THAT'S BIPARTISANSHIP  4:35 pm June 10, 2010

Congressmen Weiner & Chaffetz Blown By Goats

by Ken Layne

Goat's Head Soup.Representatives Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn) and Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) finally found cross-party cooperation in the supple mouths of these goats. It was a dumb stunt to promote …. eh, who cares? Both men got off and then the goats were slaughtered in a VooDoo Ritual, the end. Just kidding! One of the goats actually attacked Weiner and “drew blood.” [Ben Smith via Wonkette operative-commenter The Problem Child]

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Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Oh, man. I’ve nearly had my hand bitten off by one of these guys at a petting zoo.

Even if I WAS into that sort of thing; that’s the last place I’d put my willie.

Lazy Media June 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm

They were celebrating Mickey Kaus’ election loss?

Tommmcatt June 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Those dirty slut goats TOTALLY want it, you can tell.

Lascauxcaveman June 10, 2010 at 4:40 pm

[re=596468]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Um, I meant the goats, not Weiner and Chafetz, in case anyone was wondering.

I think I’ll stop now.

ellemme June 10, 2010 at 4:41 pm

Perks of being a congressman, my goodness.

facehead June 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Take a bunch of bagels, grab the goat by the horns, put the bagels on the horns, hilarity ensues.

This is all you need to know about goats.

Suds McKenzie June 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm

First Demon Sheep, now Ho’ Goats.

rafflesinc June 10, 2010 at 4:42 pm

Not exactly goatfucking, but close enough I guess.

groove June 10, 2010 at 4:43 pm

Weiner Chaffetz? Really? REALLY?

rafflesinc June 10, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Lazy Media June 10, 2010 at 4:43 pm


I mean, I’m a big Weiner fan, but HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You mess with the goat, you get the horns.

slappypaddy June 10, 2010 at 4:44 pm

2 goats, 2 sheep, and a cow walk into a meadow…

Aguacatero June 10, 2010 at 4:44 pm

Those goats sure appear to be clad in sheep’s clothing.

rocktonsammy June 10, 2010 at 4:46 pm

Where did you city slickers think goat cheese came from anyway?

JMP June 10, 2010 at 4:46 pm

[re=596469]Lazy Media[/re]: Hey now, he scored a victory by getting over 5% of the vote.

No really, he said that in concession statement:

Fuck Toad June 10, 2010 at 4:47 pm

The only valuable public servants in that picture are the goats, who provide something that people can use. Maybe once they’re out of work growing hair they can run for Congress and replace useless wastes of carbon Weiner and Chaffetz, who are holding press conferences demanding an end to a program which amounts to one millionth of annual federal outlays?

Does the Tea Bag Party constitution permit goats to stand for election, or are they considered too educated and elitist?

Gratuitous World June 10, 2010 at 4:48 pm


SayItWithWookies June 10, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Who is John Goat?

GOPCrusher June 10, 2010 at 4:56 pm

[re=596483]Fuck Toad[/re]: Black sheep need not apply!

Koch Fembot June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm


Monsieur Grumpe June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

It doesn’t matter what kind of animal it is, always stay away from the one named Bitey

actor212 June 10, 2010 at 4:57 pm

OMG! I hope The Weiner is OK! We need The Weiner to replace Bloomberg as mayor!

JackDempsey June 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Those are blood-thirsty Panamanian fighting goats which have been temporarily pacified by the ultrasonic beacons hidden in the shorts of our fine congressmen. Those guys aren’t getting bjs; they’re pointing the way toward world peace. Next stop: Waziristan.

JMP June 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=596483]Fuck Toad[/re]: I don’t know, it’s brave of them to take on the mighty shepherd lobby.

Oldskool June 10, 2010 at 5:01 pm

His attorney says the goat was goaded into it. Gah.

actor212 June 10, 2010 at 5:05 pm

It’s a good thing they didn’t have frikkin’ lasers shooting out of their eyes.

maven June 10, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Line 10 should have read “meeeeh, who cares?”

jus_wonderin June 10, 2010 at 5:12 pm

One of the goats actually attacked Weiner and “drew blood.”

That is actually good to know. If the goat had attacked the Republican, the acid in Chaffetz veins would have taken down said goat.

And wouldn’t the ending to this story be so sad as we mourned the loss of a really courageous goat. You just never know. You just never know.

nappyduggs June 10, 2010 at 5:17 pm

As a staunch lifelong Capricorn, I must say that while I don’t approve of a goat biting a Weiner, I fully respect his right to do so, when provoked.

ennui go June 10, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Horny goat = Bloody Weiner

Snarkalicious June 10, 2010 at 5:21 pm

Palin/Attack Goat 2012.

Check that.

Attack Goat/Palin 2012

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 10, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Weiner even went so far as to pledge not to wear wool until the House strikes the mohair subsidy from an upcoming agricultural appropriations bill.

This is great news for velour sweater manufacturers.

the problem child June 10, 2010 at 5:25 pm

[re=596477]rafflesinc[/re]: Goats named Lancelot and Arthur.

(Thanks, Ken)

Crank Tango June 10, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Today, we are all blowing goats. Or getting our dicks gnawed off by them, either or.

Potater June 10, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Chaffetz’s belly is engorged from draining the blood of the last goat that tried to suck his dick — that place is reserved for the Vietnamese call boys.

Bearbloke June 10, 2010 at 5:43 pm

If they’re willing to switch to sheep, they’ve got a future in our Parliament!

Bearbloke June 10, 2010 at 5:43 pm

[re=596506]the problem child[/re]: Ghey!

Suds McKenzie June 10, 2010 at 6:23 pm

“My Pet Goat” traveling road show.

Oblios Cap June 10, 2010 at 6:31 pm


I thought they were the same entities. That goat looks surgically enhanced.

Snarkalicious June 10, 2010 at 6:54 pm

[re=596570]Oblios Cap[/re]: You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of shrill and stupid, but also too of grift, also. whee-OOO-oo-oo-ooo.

And how dare you make such implications about young Piper in regard to Weiners and Mormons.

Jukesgrrl June 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Was Caribou Barbie there for the beheading?

I, too, am a fan of Sir Anthony, but what is a boy from Park Slope doing hanging around a farm? Aren’t there enough old goats in Brooklyn?

Native of SL UT June 10, 2010 at 7:26 pm

Chaffetz was just introducing Wiener to his high school girlfriends.

facehead June 10, 2010 at 7:35 pm

Today we are all biting bloody goat weiners.

rmjag June 10, 2010 at 8:45 pm

so . weiner looks cute when he gets blown . and chaffetz , where’s the story there ? not his first time at THAT rodeo . with a goat .

schvitzatura June 10, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Weiner will get Chosen Folk revenge, the goat will be “scapegoated”…burnt offering and shofar parts will be made available to Orthodox rebbes upon first request.

Not sure what LDSer Chaffetz (suspiciously Red Sea pedestrian sounding surname) will do with his goat. Use it to carry Joe Smith’s gold plates or something.

lawrenceofthedesert June 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm

Sheepish looking goats, perhaps embarrassed to be seen with pols.

the problem child June 10, 2010 at 10:41 pm

[re=596644]lawrenceofthedesert[/re]: Or they are not anxious to be polled:

masterofzen June 10, 2010 at 11:41 pm

D-Brooklyn?! Everybody knows the best congressman ever lives a five-minute walk away from yours truly in Forest Hills, Queens. Represent!

artbot2000 June 11, 2010 at 12:32 am

The Angora/Mohair subsidy is pork for Texas, where the vast majority of American Angora goats reside. Rep. Weiner isn’t just running a stunt here, as the attempt to scuttle the subsidy, when it returned back in 2002, has his name on it. The goats are cute as teh dickens and their wool is amazing stuff, but that doesn’t have anything to do with the subsidy, which is pure tax farming. I just wanted to speak up for the goats anyway, since they’re good company, and besides,

sheep lie.

Gay as Hell June 11, 2010 at 1:00 am

The look on Chaffetz’s face says his goat is playing a little rough.

a little more about goat teeth…

1) Goats have no upper front teeth; the upper front is just one big gum. [ahhhh]
2) Goats do have lower front teeth. [uh oh]
3) In the back of their mouth they have both upper and lower teeth. These molars are very strong.

Good to know! Stay high and shallow, and enjoy the ride.

Saint Ronald the Divine June 11, 2010 at 1:43 am

Obviously they were Hamas terror goats, cue the latest Dershowitz article on the dangers of the Islamofashist scapegoats.

God Hates Faps June 11, 2010 at 10:37 am

Polling shows that goat sex appeals to their base.

taylormattd June 11, 2010 at 1:03 pm

How are those things not sheep?

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