LIGHTEN UP FRANCIS  9:23 am June 14, 2010

Angry Dingbat Yells At Long-Dead Historical Figures

by Ken Layne

Meet Rick Barber, your patriotic candidate for Congress from Alabama’s (we don’t know) district. He closed down the honky tonk again, and now he’s yelling at the demons of his imagination: Brewer-Patriot Sam Adams, socialist Parisian Benjamin Franklin and liberty-crushing whiskey-taxer George Washington. And he irritated these ghosts so much that Washington’s gonna crawl out of the grave and order another government raid on the teabaggers who don’t want to pay their booze taxes!

Dave Weigel analyzes Rick Barber’s paranoid rant that was actually delivered to an empty longneck after last call:

He appeals to Washington as the owner of a distillery who “knows how tough it is to run a small business without a tyrannical government on your back.” But President Washington presided over, and approved, the first tax levied by the federal government — the 1791 whiskey tax. When the tax met resistance, he approved the assembling of militias to enforce the law and mobilization of agents to collect the revenue. So the Barber daydream of Washington angrily ordering a “gathering of armies” to oppose a tax is… well, entertaining, I guess.

So the ghost of George Washington is going to crush Rick Barber? Good! Because even Rick Barber knows that the U.S. must crush terrorists within its borders! And that’s why this small-government teabagger is going to, uh, stomp the fuckin’ Mooslims when they try to open a mosque in Manhattan. Did you know 9/11 happened in Manhattan (and two other places)?

Lighten up, Francis. And take your meds before the veins burst right out of your forehead. [Washington Post]

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pirate king of the Jews June 14, 2010 at 9:33 am

My name’s Rick Barber and I’m angry. If your angry too you should vote for me so I can go to Washington and yell at real politicians instead of bad actors in crappy costumes, oh and A-rabs.
My name’s Rick Barber and I approve this tirade.

V572625694 June 14, 2010 at 9:35 am

Weigel better watch it — he’s making too much sense to be a Libertarian much longer.

Cicada June 14, 2010 at 9:36 am

“And I would impeach him!”

They’re going to try this, aren’t they? They’re going to pull Ken Starr out of his dank hidey-hole and set him loose on some bullshit investigation in the middle of a world wide financial crisis and two wars.


Geogre June 14, 2010 at 9:36 am

Now this is the kind of baggot candidate I like: a Doofus magnet. Basically, press his name on the touch screen, and your finger turns purple (we’ll say that’s a combination of red, white, and blue).

Special pleading for the special ed.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 9:39 am

Damn, that dude’s crazy; and you didn’t even mention the promise to impeach, presumably Obama. Ugh; the teabaggers don’t realize the Constitution specifies “high crimes and misdemeanors” as reason for impeachment, and Obama has not committed any crimes.

Of course, they previously used a blowjob as an excuse to impeach a Democratic President, and if the Reps do take over Congress I wouldn’t be surprised if some pull some excuse for another bullshit impeachment out of their asses.

Katydid June 14, 2010 at 9:40 am

Um, the IRS can’t raise taxes, only the representative Congress can. Nice hats, though.

V572625694 June 14, 2010 at 9:40 am

Rick’s Web site bio is pretty entertaining. This Marine Corps veteran was a combat data processor in the dangerous realm known as “Okinawa.” Now he runs a billiard parlor.

Terry June 14, 2010 at 9:41 am

You know, the area around the field in Pennsylvania where one of the 9/11 planes crashed has a pretty depressed economy. I think that the folks in that area should announce that an Al-Quaida training camp is being built right on the field. Make sure all the tea bagger websites know about it. Then, post a few well placed suggestions on the web about long term protests at the site. This would bring in tea baggers from all over, hopefully. They’d have to either stay in hotels or park their RV’s in parks and campground. They’d have to eat in restaurants or buy groceries locally.

It would be an economic short term boom for the area.

Lazy Media June 14, 2010 at 9:41 am

Better watch your ass, Rick Barber. You wake Washington, he’ll kick you apart.

hockeymom June 14, 2010 at 9:44 am

I will be shocked, simply shocked if we find out that Rick turns out to be fairly angry/violent in his personal life, as well.

Cicada June 14, 2010 at 9:45 am

[re=597845]Katydid[/re]: ‘Bagger nation knows that the IRS raises taxes and wants to take our guns away. Don’t try and tell ‘em different.

4tehlulz June 14, 2010 at 9:49 am

[re=597846]V572625694[/re]: That’s in Far East Afghanistan, I think.

Katydid June 14, 2010 at 9:49 am

[re=597852]Cicada[/re]: Does Alabama want a Congressman who doesn’t know how Congress works? Don’t answer that.

Ted Kennedy Breakdancing June 14, 2010 at 9:50 am

Look at :53 of the Ground Zero Video.

Microphone in the shot you fucking lunatic.

Don’t these teabagging assholes know how to tape something twice? Jesus Christ, now I’m going to be pissed off all day.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 9:50 am

[re=597845]Katydid[/re]: I like that reporting your income is “spying on yourself” and audits are horribly malicious; I guess the IRS should just trust that no-one would ever lie on their tax returns.

You’d think this nut would be too crazy to win, but this is Alabama. Still, I do want to thank the teabaggers for the slew of candidates who will have a much harder time in their general elections than sane Republicans would; Harry Reid in particular must be thankful for them.

Egregious June 14, 2010 at 9:52 am

Jebus! Even with the sound off (couldn’t bring myself to actually listen to him), it seems as if Ricky is about one Koranic verse away from an aneurysm…in which case:

“57:1 All that is in heaven and earth gives glory to Allah. He is the Mighty, the Wise One.”

Katydid June 14, 2010 at 9:54 am

I could be wrong, but I think I read it’s not a mosque near the WTC site, it’s an Islamic community center. And that there was no good reason to deny the petition. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, it’s the propaganda and demagoguery that counts.

CthuNHu June 14, 2010 at 9:54 am

OMG, Nobama called 9/11 “a man-made disaster”?


Katydid June 14, 2010 at 9:56 am

[re=597861]Egregious[/re]: Then you missed the best part (I’m paraphrasing): Islams means surrender! dah-da-da-dah

It actually translates as submission to God, which the baggers love, esp. for women. No, wait, the women submit to the husband, the husband submits to God. But the proper God. Ah, I get it now.

Geogre June 14, 2010 at 9:56 am

His expression, when he wrinkles up his face into a rictus of wrath, is a clear imitation. I would be four quatloos that we find several Henry Rollins videos in the shoebox under his bed.

What’s most amusing is the split-second jump from, “Ok, are you ready” to “I hate! I’m mad! Bag smash!” facial expression. He has to put his pouty face on, mainly by trying to get his eyes to invade the sovereignty of his nose.

Prommie June 14, 2010 at 9:57 am

They want their country back, these baggers; I know this because a bumper sticker told me so. Who do they want it back from? The black man who stole it.

Katydid June 14, 2010 at 9:58 am

[re=597863]CthuNHu[/re]: Well, if it’s not a man-made disaster, then God did it. Which must mean God’s not on our side, so we’re fucked. But God is on our side, so it must be a man-made disaster. But Obummer said it’s a man-made disaster, so it can’t be. But if it’s not a man-made disaster, then God isn’t….oh, this political thinking is hard. Better just get all shouty.

Can O Whoopass June 14, 2010 at 9:58 am

Y’all should git oot yer “Morans” sine at yer Teabagger rallies, Doofus McBarber!

Saint Reagan needs yer help, right now…,14385/

JamesMichaelCurley June 14, 2010 at 10:00 am

His incumbent opponent is first Democrat Bobby Bright, who beat Republican Jay Love in 2008 by less than 2000 votes. this was the first time the district elected a Democrat in decades. Bobby Bright was not registered as a Democrat before the primary as he was Mayor of Montgomery which holds non-partisan elections.

All in all, sounds like fertile ground for a wing nut tea bagger to stomp some liberal az.

Senile Agitation June 14, 2010 at 10:01 am

Gentlemen, start your armies! You know what it’s like to try to make or sell drunky juice without a tyrannical government on your back! It’s wicked hard. Thanks goodness we have one right here, and it’s run by a Negro. George, didn’t you used to boss a bunch of blackies? I say bring back the day! This time travel is so cool!

V572625694 June 14, 2010 at 10:03 am

[re=597860]JMP[/re]: I’m guessing that Rick had a few IRS problems with his original computer repair bidness before he sold out, like maybe gaming the employee withholding. Dirty bastards at the IRS no likey when you do dat.

weejee June 14, 2010 at 10:04 am

Rick Barber needs to go to Afghanistan and get him some lithiums.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 10:05 am

[re=597861]Egregious[/re]: Oh, it’s the typical explosion of big-time bigotry, claiming we’re at war with “Islamic Jihad,” every Muslim everywhere is responsible for the acts of 19 individuals, and to treat Muslim Americans like actual human being with rights is surrender.

dex June 14, 2010 at 10:06 am

“their only drive is for the taxes which sustain them. we must not be lulled by the concept that these are our founding fathers or our friends. they will not respond to such emotions. they must be. destroyed. on. sight!”

dr.giraud June 14, 2010 at 10:06 am

[re=597846]V572625694[/re]: Huh. Why do I think that this ex-Marine could be the poster boy for why the Okinawans want that US base moved, hmm?

JMP June 14, 2010 at 10:06 am

[re=597863]CthuNHu[/re]: Well, for the Republicans 9/11 was not a man-made disaster; it was a man-made opportunity.

Can O Whoopass June 14, 2010 at 10:06 am

“Nobama” called 9/11, BP ans da Teabaggers “man-made disasters”?

LYNCH HIM NOW, y’all!!

lizzieborden June 14, 2010 at 10:12 am

At first I was wondering why Red from “That 70′s Show” was in politics. But this guy, while he has the anger, doesn’t seem all that threatening.

freakishlystrong June 14, 2010 at 10:13 am

Ok, add “tyranny” to the list of words I hate in 2009-10. Just behind “Patriots”. Number one has gotta be “Conservative” especially when used with “values”.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 10:14 am

[re=597872]V572625694[/re]: Why does the IRS so maliciously prosecute the proud American tax cheats?

Escape Goat Nation June 14, 2010 at 10:14 am

From his MySpaceBook

About Me:

“Rick is a product of the South. He spent his childhood in Arlington, Texas in a modest home with a Christian upbringing.”

engulfedinflames June 14, 2010 at 10:15 am

[re=597856]4tehlulz[/re]: Where are the democrat (socialist) operatives spreading fear and disinformation when we need them?

Enough of this logic and reason, time to play their game. Forward! with rumors and stupidity.

libwakman June 14, 2010 at 10:19 am

Who DARES to erect a place of worship that deifies anybody but Peace Luvin’ Jeebus H. Christonacross?

TGY June 14, 2010 at 10:24 am

These people know nothing of history, but then that’s common.

Lake Affected June 14, 2010 at 10:27 am

OMG Louis Gohmert + Michele Bachmann + this guy = best House EVAR.

WadISay June 14, 2010 at 10:29 am

Here is another Academy Award candidate in the revolutionary war genre for the movies in right wingers’ heads, from Dodge, no less:

pondscum June 14, 2010 at 10:30 am

WTF is up with Alabama this year? Serious political comedy this year.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 10:34 am

[re=597888]freakishlystrong[/re]: The Randroids ruined “freedom” a long time ago.

JMP June 14, 2010 at 10:41 am

[re=597905]TGY[/re]: Now, they know a lot about history; it’s just that everything they know is completely wrong.

el_chupacabra June 14, 2010 at 10:46 am

[re=597848]Lazy Media[/re]: gahhhh. beat me to it. now what am i gonna do with this pocketful of horses joke?

el_chupacabra June 14, 2010 at 10:46 am

*pocket full

smitallica June 14, 2010 at 11:01 am

“Yep, I would impeach him! Because I clearly have no idea when that is appropriate! And I didn’t vote for him! And he’s black! Also!!!!”

And some solace for Mr. Washington: Even with a tyrannical government, it probably gets a lot easier to run a business when you have a bunch of free, enslaved labor to pitch in.

Zadig June 14, 2010 at 11:03 am

[re=597847]Terry[/re]: Plus it creates jobs in the acting sector when you hire some locals to wear dirty robes, turbans, and fake beards and then go to the site in question and jabber unintelligibly in front of the enraged ‘baggers. You better believe there’s hazard pay.

notreallyhelping June 14, 2010 at 11:11 am

No doubt jerks off to vintage gun collecting magazines.

Dolmance June 14, 2010 at 11:14 am

Hey, that guy was on True Blood last night.

102415 June 14, 2010 at 11:23 am

[re=597848]Lazy Media[/re]: Thank you, because we can never forget the Fucking Father of our fucking country.

Dashboard_Buddha June 14, 2010 at 11:30 am

[re=597843]JMP[/re]: Being a negro on a sunny day is no longer a crime? How far we’ve come!

crapshooter102 June 14, 2010 at 11:32 am

Hey Ken I was on Okinawa for a short period of time and if that was my permanent duty station, I’d be pissed too. I mean you’re on a little Rock surrounded by Poisonous Sea Snakes and foreign looking people and the only good restaurant is on Kadena AFB. Seriously, if Alabamiams elect this guy I’m going to be pissed even worse than this jerk.

Dashboard_Buddha June 14, 2010 at 11:36 am

We really are becoming stupider…aren’t we?

JMP June 14, 2010 at 11:44 am

[re=597975]102415[/re]: No, the Fucking Father of our country was Ben Franklin; from Boston to Philly to London to Paris, he fucked every woman in sight.

Cmoney June 14, 2010 at 11:58 am

“Gather your armies.”

Hahahahaha! History is just whatever. Make it up, Rick, you have to cheat. The Obamunists force you to. It’s all good.

Okie Dokie Dog June 14, 2010 at 12:10 pm

I won’t take anything he says seriously until he shows me his boobies.

mamandesfilles June 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm

We got trouble! Right here in River City. That is a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool!

Mull_Man June 14, 2010 at 12:25 pm

[re=597846]V572625694[/re]: could that billiard parlor be in his pants?

13ollocks To The Rules June 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Fascinating – from his Facebook page, his Missus’ name is Lithia. Is that the feminine of “Lithium”? I guess getting home for a big ol’ dose of “Lithia” just doesn’t do the job like a big ol’ dose of Lithium would.

DemmeFatale June 14, 2010 at 12:44 pm

The stupid ol’ tea tax, TEA TAX, people!!!
(But I thought these guys took their tea VERY seriously.)

Noonan June 14, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Today, we are all Whoopi Goldberg.

From TPM comments on this clip:

Lefty bloggers don’t understand metaphor, allusion or poetic license. They are too busy watching “The View” and reading “Wonkette”. Mr. Barber wasted his breath.

GOPCrusher June 14, 2010 at 1:36 pm

[re=598114]Noonan[/re]: I don’t grasp the mindset of these people, threatening violence if they don’t get their way, and then fall back on the “the Left are doing all the violence” defense. This yahoo seems like just the type to park a cement truck full of diesel fuel and fertilizer outside a Federal building or crash a plane into an IRS building.

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Makes sense to me. Duzz it ta yew?

Jukesgrrl June 14, 2010 at 2:45 pm

[re=597907]Lake Affected[/re]: “OMG Louis Gohmert + Michele Bachmann + this guy = best House EVAR.”

You forgot Virginia Foxx and Marge Schmidt. Pre-teabag, but still fuckin nuts.

eekahil June 14, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Oh, JMP at 10:06 am, I think I just fell a little in love with you for that remark. *sighs*

eekahil June 14, 2010 at 3:01 pm

“He spent his childhood in Arlington, Texas in a modest home with a Christian upbringing.”

His house was upbringed Christian? Huh. I done heered of barn-raisin’ and roof’ raisin – heck; I even heered about Rum Raisin but I didn’t know them things had to do with Jeezism!

eekahil June 14, 2010 at 3:08 pm

vid 2 @ 1:04
“Ah won’t mince words…” . Which don’t mean he ain’t gonna mince at all, if ya feel me, just sayin, all good, don’t take this the wrong way &c.

Geogre June 14, 2010 at 3:17 pm

[re=598114]Noonan[/re]: Oh, no! I have to watch “The View?” Really? I’d rather watch a book. Right now it’s The Book of Five Rings and 1688: The Political Revolution. They’re both much, much more entertaining than watching “The View.”

He was brought up in a house with a Christian upbringing. The Christian upbringing was named Larry, but it left to join the clergy, and Rick never paid much attention to it anyway.

(A person can come from any sort of home and be any other sort of person, after all. Otherwise, the Calvinist conversion narrative makes no sense.)

Dashboard_Buddha June 14, 2010 at 4:01 pm

It almost sounds like Benthomas Jeffington is saying, “gather your armies…and leave us the fuck out of it”.

SnarkNotFark June 14, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Oh come on, this was just a clip from an upcoming remake of “The Shining.”



(Spoiler Alert: It’s ‘murder’ backwards)

Dashboard_Buddha June 14, 2010 at 7:42 pm

Where did Rick Barber hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

Lake Affected June 14, 2010 at 9:38 pm

You know, sometimes I talk to people who aren’t really there–they don’t sport powdered wigs, but that’s an easy fix. As soon as I master the bulging forehead vein and the tonic-clonic seizures, I think I might be ready for my own Congressional run.

PalinsAfterbirth June 14, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Alabama: If there was any more lead in the drinking water down there you could make bullets out it.

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