That’s Objectivist: Ayn Rand in the 21st Century

by Benjamin Frisch

Next Comic: Ayn meets the teabaggers.

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


rambone June 7, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Where’s lord Xenu?

tombones June 7, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Holy Shit

Jim89048 June 7, 2010 at 12:36 pm


weejee June 7, 2010 at 12:37 pm

easy as one, two, three Ayn, swine, drei

the problem child June 7, 2010 at 12:37 pm

Yay! It’s Newell’s reanimated corpse, but with a sharpie instead of a keyboard.

rottenart June 7, 2010 at 12:38 pm

This is creeping me out.

JadedDIssonance June 7, 2010 at 12:39 pm

And Behold, I too shall write a book ennobling my basest of desires and you shall bequeath it an ISM!

Potater June 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm


MMS June 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Afternoon, won.

Johnny Zhivago June 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Communist propaganda!

SmutBoffin June 7, 2010 at 12:41 pm

Is this one of those “comix” that “cool” dorks pretend to like?

Prommie June 7, 2010 at 12:42 pm

Nice likeness.

I Heart Accuracy June 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm

So if anyone wants to carpe diem, follow me to Amway – and be your own boss!

slappypaddy June 7, 2010 at 12:45 pm

welcome to 2010, ayn rand. you are not allowed to smoke here.

Jim Demintia June 7, 2010 at 12:45 pm

You can tell this is a whitewash because the artist made Ayn Rand much more attractive than she was in real life.

neoplatonic June 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm


Snarkalicious June 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I’d go five hundo to toss a pie at that bitch. MAKE IT HAPPEN GREENSPAN!!!

Also…needz moar unibrow.

ThePuckStopsHere June 7, 2010 at 12:48 pm

[re=593242]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Now that’s what I call a joke.

Baby who ate the Dingo June 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm

So in the early eighties I smoked a lot of pot, read Atlas Farted, like six times, Fountainhead once, because it was stupid, and listened to “Trees” and “2112″ by Rush thinking I was so smart because I hated 70′s claptrap rock, like the Eagles and Fleetwood Mac.

Now, I still hate claptrap rock, which is being minted in new form by the Daughtry/Nicklback, think Rush is pretty juvenile, even if Neil Peart was/is one of the most underrated drummers. This even with the copious dubage that I still consume.

But what I really want to know is Why Ayn has Granny Boobs for eyelids.

Maus June 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm


ManchuCandidate June 7, 2010 at 12:50 pm

The road to Teabagging hell is paved with Self Regulation.

weejee June 7, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Hi Benjamin, is the art yours? If so kudos to you, or else kudos to whomever – the deco-dant first panel is killer.

However, hopefully not entirely moving from the thread of the original dracula cunt, haz the group noticed that the author of Kim Chi Shrugged, ol’ Kim Song Il is doing some serious purges that appear to be more than your run-of-the-mill cabbage juice high colonic.

ShiftyParadigm June 7, 2010 at 12:51 pm

And then they all headed to Chateau Roissy.

NJB June 7, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I can’t wait until the next installment when we see what happens when Ayn meet those brilliant Objectivist intellectuals Bachmann and Palin. It must involve the Gates of Hell and a gravel pit in Wasilla, but I could be wrong.

Suds McKenzie June 7, 2010 at 12:51 pm

K, I’m going over to Gawker, … Fuckin Nerds

geminisunmars June 7, 2010 at 12:53 pm

That was a nice palate cleanser. After this weekend.

Lascauxcaveman June 7, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Is Benjamin Frisch the artiste or the new associate editor that brings us this? Either way, great (creepy) work!

freakishlystrong June 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Are we dosing?

Princess Sparkle Pony June 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm

That was awesome.

Slattenpat June 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm

“Today’s “conservatives” are futile, impotent and, culturally, dead. They have nothing to offer and can achieve nothing. They can only help to destroy intellectual standards, to disintegrate thought, to discredit capitalism, and to accelerate this country’s uncontested collapse into despair and dictatorship.” – “Conservatism: An Obituary,” Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal – Ayn Rand

“At first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of this garbage, and because of this piece of shit, I am never reading again.” – Officer Barbrady, South Park

NopantsMcGee June 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Last caption needs clearer more numerous teabaggers.

that is what they are suppose to be, ryte?

Way Cool Larry June 7, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Yikes, he wasn’t that far off:

comicbookguy June 7, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Next stop for Ayn… redstate!

CrunchyKnee June 7, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I laughed.

MissyLissa June 7, 2010 at 1:02 pm

I have a feeling that this is going to turn into one of those creepy Japanese rape comics pretty soon.

That’s what Ayn would have wanted.

gjdodger June 7, 2010 at 1:03 pm

How come she was “mistress” at the beginning but “master” at the end? Does time travel come with a sex change?

the problem child June 7, 2010 at 1:03 pm

[re=593260]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Both, I think.

Jim89048 June 7, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Prescient![re=593264]Princess Sparkle Pony[/re]: Newell leaves, Sparkle Pony comes back in. Could it be?
Extemporanus, also.

DC Hates Me June 7, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Fountainhead great!

McDuff June 7, 2010 at 1:16 pm

[re=593268]Way Cool Larry[/re]: That’s a MAN, baby!

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 7, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Wait a minute…., does this mean Spiderman was real also?

Geogre June 7, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Very nice, except that Alan Greenspan — like an Operating Thetan VIII — is the New Intellectual, a man of Will to Power (see some power? well, it WILL be yours, if the price is right), so he would, of course, tell his mistress that he owned her copyrights now. After all, the True Intellectual owes nothing to the past, nothing to the future, and certainly nothing to other humans.

The New Intellectual is, in other words, a 2 year old.

Seriously: this woman’s escape from Marxism was at the cost of the entire history of philosophy, ethics, rationalism, and existentialism, and for the net effect of self gratification and bestial aggression? Yeah, that’s some philosopher there.

(I’ll stick to my gloomy Dane, Kierkegaard. At least he cares about others.)

S.Luggo June 7, 2010 at 1:23 pm

The world is North Korea’s whining bitch, there are Mexicans in every state, the US is in debt up to its pierced eyebrows to freedom-hating Communist Red China, you still can’t go back to Russia, and Wonder Bread is dead. Put that in your filter-tip and smoke it.


Asa Hawks June 7, 2010 at 1:39 pm

Thanks for the nightmares.

Naked Bunny with a Whip June 7, 2010 at 1:39 pm

This is some shitty furry porn, tough I see they got a little vore in near the end.

Snarkalicious June 7, 2010 at 1:48 pm

[re=593265]Slattenpat[/re]: Between her and the founding fathers, those asshats have been preemptively ditched by enough of their heroes to form a rugby league.

I’m other news, I’d pay good money if the SCA could throw together a video of Sam Beckett repeatedly leveling Ayn Rand on an open field of well maintained grass.

Aramel June 7, 2010 at 2:20 pm

[re=593268]Way Cool Larry[/re]: I’d hit it.

chaste everywhere June 7, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Can I commission one where Baba Wawa spreads ‘em for Roy Cohn* and they spawn, I dunno, Tony Hayward?
* She did “date” the guy, after all, whatever that might have meant.

God Hates Faps June 7, 2010 at 3:30 pm

You know you’re dealing with a woman of high intellect when the only way she can prove her philosophical points is through the use of shitty FICTIONAL NOVELS.

JooJoo Bee June 7, 2010 at 4:04 pm

[re=593329]Geogre[/re]: Seriously: this woman’s escape from Marxism was at the cost of the entire history of philosophy, ethics, rationalism, and existentialism, and for the net effect of self gratification and bestial aggression? Yeah, that’s some philosopher there.

We might be the only two people on earth who get it. Well, and Robert Vaughn.

GOPCrusher June 7, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Needz moar Aeon Flux.

Troubledog June 7, 2010 at 4:26 pm

So let’s use the time machine again.

Go back to 2001, in the fall, and watch 19 Saudis use some airplanes to kill most of Cantor Fitzgerald and the husband of a chick that would go on to fuck Tiger Woods. Pan out across two impossibly tall columns of smoke rising into the sky and fade.

Now, here we are, June 2010, and it turns out we attacked the wrong country in reprisal, started another Vietnam, and ran up all the credit cards transferring wealth of future generations into the hands of currently wealthy people who, stunningly enough, have created a mob of simple white people to support their position.

How fucked up is that?

Troubledog June 7, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Oh yeah, one thing both versions have in common:

An ancient and long discredited Jewish financier is fucking Diane Sawyer.

AddHomonym June 7, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Time travel counts as illegal immigration, is the point, yes?

Troubledog June 7, 2010 at 5:10 pm

In fact, that’s a perfect microcosm of that whole lost fucking decade.

2001: Rachel Uchitel, crying and devastated, holding a picture of her missing fiance.
2010: Rachel Uchitel, in swimwear and a fake tan, fleecing wealthy hedonists as a “hostess”.

arewethereyet June 7, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Aynny needs more boob…..just sayin’

sqrl June 7, 2010 at 7:41 pm

hats off

Lynnrocks June 7, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Love the style, the likenesses, the humor. You’re a real addition to Wonkette and have a new fan. We’ll all be awaiting your next installment. Gotta love Wonkette and you’ve made it ‘way better. Hope you have an agent.

zhubajie June 7, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Is she still a tweaker?

zhubajie June 7, 2010 at 8:02 pm

[re=593278]MissyLissa[/re]: It would be a very kinky octopus indeed that went for Ayn Rand!

Geogre June 7, 2010 at 10:25 pm

[re=593557]JooJoo Bee[/re]: I had the unmitigated horror of having to endure a 5 vs. 1 “debate” with objectivists. I had read a good portion of the western canon by then, and they had read Ayn Rand’s claims about Ayn Rand’s accomplishments (mainly in “solving” Descartes). The worst part was that I didn’t have my pocket knife with me, so I was unable to carve my own face off. That was the only course of action that would have been commensurate with honor.

I may be reactionary in thinking that the people who rushed to rehabilitate Nietzsche were mistaken, but I’m quite certain that I’m not fringe in dismissing the “philosophy” of Ayn Rand. I just don’t see humans as atomic individuals at war with all other humans. That’s the “philosophy” of celibates with masturbation neurosis (Herr N.) and crypto-fascists. If nothing else, it’s a philosophy that leads to no more people, except by the sperm bank.

Figaro June 8, 2010 at 3:51 am

I’m old enough to remember Rand’s appearances on the Jack Paar late night show.
She was terrifying…not a smile, not a change of expression on that rigid mask of a face.
Paar kept giving her openings for a funny comment but Rand just sat there like the female robot
in Fritz Lang’s “Metropolis” while regurgitating her Objectivist babble.

zhubajie June 8, 2010 at 4:58 am

“That’s the “philosophy” of celibates with masturbation neurosis (Herr N.)”

Oh? Tell me more; offline at zhubajie12@gmail.com, if you like. I don’t like N.’s positive ideas, but his critique of conventional wisdom is entertaining. I can imagine him as a German Raffles the Amateur Crackman. (Although I gather he claimed to be a Pole!)

Geogre June 8, 2010 at 8:25 am

[re=593882]zhubajie[/re]: Nietzsche had a serious guilt about self abuse.

He took things seriously. When churches outlaw things that are both inevitable and natural, they’re basically getting an entire population in guilt, but they’re also getting some members of it to start throwing things. Nietzsche was a big mess. He still had the folk/humor idea of the “loss of essence.” He was, according to his diaries and letters, obsessed with being repellent to women.

This is not to dismiss him. It’s just that it really helps explain why someone would take the folly of rationalism after Hegel and respond to it by saying, “You know what? Screw you guys! I think it’s all about powerful men who will get even, men who have strong Wills, who can tell you that you’re wrong and that there’s no guilt anymore.” Worse, though, is that once someone gives Philosophy cover for that position, it opens the door for the march of the monsters in the same way that Darwin’s description of competition in the natural world in times of environmental stress gives a patina of Science for the monsters to paint on themselves when they take the whole project crazy.

Again, though, I’m probably reactionary about Nietzsche, so don’t trust me. History will either come around to agree with my side (Nietzsche is interesting but a dead-end, philosophically) or not, and I won’t be there to care.

zhubajie June 9, 2010 at 8:00 am

[re=593910]Geogre[/re]: N. interests me as literature. Also, I have a background in ancient history, so his stuff about the pre-Socratics is interesting. He imitates their literary forms to a degree. The masturbation phobia was common late 19th century, and not just Xtn. Lots of “scientists” promoted it. I’ve been listening to him in audio book form and his books work well aurally, which I don’t think one can say of a lot of philosophers. His general tone reminds me of the Raffles stories, as I mentioned, also Saki’s short stories (which mention him once in a while.) You might like _Beasts and Superbeasts_, esp. the story of Tobermory, the Uebercat.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: