rumors on the internets

Jesus Doesn’t Care About Your Run-Off, Mr. Gresham Barrett!

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  • Maybe it is unfair to compare Helen Thomas to Hezbollah/The Final Solution, but you know what? Life isn’t fair. [The Corner]
  • John McCain stopped massaging his wrinkly wingnut scalp with SPF 40 just long enough to ask that someone murder Ahmadinejad and then start WWIII. [Weekly Standard]
  • South Carolina gubernatorial candidate Gresham Barrett, who lost to a girl (!), is using all the usual garbage to help him in the run-off: You know, like talking about “character” and using “Christian rhetoric.” Erick Erickson knows what you’re up too, Barrett! Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. [RedState]
  • Rep. Virginia Foxx, one of many openly-crazy Congressladies, wants to capture all the feral illegal Mexicans with a GIANT FISHING NET. Yes, please! [Think Progress]
  • Every day is 9/11 if you drive all willy-nilly on America’s highdeathways. [Matt Yglesias]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • SayItWithWookies

    We need to let the political prisoners in Iran’s gruesome prisons know that they are not alone, that their names and their cases are known to us, and that we will hold their torturers and tormentors accountable for their crimes. We need to publicize the names of Iran’s human rights abusers, and we need to make them famous.

    Hey Senator McCain — I know of a nifty little way we could increase our credibility on exactly this human rights issue while cleaning up a little unfinished business of our own. Interested?

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    Ol’ Gresh wouldn’t bullshit ya’ll! Just ask ol’ Saxby. Or Haley or Lindey, or Sonny!

    Maybe their parents had a sense of humor.

    Or maybe they were just inbred morons?

  • GreatRightHope

    Would somebody like to run the numbers on whether the giant dragnet will be more cost-effective than the giant fence?

    When Jesus promised to make us “fishers of men”, I figured he was speaking metaphorically…


    Virginia Foxx always reminds me that it’s a pity none of us thought to organize congressional campaign for my grandma while she was still alive.

    What we all mistook as crazy Fox News-influenced Republican rantings was actually “rural electability”.

  • Capitol Hillbilly

    [re=596444]GreatRightHope[/re]: No, you are wrong, everything in the Bible is literally true.

  • GOPCrusher

    Ever since John McCain saw The Road Warrior, he’s pined to turn America into a post-apocalyptic desert, ruled by outlaw bikers.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Barrett’s a pretty gay sounding name. Who names their kid after a little girl’s hair pin?

    I don’t think our Grindin’ Nikki has much to worry about with this guy.

  • rmjag

    i’ll give someone , anyone , $ 5.00 to snag virginia foxx’s dribbly old ass in a net and hurl it into the gulf mouth first . and try saying ‘tarbaby’ after that … creep

  • Lascauxcaveman

    [re=596450]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: What? Barrett’s his last name? Well, Gresham is pretty darn gay sounding, too. Almost as bad as “Andre Bauer.”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Is there an alternative to the “America Speaking Out” call-in show called “STFU Virginia”?

  • JMP

    The Corner, the Standard, and RedState; Riley, are you suffering from a streak of masochism today?

    My friends, John McCain’s speaking style is just as stilted and annoying as it was during the campaign, my friends.

    Huh, I never thought I’d see Erick son of Erick condemn thinly-veiled attacks based on alleged infidelity and smears based on parents’ religion, and must have missed his apology for every time he’s engaged in those in the past; or else he’s a hypocrite who only condemns such attacks on Republicans.

  • slappypaddy

    i was on the road to damascus when i was blinded by the light. wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night provided me the epiphany, THE SOLUTION TO ALL OF AMERICA’S PROBLEMS: disable all the airports and harbors by quintupling the number of keystone cops working security, seal the borders with multiple lines of danged fences, then kill or otherwise terminate the existence of everyone born on or after january 1, 1946 (that includes me, but i’m willing to do my part for the greater good). the survivors will have the whole damned country to themselves. for amusement, they can stage arm wrestling matches between helen “the crone” thomas and john “walnuts!” mccain. this great land will at last be the paradise the founders intended.

  • Cmoney

    “We need to stand up for the Iranian people. We need to make their goals our goals, their interests our interests, their work our work [their oil our oil].”

  • Suds McKenzie

    My “friends”, … Wallnutz is the Robert Mapplethorpe of the National Endowment for Democracy.

  • facehead
  • Simba B

    I find it amusing that coverage of Matt Yglesias shares space with coverage of Erick Erickson.

    Both are rather annoying in their own ways, so there you go.

  • momus

    Virginia knows for a fact that Sonora and Chihuahua are full of Afganis.

  • Gorillionaire

    It is time our team put a “plant” in the next primary against Viginny Foxx to whine that she isn’t right wing enough.

  • BklynIlluminati

    I willing to bet 100 Internet bucks that Eric son of Eric has similar if not the exact personality traits with Kim Jong il

  • mamandesfilles

    If the Mexicans are willing to swim through the toxic sludge of the Gulf of Mexico they seem like solid citizenry material to me.

  • brundlefly

    “It is the character of this Iranian regime – not just its behavior – that is the deeper threat to peace and freedom in our world, and in Iran.”

    This sentence is essentially meaningless, right? Just checking.

  • Sparky McGruff

    [re=596453]rmjag[/re]: I think she might be the perfect size to cap the well. Perhaps we should put Sarah Palin and Justin Bieber in first, then squeeze her ass in to ensure a perfect seal.

  • rmjag

    [re=596651]Sparky McGruff[/re]: we don’t know what the future may bring regarding bp . they have other rigs that may “fuck up” . I suggest using the teabagg’in_wankers sparingly – one to each well capping , and stretchchch them if need be to do the job . if we have any left-overs we can make ’em fit later . I admire your gung ho spirit …..!

  • DC Hates Me

    Technically speaking, all drivers are bad drivers. Auto deaths reduce the number of these bad drivers, making the world safer for pedestrians.

  • libwakman

    Wishing Redd would call this one up to Jeebus with him & first wife Elizabeth.