to decorate the coffins of so many young people.
Geee, she looks kinda flat.
As ‘she’ wrote on her Facebook page earlier today:
Shoot, I must have lived such a doggoned sheltered life as a normal, independent American up there in the Last Frontier, schooled with only public education and a lowly state university degree, because obviously I haven’t learned enough to dismiss common sense (a prerequisite for power in Washington these days).
…
We must understand the imperative nature of energy security, along with America’s life and death need to secure our borders. Baby, this is why I won’t sit down and shut up about the need to drill.
Why doesn’t that golden retriever have a gun under its arm? Is it a fag?
[re=598243]pondscum[/re]: Crap, am I going to have to look things up before I make half-assed statements now? Oh, why not. And gee, after a moment of research, it appears we’ve been celebrating our Constitution in this manner for all of five years. At least it’s pre-teabaggers.
And I’m still going to be getting ready for Bloomsday.
Not to be pedantic, (well, actually, yes, I’m going to be pedantic, so deal with it), Betsy Ross was raised Quaker (until she was expelled because she eloped outside the faith), and buried as a Quaker, even though she was an Episcopal in-between, so it’s kinda unlikely that she beat her slaves. Quakers, particularly in Pennsylvania, weren’t really huge fans of people beating their slaves. Or, for that matter, having slaves, either.
Of course, Quakers also didn’t like Pledges of Allegiance, either, so whatever, screw them. And by extension, Betsy Ross.
Who is this Jack Stuef fellow and why is he writing headlines that make me not miss Jim?
And sorry, progressiveone: when Sarahslut uses the developmentally disabled baby, the unwed mother daughter, the under 18 daughter (see her pretend outrage over Letterman confusing the two) and her son in the service for political points, they enter the snark zone. You can’t claim your son’s military service is sacrosanct when you use it as political product placement in your photo shoots.
Here’s an idea for everyone, including Sarah: Let’s just everyone keep our family business private, the way decent people do. Except for it’s okay for me to complain when the old man kicks me off the computer so he can surf porn.
Is that Joe McGinnis’s breath fogging up the glass behind her?
Can someone please explain what is remotely attractive about this sneering, ignorant, self-absorbed cow? Her pussy must smell like four-day old haddock if she is wearing panty hose under shorts and standing under hot lights.Also.
Fifty sparkling whore-diamond stars against a blue background for that graphic. And I wager many quatloos on the newcomer.
[re=598278]Limeylizzie[/re]: Absolutely nothing. But the wignuts like to pretend any conservative women are physically attractive, even when they objectively are not (see also: Coulter, Bachmann, Ingram), while they make sexist jokes about Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi for looking like women in their 60s.
[re=598235]progressiveone[/re]: Oh for fuck’s sake did the Libtard shuttle make an unannounced stop at Wonkette?
[re=598278]Limeylizzie[/re]: * golf clap *
[re=598278]Limeylizzie[/re]: *Golf Clap 2*
(And meee-yow, also?)
Sarah Palin doesn’t wrap herself in the flag.
She has the flag vacuum packed around her entire body each night before she goes to sleep (and after taking a last look off her deck at Russia).
I tells ya – with a flag-girdle, you can eliminate any spread resulting from poppin’ out them babies.
You might not agree with me, but even though Sarah Palin is completely dishonoring and disrespecting the most important symbol of our nation that hundreds of thousands of young Men and Women fought and died for, I believe they sacrificed their lives with the belief that people like Sarah Palin should have the freedom to express, no matter how reprehensible and Un-American it is, their opinions freely.
Beaver Flag Hunt.BeaverFlag Hunt. (Stupid HTML.)palinpalinpalinpalinpalinpalinpalinpalinpalin
Gold Starr Moms is an organization of Mothers whose sons have been banned from Wonkette and/or Redstate. They gave so you don’t have to.
“And sorry, progressiveone: when Sarahslut uses the developmentally disabled baby, the unwed mother daughter, the under 18 daughter (see her pretend outrage over Letterman confusing the two) and her son in the service for political points, they enter the snark zone.”
“She” enters the snark zone, not “they”. She’s been in the snark zone since she saw Russia from her porch, and became a traveling grifter for the right wing. But her kid’s service, her baby and her other children should be left alone. Attacking her kids lowers the attacker to the level of Beck.
Cheers….
[re=598273]DustBowlBlues[/re]:
The Britsh were more Merican than PalinBoobies at the World Cup Game against the USA. They kept singing “My Country Tis of Thee” but they got the words all wrong.
Still, it was a nice gesture.
this photo of palin, less the editorial additions, should be made the centerpiece of the campaign to remind the american people of what a careless, grasping, shallow pretender she really is. no one who understands what the national flag means, its history, its symbolism, and its care and treatment, would have tolerated for a moment seeing it tossed carelessly over a stool while being told to pose provocatively next to it, while leaning an elbow on it. even burning it in protest is not near as disrespectful as what this whore is doing here in this picture.
i’m serious, peeps. if this person should think to raise her slatternly head in pursuit of political office ever again, this photo needs to be brought to the constant attention of the public. i cannot believe what this so-called patriot, this filthy whore, is doing.
(she struck a nerve in me. i was the commander of my rotc battalion’s color guard, and she has struck a nerve.)
Too bad this picture wasn’t taken with her new “troops”. That would have been patriotic-y and also.
[re=598315]progressiveone[/re]: But no one here is making fun of her kids, just the way Sarah herself milks them for sympathy. And since Bristol has became a famewhore herself, she’s kind of fair game; the others, not so much.
The flag is splayed across the breakfast bar because Sarah eats one American flag each day for breakfast, two on Sundays. It’s quite nutritious.
Coincidentally, I just put up a flag I bought at the grocery store before reading this post. My old flag pole (used for old-people, gay, goldfish and/or autumn leaf banners) had rotted in two, so I jumped at the chance to get a new one PLUS a very cheap, made-in-China U.S. flag. That’s up now, since it’s neither goldfish nor autumn leaf day.
Needs moar inflatable, push-up Confederate flag bra.
[re=598319]Oblios Cap[/re]: I appreciated their gesture, too, [re=598315]progressiveone[/re]:
Hey, Ken: Weigh in on this one for me, will ya’? You’re way harsher than I could ever be.
[re=598319]Oblios Cap[/re]: Sorry, got distracted. I noticed that, whatever the fuck they were singing, the players didn’t seem to know the words. Fuck it–I can sing the first verse of God Save the Queen better than those soccertards.
I should point out that ticks can climb and jump, so that flag is by no means safe. On the other hand, the legs are, what with that armor-all brand pantyhose.
The conclusion is clear – keep your flag wrapped up in pantyhose. It’s the only way to be sure.
[re=598315]progressiveone[/re]: Where’s my retard baby?
True or not, it’s funny either way.
And may I add that I had forgotten how enjoyable it is to waste my afternoon with the wonkeratti rather than getting anything productive done?
I’m the Martha Stewart of the Dust Bowl, because I live out here in the country and decorate for holidays, anyway, though no one much sees it. On Independence Day (for ‘tards: that’s the Fourth of July) l used to fasten a lovely red, white and blue ribbon streamer to the hook on the front door I use for wreaths. The Support our Troops gang ruined it for me. As soon as a winger decorated for a church dinner with red, white and blue, including angels waving American flags, I was finished.
Or maybe it was when I questioned the motives for invading Iraq just days after it happened, and was accused of “not supporting the troops,” just because I didn’t believe in sending men and woman into a war zone for an absolutely bizarre ideology (see Paul Wolfowitz and Richard Perle) and, of course, oil.
Whoops–I’ve veered into the serious zone. Blame it on progressiveone.
Escape Goat Nation, I respectfully disagree with you. I didn’t serve my country to protect the right of people like her run the sonofabitch in the ground. Sorry, there are just limits to what I will put my life on the line for. also.
[re=598357]DustBowlBlues[/re]: They ruined it for me, too. I used to be that guy at work who would get there early and fly the flag. All the patriotards and their Chinese flags and ribbons put me in a foul mood, so I quit doing it. Except for when ronnie reagan died. I was instructed by HQ to lower the flag to half-mast. Since the flag was still folded in my office, I couldn’t exactly comply. So I took it out and ran it smartly up the pole, and left it high. All week.
I protest in my own small ways…
That picture is proof positive that the new ones just grew.
[re=598354]Mahousu[/re]: Reminds me of a particularly humorous bit of bathroom philosophy that I enjoyed whilst relieving myself in the restroom of an Anchorage exotic dancing establishment during the halcyon days of my misspent youth.
“It does no good standing on the seat, Alaskan King Crabs can jump 20 feet.”
I LOL’d.
[re=598338]Lazy Media[/re]: How many days until Goldfish day? Do I have time to find or make my own flag?
[re=598366]Jim89048[/re]: …and nobody noticed, did they?
“Israel flags are fine, too.” You passed the audition, Mr. Stuef.
[re=598239]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Bloomsday! “… yes I said yes I will Yes.”
[re=598315]progressiveone[/re]: So, we can’t mention those she cynically and hypocritically exploits without it being a direct attack on said victims? Fuck all. So, we can’t bring up Jews during Hitler mockery (argument ends here…flame on) without being holocaust deniers or some such shit? Fuck you for killing humor.
[re=598284]JMP[/re]: “any conservative women” and “Coulter” does not compute in the same sentence. Unless there is an intervening/interposing negative.
Please do not make this mistake again.
Hardball just showed Richard Engle covering a fire fight in Afghanistan. I am not a good American, because instead of feeling all support-our-troopsy, I thought: Leave! Get out of there. It’s a bull shit war for a bull shit cause and not worth anyone getting shot at by guns. Very big guns.
Sarah would be so disappointed in my unpatriotic views. I want a new bumper sticker. Support our troops. End the wars.
[re=598315]progressiveone[/re]: I think that when Bristol started taking large sums of money for nothing more than being an unwed mother and the daughter of Sarah- she also is a target. Not for being unwed(not a problem for me- waybetter than being force married to that creepy Levi)but for becoming a publicity whore -and therefore no more immune to criticism than anyone else in the media
Okay, so Sully is terrible, but he at least pointed me to this hilarious quote of Sarah Palin, from that terrible Greta interview:
“What am I going to wear so that nobody will look in an area that I don’t need them to look at?”
UR DOING IT WRONG
[re=598379]Snarkalicious[/re]: I’d asked for Ken to weigh in on my side in this, but you did just as well. Ken probably is reluctant to butt in on the new guy’s turf.
I like the alt-texts, but is the new guy ginger-haired?
[re=598307]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: absofuckinloutly!!! But that also means WE have the freedom to point out that “this sneering, ignorant, self-absorbed cow” (thanks [re=598278]Limeylizzie[/re])is just that.
[re=598313]Hemp Dogbane[/re]: Is Kenneth Starr’s Mom handing out gold stars? Many Bothans died to bring us that information, you know.
[re=598383]finallyhappy[/re]: And I also think that, if poor baby Trigger had his druthers, he wouldn’t be dragged out all hours of the night to flop around in his mother’s arms, just to show off her look-I-didn’t-abort-this-retard for political points. Not to mention the cruelty of naming him after Roy Rogers’ horse. That is just cruel.
[re=598386]DustBowlBlues[/re]: On reflection, I should have gone with the phrase ‘unwitting donkeys in the sideshow to her personal vanity carnival’, but since I was apparently stomping around in the garden to begin with, I’ll toss it in here.
Hi. John Wayne’s Impacted Feces here, but you can call me The Dukey. On this auspicious day, I’d like to remind you that John Wayne never wiped his ass on the American Flag. Well, apparently he never took a shit at all, judging from my volume. But that’s besides the point. The point is that millions of American men and women have given their lives so that selfish indigenous peoples could not hoard the natural resources that they are too backward to use themselves. Out there, due process is a BULLET.
Thank you, and God bless America.
I celebrate Flag Day by flying the holiday colors my husband stole from his ship while he was in the Navy. It’s the way “Real America” celebrates.
PS With Wal-Marts and anus burgers for all. Amen.
[re=598375]Jukesgrrl[/re]: You get right to the good stuff — I like that.
[re=598321]slappypaddy[/re]: Our boys died on Okinawa, in the Argonne Forest, on Rommel, on Blitzen, at Midway, at Bally, at Stern, and at Montezuma’s Revenge, so that she could have the freedom to put a flag on her barstool and jog in pantyhose.
[re=598355]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Funny — she is certainly the classic grifter.
I hear your points about Palin, and I have no use for her. She’s a narcissistic “user” of everyone around her.
But my only point is that the blue star flag has more meaning than the “Big Lots” crack, to about 5000 mothers who’ve seen the blue star become a gold one over the last eight years. I think that particular banner deserves more respect, for that reason.
Also, even as a progressive who thinks the Iraq war was a neocon-driven disaster, I have the highest respect for the grunts on the ground who do their jobs every day in that shithole.
Maybe that makes Palin worse — she not only demeans the US flag (expected), but demeans the blue star banner as well by making sure its visible. “Wait, let’s get this in some of the shots”.
But you don’t get them at Big Lots. Maybe the writer will remember that point in the future.
She’s wearing Communist jogging shoes. Why does she hate America?
I’m fully in favor of any Constitutional amendment pandering to the flag, as long as it includes provisions outlawing:
- All clothing made to resemble the flag (shirts, underwear, swimsuits, doo-rags, teabagger costumes etc., etc.)
- All tsotchkes combining the flag with Jesus, angels, Santa Claus, fat babies, etc. (aka The [re=598394]DustBowlBlues[/re]: Clause
- All sporting goods with the flag plastered on (see NASCAR and the Olympics)
- People literally wrapping themselves in a flag (esp. strippers, beauty pageant contestants, oiled up sports stars, and anyone named Palin).
I have a suspicion that isn’t what they have in mind … it pretty obvious the flag is only desecrated when it’s in the hands of someone they don’t like. But how are they going to tailor their bill to make that work? Will we use names? Bombshell McGee can put flag pasties on her nipples, but Billie Joe Armstrong can’t sew a flag on the seat of his jeans?
It pains me to say it, but I still want to fuck her.
[re=598422]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Joyce knew instinctively to end with the money shot, he just didn’t know that’s what it was called. He should’ve stuck around awhile and made some money in Hollywood.
[re=598449]snideinplainsight[/re]: Surely you remember, when those boys died on Rommel that he picked himself up with typical German aplomb and dusted off his calf-length leather jacket with disdain. He gazed into his binoculars and changed the course of the war. Are you trying to say that American soldiers had no effect? Eisenhower would disagree with you.
[re=598235]progressiveone[/re]: [re=598315]progressiveone[/re]: [re=598454]progressiveone[/re]:
Hey, progressiveone? Just a little note to let you know that I will never, ever do what you want. No amount of your wispy influence or subtle coercion will make me consider Sarah Palin or the children she purposely made into celebrities and public figures exempt from parody. I will parody them all I want, all day every day, here on Wonkette and everywhere else I please, until they are not in the public eye anymore. If you don’t like it, you can either skip my posts, or go back to the “pooties and woozles” diaries on DailyKos.
And on point 2, regarding the availability of certain flags at Big Lots? I have seen Army/Navy merchandise at Big Lots, so you are wrong. As far as I know, their business model is still based on overstock and closeouts, so the merchandise inventory of each and every independently owned Big Lots can be wildly different. Overall, your outrage towards the editors and commenters here over a military symbol being offered for sale at a retail establishment seems very misguided.
[re=598461]President Beeblebrox[/re]: In which area?
[re=598247]ella[/re]: or the set of Hee Haw.
[re=598459]Jukesgrrl[/re]: “Billie Joe Armstrong can’t sew a flag on the seat of his jeans?
When we did that in the sixties, people like Sarah Palin wanted to put us in jail.
I walked through the family room one night and my husband and daughter were staring at the teevee screen. I stopped to see what they were looking at since both of them were wide-eyed and their mouths were hanging open.
Some ‘Billy on RFDTV was singing a song he composed himself, about dreaming he saw Jesus last night and he was waving Old Glory. I joined them on the sofa and the three of us stared, unbelieving, at the screen.
These sumbitches are gonna’ face Jesus some day and they’re going to have a lot of ‘splainin’ to do.
Does Flag Day have Johnny Appleseed? Nosireebob! Arbor Day, FTW.
so i think i said this 18 bazillion-ty months ago whenever that stupid ‘sarah palin is a runner – in panty hose’ showed up on a runner’s world cover but it bears repeating:
sexy right wing icon has REALLY stumpy legs for a ‘runner’.
bitch needs some hollywood help – like for her boobs.
What is she holding in her hand? A primitive cellphone? A TI calculator from 1978? A pedometer to measure the GOP pedophiles trolling for her children?
But let’s keep her children out of it until she needs them for another photo-op.
JMP mentioned a flag-burning amendment to the Constitution. I really miss the days when Fundies spent their time on trifling concerns like that, instead of bitching about the government getting all up in their Medicare that they want to throw on the scrap-heap anyway. Someone should goad a Republican congressman or senator into proposing an anti-flag-burning amendment again, and perhaps a Democrat with a sense of humor, thinking Alan Grayson or Anthony Weiner, could tack on “Apple Pie” and “Mom” to the list of proscribed items not to be burned. Make the GOP squirm as their own amendment is made a mockery. What are they? FOR burning “apple pie” or “Mom”?
Happy flag day anyhow, and as well him as another, yes, I said, yes I will (rusty on the Joyce…)
[re=598454]progressiveone[/re]: Go back the way you came and take a left. DailyKos will be the giant hotbed of annoying earnestness right in front of you. Can’t miss it.
Fuck, I thought it was Love Day.
Better go take down those animatronic bears instrumentalizing the Captain and Tenielle…
[re=598521]MilwaukeeKent[/re]: Burning apple pie should be a crime.
I’m so ashamed. I went to my hometown’s Fourth of July parade as Betsy Ross, because it was the Bicentennial, and cheap patterns of our foremother’s everyday garb were freely available.
I whined to my desperately poor single mother to buy me the yardage to make the schmatte and promise to cut it off into a blouse–and wear it. I made the apron and goofy hat out of old bedsheets. Let’s not forget foraging the in-house fabric stores to make a half-finished flag.
And for what?! What, I ask you?!
Comments on this entry are closed.