the nixon legacy

Nixon’s Gravesite Votes To Support Arizona’s Anti-Mexican Law

Eating tacos, Mao-style!California’s Orange County has long been known and despised for its Bircher-Wingnut-Libertarian politics and angry upper-middle-class white people, but it was also the birthplace of the dirt-poor anxious weirdo Richard Nixon, who was so obsessed with the wealthy and the confident that he dedicated his whole dirty life to worming his way up to the Presidency of the United States, so he could wage constant illegal war on everyone everywhere, from Cambodian peasants to rich American college kids to, of course, the Jews. And now, the dusty little farm patch where Richard Nixon was pooped out by Quakers is an ugly stucco O.C. suburb run by typical anger-bear Birchers who also hate Mexicans, and that’s why Yorba Linda just voted to support Arizona’s brave stand against the awful, awful brown people who have ruined our values with their communism.

The LA Times reports:

The Yorba Linda City Council approved a resolution this week supporting Arizona’s illegal-immigration law, making it what is believed to be the first city in California to approve a measure supporting the legislation.

The resolution approved Tuesday on a 3-0 vote also calls on the federal government to secure the national borders, said Mayor John Anderson, who sponsored it.

The council meeting was attended by several dozen people, many of whom spoke on the issue.

And then they all got back in their sedans and drove home to their awful stucco mausoleums, where each lonesome old white person took off their slacks and carefully folded them atop the dresser and then feebly masturbated to a John Wayne VHS tape until falling asleep on the floor. [LA Times via "Basart"]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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58 comments

  1. MissyLissa

    This sounds very unlike the O.C. that was presented in the Fox Network documentary. Where are the cage fighting shirtless boys? The wittily self-aware dorks who get the pretty girls?

    Although I don’t remember any brown people being featured, so I guess it could be the same place.

  2. JMP

    The members of the Yorba Linda council then proceeded to retreat to a dark room, get drunk alone on cheap whiskey, rant about the “filthy Ivy League Jew cocksuckers”, and order a few hundred random Cambodians killed just for the hell of it.

  3. freakishlystrong

    5 whore diamonds for the last sentence. Five whore diamonds and 2 truknutz for the use of the word “slacks”.

  4. the problem child

    Um,Richard Nixon’s childhood home is pretty much the vintage, style and size of home I am looking for. But I’m not moving to that shithole to get one, even if it’s warm.

  5. GOPCrusher

    “The Yorba Linda City Council calls on the Federal Government to secure the national borders”
    Well, that ought to get results.

  6. Nappied Hypotenuse

    [re=591604]freakishlystrong[/re]: Would it have been gilding the lily to add gabardine?

  7. dr.giraud

    Slacks. Hagar slacks. With the stretchy waistband.

    And the John Wayne movie is The Green Berets OF COURSE, ’cause killing yellow people is almost as good as deporting the browns.

  8. Johnny Zhivago

    What’s an American president doing with them thar fancy Chinese eatin’ sticks?

  9. SayItWithWookies

    It speaks gallons about the current state of the Republican Party when they point to Dick Nixon as their token liberal. They might’ve disowned the EPA, but the raging paranoia, racism and above-the-law mentality are all theirs.

  10. freakishlystrong

    [re=591615]Nappied Hypotenuse[/re]: I always think of those “slacks” by Hagar(?) or something, they sold them in the Parade Magazine, and the teevee guide, for $5.00 a pair. My dad used to wear them; they were dreadful and contained not a ounce of anything found in nature.

    I think my age just fell out.

  11. Rachel Ray Jihad

    Mexicans are just Jews who worship a fancy floating lady in Jedi robes that appeared to some Injun peasant.

  12. freakishlystrong

    [re=591617]dr.giraud[/re]: [re=591623]freakishlystrong[/re]: And I believe Dick was President when they sold the damned things.

  13. Rachel Ray Jihad

    Also, if they want to be like Nixon, they should be masturbating to “Patton.”

  14. SayItWithWookies

    [re=591618]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Proving how desperate he was to get some leverage over Ho Chi Minh. Funny thing, the Chinese didn’t have much either. “We can’t get the North Vietnamese to the bargaining table,” they explained helpfully. “They just take our weapons and supplies and do whatever they want.”
    Actually I think Uncle Ho was dead by then, but his successors were no more pliable.

  15. Cape Clod

    Now, now. Just remember that ol’ Dick’s best friend was a crooked Mexican banker, Bebe Rebozo. He may have been a crooked, lying, paranoid piece of shit, but he was certainly more enlightened than those pricks on the Yorba Linda City Council.

  16. slowuncle

    I survived 30 years amongst the Birchers & wingnuts of OC—-always found it hilariously ironic that the local crackers chronically bitched & obsessed about the brown ‘invaders’—all the while living & working in towns called Santa Ana, Yorba Linda, Rancho Santa Marguerita, Mission Viejo,Costa Mesa, Laguna,Bolsa Chica, Placencia…

  17. doxastic

    [re=591617]dr.giraud[/re]: LBJ called. He needs more room in the inseam for his nuts.

  18. comicbookguy

    [re=591617]dr.giraud[/re]: Green Berets. Classic movie. John Wayne killing yellow people while complaining that they don’t speak English. Though I recall by the end of the movie they did learn to say, “Thank you America.” Bonus points for showing the truth to that cynical left-wing reporter, so he could finally see the light and tell his audience that this was a war worth fighting. Eerily prescient movie for 1967.

    Little known fact: the entire movie was shot in Ozarks with the Arkansas national guard. Contrary to what you see in the movie, Southeast Asia is not actually full of mesquite trees.

  19. slappypaddy

    for their next trick, they’re going to mow their own lawns, cook their own meals, and wash their own clothes. that ought to keep them busy for a while, take their minds off their troubles.

  20. Rachel Ray Jihad

    [re=591633]slowuncle[/re]: I think in their version of history a single Mexican traveled around California designating place names like a swarthy Johnny Appleseed. Then he left, and then the white people moved in and kept the pretty names.

  21. comicbookguy

    True dat. Ever since I moved to the the sleepy little town of Tierra de Tejano, I’ve been demanding our government keep the messicans out. Why do they insist on coming here so illegally? Can’t they stay in their own town?

  22. WadISay

    [re=591616]S.Luggo[/re]: I thought it meant, “I did Linda.” FYI, La Quinta means, “next to the Denny’s.”

  23. One Yield Regular

    Ingrates. I mean, if all the service workers, kitchen help, gardeners, and maids in Yorba Linda suddenly went on strike, these people would be completely and utterly helpless.

  24. V572625694

    Are there any sadder words than “masturbated feebly”? Masturbation should be furious, as we all know.

  25. Fox n Fiends

    The GOP is far more Nixonian now than their Reagan-worshipping would lead us to believe. Very clever of them indeed.

  26. Hopey dont play that game

    I cannot wait to visit Yorba Linda, birthplace of Haggar sans-a-belt slacks– the greatest innovation in trouser technology since the button fly.

  27. Sansabeltway

    And some lurker stole the perfect name for commenting on this brilliant sentence.

    By the way, the movie is “The Quiet Man,” because he takes off his shirt and later drags a woman through sheep dip.

  28. JamesMichaelCurley

    [re=591638]comicbookguy[/re]: You may remember that John Wayne stood on the shore watching a sunset at the end – sun sets in the EAST in Viet Nam!

  29. weejee

    Yorba in the native Detroit means vacancy

    Well its 1 2 3 4
    take the elevator
    at the hotel yorba
    I’ll be glad to see you later
    all they got inside is vacancy

  30. slowuncle

    Are any of you old enough to remember OC Bircher & US Senate/Presidential-hopeful John Schmidt? He was something of a Nixon protege and in the ’70′s & ’80′s and was one of OC’s highest profile racists/politicians until the discovery by the media of his mistress and their brood of bastards.
    …anyway, turns out that one of his blonde, blue-eyed (legitimate) daughters is none other than world-famous pedophile Mary Kay Letourneau: you know—the school teacher who seduced the Samoan middle-schooler & started pumping out his little brown kids inbetween prison stints—-you’ve definitely heard of HER.

  31. Baby who ate the Dingo

    [re=591638]comicbookguy[/re]: “OHHH PETER-SAHN PETER-SAHN” [quick cut to obviously dead guy impaled on bamboo death trap] then “fighting soldiers froom the Skiiii”. Learned all I needed to know about ‘Nam in 6th grade.

  32. weejee

    [re=591667]slowuncle[/re]: Yeah, the papers, remember those things, reported her daddy was a bozo bircher while she was on trial up here in C’Addle. Like father, like daughter, eh?

  33. Gorillionaire

    I met some guys in a “Beatles tribute band” that were from OC. They were middle aged, paunchy, pretty much the living versions of Ned Flanders. They got all dressed up in their wigs and Sgt Pepper suits and played gigs at their church fellowship halls and the fair and stuff. They loved to get their portraits made over and over again in their costumes, hundreds of photos “that’s me as George with the 12 string Rickenbacker!” and all that. They were very serious about this shit. They spent thousands of dollars on the right guitars and amps and suits and stuff. They were also extremely right wing and stupid. They sounded terrible, all singing at the top of their voices and hitting bum notes galore. This was during the build up to the Iraq war and they believed every single crazy story about WMDs and the whole shebang. No doubt they all had pork chested heart attacks this week when McCartney met Obama and solidly dissed Dubya in the White House and got a big round of laughs.
    Despite those assholes, I still dig the actual Beatles!

  34. Hooray For Anything

    Don’t worry because some day all the children of the illegal immigrants they hire to water their lawn and clean their houses will become citizens and be allowed to vote so it’ll be goodbye Orange Curtain and hola Taco Belt.

  35. slowuncle

    [re=591691]Gorillionaire[/re]: You’re probably talking about the band Rain. I went to school with one of their kids; How can you be be a rightwinger & dress up like John Lennon for a living?
    If you’ve ever lived in OC, you’d recognize the ubiquitous cognitive dissonance inherent in a place which, these days, is proud to give succour to the likes of Orly Taitz

  36. Senator Bateman

    Yeah, welcome to life behind the Orange Curtain. Thankfully, I live in Santa Ana, the one area with even the slightest amount of culture. Of course, it’s for that reason that these racists out here would like everyone within the city limits to be deported.

  37. HuddledMass

    [re=591667]slowuncle[/re]: OMG is that true? Wow, that is prime gossip, from Wonkette teh DC gossip, no less.

  38. zhubajie

    “then feebly masturbated to a John Wayne VHS tape until falling asleep on the floor.”

    More likely had an illegal immigrant suck them off.

  39. zhubajie

    [re=591607]honkyman[/re]: I remember when Earl Butz was recommending loose shoes, tight p*ssy and a warm place to sh*t!

  40. OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin

    Yorba Linda blowz. There is nothing in Yorba Linda. Nobody lives there.

    Ken may be interested to know that the AZ bill was panned in Whittier, home of Nixon’s alma mater, by CA Rep Sanchez yesterday. Some bigot from Diamond Bar, over the hill from Yorba Linda, started crying http://bit.ly/d1ThYP

  41. zhubajie

    [re=591618]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Is that Zhou Enlai next to him? Why is Nixon giving him such a strange look?

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