Karenna Gore, famous daughter of just-separated Al & Tipper Gore, is splitting up with her husband of 13 years. She married Andrew Schiff in 1997 and they have three little kids, whose lives will now be ruined. (Haha you know when parents split up because they’re selfish yuppies and they say, “Oh the kids are fine, fine I tell you, nothing is really changing except mommy and daddy hate each now and will live in different houses and start bringing home new weird people to screw,” well actually the kids are not fine, because their little lives have been torn apart and, at best, they’ll grow up to be just like mommy & daddy.) But who are we to judge, etc.
Anyway, this is why Al & Tipper should at least get a few carbon credits for waiting until their kids were all grownup and able to deal, right, except Karenna obviously didn’t deal that well. Oh, America, you sad place of broken hearts and dead dreams. [New York Times via Wonkette Operative "Matt N."]
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Ken, why so much anger? First you yell at us about phone nutz, now you rant about divorce? I thought this blog was supposed to be funny… not preachy.
Al and Tipper Gore’s marriage was the cosmic glue that kept all of America’s marriages together. Now that bond has been broken. An epidemic of divorce and shattered lives will cascade throughout our great nation.
Somehow, I don’t think this post will be as, how shall we say it, “funny and controversial” as the one on the iPad or phone or whatever those damn things are called. You know, the one about the cover with those tiny nuts a danglin’ down.
Based on the math, they got married when Karenna was 23 and the guy was 31; the only surprising thing about this divorce is that the marriage lasted more than one year (and really, that kind of marriage is really creepy).
Ken, has this story touched upon some personal sore points for you? We’re all collectively very sorry, and I’m sure their will be waves of sympathy detectable beneath the usual bitter snark of the wonkette commentator community.
Obviously, it’s the gays’ fault.
Ohno! It’s an epidemic! Next thing you know, that rockribbed conservative espouser of American values, Rush Limbaugh, will divorce!
Wait…what?
Hey, the average length of a marriage in the U.S. is now 8 years, so all the Gores are still above average.
and start bringing home new weird people to screw,
I don’t care what anyone says, THAT has got to be the suckiest part of your ‘rents divorcing. It’s just so… awkward.
[re=595250]COB[/re]: You did not know there would be jeremiads? It is sort of what I’ve been doing here for half a decade … and everywhere else on the Internet since the mid’90s.
That first comment – massive fail.
[re=595272]Ken Layne[/re]: Today we are all sinners in the hands of an angry blog. It’s the American Way.
[re=595272]Ken Layne[/re]: Oooh, new vocabulary word. I’ll add it to my adult-sounding conversations. Thanks.
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER’S DAUGHTER DIVORCES: SIGN OF APOCALYPSE, SOURCES SAY
well we could have seen this coming. her name is karenna after all.
[re=595277]caieva[/re]: Calling anything “massive fail” is massive fail. Oh, wait.
[re=595267]freakishlystrong[/re]: Well, it’s better than your parents bringing home weird new people to screw while they’re still married; I’m looking at you, Mark Sanford, and Nikki Haley, and Rudy Giuliani, and Newt Gingrich, and…
D0de, it’s ok. They might be divorcing in order to not bring strangers home to screw.
The divorce stuff is nuts, but launching a philippic (I’ll see your jeremiad and up you one) at a particular divorcing couple, where one does good political stuff and the other wrote for “Futurama,” seems… well…
Hey, Rushbo just got married again!
I blame it on the rock music lyrics.
This is another indication of the end of the world in 2012.
Is this all a wacky misunderstanding in the Gore family where everyone was staying married for the sake of everyone else? Or is there a Gore family divorce lawyer punch card that is about to get a free 6 inch sub sandwich?
What, now you’re my Jewish mother, Ken?
One little divorce and the world looks at you askance, and hands out an oh-so-casual vituperative tongue-lashing, directed at me, don’t think it wasn’t. It would have been better for me to have murdered the bastard? Would that have been better for the kid? Is that what you would have wanted, Ken? IS THAT WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE WANTED?
No, Ken didn’t touch a nerve, why do you ask, goddammit.
1. hailstorm of crumbling marriages
2. oily tsunami (and tar-related slip-and-falls)
Can America weather the calamitous impending lawyer shortfall?
Wait’ll Al comes out. That will bring the shitstorm of domestic destruction.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone.
I’ve been divorced from reality ever since my parents split when I was 5. Also still single, so it worked out.
Apparently, Tipper was having an affair with Andrew.
The kids will be alright. They’ll go into politics and work it out. Entry level requirements for foreign policy work.
Which one was screwing Nikki Haley?
It’s okay, Ken. It’s okay. Let it out. Maybe you need to go take a walk in the desert? You’ve been awfully tense lately. I worry.
[re=595390]Vulpes82[/re]: I worry that one of these days Ken will not return from one of his walks in the desert.
[re=595267]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yeah. I mean, objectively it should be fine. Your parents are people too, and everyone wants to (and has a right to, giving a willing second party) fuck every once in a long-ass while. But still, it’s your mom, ick ick ick, and YOU’RE NOT MY DAD, also.
[re=595302]Geogre[/re]: Actually, Kristin Gore wrote for Futurama.
[re=595302]Geogre[/re]: Karenna was not the one who wrote for Futurama. That was Kristin, I think. (checks IMDB) Yep, and apparently she too is getting divorced! Why do the Gores all hate opposite marriage?
What a shame–Newt and Callista Gingrich could have talked to them about how important it is to work through the difficulties that come up in a marriage–unless your wife has cancer and you decide to screw an employee who is a couple of decades younger. Then it is OK to get divorced.
[re=595272]Ken Layne[/re]: ‘Jeremiad’ is a wonderful word.
Hey, you haters ease up on Ken… Every day he brings joyful snark into our lives, and it wears on a man to have to keep up with the daily idiocy of Palin et al…
[re=595466]TGY[/re]: Or a good name for Rana catesbeiana.
[re=595426]imissopus[/re]: Oh, pooh.
Well, if it’s not the one that wrote for “Futurama,” then I’m with Ken on this one! I’ll bring out the Curse of Ernulphus, and together we can chant out the ex communication.
[re=595267]freakishlystrong[/re]: Especially if she’s younger than your youngest daughter. And hotter.
Yum.
[re=595272]Ken Layne[/re]: Starring Ken Layne as Jeremiad Johnson, braving the untamed blogosphere armed only with a word-processor, bile and a shit-ton of intellectual sub-references.
A man of peace, driven wild!
Looks like the Vice Presidential Action Rangers should add lowering the divorce rate to their duties of breaking ties in the Senate and safeguarding the space-time continuum.
[re=595408]dmac[/re]: Also re: Imissopus:
So, something happens, and the entire family gets a divorce?
I suspect a Faulkner novel. Probably a Go Down, Moses sort of revelation, or perhaps a “Lone Star” kind of thing.
Either that, or it’s the way of the world, and it’s just a terrible thing for each and every one of them, but they’ve done nothing to bring upon themselves the ridicule that should be heaped in a pile higher than the moon upon the heads of Rush, Newt, and others of the right wing hypocrites who lie about their values, denounce others for personal freedoms, proclaim their own sanctity, deny the reality of the world, and take glee in the misfortunes of others. It’s one of them, I’m pretty sure.
“at best, they’ll grow up to be just like mommy & daddy”
Not true. Some of us children of divorced parents are doing well, thanks. “At best”, children learn as much from their parents’ mistakes as from their successes.
Just, you know, sayin’.
Whew! I was afraid that Al had broken up with Bill.
[re=595327]Katydid[/re]: Sorry!
[re=595524]Heywood Jablome[/re]: Haha, America’s least-favorite new Wii game.
[re=595469]Boozeweek[/re]: That’s what worries me. I know I’ve been more and more depressed as the past few months have been nothing but a shitstorm of horribleness; I can’t imagine what Ken must feel like. I just want my Papa Bear to be happy!
Oh Ken, you people from the hinterlands are so old-fashioned. Those Schiff kids were the only ones in their private academy who still had two parents living together. Most of them have a mommy who’s doing the manny and a daddy who’s a voice on their BlackBerry Smartphone.
So with this pattern, an emotionally vulnerable Vanessa Kerry will be back on the dating scene in 2014 after a heartbreaking split between her dad and heiress mom weeks before? I can wait.
Why didn’t Tipper have better looking daughters? Oh, right.
I grew up with parents I PRAYED would get divorced because the house was such hell, so let’s not assume “staying together for the kids” is a good thing. That presupposes a lot.
Better option is to require some sort of test before breeding is permitted. Sorry, folks, you are immature twits, you have to use a chastity belt.
[re=595608]Mista Eko[/re]: Nope; the heiress is only her step-mom; and her own children are all guys.
[re=595250]COB[/re]: I know, it’s like our parents (Layne and Newell) got a divorce and we Wonketteers are stuck living with the strict parent.
Ken comes from a broken home. His dad ran off with Rudi G in drag.
Though my parents stayed together, I’m divorced — I can’t find a man who can cook and clean like Mom.
[re=595555]Ken Layne[/re]: Yea! Ken declared jeremiad! God damn it, that’s what this country has been needing: a good nickle jeremiad, a jeremiad in every pot — cause life is just a bowl of jeremiads.
Waiter, another round of jeremiads!
Are you glad to see me or is that a jeremiad in your pocket?
I love the smell of jeremiad in the morning.
Say hello to my little jeremiad.
P.S. La Belle Dame Sans Merci and I have been married for 34 years. My parents for 60 and my in-laws for 62. Of course, our first date was a Grateful Dead concert at Vandy, so fuck you Al Gore, you self-centered porcine egoist.
We could really use some good ole plain funny tonight.
[re=595810]Bubberella[/re]: I’ll drop you a line if my wife kicks the bucket, but not before. I think you’d be pretty happy with my expertise in the domestic skills you mentioned above (although you left a very important one off the list, and I can offer a high degree of satisfaction on that one too.)
This Karenna was such a smug twit back in the day. “Managing” her dad’s campaign, flaunting her Harvard degree, laudatory articles in the NYT, a Doctor fiancee. And yet…
IT ALL FALLS APART..HAHAHAH!!
Poetic justice.
Will all of these high profile divorces add to global warming?
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