An unemployed black man who made no campaign appearances, has no campaign organization and mysteriously paid his $10,400 filing fee out of his own pocket handily won yesterday’s Democratic Senate primary in South Carolina. RedState teabagger creep Erick Erickson twittered “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” upon learning the news, and Mother Jones quickly revealed that the new nominee — 32-year-old Alvin Greene — is facing felony charges for allegedly showing obscene materials to a college girl and threatening to follow her to her dorm room. There is nothing at all suspicious about any of this.
Greene, if he’s not convicted and put in prison before the general election, will face entrenched wingnut Republican Senator Jim DeMint in November. And he will almost certainly lose, by a massive margin, which might be “the point” of whatever’s going on, if not for the fact that anybody running against DeMint was likely to lose, including actual qualified Democrats who maybe would’ve campaigned and raised money — including the actual qualified Democrat who did campaign, and did raise money, and lost by 16 points anyway:
“Greene stunned state Democratic Party leaders by winning the nomination. He raised no money and put up no campaign website. He beat former four-term state lawmaker Vic Rawl, 64, who had raised about $186,000 and had to abruptly scrap a late-week fundraiser for the fall.”
Alvin Greene says he’s a veteran of both the Army and the Air Force, but he’s been out of the military and unemployed since last year. And that sentence is far more coherent than anything Greene has actually been quoted as saying, because the poor fellow sounds brain damaged:
But despite his lack of election funds, Greene claims to have criss-crossed the state during his campaign—though he declined to specify any of the towns or places he visited or say how much money he spent while on the road.Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.
“It wasn’t much, I mean, just, it was — it wasn’t much. Not much, I mean, it wasn’t much,” he said, when asked how much of his own money he spent in the primary. Greene frequently spoke in rapid-fire, fragmentary sentences, repeating certain phrases or interrupting himself multiple times during the same sentence while he searched for the right words. But he was emphatic about certain aspects of his candidacy, insisting that details about his campaign organization, for instance, weren’t relevant. “I’m not concentrating on how I was elected — it’s history. I’m the Democratic nominee — we need to get talking about America back to work, what’s going on, in America.”
When asked by reporters today about the sex-creep felony charges he faces, Greene hung up the phone.
The Free Times reminds us that South Carolina Republicans are notorious for running fake candidates. Maybe it’s what people do these days instead of wearing the white robes:
Greene’s curious candidacy raises the question that something else might be going on. Republican place markers in Palmetto State Democratic primaries are campaign legend.
In the early ‘90s, a Republican strategist was prosecuted and forced to pay a fine when he was found to have coaxed an unemployed black fisherman into running in a primary race to increase white turnout at the polls in a Lowcountry congressional race. The political operative paid the man’s filing fee.
If the whole thing wasn’t so shoddy and mean, it would almost seem like a Wonkette joke brought to life. “We need to get talking about America back to work, what’s going on, in America.” Uhh …. thanks for exceeding expectations, South Carolina!