Beloved American comedian Rush Limbaugh met a lady while he was divorcing his third wife a few years back, and now that new lady is Limbaugh’s fourth wife. Exciting! But how do you make such a special once-every-couple-of-years event even more exciting? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, you pay One Million Dollars to a very famous singer and piano player who is also very famously homosexual and British and a gay-marriage supporter and AIDS activist — and that’s how, we guess, Sir Elton John wound up performing at Limbaugh’s latest wedding. But the sexiest men at the Miami occasion were the guests. Karl Rove, Fred Thompson, Sean Hannity, Rudy Giuliani, Clarence Thomas … it wouldn’t have been any more fantastic if God Himself decided to rain burning poison shit from the sky, forever. And if you’re one of those people who didn’t figure out around 1992 that James Carville is an amoral scumbag, then perhaps you would’ve been surprised to see Carville and his Bride of Frankenstein enjoying the festivities. In other words, happy nuptials, Rush! Let’s hope this is your last wedding! [People Magazine]- There will be primary contests in a dozen states tomorrow! That’s a lot of primaries! Be sure to vote, or not. It’s a small price to pay for getting called to jury duty every goddamned couple of months. [Huffington Post]
- Asia stocks dropped to 14-month lows, Europe is going to collapse again, etc., but maybe everything’s “fine” as banks haven’t totally stopped lending to each other, yet, as they did two years ago when the Great Recession began. [Bloomberg/AP]
IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA
June 7, 2010
{ 109 comments }
Limbaugh’s manly physique makes him irresistible. He & Chris Hitchens employ the same “personal trainer”.
It’s one thing to be gay. It’s another thing to be a gay whore. What the Hell was Elton John doing serenading the most obnoxious bigoted swine in America?!!
[re=592972]Dolmance[/re]: Probably the same thing as Uncle Thomas.
Goodbye Rush Limbaugh,
Although I never knew you at all
You had the grace to pay me well
While I sang about some stuff
You crawled out of the woodwork
And whispered into my brain
You were fat and bald and
You had a silly name
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a fart upon the wind
Never caring where it blew
Or about your double chin
And I never really knew you
But you were probably gay
I wed a woman once myself
But three times is a little strange
All whores, not just Elton: how could anyone kiss that guy’s ass unless they were getting paid?
In three years he’ll be meeting number 5 while divorcing number 4. It’s amazing how many people eat this pig’s radio poop.
Jesus. That guest list. Too bad the oil slick couldn’t have washed up on shore and mired them all in icky, flammable goo.
Elton John is a whoooorah.
Quoth Bart Simpson, “Come on snipers. Where are you?”
[re=592972]Dolmance[/re]: What the Hell was Elton John doing serenading the most obnoxious bigoted swine in America?!!
Getting a million dollars for a couple hours work.
Voting and jury duty: Have voted for 30+ years, never been called for jury duty. Myth busted!!
Rush’s 4th is now feasting on smegma. If she can keep it up for five more years she will inherit his empire. That’s the pre-nup.
[re=592981]coolcatdaddy[/re]: Well, fuck! He’s already got plenty of millions!!!
I for one wish Rush Limbaugh many, many happy weddings in the years to come. Expensive divorces, also.
So there I was, with my Teabagging friend. He relates that he intended to break his record and nail his girl eight times in a 24-hour span. Thus we note two characteristics of the Teabagger: passion and stamina.
This is why American women covet Teabaggers, and accept no substitutes.
Now, consider how much money each servicing Paul McCartney cost him. What a shlub. And then maybe then you can join us, and the world can be as one.
Why is People Magazine reporting on Rush’s wedding? There weren’t any people there.
Clarence Thomas is the conservative Manson. Carville was/is/will be for hire (“Our Brand is Crisis” shows Carville, Inc. crashing and burning). There is a reason Socrates thought sophists were ruining democracy and Aristotle wrote the “Prior Analytics.”
Does Wife: IV have aspirations of becoming a literal human turd? Cuz you only divorce the first three; then you cold start eatin’ ‘em. Just ask Newt Gingrich.
[re=592983]Birdcrash[/re]: Actually, based on Limbaugh’s previous marriages, one thing she won’t have to do is anything involving sexytime with him.
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Or, you could just skip over the teabaggot and go straight for a dog. I understand that they’re even more virile and vicious in their copulations.
Testosterone poisoning is not a political virtue. Erections make poor leaders. They have energy, but not very much direction.
Amazing to think that the people on this guest list once ruled the world, and will probably rule the world again.
Gnaa gnaa gnaa!!! Woo woo woo!!! Gnaa gnaa gnaa!!!
Rumor has it that the bride wore a Cub Scout uniform for the ceremony.
[re=592989]nappyduggs[/re]: Ha!
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Real men don’t brag that they’re going to “nail their girl” any amount of times. I hope she’s a woman, not a girl. He sounds like a schmuck.
[re=592975]the problem child[/re]:
No, it makes perfect sense why Thomas was there. He and Limbaugh are moral and intellectual equals.
You have to feel better about our planet’s prospects when you realize an asteroid didn’t land on that event and incidentally destroy all life on Earth.
[re=592979]freakishlystrong[/re]: No,no,no! We can’t have that despicable British Oil marring the Breakers, a good old American, Standard Oil Hotel.
Elton will do anything for money. He extorted the local AIDS group in Missoula MT in order to make a second appearance here. $$$ > HIV
Keith Richards was right.
Given that his marriages routinely break up like clockwork, it’s pretty nasty to wish a quick death on him by hoping it’s his last. A long, drawn out death is more suiting.
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Did John finally ban your ass from BJ BoB?
[re=592999]OReillysVibrator[/re]: Lewis Grizzard: “I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”
She will have to lift up that grotesque fat apron in order to even see his penis and then she will have to hop on top as any other positions are probably impossible. I have made myself feel very unwell.
[re=592998]Buzz Feedback[/re]: You live in Missoula? I used to live there. Not a day goes by when I don’t miss it’s eccentricity and libtardness. I’ve lived in one redneck burg after another ever since.
[re=592972]Dolmance[/re]: Limpballs paid Elton a million bucks, that’s what. So yes, big fat gay whore is whorish. Mind you, rumor has it that Elton serenaded Rushbo and wifey to the dulcet tunes of “It’s Raining Men,” so there is that.
Elton John and James Carville: When I was but a wee bairn, I loved professional wrestling – think Dusty Rhodes and Andre the Giant. A friend of my mom’s worked for a catering outfit that did parties for the wrestlers and I got to go to one as a hired hand. Imagine my excitement! I hoped to see snarling…if not outright fisticuffs – but no. They were all laughing and mugging for pictures. They were friends! I was so disgusted that I didn’t even bother for autographs.
Point is, regardless of all the the shit they throw at each other on the talk shows, they’re all drinking beer and sucking cock when they’re off the clock.
[re=592996]V572625694[/re]: The lack of an asteroid (a small one, that would only cause localized destruction) crashing into that event is pretty much undeniable proof of the nonexistence of god.
Why in the hell do you get to celebrate a fourth wedding? I’m calling bs on that practice. especially when it involves a reasonably attractive woman (better looking than the last three) and a greasy, fat-fingered, but wealthy troll like Limbaugh
[re=593003]Limeylizzie[/re]: It gets worse – I understand he has a tiny johnson and the only way he can get off (short of a small Haitian boy) is through fellatio. His apron helps keep her head pinned in place.
[re=592995]Terry[/re]: At least Uncle Thomas usually has the good sense to not say anything.
Elton respects Rush as an Entertainer. There is a certain Eau Du $$$$$$ that allows symbols of frank opposites to co-mingle. What is that? Class? a Class Thing?
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]:
Fascinating…in the scope of human experience, such a thing has never happened before.
Just a heads up, Junior, but in my limited experience if you want to have a happy physical relationship with your significant other, it’s more important that you keep track of how many times they experience the exquisite moment of clouds and rain.
Still, I hope he and Rush have along and happy marriage.
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Does this alleged “girl” have any say in the matter? And really, if his aim is good, one bullet should do the trick.
[re=592987]BoB[/re] That’s one of your saddest posts ever. You need some more coffee, or more likely run down to the doughnut shop and get a boxed dozen left over’s from last Friday’s National Doughnut Day. Get that sugar level back up where it belongz.
I hear that rather than the usual wedding night bliss Rush left his beloved, grabbed a bowl-full of Viagras, and flew Karl, Clarence and the rest of teh boyz down to the Dominican Republic for some serious whorin’. Just sayin’.
[re=593004]HedonismBot[/re]: Born and raised with a 7 year detour to D.C. Been back about 10 years. Still as libtardy and frustrating to the rest of the state as you remember!
[re=593009]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: And I am sure it takes him forever to achieve a climax and the aforementioned tiny member keeps wilting and she has constantly has to keep a-sucking to get it hard(ish) again.
I’m appalled that pigs can get married 4 times. There should be a law to stop that.
[re=593007]JMP[/re]: It’s atheistic sophistry like yours that’s causing all the gay abortions which are destroying real America.
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Only eight times in 24 hours? Now I see why some guys have big pick-ups or brag about their guns.
The year is 2003. Harley Davidson is celebrating it’s 100th anniversary right smack in the middle of it’s origins; Metal Head City, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
150,000 Smittys, Spiders, Big Joes, Mad Dogs and Big Reds crowd the venue. Word on the street has it a big time artist will show up and tear the mother fucking place up.
Tim McGraw opens and is followed by Kid Rock. Who’s the headliner?
Steppenwolf? The Doobie Brothers? Bob Seger? Holy shit, what if it’s the Stones? The crowd is worked up into a frenzy, the lights dim and then slowly come up.
IT’S ELTON FUCKING JOHN. YEAH, ELTON FUCKING JOHN!
The embodiment of hard livin’ American biker freedom, ELTON FUCKING JOHN!
I’m not shitting you,
[re=593012]dijetlo[/re]: This is Rush Limbaugh and his fans, though; a bunch of selfish woman-hating douchebags, the kind of people to whom a woman’s sexual pleasure is completely unimportant, they only care about getting their own spunk off; most of them probably refuse to perform cunnilingus.
What? Is Wonkette now a dear column for lonely pustules?
We know :
* Joan is confused and thinks this is PUMA site
* psychicdicklicker is a raging faux mescan racist whoring an god awful myspace
* BoB cries while masturbating to Neil Cavuto.
[re=592998]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Yup, he was right. I think Candle in the Wind has about 150 adaptations.
The year is 2003. Harley Davidson is celebrating it’s 100th anniversary right smack in the middle of it’s origins; Metal Head City, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
150,000 Smittys, Spiders, Big Joes, Mad Dogs and Big Reds crowd the venue. Word on the street has it a big time artist will show up and tear the mother fucking place up.
Tim McGraw opens and is followed by Kid Rock. Who’s the headliner?
Steppenwolf? The Doobie Brothers? Bob Seger? Holy shit, what if it’s the Stones? The crowd is worked up into a frenzy, the lights dim and then slowly come up.
IT’S ELTON FUCKING JOHN. YEAH, ELTON FUCKING JOHN!
The embodiment of hard livin’ American biker freedom, ELTON FUCKING JOHN! He was immediately booed when the evil word, “YAMAHA” was seen stamped above the keyboard on the large screen TeeVees placed around the crowd.
I’m not shitting you, ELTON FUCKING JOHN actually headlined the 100th anniversary of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Company!
Well crap, sorry about the double post folks.
Hope Rush had some good drugs to get him thru the honeymoon nite. Otherwise it was probably like playing pool with a piece of rope. If you know what I mean….
[re=593003]Limeylizzie[/re]: Just when I thought the idea of Limbaugh getting married could get no more replusive…
[re=593028]JMP[/re]:most of them probably refuse to perform cunnilingus.
I suspect most of them are not allowed access to a va-jay-jay belonging to conscious, female type human, which would explain all the yelling and angry faces.
[re=593018]Limeylizzie[/re]: Sounds like one of the concentric circles of hell, doesn’t it? Rush’s fatty apron pinning your face down on his shriveled member and just as he starts to get hard he loses it and oh god…your jaw is on fire, you can’t take much more of this.
then Glenn Beck starts fucking you in the ass.
Yep…sounds like hell to me.
Hey Rush, happy whichever wedding this is. Do you know who’s still married to his first wife? Bill Clinton. Just knew you’d appreciate that as a family values man.
[re=593005]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yes he’s a whore, but at least he’s a seven-whore-diamond whore.
[re=593023]Okie Dokie Dog[/re]: They warned us that allowing teh gays to marry would lead to inter-species marriage…
Last night there was a program on Nat Geo about feral pigs running amuk across the country. I swear some of the bigguns looked like Rushbo, curly tail and everything. Interesting tidbit; none of them slung as much mud as the big guy.
Oh, please. EJ is just following in the Great American Tradition of making a buck from whomever. Stow your manufactured outrage for things more outrageous.
I pray that Sir Elton turns around and donates all of that money to the Repeal Prop 8 campaign in CA. In Rush’s name.
NSFW AND OTHER SITUATIONS WARNING: THIS POST IS RATED XXX
Whilst we are on the subject of Rush and Rush having secks, I reckon it’s time to cart out Saint Bill’s most vile riff, dust it off and just, well…bask in the comic genius of the late Dark Prince.
God, how we still miss you, Bill.
From Rant in E-Minor (1997) by Bill Hicks
…Speaking of Satan…I was listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day… (cheering, clapping, boos) doesn’t Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes in lay a tub while other men pee on him? Doesn’t he? Am I the only one?
“Can’t you just see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle, and Bush just (makes peeing noises) just stand around pissin’ on him, whole his little piggly-wiggly dick can’t get hard?” (cheering, laughing,stomping)
Hicks as Rush: “Uhh! I can’t get hard! Reagan, pee in my mouth!”
Hicks as Reagan: “Well, how’s that, Rush?”
He still can’t get hard…so they call in Barbara Bush…she takes her pearls off, puts them up his ass, then squats over him…undoes her girdle…her wrinkled, flaccid labia unfolds halfway down to her knees like some ball-less scrotum… (crowd goes berserk)
Hicks as Barbara: “Uhhhnn! Uhhhnn! Uhhhhhhhnn!”
She squeezes out a link into his mouth.
Finally his dick gets half – hard.
Hicks as Rush in horrid, groaning ecstasy: “Uhhhh-ohhhohhh!”
A little clear bubble forms on the end with a maggot inside…the maggot pops the bubble, runs off and joins a pro-life group somewhere.(crowd screams with laughter) Am I the only one who sees that, or…I’m not? Oh. Thank God I’m not alone. Thank God I had the insight to notice Rush Limbaugh is a scat-muncher. He munches scaaat.
Hicks chuckles.
Hicks in a voice speaking for the thoughts of the audience*: “Jesus, Bill!”
I’m so proud of that little dark poetry there. It started when I came up with the word “scat-muncher.”
It went from there and I just immediately thought of Rush.
This is why he’s so against gay marriage. Can you imagine how much alimony Rush would be paying if he gay-married all the boy-toys? Much cheaper just to pay the flat fee upfront.
[re=593090]agitpropster[/re]: Wedding night porno for el-Rushbo.
The million bucks is nice of course, but Sir Elton will happily attend any gathering of men that makes makes him look relatively slender by comparison.
[re=592976]Numbat Dundee[/re]: nice
[re=593003]Limeylizzie[/re]: “…Hold me closer, tiny dickwad…”, etc.
Space Jeebus officiated with Newt’s third wife playing the armpitfart version of “Here Comes the Horsefacedcoltergeistclone.”
Why wasn’t Helen Thomas covering this news event?
Elton John was never anything but a fat, sell-out, slug-witted, jerkoff. Now he can add sexual minority traitor to his list of stellar qualities, along with tone-deafness and a tragically Liberacian sense of couture.
OT, but I’m glad the dumb Gawker assholes have found some other place to foul.
et tu, George Brett? My 7 year old self is crushed.
[re=593125]bitchincamaro[/re]: He’s not the man he thinks he is at home; oh no no no, he’s the racist man.
For the ruckus about OhNo Joe and Rock’em Rahm at a simple, fun backyard family supersoaker (with bouncy moon castle!), this big ass rumpus of the right most righteous bootlickers is far more egregious. Elton sings and Carville swings while the oil keeps on pumping. I bet BP’s CEO was sorry to have to send his regrets.
[re=593008]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: Why in the hell do you get to celebrate a fourth wedding?
I guess RUSH would want to celebrate a fourth wedding for the same reason that deep sea fisherman celebrate getting a marlin. It’s something not everyone has, it cost a lot of money and you’re not going to really do anything with it but stuff it once, but at least it gives you something to look at. And if you’re getting paid 20-some million each year, what you want to do is usually what you get to do.
Not ever really a fan of Elton, but his credo for years has been that he will play for anybody – and he does stress the word “anybody” – that will give a million bucks to his charity. His charity for homos and AIDS victims. Somehow this hasn’t been mentioned in the five hundred thousand news reports about this event.
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: When I was seventeen years old I had sex with my eighteen year old girlfriend about that many times in a day, and didn’t brag about it then. But I always suspected you internet teabaggers were about fifteen tops.
[re=593090]agitpropster[/re]: I was wondering when someone was gonna pull that nugget of Dark Poetry by the Dark Poet out into the sunshine…
O/T, but it might explain why Imps like Rush, Thomas, Carville were spawned…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIiOOy3Oml0
If they have a duaghter in about 20 years he can divorce mom & marry his own daughter. Now that’s “Family Values”.
Wedding gigs are the easiest, by far. You can practically “phone it in”, make everyone happy, critics aren’t around to talk about it, and you get a check. Elton ftw.
More fascinating tidbits from People…
So Rush isn’t even trying to hide that she is a beard? And with that attendance, there must have been a hell of a gay scrum afterwards. I hear Hannity can’t keep himself out of Rove’s pants once he has had a few drinks and popped some K.
[re=592976]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Win!
[re=592987]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: “Thus we note two characteristics of the Teabagger: passion and stamina.
This is why American women covet Teabaggers, and accept no substitutes.”
This is a BoB I can deal with. <3
[re=593125]bitchincamaro[/re]: Goodness, that looks like a penis, only smaller.
Newt Gingrich and Matt Drudge weren’t invited?
Bride of Limbaugh part IV
http://www.mofopolitics.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rush-limbaugh-girlfriend.jpg
[re=593401]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Ugh his trotters are leaving little hoof marks on her shoulder.
I hear that Rush nailed that blonde afterwards. He’s gonna get to nail her a ton for the kind of money he spent. EL RUSHBO!!!
[re=593277]loverevolution[/re]: Look at her eyes. She’s “not able to relate to the average person” her own age because they can’t usually afford all the drugs she’s on.
[re=593044]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Ohdeargawd, that sounds worse than any Hell imaginable. Jeezus, the apron of fat alone…. suffocating that poor woman, holding her down with all that fat.
I think I’m going to cry.
I think I’m going to have to watch 2 Girls 1 Cup to get this thread out of my head.
Not to drag the newly minted Mrs. Limblob into the fray but what kind of money grubbing, gold digging, by the hour motel kinda’ female would actually not only have the sexytime with this beast of Babylon but actually wed him publicly? Ewwwww, she hasta’ be one nazasty skankahola.
Guy walks up to a girl in a bar:
Guy: “Hi! Say, if I gave you $1,000,000 would you sleep with me?”
Girl: (looks him up and down then responds) “If you gave me $1,000,000 then yes, I would sleep with you.
Guy: “Would you do it for $20?”
Girl: “What do you think I am? A whore?
Guy: “We’ve already established that, now were negotiating the price”
[re=592972]Dolmance[/re]: Earning a million bucks and pissing in the punchbowl when no one was looking.
[re=593036]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Oh…I know. I was in a dive bar 15 miles outside of Milwaukee that night. It got interesting.
[re=593353]chascates[/re]: Drudge will be a fluffer for Rushbo’s wedding night, and Newt will man the HandyCam …
Why is everybody surprised about Sir Elton Freaking John? We’re talking about the dude who wrote Philadelphia Freedom people, supposedly a song about a fucking soccer team.
[re=593401]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: Candid pic from soon-to-be-Mrs-Limblob’s wedding-day prep…
Dear Mrs. Rush IV:
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.
Dear Rush:
Rosebud
I’ve said this for 35 years: ELTON JOHN SUCKS.
[re=592996]V572625694[/re]: Or that a tiny asteroid or stray predator drone didn’t land on that wedding party and wipe them all out proves that there is no god, no universal principle of justice and karma, the universe n’ all is just random shit happening.
The Vogons would avoid this crowd.
[re=593649]Mr Blifil[/re]: Not surprised. It’s just a little bit funny.
[re=593814]Jestme[/re]: No, funny would be if he had dedicated “Tiny Dancer” to little Rusty’s withered dingus.
James Carville…ugh! Just a noxious gasbag for hire. If there were any justice in this world Carville would be bitten by his spider wife who would then suck out his liquefied insides till there was nothing left but a dried husk.
money is a powerful drug………..but elton i’m totally disappointed……….
what
first the fat boys break up now this……….nothing to beleive in anymore
Is it just me…
Does the Lindenburg 4th wife Kathryn “Kate” Rogers, looks like a man? Even his former former CNN GF?
I’ve dated a 40yr old woman who is WAY hotter, and I’m nowhere near as rich as the gas-man. But I know I have something down stairs he’ll never be able to buy
Yeah, there are gals (and guys) for creeps like Rush Lindenburg somehow. And in the end, none of our business… but hey, he’s always be our big-creepy druggie hypocrate BS artist, nothing more.
[re=592976]Numbat Dundee[/re]: WIN! Post of the year so far. “Like a fart upon the wind…”
@ artbot200 the wedding is like a fart upon the wind???
A parody of Elton John’s song “…Like a candle in the wind” Song is “Norma jean” AKA Marylin Monroe.
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