Polls are closed everywhere! We see the light at the end of the tunnel. (It is called “tomorrow morning.”) But we’ve already got some very happy news to report: Pig-eyed drunken would-be rapist and serial crook Jim Gibbons has lost the governorship of Nevada! Not that anyone will really notice; he never actually showed up for work, in Nevada. Too busy knocking down cocktail waitresses and getting divorced and “buying tomatoes” while those annoying voters asked him to cut taxes and send their welfare checks. Good-bye Jim! Hope you have a heart attack on the toilet soon!
8:35 PM — We are switching to Pacific Time Zone timestamps, because we can and we should. Then it doesn’t feel so terribly late, too. We feel awake and alive, like Mickey Kaus! How is Mickey Kaus doing? We almost missed his name on the ballot today because he has some other secret name, “Mortimer,” we think. And that’s why we forgot to vote for Mortimer Kaus.
8:39 PM — And our previous Liveblogging exercises of the evening are Here and Here.
8:47 PM — Tea Party loony Sharron Angle will end many things, now that she’s sort of beating chicken-lover Sue Lowden in the Nevada GOP Senate primary. Sharron hates beer and social security! She will get rid of both of these poisons! And she’s winning! And she will beat that Yoga-loving Mormon fruit Harry Reid, we bet! (Ha ha she is an actual nutcase, Harry must be dancing in his yoga pants tonight.)
8:52 PM — With 5.5% of precincts reporting, our pal Jerry Brown has 88% of the Dem primary for governor vote. He might just win!
8:53 PM — WAIT WHAT somebody on some teevee channel just said “Jim Gibbons could appoint himself U.S. Senator,” wtf? Well governors can appoint senators, if …. ugh we are Not Prepared for this, not now, must get a beverage.
8:57 PM — Meg Whitman’s $81 million dollars just officially bought her the GOP nomination for governor, according to the AP, which called it for Meg with about 5.5% reporting.
8:59 PM — And now she can run in the general against an actual ex-governor of California, and they can both viciously compete for a job nobody in their right mind would actually want to take, let alone spend EIGHTY-ONE MILLION DOLLARS just for the awful chance to run for the office.
9:06 PM — It’s official for both Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina! It’s the Year of the Womens!
9:17 PM — Ugh, and what a wonderful night for your editor’s last remaining full-sized notebook computer to begin its final death throes. We bought this computer to edit “SPLOID” back in 2005!
9:22 PM — Jesus fucking christ blocks of text are appearing and disappearing, posts re-saving with everything gone or everything doubled. We are now working on an old MacBook, the one we bought to “guest edit” Wonkette for a few months, back in the summer of 2006. We cannot let our hands rest on this MacBook because otherwise it shorts out.
9:26 PM — Meg looks so happy doing her victory speech! In a bankrupt state with 13% unemployment and a “real” unemployment rate of 20%, where teachers are being fired in every district and half the mortgages are underwater, Meg is truly an inspiration to all of us, the way she dug $81 million dollars out from under her couch cushions to buy the GOP primary. Today we are all Meg Whitman.
9:36 PM — MUST SEE TEEVEE: What the hell is Wolf Blitzer doing at Larry King’s dumb desk/Lite-Brite teevee set with the prop microphone? “Very special Larry King Live,” Wolf mumbles, looking lost. He got lost, didn’t he? He got lost walking around that set with all the tables full of assholes on laptops, and just sat down at Larry King’s desk to rest, and next thing you know it’s a very special episode.
9:39 PM — Did you know your Wonkette is a-twittering on the Twitter tonight? It’s a sad state of affairs when Twitter is being more reliable than your own computers and blog server.
9:43 PM — Orly, our Orly, why hath thou forsaken us?
9:45 PM — Orly Taitz has 25% of the GOP primary vote for Secretary of State right now. It would be so awesome if she had to authorize all the elections and election booklets and whatever, just cold throwin’ people out, denying birth certificates, fixin’ teeth, makin’ laws.
9:50 PM — The best possible Instant Analysis by some doofus on the cable news when asked for an opinion on the victory of one woman (Sharron Angle) over another woman (Sue Lowden) is to call it “the year of the woman.” Well played, whatever guy said that on Hardball, well played indeed.
10:00 PM — We are sorry the comments closed for a while on this post. #nofreakingideawhy
10:01 PM — How many times will the special Chris Matthews Tea Party Scary Teabagger Documentary promo air on MSNBC? And why is the gushing oil well on the very special election night Larry King Show? We will answer these questions and many others, soon, after we take a break to walk around in the cool night air and curse under our breath at everything, especially the broken computers.
10:33 PM — And now we’re on KTLA local news from Los Angeles, an actual Election Special, hooray! We haven’t watched a single minute of Local News so we’ve missed all the exciting campaign commercials this year — except for the Demon Sheep spots, of course — so it was very confusing with the ballot today. (We voted NO on all propositions except for the Jungle Boogie Primary proposition. Always vote NO on propositions, until there’s a proposition to ban propositions.)
10:36 PM — And now KTLA is reporting that Larry King’s wife OD’d last month. Is this why Wolf Blitzer wandered over to the Larry King Live set, a month later? Anyway, Mrs. Larry King survived so she can divorce Larry King. But what about the peacocks wandering around some area of the South Bay? And the June Gloom! We have missed a lot by not watching LA local news all the time every day.
10:39 PM — OMG a small child took a hit off a beer at a baseball game. KILL ALL PARENTS WHO SAW THIS. And dig up your editor’s dad and arrest HIM, for probably doing this same thing, with a beer and a child, probably, in the 1970s.
10:41 PM — YES YES YES PROP. 14 PASSES, we will have the Jungle Primary, now you gonna diieieieiee.
10:42 PM — Ha, look, 60%-40%:
Supporters of the law say it will lead to the election of more moderate legislators. Opponents say the change will make campaigns more expensive and decimate smaller political parties.
California voters passed a similar measure in 1996, only to have it overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court. Voters reaffirmed their support for closed, partisan primaries in 2004.
Well, let’s hope John Roberts gets *this* version overturned, to keep California safe for wingnut GOP primary candidates forever.
10:51 PM — Jerry Brown still has 84%. Gay-marrying fanatic Gavin Newsom is winning the Lt. Gov Democrat primary with 57% over Janice Hahn.
10:54 PM — Do you know about Jerry Brown? We don’t even agree with him on various things, but, well, let’s see if there’s some “Introductory YouTube” or somesuch, because he smartly just kept quiet and didn’t spend any money while the Republicans went all goony on each other:
11:00 PM — Ha ha, here’s an ancient ABC News report on Jerry’s first term as governor, back in 1928, the early Seventies.
11:17 PM — And that’s it for the West Coast bureau. Thanks everybody for commenting and sending tips and hanging out and making this bearable. See you tomorrow, unless Demon Sheep eat us all, in the night. MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA.
{ 76 comments }
The Fix is already calling for Meg Whitman. How doeth the Original Birther?
Well, his first name is Robert (M. “Mickey”) Kaus and I sought out his name to vote against him. I wish I could’ve given him -1 as my vote.
NO!:
http://vote.sos.ca.gov/returns/sec/59.htm
Damon Dunn 245,363 74.4%
Orly Taitz 84,512 25.6%
ORLY WINS!!!!!111111!11!!!
Well, maybe he left his semi-brain damaged staff to run the state while he was buying tomatoes or taking his mistress to the National Governors Association or whatever, but at least he didn’t just GIVE UP AND QUIT, unlike the Snowbilly Grifter.
Anyway, welcome to the Governor’s Mansion, Latino Ken doll.
[re=594979]Bearbloke[/re]: That’s with only 8.7% of precincts reporting. And California is flat ATE UP with crazees.
[re=594979]Bearbloke[/re]:
Brat tease.
Most important victory of the night: Lakers win, up 2-1. Fuck the Celtics.
What’s in the water of Lake County?
http://vote.sos.ca.gov/returns/sec/17.htm
Orly’s press conference tomorrow morning: Wait! Let me feenish! Let me feenish! Do not toorn off dee lights. Leeve the kamarah on. Let me feenish!
Or perhaps, she will channel Nixon and say “You’re not gonna have Wetter and Tighter to kick around anymore.”
Meg sucks. What I want to know is, what happened to the Taiz(Tainz) DeO’rly? Hnnng?
What the heck is wrong with Gawker? Are they unfamiliar with the fact that Jim Newell knows a little something about politics? Why wouldn’t they have him posting tonight? (unless he’s sick, then…sorry).
Watching Gibbons’ concession speech. Doesn’t look or sound too disappointed, let the party begin!
The Nevad Republicans had the most comedic choices tonight, definitely. Now it looks like Angle’s going to win, see, and she’s gonna put a stop to all the speakeasies in the desert by making sure the coppers have their full supply of trench coats, fedoras and Tommy Guns because, see, it’s 1928, which is a slight improvement of her primary opponent’s 1880s-era philosophy.
So here’s the nightmare scenario (or dream scenario, depending on your need for cruel amusement at the cost of endless suffering): Jim Gibbons appoints himself Senator, then adds an amendment to a crucial BP/Wellpoint subsidy that gets him declared governor of Nevada for life. And immunity from charges of assaulting cocktail waitresses for life too, just to see if he could do it.
Moonbeam vs. The Skull. In a state that logically should declare bankruptcy, secede from the Union and apply for foreign aid. A state so crippled from Prop 13 loons that it may soon have more in common with Mississippi than any other state.
If they legalize personal possession of pot I will move there but try to find a quiet little country place in the north. Living in an old school bus and complaining about how things used to be.
[re=595000]Jim89048[/re]: what channel?
[re=595000]Jim89048[/re]: Yeah, he looks like he just got let out of jail.
[re=595004]chascates[/re]: Avoid Lake County, though, as one poster already warned. And you’re right about Prop. 13 having screwed us completely. I’ll have to see what Jerry Brown intends to do about things (besides taxing the shit out of two female political candidates, of course) before I give up out here.
Jim hasn’t left. Look, he’s on the masthead.
Editors & Contributors:
Jim Newell
Arielle Fleisher
Liz Glover
Lauri Apple
Riley Waggaman
Josh Fruhlinger
Garrett Quinn
Ken Layne
Sarah Palin set the bar so low that scores of women have decided to run for office…it is the year of the wymyn!!
Who is Garrett Quinn, BTW?
Right!
Layne, Newell – which of you drongos broke teh Wonkett machine by spilling bong-water on it – again?
This is why we can’t have nice things…
Is this thing on?
[re=595002]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Generally, I was hoping that Teabaggers across the nation would just barely edge past ‘mainstream’ ReThugliKKKans via vote-counts within the margin of error, thus inviting claimants and counter-claimants to the mantle of being ‘the TRUE Republican candidate’ and creating a vote-splitting party-destroying fratricidal ReThug clusterfuck that would unfailingly hand victory to the Democrat in each November contest…
…lulz…
[re=595036]Jim89048[/re]: Have the commenters tried and failed?
No. They tried and died.
The fact that Orly Taitz got any votes in the primary shows California isn’t ready for participatory democracy and free elections.
[re=595040]JMP[/re]: Oh gawd, Sharron Angle’s coming on my teevee to further infuriate me. That extra “r” must mean something.
Oh, my Californians, what have ye done?
Whitman + Fiorina: NO, YOU STUPID IDIOTS, we do not want to vote for the millionaires who try to buy their way into office!
(And: wasn’t “the year of the woman” supposedly in 1992 or 2008 or every other year in which women existed?)
Prop 16: NO, YOU STUPID IDIOTS, we do not want to vote for the energy measure paid for by the energy companies!
Prop 17: NO, YOU STUPID IDIOTS, we do not want to vote for the insurance measure paid for by the insurance companies!
For fuck’s sake! What is wrong with you? Do you fuckers watch too much TV and believe what it tells you?
hahaha even the candy-ass local media referred to Gibbons as “glassy-eyed” during his concession speech.
Angle just thanked god for the win.
Alrighty then.
[re=595041]donner_froh[/re]: 20% reporting and 184,571 actual human beings voted for Orly Taitz, which makes me want to die, slightly.
[re=595045]Slattenpat[/re]: The “year of the woman” was also supposed to be about actual feminists, instead of candidates who may have a vagina but still believe that all your wombs are belong to us.
So, did the Governator leave the state much as he found it or worse off? I’m trying to figure out how Meg Whitman will run on a platform of cutting taxes, promoting job growth, and cutting all spending. Kind of like Schwarzenegger first did.
“Good-bye Jim! Hope you have a heart attack on the toilet soon!” Ken Layne Lashes out.
“Governor Davis has given California the tools it needs to prosper by making investments in education and technology, job training, tax incentives, and tax relief.
California is well-positioned to continue its place as a major player in the global marketplace.”
http://www.gray-davis.com/Page.aspx?PageID=14
Who would want such an impossible job? Returning the Ring to Mordor was nothing compared to running California.
I gotta change the service address on my satellite. Even though I won’t get Nevada teevee anymore, the upside is that I won’t get Nevada teevee anymore.
[re=595056]Jim89048[/re]: And lose the Gaming Channel?
[re=595051]JMP[/re]: You win the night.
This means 5 more months of Meg Whitman ads coming on my San Francisco radio and telling me that San Francisco is an evil city that must be stopped. Hip Hip Hooray.
Shortly after Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) emerged victorious, an anonymous White House aide began spreading word that the President Obama’s political team thought that the money unions had spent on Halter’s candidacy was a massive waste and damaging to the party.
“Organized labor just flushed $10 million of their members’ money down the toiled on a pointless exercise,” the unnamed official said to Politico’s Ben Smith. “If even half that total had been well-targeted and applied in key House races across this country, that could have made a real difference in November.”
[re=595057]chascates[/re]: I pay more attention to California than I do Nevada anyway. I can see it from my porch, and my pension comes from there.
HaHa, Sue Lowden’s still got ads running!
wonketts iz eating my posts. oh well, they’re not that good anyways. Who wants to know what Jello Biafra thinks about Jerry Brown?
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-03-02/punking-jerry-brown/
I swear, i’m not blogwhoring for tina brown, its an interesting article.
Has Jerry Brown yet pledged that, if elected, he will not send the suede-denim secret police knock-knockin’ at my front door for my uncool niece?
George Knapp just said the race between Reid and Angle would be closer than Timmie and Lassie, just like Dan Rather would have.
The good news is that, when you count only birth-certificate carrying voters, Orly won going away.
[re=595061]Jim89048[/re]: Reno?
[re=595054]NYNYNY[/re]: And wouldn’t that be an offense against Elvis, too? If I were the King of rock ‘n roll I wouldn’t want fuckin’ Jim Gibbons to croak like me. I’d have my estate sue his estate for infringement. I don’t care of what — infringement of a celebrity’s right to a death on his toilet not to be mocked by some two-bit booze-addled fratboy from Lost Vega. Goddammit. Gimmeannoderbeer.
[re=595058]BMK[/re]: [re=595040]JMP[/re]: Try looking in that place you dare not look! You’ll find me there staring out at you!
With booze. And broads. And LOLCats! See? Gom Jabbar=LOLCats? Yes, the David Lynch Dune Jihad is upon these MidTerms!
And so we are getting a a Mormon versus a Scientologist in Nevada? So we will finally get to know if God is racist, or just exist so bad science fiction writers can molest boys without paying taxes….
Come to think of it, Scientology must be the most Republican of all religions, outside of Catholicism (if you exclude the whole social justice thing as Glen Beck says we must).
[re=595067]Ken Layne[/re]: 8newsnow.com from Vegas.
[re=595064]Jim89048[/re]: Who’s the top?
[re=595064]Jim89048[/re]: A. George Knapp is delusional B. Your teevee newsreaders in the south are more colorful than ours in the goat-ropin’ north. Ours just stare blankly into the prompter because they can’t ad lib.
[re=595070]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Finally!
Inna James Brown voice: “Do you See THE LIGHT?!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1KZKZs-2YM
Since Lassie is rumored to have been a female, in drag, it has to be Timmie.
[re=595073]knoxtheharpy[/re]: But George Knapp finds UFOs and Monsters, just like the Night Stalker teevee show! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xfl0m6U8IE
[re=595073]knoxtheharpy[/re]: Did that fat fuck Kit or Kip or whatever his name was die? At least you had Harry Geiss to tell you when it was snowing on you.
[re=595077]Ken Layne[/re]: Just look at his cred, though!
[re=595051]JMP[/re]: I think if someone hasn’t already called Palin and her ilk ‘fauxminists’ they bloody well should!
[re=595077]Ken Layne[/re]: I know you’re secretly wearing a seersucker suit and a straw hat.
[re=595078]Jim89048[/re]: Do not know, as I am one of those horrible new people from California (i.e., I moved in 12 years ago).
[re=595041]donner_froh[/re]: No, just that many Republicans.
[re=595069]bynrdskynrd[/re]: Try looking in that place you dare not look!…
This is not the time nor place to peruse Sarah Palin’s birth canal.
Does someone want to totally jack Vegas in addition to Black Rock City? If nevada cuts itself odd from all of the techno hippies from the west coast… Then what?
I never made the lite-brite connection with Larry King’s background on his show. In any case, he should have gone with shrinky dinks.
[re=595077]Ken Layne[/re]: If you care at all about the Night Stalker (and who doesn’t?) it is streaming on the Netflix.
[re=594995]steverino247[/re]:
Miz Orly is just starting. It’s time to file the lawsuits.
[re=595063]doloras[/re]: I expect that he will. If not, I might just consider writing in Lizard People.
Once the Bush/Cheney years hit Jello he seemed to realize just how fucking horrible things can get. And it had nothing to do with annoying hippies.
Orly Taitz got 365,684 votes in her race to be the next California Secty of State. So now we know EXACTLY how many certified, full-tilt, industrial-grade wackadoodles live in California. Not as many as I thought.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE: What do you bet Orly will sue, claiming the election was rigged?!?!?!?!?!
The answer? KayPro! My KayPro CP/M machine does everything I need it to do. I hardly ever have to use my Leading Edge computer with its fancy PC DOS 6.2.
Holy cow! 365,684 Taintz in California? I know it’s a big state, but 365.7 thousand of ‘em?
Fuckin’ OilyTaintz. All of you who ridicule California for encasing idiots who left the house today and voted for this nutjob are entirely correct. The sooner the myth dies the better. California is bursting at the seams with morans too.
In my weird antipodean time zone it’s nearly bedtime and all you septics are waking up. So I’ll recap for your benefit while you eat your pancakes and stufirming ff.
You are waking up to a world in which an orange woman once smeared her breasts with BP’s product, no doubt whilst swimming off the Florida coast, and then named herself Oily Tits after the experience (because she’s been wet and tight ever since). This orange woman has since used that life-affirming experience, much as Muhammed used his experience listening to Allah while he was trying to escape his cougar of a wife (who was probably also orange but whose wetness and tightness is not attested to in the historical record) to wage Jihad/stand for an elected position in the state of California.
The said elected position is for the head of lawyer stuff in the state of California. This is a state which has always had its share of orange people, many of whom live in a county named in their honour. Her qualifications for this is her ability to fight plaque, her skepticism regarding birth certificates and her litigousness. Nearly a quarter of the Californians who voted in this historic contest voted for her. Most were grizzled mountain men who favour orange women because they are supposedly wet and tight and grizzled mountain men rarely encounter those two adjectives (at least not describing women), as Ken Layne will surley attest.
In another contest, a southern woman named Lincoln, but whose other name is a synonym for “parboiled”, won a contest in Arkansas, a state which is effectively a rotten borough for Walmart and various other organisations devoted to maintaining serfdom in its many quaint and colourful American variations.
And, finally, in Nevada, a gentleman whose only crime was his devotion to alcohol and waitressess, was voted out because one of the waitresses objected to his devotion and the local Republicans (who prefer partying with tea to partying with vodka) decided that his exubrance was too exubrant even for Las Vegas and because his enthusiasm for waitresses was not in keeping with their party’s traditional emphasis on the family and suppressed homosexuality.
Is this correct, or an I wrong? I follow American politics exclusively via Wonkette.
[re=595116]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Bloody Cheesus, that is one repulsive novel. About sums it up allright!
[re=594979]Bearbloke[/re]: I haz a sad. I so wanted her to win. What a fun time that would have been.
Hey did u guys hear about the Iphone Nutz?
Maybe I should send an ‘Action Alert’ to Jim. Whadya think?
“Jim Gibbons could appoint himself U.S. Senator,”
I believe Huey Long did this for a while. For a breif period he was Senator and governor of Louisiana at the same time.
WHO IS OILY TITZ AND WHY SHOULD I VOTE FOR THEM I MEAN IT?
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