Future Perfect: Ayn Rand in the 21st Century

by Benjamin Frisch

I'm gonna call you ....
It’s the second exciting installment of our new Graphic Novel Comix Adventure, Ayn Rand’s Adventures In Wonderland. (Last week’s episode is here in case you missed it because you were too busy “Goin’ Galt.”)


Next Comic: Ayn’s vomiting continues.

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

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Troubledog June 14, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Is that Orly Taitz as Dagny Taggart? Oh, the irony.

Prommie June 14, 2010 at 12:09 pm

You seem to be implying that todays Randtards would disappoint Ayn Rand, that perhaps she had a good idea, thats been hijacked by tards? I hope not, but, why else would she puke? I hope not, as I say, because this is not true. She was a psychopathic fucktard, and thats why her narcissitic, delusional ravings attract the emotionally retarded, shallow autodidacts, college freshmen, and just plain fucking crazies.

ManchuCandidate June 14, 2010 at 12:09 pm


Look upon thy works Ayn, and weep (or vomit in this case.)

Baby who ate the Dingo June 14, 2010 at 12:10 pm

What is in the Hurl River? “Moose Turds and Beaver Bits” or maybe Goobers and Raisinettes. I can never remember, since I smoke so much libertarian pot.

CthuNHu June 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm

Last panel should’ve had “ROARK!!” as sound effect.

Also, exactly what is she roarking up there? Tiny Trucknutz?

freakishlystrong June 14, 2010 at 12:17 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: Besides being a massive asshole, she was also a huge advocate for abortion, which her slavish followers overlook.

Snarkalicious June 14, 2010 at 12:19 pm

Greenspan cocked up everything this badly because he has a puke fetish. 3.6 ‘Pulitzers’ to Benjamin Frisch, for Jurnalizmz/Nobel Peace.

SpenceRedux June 14, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Those teabaggers were entirely too skinny.

SayItWithWookies June 14, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Thank you for documenting Ayn’s heretofore unknown penchant for kidney beans. But would Alan Greenspan really associate with teabaggers? He might recognize them as a corruption of the Platonic ideal of a Randian, and at least useful for pointing government that way sometimes, but Greenspan among the teabaggers would be as out of place as Thomas Jefferson at a 4-H meeting.

Cape Clod June 14, 2010 at 12:24 pm

I’m sure that she thought that her followers would all look like Burt Lancaster, Patricia Neal, and Gary Cooper thanks to the misguided adaptation of her work that Hollywood wasted so much emultion on.

Oblios Cap June 14, 2010 at 12:25 pm

The John Galt character looks like Palin after her boob job.

Jim Demintia June 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: It seems to me that the strip is implying less that she had a good idea that’s been hijacked by fucktards than that she made her arguments at least partly in good faith and is genuinely sickened by their actual effects.

Personally, I think Rand was too sociopathic to have meant anything in good faith, but I guess he’s using this as a device to illustrate just how incredibly far short Rand’s neo-liberalism falls from its promises to lead us to an earthly paradise where the state withers away and everyone enjoys freedom and employment.

Hemp Dogbane June 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Keeps her smoke lit whilst shrugging all over the steps.

Cicada June 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: Ah yes, but she was also an elitist atheist who was sympathetic to the eugenics movement. I’m sure the sight of so many mouthbreathing cross-clutching inbreds chanting her name would inspire her to hurl.
Well, that and the wave of chili-cheese fry burps and lite beer fumes that doubtless accompany any large teabagger gathering.

smitallica June 14, 2010 at 12:38 pm

My only problem with these comics is that the Gollum-in-Ralph-Bakshi’s-animated-version-of-”The-Hobbit” rendering of Ayn Rand is actually much sexier than the real Ayn Rand.

mumblyjoe June 14, 2010 at 12:39 pm

I love how well-used the “vomit” tag is, on Wonkette.

Tim June 14, 2010 at 12:39 pm

Can we just call the oil volcano “The Fountainhead” from now on? Thanks.

Tim June 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Everyone should also be covered in tatoos, and much fatter.

kinginyellow June 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Is that a Battleship Potemkin reference in the last panel?

smitallica June 14, 2010 at 12:40 pm

[re=598081]smitallica[/re]: See? It’s almost uncanny.

WarAndG June 14, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Who cleans up the vomit in the Teabagger/Rand utopia? There won’t be any more fucking AFSCME to swab up the macaroni-laden bile on the sidewalks or zap rats and roaches and such. America will soon be able to wallow further in its own filth unfettered by our Satan-sent gov’mint, like the …ah…Founding Fathers intended. Paul/Palin 2012. Cue Lee Greenwood.

Cicada June 14, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Who cleans up the vomit in the Teabagger/Rand utopia?

Robots run on smugness. It’s the ultimate clean fuel, you know.

brogonzo June 14, 2010 at 12:49 pm

[re=598058]freakishlystrong[/re]: She was also an atheist. They seem to ignore that, too.

V572625694 June 14, 2010 at 12:50 pm

[re=598085]Tim[/re]: Oil “leak” = The Fountainhead. Brilliant!

TeddyKGB June 14, 2010 at 12:53 pm

They just announced that one of the choads from One Tree Hill is going to be directing and starring in a Roger Corman version of Atlas Shrugged. Check SlashFilm for the story.

NomDeNom June 14, 2010 at 12:55 pm

alan and andrea need to get some glamour photography done before they get gross.

@ MsGlass: narcissusblind@hotmail.com

V572625694 June 14, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Every night as she climbs into bed and Greenspan approaches her with his throbbing, Viagra-engorged member, Andrea Mitchell must ask herself, “Do I really know where that’s been?”

slappypaddy June 14, 2010 at 12:59 pm

looks like she had one anus burger too many.

Jim89048 June 14, 2010 at 12:59 pm

[re=598051]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: Looks like oil, but I can only hope it’s blood.

Lascauxcaveman June 14, 2010 at 1:10 pm

[re=598071]Jim Demintia[/re]: So you’re saying, “Needs more cowbell?”

comicbookguy June 14, 2010 at 1:17 pm

[re=598099]V572625694[/re]: Atlas shrugged and said, “nothing I can do to stop it.”

Scarab June 14, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Isn’t that Jamie Farr from M*A*S*H in drag?

tribbzthesquidz June 14, 2010 at 1:21 pm

I would speculate she would welcome the baggaz as useful idiots much as the mainstream Repubs do. Our intellectual overlords need the unwashed masses to do the heavy lifting.
What purpose does this branding of Rand’s books serve? Very few in the “movement” will actually bother to read any long novel that ain’t the bible, much less understand it. I guess dropping fancy-pants literary names helps give it all an abstract air of legitimacy.

Jim Demintia June 14, 2010 at 1:21 pm

[re=598116]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Needs more anus burgers, actually.

KilgoreTrout_XL June 14, 2010 at 1:24 pm

That was great. I’ll have an anus burger and an anus burger.

TGY June 14, 2010 at 1:29 pm

A Tragedy of the Comics.

Tim June 14, 2010 at 1:35 pm
weejee June 14, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=598079]Cicada[/re]: Indeed. A large portion of teabagged Nation’s me-genic morans would have been eugenicized in Ayn’s perfect world. She would be Atlas Hurled if she could see them now.

Great job Intern Benjamin! Ken should get you two anus burgers for a treat.

Katydid June 14, 2010 at 1:40 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: I don’t take it that way. I see it as even Ayn Rand would puke at the sight of the baggers, however you interpret Rand. That could mean they don’t get her, or even the psycho/sociopathic Rand thinks the baggers are vomit-inducing.

Also, today we are all the vomitus spewed forth by a psychotic libertarian zombie.

Maus June 14, 2010 at 1:55 pm

[re=598058]freakishlystrong[/re]: “she was also a huge advocate for abortion, which her slavish followers overlook.”

Also, post-birth abortion, considering her admiration for an axe murderer of twelve-year olds.

Love the comic. Love it love it. Is the Galt a Michelle Bachmann? I recognize the rest, but that one’s coming out a blank.

Ducksworthy June 14, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=598058]freakishlystrong[/re]: Specifically abortion of those classes who form her slavish followers, for the good of the race.

Allyson June 14, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Well, I still say “The Fountainhead” is one of the (unintentionally) funniest movies ever made: that six minute monologue scene that spouts off Rand’s philosophy never fails to make me ROTFLMAO…

coolcatdaddy June 14, 2010 at 2:08 pm

That’s funny. Ayn Rand never pukes when we’re at home…

stew June 14, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Atlas Wanked–the unpublished follow-up.

maven June 14, 2010 at 2:55 pm

[re=598085]Tim[/re]: win!

Geogre June 14, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I did like how she vomited quotation marks.

However, I’m not entirely sure that Ayn Rand had a gag reflex as much as a direct outpouring of bile.

GOPCrusher June 14, 2010 at 4:29 pm


Tim June 14, 2010 at 5:18 pm

Wait – those aren’t beans in her vomitus, they’re footprints, as in the poem “Footprints in the Vomit,” a teabagger classic. Greenspan really had been carrying Ms Rand all that time.

Mr Blifil June 14, 2010 at 6:57 pm

She could have saved time if she had just opened one of her own books.

nsps June 14, 2010 at 7:07 pm

[re=598168]Allyson[/re]: It is pretty funny. You know, they tried to cut the speech down, since it was obvious that Cooper was reading that string of nonsensical gibberish with no conviction. But Ayn Rand heard they were cutting her perfect work of art it and threw a shit fit until they put it back in its entirety. Shouldn’t she have just blown up the Warner Bros. studio lot?

The tragedy of it all is that King Vidor was doing some cool stuff visually, but the screenplay is too idiotic and unbearable for it to matter.

Clankie June 14, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I’ve read a lot of Ayn Rand, a massive, terrifying amount. But I read a lot, usually a book or two a week. I have to say that, while her philosophy is generally informed by her awful childhood experiences with communism, her viciously anti-religious attitude does appeal to me. Seriously, regardless of how anyone might feel about her writing style (which leaves a lot to be desired, and offers a lot of the undesirable) or her philosophy (ditto) you can’t argue that the two values she held paramount above everything else were intelligence and reason/logic, and so I do think she would be incredibly disappointed if she were to meet most of her ‘fans’ today.

rmjag June 14, 2010 at 10:45 pm

[re=598107]slappypaddy[/re]: she herself was an anal burger

Blender June 14, 2010 at 10:53 pm

[re=598527]Clankie[/re]: I’ve never read any of it, so I’m hoping this comic strip at least covers most of the bases so I won’t be dragged off to a FEMA camp (after I’ve been tazered a few dozen times) when the teatards take over and they start asking questions.

Must buy velveeta. Also.

Clankie June 14, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Here’s the basics of Ayn Rand:
Fuck everyone other than you, especially the government, religion, and anyone who says you have to do anything.
The next lesson will be on why this is not a constructive philosophy for society.

imissopus June 14, 2010 at 11:58 pm

Perhaps she’s upset because one of the tenets of Objectivism was that there is a knowable, objective reality, and in the teabaggers’ objective reality our president is a socialist Nazi fascist communist Manchurian Candidate from Kenya who will soon order FEMA to put them all in death camps. Yeah, objective reality.

iolanthe June 15, 2010 at 1:57 am

[re=598535]Clankie[/re]: Basically, but it can be stated in 3 words: Fuck everyone else

That’s it. That’s Ayn Rand’s philosophy.

KTHXBAI June 15, 2010 at 2:33 am

Why the hell do all the cartoons look like The Poisonous Mushroom (Nazi anti-Jewish children’s book from the 30′s)?


Zorg June 15, 2010 at 5:48 am

Alisa Zinov’yevna Rosenbaum was a product of the Russian Imperial system and her “philosophy” is an intellectually pretentious recap of the existing economic system of her childhood. It didn’t work so well the first time around, I’m sad to say.

BruceMajors June 16, 2010 at 8:01 am

The New York Times survey of the tea party folks revealed that they are better informed about American history and current events than the average voter, and I suspect from the low quality of the comments here, the average Wonkette reader. But then, your heroes and spokespeople are college dropout and alcoholic Rosie O’Donnell, high school dropout Janeane Garafalo, high school dropout and former prostitute Roseanne Barr, high school graduate and stripper bar aficionado Sandra Bernhard, neo-nazi Helen Thomas, bumbling Stalinist fool Barack Obama etc. And unable to think, or parse such concepts as marginal productivity or opportunity costs or the quantity theory of money or such theories as Hayek’s business cycle theory, you must limit yourselves to cartoons. Or tittering with that little Maddow boy about scrotums.

Everyone sees you for what you are Wonkers.

BruceMajors June 16, 2010 at 8:11 am

Oh by the way Wonkers, the latest fan of the tea parties is Sophie Hawkins: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/102877-singer-sophie-b-hawkins-obama-throwing-country-under-the-bus-choking-on-spill-response. And there are lots of tea partiers like me who are gay people, atheists and agnostics and others who do not fit your troglodyte shadow plays.

Enjoy your quisling bliss.

BruceMajors June 16, 2010 at 8:14 am

The latest Tea Party supporter is Sophie Hawkins. http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/102877-singer-sophie-b-hawkins-obama-throwing-country-under-the-bus-choking-on-spill-response

There are lots of us Tea Partiers who are gay, atheist or agnostic, or in other ways do not fit the typical Wonkers’ troglodyte shadow plays.

Enjoy your quisling bliss Wonkers!

Benjamin Frisch June 16, 2010 at 8:50 am

Thanks for your delightful words about my comic, Bruce Majors. Where did you hear about it? I am truly curious. Please spread the word about my comic to all of your self-hating support groups. We could really use the hate-hits (like AIN we only care about money and page-views, which equals many more cases of Zima for the Wonkette offices.)

BruceMajors June 16, 2010 at 10:38 am

Self-loathing? Why would I be self-loathing? After all I am not you. How’s your mom by the way? Is she upset that you dropped the family name, Reifenstahl?

gouzgounis June 16, 2010 at 10:49 am

I really feel sorry for the foaming-at-the-mouth leftists on this site. What’s happened? Has Obamacare already made your thorazine unaffordable? Or has mummy and daddy’s hedgefund gone bust, so that you can no longer hang out at the Harvard Square Starbucks all day long and complain about how the corporate capitalist power structure has made you unemployable despite your PhD credentials? Don’t worry, after the current regime changes a Randite will have a job for you.

mtnrunner2 June 16, 2010 at 10:49 am


I’m not sure you’d know what Ayn Rand’s Objectivism was if you tripped over it.

The fact that you still seem to think that Greenspan is a reflection of her ideas, or that more than a fraction of Tea Partiers support Objectivism, or that the Tea Party movement is even a coherent movement, rather than a loose gathering of people opposed to large government, means we Objectivists don’t have to worry about any real critiques coming out of Wonkette.com for a while. Get educated, folks.

problemwithcaring June 18, 2010 at 6:07 pm

[re=599710]mtnrunner2[/re]: I think you are missing the main point, which is no one gives a fuck about you or your beliefs.

There. I hope I helped.

progressiveone June 18, 2010 at 8:54 pm

Y’know, Hustler has been doing well with porn versions of Avatar and Star Trek…I wonder what a porn version of Atlas Shrugged would be like?

biggeek June 19, 2010 at 4:51 pm

[re=599588]BruceMajors[/re]: Enjoy your gay teabagging, Brucie.

zhubajie June 19, 2010 at 6:47 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: Don’t forget amphetamine addict!

zhubajie June 19, 2010 at 6:50 pm

[re=598097]Cicada[/re]: Slaves, of course. They always intend for most of us to be slaves.

999theAntiAntiChrist June 19, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Why Bruth, I admire your thiwmming into the muck and mire that is Wonkette.
However, you need to lighten up just a tad.
I happened to like Atlas Shrugged when I first read it. I must admit,though,I was 16 at the time and hadn’t been laid yet…
Maybe you should try getting laid…

Come here a minute June 20, 2010 at 12:02 am

I’ve been Ayn Randed and nearly branded a communist ’cause I’m left-handed and that’s the hand I use to masturbate.

JooJoo Bee June 20, 2010 at 1:12 am

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: I forgot to ask you to marry me.

JooJoo Bee June 20, 2010 at 1:19 am

[re=598058]freakishlystrong[/re]: Many early birth control and abortion advocates were motivated by a desire to reduce the number of “undesirables” who were breeding like rabbits in the tenements of the New World, then littering the landscape with their own sorry corpses when they starved to death, if TB or syphilis didn’t get them first.

freerangemink June 20, 2010 at 6:27 pm

[re=598047]Prommie[/re]: I went through all the trouble of logging in at work to say “I love you”.

What the Holy Heck June 21, 2010 at 11:51 am

It’s almost heartwarming to see the predictability of an Ayn Rand satire hauling in the wee trollies.

It’s like snuggling kittens; a whole basket full of unweaned kittens with unclipped claws and a mild case of toxoplasmosis.

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