Join Us For Liveblogging, Tonight, Coast To Coast!

by Ken Layne

This movie is so much better than any primary night in history.From New Jersey to South Carolina, Maine to Arkansas, Northern California to Southern California, tonight will be the most explosive Primary Election of June 2010, and you can be there, live, by simply being wherever you are, and following the news while drinking! This is what we call Liveblogging In America, and we hope you’ll join us for hours of potential fun. The action starts whenever polls close in the Easternmost state holding an election — check Wikipedia for details! — and will only end once Orly Taitz claims her victory as Secretary of State of California! Okay, load up on the liquor and pills and “chronic” and health food and dangerous-yet-legal weapons, and we’ll see you back here at approximately 8 p.m. Eastern Time, 5 p.m. Pacific.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 87 comments }

JeffGoldblum June 8, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Nah, we’re good.

SwanSwanH June 8, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Free Jim Newell.

I Heart Accuracy June 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm

I’m just teeing off, old boy, put it all in gold for now.

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 5:03 pm

No movie with Telly Savalas in it, even playing a crazed psycho killer, can fairly be characterized as “good.”

GOPCrusher June 8, 2010 at 5:03 pm

But Steven Strasburg is making his MLB pitching debut tonight!

Scarab June 8, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Ms. Taitz will be appearing via hologram on CNN to give the revolution’s secret signal freeing us from our Kenyan slave master… and to offer 10% off dental cleanings, now through June.

SayItWithWookies June 8, 2010 at 5:03 pm

In honor of chickens-for-healthcare candidate Sue Lowdon (who’s about to disappear forever, probably), here’s an interesting conundrum: What do you pay the vet who amputates your hen’s leg in? People?

bored with gravity June 8, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Drinking game rules? Anyone?

Way Cool Larry June 8, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Just the thought of seeing wetter and tighter Orly win gives me a woody.

Snarkalicious June 8, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Can you imagine the impact if as many people voted in the primaries as did for Sanjaya? We’d run out of little old ladies to give bad instructions.

dr.giraud June 8, 2010 at 5:08 pm

[re=594662]V572625694[/re]: But no movie with Lee Marvin in it can be fairly characterized as completely bad.

Monsieur Grumpe June 8, 2010 at 5:13 pm

[re=594670]bored with gravity[/re]:
Let’s keep it simple.
One shot every time Reagan is mentioned.
We’ll be trashed in 10 minutes.

phineas_bounderby June 8, 2010 at 5:14 pm

I’m dead freakin’ serious about this. You should pray to whatever diety or desert ghost you support that Orly Taitz wins that primary. Because pure GOP comedy trumps reality any day of the week. Plus anyone with two or three synapses firing knows that whatever the 2010 electorate does, within ten years it’ll be voided by the new darker skinned majority. So let’s speed that up by supporting Orly and Rand!!!!! Crazy Train platform 2010!!! (If I could’ve worked that poor Sikh lady into this I would’ve. But unfortunately I view her as more of a victim than a perp at this point, no matter how stupid her political beliefs might be).

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 5:15 pm

[re=594678]dr.giraud[/re]: Well….Marvin sings in [this] one.

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 5:15 pm

[re=594694]V572625694[/re]: This one, dammit: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064782/

Tommmcatt June 8, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Bow-wow-wow-yippie-oh-yippie-ay! How I love primaries!

I Heart Accuracy June 8, 2010 at 5:17 pm

[re=594667]SayItWithWookies[/re]: OE and loosies. I mean, she’s a chicken-lady Chrissakes.

Come here a minute June 8, 2010 at 5:17 pm

The “Daily Kos Blog” has a handy list of primary closings.

edgydrifter June 8, 2010 at 5:22 pm

I don’t know. Without Hillary to rail against, this whole deal feels kind of blah. I wouldn’t even call it a primary. More like a secondary or tertiary. I’d rate it even lower, but thankfully we have Dr. Wetntite for a sprinkling of unfocused crazy.

Vulpes82 June 8, 2010 at 5:25 pm

I just participated in the NJ primary! But, eh, it was just a bunch of town council and stuff, and Rob Andrews, who would have to sodomize an underage male prostitute with a fresh Jersey tomato and some Silver Queen corn to not win (not because of the underage male prostitute, but for wasting the tomato and the corn; we’re very serious about our tomatoes and corn ’round these parts).

4tehlulz June 8, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Oh man, I have a job and stuff, so I can’t stay up to see democracy die at the hands of Orly Tainz.

Time zones are an Obamunist plot.

jus_wonderin June 8, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Drinking game? Can’t I just do my evening regular drinking? I like to think of it as my second job.

GOPCrusher June 8, 2010 at 5:41 pm

[re=594670]bored with gravity[/re]: Watch Faux Noise. Do a shot every time someone says “Tea Party favorite”.
Hilarity ensues.

chascates June 8, 2010 at 5:42 pm

ORLY! ORLY! ORLY!

Double shots upon hearing ‘Obama’s Katrina’ or ‘game changer’.

Snarkalicious June 8, 2010 at 5:50 pm

Oh, and 1994. SHOT.

Troubledog June 8, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Orly is hilarious. Anything that puts more Orly quotes and soundbites into circulation is a-ok with yrs trly.

Also, for the runup to the general, it would be good if a right wing blogger claimed to have had an inappropriate physical relationship with her. Then she could be on every channel all day long. I’ll make some calls.

Katydid June 8, 2010 at 5:57 pm

[re=594695]V572625694[/re]: Lee Marvin singing in Cat Ballou.

Landstander June 8, 2010 at 5:57 pm

****FUCK*****YES******

Katydid June 8, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Also too I was heading out to buy some Greenies instead of drinking to give my liver a rest, when I realized Greenies are dog treats. Damn.

What are the ethics of asking your kid for some of her weed? I’m presuming she has weed, I certainly did at her age. Goddamm, I can’t do that. OK, what are our drinking words? “The,” “It,” “Win,” “Lose,” & etc.? What are we all drinking?

SayItWithWookies June 8, 2010 at 6:08 pm

[re=594729]Katydid[/re]: See, this is why pot needs to be legal — so the parents don’t have to look terminally unhip by schnorring from their kids’ stashes.

Snarkalicious June 8, 2010 at 6:11 pm

[re=594729]Katydid[/re]: UR doinit rong. The trick is to toss your kid’s room until you find the pot, then nail them for something else. But, then, you mystify them by sending them to a friend’s house. Then, when they come back and the pot is gone, you get a comedic mix of relief, paranoia, room cleaning and silence from them.

Mom taught me so well.

chascates June 8, 2010 at 6:12 pm

[re=594726]Katydid[/re]: “Never aaw a man get through the day so fast.”

maximumneanderthal June 8, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Ooooh, ooh, yes, yes, Orly is Borat in drag, fap, fap, fap, gimme more 25 year old Bowmore everytime i think of her (him?, it?) being Steve Martin to my Bill Murray in “Little shop of horrors”. Fuck, I think my brain just exploded…….

Jukesgrrl June 8, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Ohh, I love to be “turned loose.” I’ll be there.

My victory party wish list:

*Las Vegas Mayor Goodman, who claims to be an independent, showing up at everyone’s parties with his showgirls in tow.
*Arrests (hopefully the guest of honor!) at Gov. Gibbons’ failure party.
*All the chicken costumes that were banned from the polls.
*Many photos of Blanche Lincoln crying her eye make-up off.
*Nikki, partying as only girls named Nikki know how. (Is it too much to ask for Caribou Barbie to show up with her new appendages?)
*Orly, Orly, Orly with a victory speech that will set a new record for conspiracy-flavored word salad.

I’m off to freeze little mint leaves into my ice cubes for that festive touch.

doxastic June 8, 2010 at 6:26 pm

[re=594733]SayItWithWookies[/re]: We buy through my SO’s mom. God bless her hippie heart.

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm

[re=594742]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Mint leaves in the ice cubes and insane dreams of electoral results and weed if you can find any? Just tell me where it is, and I’m so there with a case of nice Pinot noir.

Afterwards: the Lee Marvin ouevre, one by one….

WarAndG June 8, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Can’t blog ’bout Oraly, too biz-zay. Shaving bunghole.

whiterabid June 8, 2010 at 6:47 pm

I think Orly could win because California votes for candidates with accents. She sounds a little like Zsa Zsa Gabor. For people who grew up with Johnnie Carson, Zsa Zsa or that crazy woman from Brazil with a one word name like Cher are considered middle of the road.

Litlebritdifrnt June 8, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster:

I promise I will worship your noodly awsomeness every day for the rest of my life if you let Orly win the primary.

May you reign in noodly awsomeness forever.

Ramen

chascates June 8, 2010 at 6:55 pm

CNN says John McCain is running an ad where McCain attacks challenger J.D. Hayworth as a ‘Washington insider.’

Mn Independent says Michele Bachmann is taking heat from New Jersey Tea Partiers for recording robo-calls for the non-Tea Party candidate, Rep. Chris Smith.

About 20 members of the disability rights group ADAPT began shouting just minutes into Nancy Pelosi’s speech, continuing for some 20 minutes. The group is calling for the passage of the Community Choice Act, which would make it easier for the disabled to receive care in their own homes instead of at nursing homes.

Whether you drink and/or toke stock up on enough to get through this November.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 7:08 pm

Watermelon vodka and Moms’ pierogies i’m good….

El Pinche June 8, 2010 at 7:09 pm

DID WE GET OUR COUNTRY BACK YET ? ILL CHECK BACK LATER. WIFESWAP IS GOOD TONIGHT

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 7:16 pm

[re=594752]whiterabid[/re]: Charo….your welcome.

BlueStateLiberal June 8, 2010 at 7:18 pm

[re=594667]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The hen’s leg itself?

It’ll be interesting to see who the nuts in California vote for: the lady who didn’t vote for 30 years or the lady with the Midas touch in reverse.

JadedDIssonance June 8, 2010 at 7:20 pm

As a citizen in a state with nothing but corrupt officials who will be live tweeting their opening remarks, I must say I feel a little left out.

chascates June 8, 2010 at 7:21 pm

[re=594764]arewethereyet[/re]: I was thinking Xuxa, who had the popular kiddie show in Brazil. And was a cemterfold in the Brazilian edition of Playboy.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v188/snicks/xuxa1.jpg
(Pic NOT from Playboy.)

Holding Out for a Hero June 8, 2010 at 7:26 pm

I for one will be waiting patiently to see was Bible Spice twats..err…tweets about tonight’s primary results.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 7:30 pm

[re=594767]chascates[/re]: Charo acted pretty spacey and whatnot but could really sing, etc. Hooked up with xavier cugot a brazillian jazz band musician/band leader. they were both very talented but settled for something less, ithought.

ShamWow June 8, 2010 at 7:31 pm

[re=594765]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: the real beauty is they can choose BOTH! I felt slighted having to vote for the Dems because there aren’t any crazies running.

rocktonsammy June 8, 2010 at 7:34 pm

“following the news while drinking”= Tuesday night

HEADLINE FOR TOMORROW, CAN AMERIKA BE DUMBER?

chascates June 8, 2010 at 7:35 pm

[re=594770]arewethereyet[/re]: I remember that now. Cugat was almost 2 or 3 times her age when they married. I checked on Wiki & it said he once worked as a cartoonist for the LA Times!

Cugat did not lose sleep over artistic compromises:
“I would rather play Chiquita Banana and have my swimming pool than play Bach and starve.”

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Would you believe i have The Dirty Dozen on VHS? …and i have the machine to play it? Sad huh? Well i’m watching it tonite. Anybody want to buy the original Blind Faith on vinyl…..just kidding…but i have it.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 7:42 pm

[re=594774]chascates[/re]: Yeah, that was my take. they were both very talented but settled for the pool. too bad.

El Pinche June 8, 2010 at 7:52 pm

[re=594770]arewethereyet[/re]: like Captain Stubing

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:02 pm

Virginia, the Old Dominion (what the hell does that even mean?), doesn’t have too many tight races except for one House of Rep race:
https://www.voterinfo.sbe.virginia.gov/election/DATA/2010/3429C052-221D-420E-B117-AB75E2FD4894/Unofficial/6_s.shtml

Tommmcatt June 8, 2010 at 8:03 pm

[re=594752]whiterabid[/re]:

Zha Zha was clearly from Paraguay, not Brazil.

BeWoot June 8, 2010 at 8:04 pm

[re=594745]V572625694[/re]: You know, Trini Lopez is also in the Dirty Dozen. A rare film appearance. And of course Ernest Borgnine. And Clint Walker! (Also a rare film appearance.)

YesWeKant June 8, 2010 at 8:05 pm

FOUR ORLY YEARS! fORLY MORE YEARS!

Suds McKenzie June 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Can we just Live Blog Charo instead?

Bearbloke June 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm

[re=594693]phineas_bounderby[/re]: [re=594750]WarAndG[/re]: Has Dr Esq OilyTitz won the Presidency yet, or must she wait for her special Supreme Court ruling? I must know, so I can decide whether to shave my bunghole into a smiley face or a frowny face…

El Pinche June 8, 2010 at 8:07 pm

I guess Chichi Rodriguez was chopped liver. He had some nice hoohahs.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 8:09 pm

[re=594785]Tommmcatt[/re]: I thought she was from hungary or czechoslavakia or sum such….sorry about the spelling…must be the watermelon!

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:14 pm

[re=594790]Bearbloke[/re]: That blessed event may not be known until the wee hours. Pacific Ocean Time, you see.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 8:18 pm

I gotta tell you when Charo did her coochi coochi on ed sullivan back in the day i was headed for the “rest room”

DC Hates Me June 8, 2010 at 8:19 pm

I predict no voter turn out. The rest of the evening will be spent looking for votes.

bitchincamaro June 8, 2010 at 8:21 pm

“Drinking while watching the news!” Thank you, Captain Obvious.

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Just curious…who watches what to get the results. i watch keith and rachel…luv rachel….if given the opportunity i believe i could bring her around…..just sayin’

DustBowlBlues June 8, 2010 at 8:35 pm

[re=594734]Snarkalicious[/re]: Damn, you’re good.

Bearbloke June 8, 2010 at 8:36 pm

[re=594797]chascates[/re]: I’m on the other end of the Pacific Ocean Time-Space, mate, where it’s just barely heavy drinking- luncheon-time…so I’ve got all day to watch Frau Dr Esq OilyTitz redeem and LIBERATE your KenyIslamic-Fascoialist-Usurped Nation…

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:36 pm
BMK June 8, 2010 at 8:38 pm

I’m only doing this for the alcohol.

DustBowlBlues June 8, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Did my Glee post disappear? Who wins? I pay Dish $100 a month and they send me an imaginary remote control to replace the broken one and keep me stay a prisoner in my own home, promising me a technician will be here to adjust the satellite. I can’t get Fox or MSNBC, so I’m sitting here with Campbell Brown and wonkette.

I repeat–please tell me who wins. Fuck fucking Dish Network.

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:41 pm

[re=594812]Bearbloke[/re]: 10:45 a.m., yes? Before time for bourbon bread pudding you should know.

Tommmcatt June 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm

[re=594794]arewethereyet[/re]:

Honey, she wasfrom Hungary. I was being ironic.

Eh, my sense of humor has been off lately. Sorry for the clunkers of late, everyone.

Hey, did you know that Zha-Zha is Paris Hilton’s step-aunt? it’s true!

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm

Tea Party Tool Tom Graves wins in Jo-jah, Land of Newt.

leaveskoalrebelalone June 8, 2010 at 8:43 pm

‘take our country back’ drink…..’big night for palin’ drink

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:46 pm

30% in and Nikki Haley is at 48%…. Andre the Midget is dead-ass last. Sanford taint?

arewethereyet June 8, 2010 at 8:50 pm

[re=594820]leaveskoalrebelalone[/ recipe please….

DustBowlBlues June 8, 2010 at 8:53 pm

[re=594821]chascates[/re]: Is Nikki the one in SC who every Republic male claimed to have banged? What is it about that state?

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:56 pm

[re=594826]DustBowlBlues[/re]: I think the tropical weather empassions the blood. And most people sleep with relatives as well.

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 8:58 pm

[re=594786]BeWoot[/re]: Telly Savalas and Ernest Borgnine in the same movie…it’s a wonder the film stock didn’t melt from the awfulness and hamminess of those two. Trini’s okay — wasn’t he killed before the first commercial, like a “Star Trek” episode?

[re=594799]arewethereyet[/re]: Whenever I hear the long build at the end of the Doors’ “Touch Me” I envision Xavier Cugat in a puffy shirt, waving maracas, as the music gets louder and crazier behind him and he turns around in fear….that was some good acid, back in 1970. “Black barrels,” I think.

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:58 pm
DoktorZoom June 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm

[re=594694]V572625694[/re]:
Gonna paint that wagon, gonna paint it fine,
Gonna use oil-based paint, cause that wood is pine

chascates June 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm

[re=594831]V572625694[/re]: Don’t forget Marty!

JMP June 8, 2010 at 9:01 pm

[re=594767]chascates[/re]: Ah, Xuxa; it was on just before the opening of homeroom my senior year of high school, and we’d sometimes grab one of the TVs on a cart and watch it waiting for the school day to start; one of the few kids’ shows that could serve the libido of high school boys then (the other was Power Rangers in Kimberly-centric episodes, especially when she wore her gymnastics gear).

[re=594771]ShamWow[/re]: Now, the CA Dems still have the 72-year-old pothead. Yeah, he actually did a good job before at the position he’s running for; but there is still comedy potential; just comedy potential married to competence, which is probably the best kind (see also: Clinton, Bill).

V572625694 June 8, 2010 at 9:03 pm

[re=594834]chascates[/re]: That’s like Broderick Crawford in “All the King’s Men” — there was only one role he could do, and he did it well. “McHale’s Navy” of course was the “Seinfeld” of its time, except it wasn’t funny.

Enslave the Whales June 8, 2010 at 11:11 pm

[re=594794]arewethereyet[/re]: Definitely easitsh europe, not south amurka

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