Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, because South Carolina is run by white plantation owners — generally big fat bloated whites-only Country Club types dribbling their “Palmetto Fizz” down their golf shirts — and Nikki Haley is a hot Indian Sikh gal, which makes her both a Minority and a Woman, two things southern Republicans typically despise. What is happening?
Plenty of S.C. good old boys still understand the threat of having a sexy foreign lady winning control of South Carolina’s nuclear arsenal, of course. Swollen pink pig/state senator Jake Knotts noted that Haley was a “fucking raghead,” just like Barack Obama, and that she’s some kind of muslin terrorist from India, which is especially dangerous considering “we’re at war over there,” in India. (Did you know?)
But, as Jenny Sanford proved by getting a book deal out of her cheating husband’s Argentine-Appalachian sex adventures, there are Republican women in South Carolina, too. And at least some of them are probably swayed by the idiot Twitterings of Sarah Palin, Nikki Halley’s BFF on Facebook.
Still, Haley has little chance of actually winning the primary, because she needs 50% to avoid a runoff, and right now she’s looking at between 31% and 43%. But that’s also a double-digit gap between the latest polling, so who knows. [Talking Points Memo]
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If only Nikki slept with more bald white guys from SC. A different kind of pole tax.
It’s a strange decision for South Carolina. While being a minority running against a racist white guy (Bauer compared black people to animals, and called food stamps “encouraging them to breed”) would seem like a loosing proposition, her opponent is widely believed to be a closet case, and if there’s one thing the Southerners hate more than non-white women, it’s teh gay. And hey, she looks like she could just be a white girl with a tan, which helps with the racists.
But what does Ben Stein, Economist and Financial Expert have to say?
First India expressed their colonial desires by taking over Louisiana, but I said nothing. Then they expanded into South Carolina, but I said nothing. This should work out well. Time to end the honeymoon Rush! We need a few good laughs.
Now that’s a woman I could get behind….
She’s the new Sally Hemmings.
I knew a girl named Nikki I guess you could say she was a sex fiend.
[re=593145]bago[/re]: Depends. How much will you pay him to say it?
Either way, I’m assuming we’re going to be entertained by S.C. righttards in to the near future. They all have the crayzee.
[re=593140]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=593146]Custersdeadhorse[/re]: Did she do a pole dance for a some fat Rush’in guy from Florideeah, also?
Nikki’s “faithful 100% of the time” denial has a 31 to 43% chance of being true. I hope she “wins”.
I’m so sikh of this shit.
I’d like the ascendancy of philanderers who deny, deny, deny. All the weeping men who apologize to their wives and Jesus for getting caught is a little much.
She’s purty, she looks more eye-talyan than injun, and folks feel like everyone is ganging up on her. One of the few times when allegations like that will actually backfire, come to think of it.
In her stump speeches, Haley lists as one of her qualification that she’s married to a military man who puts on his uniform every day. If that’s a solid reason for running for office, there are a whole bunch of women in this country who have missed their calling.
If all the people from a state whose name is only differentiated from another state by the addition of a directional prefix were to stop voting, we could eliminate five states full (or over-full in the case of West Virginia) of white food stamp consuming TANF-receiving racists.
Think about it.
[re=593155]you cannot be serious[/re]: I guess you weren’t here last week when we ran that joke into the
grindground.Why do greasy old white men love Nikki? Let’s ask my penis, “Lil’ Rushie.”
“Well, I like warm, wet holes. I’m not very particular.”
Light-skinned Indians, the dothead kind? They white. They’re ethnically both Caucasian AND Aryan, and it really doesn’t get much whiter than that.
Dark-skinned Indians, of course, are rightly placed in a lower caste by the gods.
It’s a lot like America.
[re=593145]bago[/re]: He’d just claim Charles Darwin was responsible for Hitler again (no seriously, he said that), then try and shill for his ripoff “free” credit reports.
Screwing everything that moves makes you very electable in SC (and here in NY!) but, man, going door to door takes a long time that way.
It’s my opinion that if Andre Bauer gets his way and Nikki Halley agrees to take a lie-detector test to prove she doesn’t have a side-hobby humping otherwise unfuckable conservative bloggers, she should insist that Bauer take one to prove he isn’t a dick-smoker. It’s only fair.
[re=593169]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Sorry. I had to actually work last week and couldn’t keep up with my Wonkette. But it’s still funny.
[re=593168]Troubledog[/re]: I always thought those states were lame and should be required to be a “little more creative” and pick their own, more original name.
The “New-Something” states fall into the same catagory.
Nikki Haley will go knocking door-to-door to drum up support.
Or, to put it in porn terms Nikki Knockers firms up her chances at election.
Just the words “Hindu” and “Buddhist” conjure up thoughts of weird sexy time amongst the Bible “Belters” of South Carolina.
The best muslin is from India. When did this become a fabric blog?
WE’RE NOT RACISTS! WE’RE NOT SEXISTS! SEE?
In slight seriousness, this might be the ulitmate test of whether there still is (or really ever was) a “Brady effect” as to polling. This is a state of sexist, racist homophobes who have gotten their collective asses thoroughly kicked about being sexist, racist homophobes for several years, but without clear changes in practices/outlooks. So it may be that how they speak on polls won’t be reflected in the primary. Or they are waiting for Nikki’s visit.
Do you think if i read aloud RedState’s talking points to her ala poetry that i would at least get to second base?
♫♫ with apologies to Rado & Ragni ♫♫
hottie Nikki
hottie Nikki
Nikki nookie
nookie Nikki
Beads, flowers, freedom, happiness
Beads, flowers, freedom, happiness
all together now from the top ♫♫
[re=593173]JMP[/re]: Well now, sir, the misapplication of Darwin’s theory of evolution did beget social darwinism and eugenics, and those two things were espoused by Hitler, and by Prescott Bush, too.
Way too much voting in America.
[re=593174]An Outhouse[/re]: Yes, screwing everyone in the State, including Bauer’s gay supporters, will be a challenge.
Polling or poling?
I understand the problem that most U.S. Americans have with the differences between Islam and Hinduism and Sikhism. The varieties of Islam would totally blow their minds. Just put them all in one lock box and call them “Heathen.”
Is anyone still fooled by the sexist-pigs-elect-woman-leader meme?
Margaret Thatcher, Indira Ghandi, Benazir Bhutto, Golda Meir — all admirable in their own ways, but none changed the general dick-ocratic leanings of England, India, Pakistan, or Israel, amirite?
One would think the fact that she boffed a blogger would cause her poll numbers to drop down into single digit territory.
I reckon those Palmetto Bugs really don’t know what a blogger is.
[re=593152]Buzz Feedback[/re]: “She’s the new Sally Hemmings.” , or the New Mariel Hemingway.
Unfortunately, I’m near enough this hot mess of a place to have a clue that you’re missing to the puzzle: the leading contender is “we think for sure but we’re not sure and no one has proved it” gay, in the Republican mind, and, perhaps even worse, he has swung wildly from the most reckless Teabag nuttery to the most corrupt personal enrichment politics. If that weren’t enough, he’s closely associated with Sanford.
In other words, the Republicans are favoring her because all the little pieces of their party hate the “establishment” Andre Bauer. And really, when you look at him, he’s been a true gift of unbridled ridiculousness.
One could almost say that the Republicans are so filled with division and self hatred that a unified Democratic candidate could win.
Darwin was responsible for Hitler to the same degree that he was responsible for David Stockman and Ronald Reagan. Social Darwinism has rich and fertile soil in America, especially among the plutocrats, who are fond of its conclusion that they are the “fit” because they are the rich, and the poor deserve to die because…well…that’s natural. It comes, of course, from not understanding one fucking thing about Darwin or “fitness” (which refers to fitness in the case of external pressures of change, not internal pressures) or “survival of” (which refers “to pass on one’s genes,” which the poor do rather well, while the aristocratic families did/do rather poorly).
Oh. Want to hear an intellectual joke?
Ben Stein.
[re=593152]Buzz Feedback[/re]: win
[re=593159]bitchincamaro[/re]: “100% faithful” is less than 110%! faithful.
So there’s some wriggle-room there.
Is it too soon for an official Wonkett nickname? How about Governor Slutty?
If you want to know all about the Sikhs, read Kipling’s “A Sahib’s War.” Or “Flashman and the Mountain of Light.”
Ideally, the latter. More sex scenes, dontchaknow?
[re=593241]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: “The varieties of Islam would totally blow their minds.”
Personally, I wouldn’t suggest to a Sikh that his religion is a “variety of Islam.” Those buggers all carry KNIVES . . . .
[re=593388]Neilist[/re]: Nevah suggested they were a variety of Muslins.
The thing about SC that defines the state is that they had a tax-free holiday on guns and ammo following the election of Hopey. Prepare your children for the future: buy books, pencils, and Armsel Strikers.
I once had a Sikh boss whilst working for an international corporation in Atlanta. Couldn’t understood jack that he said in English, so we had all our conversations in French. It’s kind of cool to hear Alabama Indian kids talking with a Southern accent.
Propelled by the prestigious imprimatur of powerful populist princess Sarah Palin, Nikki Haley will slap down sexists & maul misogynists on her march to the Governor’s mansion.
I call it the “Bible Spice Phenomenom”. People assume that she will bang anyone that votes for her. Doesn’t matter if she kicks puppies and is openly Nazi.
I warned South Carolina not to outsource the electorate.
That’s right, she just happened commit adultery with:
a. A political consultant who resigned from her opponent’s payroll one day after making the accusations.
b. a Republican blogger who slightly less straight than Matt Drudge.
Both highly reputable gentlemen.
Oh, and Andre Bauer is also not a big Mary.
Loose lips may sink ships, but they also win elections. America loves sluts.
This will boost employment prospects in the San Fernando Valley. The “Nailin’ Palin” franchise was running out of steam. I don’t really care to see porn reenactments of her contract negotiations with FUX News.
[re=593166]Terry[/re]: Gabrielle Giffords is always trumpeting the fact that she is married to an Navy captain/astronaut (take that Nikki!). They both wore white to the wedding, even though he was married elsewhere when they started dating. I guess that’s why she’s so sensitive to “veterans affairs.”
http://sonoranalliance.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/KellyGiffords.jpg
[re=593239]F*T*S*[/re]: Not so uch the voting as the campaigning. Always with the campaigning.
Oh Nikki you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Nikki Hey Nikki
(apologies to Toni Basil)
[re=593204]Berkeley Bear[/re]: WE’RE NOT RACISTS! WE’RE NOT SEXISTS! SEE?
Nail meet head. The teabaggers need Haley as a symbol, to the extent that they despise and resent her for living. It’s a sorry state of affairs (pun, bad) when the teabaggers are the liberal wing of South Carolina conservatives.
Look, I don’t care if Nikki Haley’s been traded around more than a passed out fifteen year-old runaway at a biker rally, the real question is why is it that the MSM is covering up the imminent takeover of South Carolina’s government by Sikh separatists? [/wingnut]
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