Youths is our future! And that’s why the Republicans are chasing the elusive, nonexistent “youth vote” with a hot ‘n sexy bunch of youngling candidates with an average age of, uh, 49.6 years old. Why can’t Republicans do anything right, ever? Sure, sure, “to be fair” you are not necessarily old & decrepit at 50 years — Barack Obama will turn 50 next year, and he looks better than 98.7% of Americans when they’re 21. But this is because he’s fit and handsome and has some self respect, not because of his age. The Republican “youth candidates,” predictably, look like sleazy old used-car salesman from the 1980s. (This is called “The Reagan Mystique.”)
But that’s not the most disturbing part about this article from Tina Brown’s Loathsome Beast Publication. “Most disturbing part” goes to this section about a “15-year-old conservative pundit and author”:
Jonathan Krohn, the 15-year-old conservative pundit and author, said that the Republicans are wise to stick with guns that have been firing for a while.
“The Republican Party is trying to make sure that when they get young guns, they don’t get naïve guns. They want to try to stay with guys who have been in the game for a while,” Krohn said. Still, even Krohn — one of conservatism’s freshest faces — had a word of caution for his party’s elders.
“The Republican Party has done a horrible job for decades of reaching out to young people,” Krohn said. “It really has been the party of old white men. It is not what we want to be, and it is not what we will be in the future.”
It is not what we will be in the future, the child lisped, just before he fell right through his laptop screen and emerged in a mysterious wonderland where ADOLESCENT BOYS ARE SEX-CRAZED HORMONE MACHINES CHASING BOOZE AND TAIL AND THEN BLOWING SHIT UP WITH FIREWORKS.
Ugh, arrest this twerp’s parents for Child Abuse, now. Drop him off at a whorehouse on the outskirts of Prague with a credit card and a sack of antibiotics. [Daily Beast]