WONKETTE'S NEW ERRAND BOY  1:15 pm June 7, 2010

Benjamin Frisch Is President of Interns!

by Benjamin Frisch

Not Safe For Socialist-welfare-statists!Presenting Wonkette’s newest intern, Summer 2010 model: Benjamin Frisch. Ben draws terrible comics and has been in art school for far too long. He maintains a blog of his awful artwork, and also keeps a portfolio of sorts on this furry pornography site. Good news for elderly Republican congressmen: he’s single!

Hypothetical question as lazy blog post transition: What if America’s greatest prophet Ayn Rand was alive today? It would be just like that radio show where they talk to that fake-Thomas Jefferson about gardening, except interesting maybe, or not. Anyway, you may have noticed a new comic strip feature here on Wonkette. This comic is the first of many about Ayn Rand time traveling to 2010 and experiencing our contemporary horror. This will be a regular feature, posted on Mondays unless Harper-Collins offers him a book deal for his epic graphic novel about Oedipus Rex, in which case he will abandon this place like President Bush after Katrina. Cheers!

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Hola wonkerados.

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JadedDIssonance June 7, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Welcome to the Queue. I hope they mentioned your weekly (and mandatory) “Desert Counseling Sessions” at the Layne Ranch in your Internist Contract. Didn’t Riley warn you?

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Hey, my sister went to SCAD. Are you really interning for Teh Wonkette from Savannah?

Snarkalicious June 7, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Now, you come bearing reasonably unflattering likenesses of Ayn Rand, so I ain’t throwin stones…and perhaps I just missed the boat on this one, but…WTF happened to Waggaman?

Anyhow, I for one, welcome our new underling overlords.

hockeymom June 7, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Any relation to Karl?

Katydid June 7, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Welcome Benjamin Frisch, if that is your real name! Your furry pornography site indicates you’re deviant, so you should fit in very well here at Wonkette. Congrats (?) on your internship.

NJB June 7, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Welcome – and if that truly frightening cartoon is any indication, you know all about us already. I love an intern who does his homework.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 1:25 pm

[re=593326]Snarkalicious[/re]: She looks like Alan Greenspan in this drawing. Which is somewhat appropriate.

the problem child June 7, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Actually, some of your awful artwork is quite lovely. Have you ever tried brocading?

chascates June 7, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Do Michele Bachmann next!!!!

Benjamin Frisch June 7, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=593325]Doglessliberal[/re]: Yeah, I’m in Savannah now, next week I’ll be in New York, then DC, the back to Savannah. I’m a real jet setter, if you replace “jet” with “China Town Bus”.

[re=593326]Snarkalicious[/re]: Waggaman is still around, he never left.

[re=593327]hockeymom[/re]: Not that I know of, but maybe, who knows.

Baldar T Flagass June 7, 2010 at 1:27 pm

I guess going from “newest intern” to “president of interns” makes you the John Roberts of Wonkland. Hope none of the other interns get jealous and shiv you during breaktime in the exercise yard.

Dashboard_Buddha June 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm

What if America’s greatest prophet Ayn Rand was alive today?


you cannot be serious June 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Sounds like you dodged the Sarah Jessica Horseface’s new Project Artist bullet!

Katydid June 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

[re=593339]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: Now that’s really funny.

Words June 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Welcome, Intern Frisch!! Go forth and be funny!!! And Arty. Also!

Katydid June 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Oh, and Benjamin, I once dated a cartoonist, who was brilliant, but strange, and he now makes buckets of money. Just throwing that out there.

weejee June 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Welcome Benjamin. Some of your work, like the cards, seems to come from that Hindi porn the Komic Suture or whatever it is called. Regards Tommy Jefferson & gardening, would you be refer-ing to hiz letters to Geo. Washington ’bout the best way to grow weed?

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Benjamin Frisch? It sounds like such an adult name — can you even be an intern with a name like Benjamin Frisch? If Wonkette were a tool & die shop in Cincinnatti, Benjamin Frisch would be Ken Layne’s favorite son who would be doing a stint in the mailroom until he became CEO. Anyway, welcome, Benjamin.
And Ayn Rand needs to go to Somalia to see the pinnacle of the Randian society. Not that it matters — if she couldn’t see the stupidity of her worldview back when she wrote about it over and over again, she wouldn’t see it now.

JadedDIssonance June 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

[re=593338]Benjamin Frisch[/re]: Chinatown Bus is The Awesome. +2 for responding to comments, also!

Terry June 7, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Welcome, Benjy! Don’t let Riley haze you or anything.

Baldar T Flagass June 7, 2010 at 1:34 pm

[re=593344]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Or she would have a flashback to her training at the temple of the legendary martial arts master Pai Mei, and punch her way right the fuck out of the ground.

Words June 7, 2010 at 1:34 pm

[re=593349]Katydid[/re]: Wasn’t Doonesbury, was it? He’d be robbing the cradle, be my guess….

qwerty42 June 7, 2010 at 1:37 pm

[re=593338]Benjamin Frisch[/re]: Savannah is kinda warmish and humidy. Not as much as New Orleans, but no slouch either.

SlouchingTowardsWasilla June 7, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Would there be any trademark problems if I had that tattooed on my ass?

Snarkalicious June 7, 2010 at 1:39 pm

[re=593338]Benjamin Frisch[/re]: Jesus H Monkeyfuckers. How many slaves does one Ken Layne need? Because, you know…if somebody is needed to run the ‘Chicago’ office, I’m down. Perhaps I can post videos of His Majesty the Emperor Mayor Daley threatening to fuck me in the ass with a new small arms attachment every week, and things of this nature.

Look At My Wiener June 7, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Welcome Benjamin Frisch. You draw reel purty. But could you please lighten up the background in this here drawing… why is black the most dominate color in your drawings? It’s because of who’s in the White House, isn’t it? Don’t force feed me your “diversity”, Benjamin Frisch. Oh… Need moar weenie picktures. Also.

Katydid June 7, 2010 at 1:42 pm

[re=593359]Words[/re]: Aw, how sweet. Nope, not Doonesbury. I’ll never tell, now that I’ve said the guy is strange. He was very nice, and really brilliant and very, very funny, but weird around the edges. He didn’t have the big bucks when we dated, though. Sigh. Story of my life. I have to start learning to date for money, not love, goddammit. Although, that would make me a whore, would it not? Thanks for calling me a whore, Words.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 1:43 pm

[re=593361]qwerty42[/re]: But it is one fantastic city. Where else do you get an art school, faded Southern gentility, the largest drag queen population outside SF, a minor league baseball team, one of the oldest synagogues in the US, and terrific beach (Tybee, 20 mins away)? Bizarro world, and in a good way.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 1:45 pm

[re=593359]Words[/re]: he’s been married to Jane Pauley for a dog’s age. Not that that disqualifies one from dating, I suppose, but still. I bet she dated the Pearls Before Swine or Get Fuzzy guy. I love those comics.

Benjamin Frisch June 7, 2010 at 1:46 pm

[re=593350]weejee[/re]: That’s amazing, but no. I was referring to The Thomas Jefferson Hour, specifically. It’s a radio show where they ask a TJ impersonator about politics and stuff.

slappypaddy June 7, 2010 at 1:49 pm

wilkommen auf der teufelwald. du bist ein gut jugend fur uns, nicht war?

Monsieur Grumpe June 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

Yeah, yeah, Benjamin draws real purty like. But can he Blingee?

facehead June 7, 2010 at 1:53 pm

I sense a disturbance in the force.

FlownOver June 7, 2010 at 1:54 pm

[re=593335]Doglessliberal[/re]: Hmmm… me, I was getting a “younger Helen Thomas” thing.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 1:55 pm

[re=593390]FlownOver[/re]: have you ever seen Helen Thomas and Alan Greenspan in the same room, hmmm?

chascates June 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: Gary Larson?

Baldar T Flagass June 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: He was very nice, and really brilliant and very, very funny, but weird around the edges.

R. Crumb?

magic titty June 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Best thing to come out of Savannah since Peter North.

Words June 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: Your welcome, dahlin”!!

[re=593374]Doglessliberal[/re]: Those are good, too.. (the comics, not the ciities, which are good, but not in a comic-stripy kind of way, I guess, oh hell… happy fingers!! attack.

Manos: Hands of Fate June 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm

[re=593338]Benjamin Frisch[/re]: How does Riley afford to eat? Seems like that dude’s has been an intern since Bush was still in office.

I Heart Accuracy June 7, 2010 at 2:01 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: Whoring is pretty cool; beats the hell out of washing dishes.

FMA June 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm

[re=593395]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: If Katy mentions the piggyback rides, we have a winner.

Monsieur Grumpe June 7, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Bil Keane?

JMP June 7, 2010 at 2:03 pm

I, for one, welcome our new cartoonist overlords. Er, minions, really.

But will there be conflict with both a comic artist and a professional mocker-of-comics on board?

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 2:08 pm

[re=593405]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: but didn’t you always get the child molester vibe from him (or at least from him via his comic)?

Carrie_Okie June 7, 2010 at 2:25 pm

he totally need to read Wonkette aloud on SCADRadio.org

Joshua Norton June 7, 2010 at 2:32 pm

So does Riley get to call you “probie” now? Also please post any videos where he has you in a hammerlock and is yelling “who’s your daddy”.

Ah, kids.

Look At My Wiener June 7, 2010 at 2:35 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: Whore = WHORE DIAMONDS. I will award you one Whore Diamond to start you on your way. Godspeed.

V572625694 June 7, 2010 at 2:44 pm

[re=593338]Benjamin Frisch[/re]: [re=593373]Doglessliberal[/re]: Savannah Sand Gnats: Bite me!

trondant June 7, 2010 at 2:56 pm

[re=593372]Katydid[/re]: Josh Fruhlinger, obvs.

Hoplight June 7, 2010 at 2:57 pm

A recent grad art student gave me a link to the comics site where he publishes. I was astounded to discover that artists have taken one of the most accessible forms of graphic communication and rendered it incomprehensible. (Not to mention ugly as sin.) That takes some effort. Especially if your audience, like me, grew up on Heavy Metal and Tales of Variousdisturbinggrusomehappenings sort of comic books.

Jukesgrrl June 7, 2010 at 2:59 pm

[re=593367]Snarkalicious[/re]: Re: How many slaves does one Ken Layne need?

Internships can’t been full-time jobs in our nation’s capital! That would leave no sexy-time and everyone knows that’s why any sane person goes to Washington — where you can have everything from girls in pearls at Mr. Smith’s to a United States Senator in an airport bathroom … or some combination of the above, paid for by a lobbying firm. (Yes, I mean you, Vicki Iseman.)

Monsieur Grumpe June 7, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Yes and never anything funny.

Monsieur Grumpe June 7, 2010 at 3:05 pm
lawrenceofthedesert June 7, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Young man, I’m a liberal (not “a lifelong liberal,” because I’m not dead yet! And don’t call me “chief”!) and haven’t had a beer in 18 years, but there are places even a liberal can’t allow a man to go — and misspelling Leinenkugel’s is one of them. Get thee hence to yon Web site and correct that egregious Summer Shandy malaprop! And never leave ambrosia to spellcheck again, kemosabe.

qwerty42 June 7, 2010 at 3:38 pm

[re=593373]Doglessliberal[/re]: Oh yes, I know … I grew up there and still have family and friends there. I like the food, the city, the way the public space (parks, cemeteries, even road medians) blend into the private gardens and houses. I always enjoy visiting. And I have to confess that SCAD is responsible for saving a lot of the old buildings (especially the old schools, with their triple hung windows) that could not otherwise have been maintained. Good seafood down there. The new hotel on the river is an interesting place.

qwerty42 June 7, 2010 at 3:40 pm

[re=593460]V572625694[/re]: Grayson Stadium (Home of the Gnats) is great in the summer. A hot night and cold beer and all the mosquitoes you could want.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 4:11 pm

[re=593460]V572625694[/re]: SO sad when they were no longer in the Nats farm.

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 4:12 pm

[re=593480]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: holy crap

Doglessliberal June 7, 2010 at 4:13 pm

[re=593517]qwerty42[/re]: I have a major want-to-visit jones now. But, I will wait until October….

Kayaking to Little Tybee from Tybee in Oct is great.

DoktorZoom June 7, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Great. He just got here, and already he’s third-personing.

Custersdeadhorse June 7, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Congratulations! NPR just announced that Helen Thomas is retiring after 10,000 years. Her less than delicate face would make a valid excuse to have some artistic fun!

Mr Blifil June 7, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Ayn Rand as a cartoon? Now there’s a face it would be impossible to lighten.

CivicHoliday June 7, 2010 at 5:26 pm

I cannot WAIT until we get to the exciting, sensual finale to your comic series, in which Ayn, Sarah P and Michelle B have a hot sweaty threesome then Ayn bites off both their heads at the end to provide nourishment for her newly fertilized objectivist eggs

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 7, 2010 at 5:37 pm

[re=593654]CivicHoliday[/re]: Gross. You just gave away the plot of Michelle Malkin’s newest porno snuff film.

geminisunmars June 7, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Jeez. Layne’s unleashed an artiste upon us. And one that is into mother/son action. Welcome.

zhubajie June 7, 2010 at 7:19 pm

[re=593344]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: There’s a lot of competition for that title. How does she stack up with Joseph Smith? Alexander Dowie? Brother Stair?

Shitty the Clown June 7, 2010 at 7:39 pm

So, tell me, Benjamin….When the Ayn Rand Society votes for its leader, does everyone get one vote?

NB: This is a test.

102415 June 7, 2010 at 7:42 pm

Welcome Benjamin, are there any murals you can show us? Glad to hear you were cool enough to go to SCAD one of my very favorite places.

Words June 7, 2010 at 7:52 pm

[re=593777]Shitty the Clown[/re]: and don’t try to write on both sides of the paper at once.

Lascauxcaveman June 8, 2010 at 1:29 am

[re=593417]Doglessliberal[/re]: but didn’t you always get the child molester vibe from him (or at least from him via his comic)?

No, no, no. You’re thinking of Glen McCoy.

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