salt lake city is for lovers

LATEST NIKKI HALEY SCANDAL: Did You Know She Isn’t Even WHITE??

Jungle feverAt this point we’re all well acquainted with Nikki Haley, who’s running for the GOP nomination for governor in South Carolina, and who may have had hot sexx affairs with a political blogger (GROSS) and one of her rival’s consultants (at a “school-choice convention in Salt Lake City,” also GROSS). But now her campaign is being rocked by a much deeper accusation: that far from being a real South Carolinian whose ancestors came over from England in the 1720s to find freedom (or were kidnapped from Africa and forced to work for the ones who came from England), she may in fact be a “raghead,” according to a legitimately elected South Carolinian legislator!

Turns out that Nikki Haley was born “Nimrata Randhawa” and that her parents were from India and were Sikhs, which isn’t even a kind of Christianity. This led an obese flattopped South Carolina state senator named “Jake Knotts” to say, on some local wingnut radio show, that “We already got one raghead in the White House, we don’t need a raghead in the Governor’s Mansion.” Everyone in the South Carolina political establishment, to their credit, went nuts, and Knotts then said “I still believe Ms. Haley is pretending to be someone she is not, Much as Obama did, but I do apologize to both for an unintended slur,” which is of course hilarious.

But what does the South Carolinian “man on the street” think? Here is a comment left on the WLTX.com story by “bugtussell” about this “politician makes jackass racist statement story”:

Oh give me a break. Everyone in South Carolina knows Jake as a bull butt redneck from Lexington County. So freakin’ what if he called them ragheads. Every persons personality on the planet gives them a slang name. Everyone grow up. Ignore it. Without Jake life would be so boring here. Heck, my black neighbor is making me a shirt with a saltine cracker on the front and on the back it says cracker. He took me to a burger joint and used the n word ordering a hamburger. We have fun and do a lot of things together and its not racist to us. Lighten up idiots.

Martin Luther King’s dream is realized, with novelty t-shirts!

Meanwhile, here is a video that shows Nikki Haley talking on the radio in a real Southern American accent (which she learned from her Al Qaeda handlers in a cave in Waziristan). Also, you can see her supposed second sex paramour, shuddering with lascivious and mildly fey indignation about the HOTELS and BARS they frequented, for sex. Everyone knows that Salt Lake City bars are the hottest!

Haley has yet to respond to the allegations, posted on her Wikipedia page, that she has accepted an endorsement from Mitt Romney, an act that is a million times grosser than having sex with bloggers and being non-white.

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

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96 comments

  1. Chain Tattoo

    There are bars in Salt Lake City? I assume these must be gay bars, given the overwhelming percentage of Republicans in Utah.

  2. Brendan M.

    Actually, PubPolitics, the online political show on which this asshole is supposed to have made his stupid racist comment, does not appear to be a wingnut radio show. So this racist asshole not only is a racist asshole, but he is stupid enough that je goes on non-wingnut shows to say things that you can’t even get away with on most right-wing blogs.

  3. you didn't ask, but

    Yeah, whatev, I said that w/out the crackerishness, dummy. Sikhs aren’t Muslims even if they do wear headgear. So does that mean she can use her unintended slur for every non-Western dressed woman in Africa? Including the Christians?

    How is this an “unintended” slur, btw? Did Jake think it was a term of endearment? Ignorant racist is an ignorant asshole, also.

    I liked this comment from the paper:
    Chromatech wrote: Let’s have a little sympathy on old Jake. He is about 4 hamburgers away from a massive heart attack anyway so we will all feel horrible this year when he moves on to the big confederacy in the sky.

    I don’t feel bad and it ain’t in the sky, Chroma.

  4. widget09

    Jake must be related to Don Knotts (actually Barney)not to slur Don. Old Andy was such a nice guy, personally I would have had to bitch slap Barney.

  5. 13ollocks To The Rules

    That’s just Ol’ Jakes bitterness talking – he knows deep down that, even if Nikki was as hot to trot as they’re saying and he was the last living man in SC, he STILL wouldn’t get any Nikki action.

  6. Texan Bulldoggette

    I meant Piyush Jindal…not that any of these brown Republicans are trying to Americanize themselves so that some RW crazy racists might accidentally vote for them since they don’t have a furreign sounding name.

  7. Terry

    I predict that Jake hit on Nikki, she turned him down, then he found out that he’s apparently about the only GOP guy in SC that Nikki didn’t do, so now he’s p.o.’d.

  8. Johnny Zhivago

    I also hear there are questions about whether she really was in the first wave at Omaha Beach too…

  9. Limeylizzie

    This “person” is aware of our Muslin President and his ilk.

    sassybrat4sure wrote:
    If it walks like a duck, it’s a duck, if it quacks like a duck it’s a duck….a Q-Tip, a Rag Head, a Muslim, all the same and you go my friend. Call it like it is and apology not necessary to those of us who know what the rag heads are here to do. You have my vote that’s for sure. Call a spade a spade! No one cares what the hell they call us white folks ;)

  10. freakishlystrong

    Sweet Jesus on pita bread, this country is fucking nuts. Who the fuck says “raghead” anymore?

    Meanwhile the current media narrative: THE PRESIDENT IS NOT SHOWING SUITABLE HYSTERIA!!1

  11. Oldskool

    “It’s time to focus on the issues”, said the right-wingy looking man on the street who no doubt said the same thing about Bill Clinton.

  12. 4tehlulz

    You know that we’re in a post-racial society when a black man can use “naggers” when ordering a hamburger.

  13. Hart88

    What’s the big deal? Like most “Christian” Republicans, she’ll fuck anything that moves, which puts her squarely in the majority.

  14. harry palmer

    No way that guy in the video nailed her – those lady parts she’s got are what made him shudder!

  15. 4tehlulz

    [re=591199]Hart88[/re]: Thing is, unlike most “Christian” Republicans, she’s a…she, so yeah.

  16. ella

    Judging from bugtussell’s comment, Jake isn’t the only “bull butt redneck” in town.

  17. Lazy Media

    [re=591191]freakishlystrong[/re]: Srsly, raghead is old and busted. Hajji is teh new hotness.

  18. dijetlo

    But what does the South Carolinian “man on the street” think?

    A: For all practical purposes, gibberish?

    B: She looks just like a hog (i.e. beautiful in a “Ned Beatty” kind of way).

    C: An Injun! Dot err Feather?

    D: Where are all these furrin’ wimmins comin’ from? First the Argentine bombshell and now Pocahantas In my day, we just diddled our sisters and kept our mouths shut about it. ?

  19. harry palmer

    On the site, commenter xxxiv wrote: “any truth? i don’t see the comment as a slur, it’s heritage.” See, it’s her heritage to be a raghead. Like it’s xxxiv’s heritage to be fucking his sister.

  20. Whitey Did Katrina

    [re=591210]harry palmer[/re]: Based on the etymology of his name, “xxxiv” is apparently an ancient Roman, so he probably fucks not his sister but lions, for sport.

  21. kayebee

    I’m wondering how the friend managed to work the N word into his order for the number 3 value meal. Supersized.

  22. norbizness

    On the strength of this performance, Jake Knotts, the second reincarnation of that redneck sheriff in those James Bond movies, became the odds-on favorite to win the 2012 GOP Presidential nomination.

    In addition, I wish to be apprised of any further comments to WLTX.com stories, and not some crappy end-of-the-day compendium, but in quarter-hour installments with analysis, if possible.

  23. Geogre

    I love the triple slur in the redneckery. It’s a masterpiece. He gets to apologize for calling her a “raghead” (not yet… not yet… still doesn’t see what’s wrong with it), but the embedded “the President of the United States is an alien and a traitor and enemy of the people” comment can slide. It’s the insult equivalent of the fallacy of many questions (“Have you stopped beating your wife?”): the problem isn’t “raghead.” The problem is the chitterling stupid state legislator.

    That said, more fun can be found in state legislatures all over this great land. No one knows who is running for those offices, and “no one votes” in the elections, and consequently the state legislatures fill up with some of the zaniest comedy any nation has ever fielded. U.S. state assemblies make medieval village tribunals look like a Nobel class reunion.

  24. rottenart

    So, this Nikki Haley is a porn star, yes? One would think she would embrace her heritage and go with “Nimrodda Handjobba” or some such. Hell, I mean, Asia Carrera calls herself “Asia” even though she’s a filthy Jew (Jessica Steinhauser). Doesn’t this shit work both ways?

  25. Serolf Divad

    When I called you a duplicitous raghead cunt the slur was totally unintended, you see.

  26. Cape Clod

    I gues that in a Democracy, the people get the sort of government it deserves. This is especially true in South Carolina.

  27. bureaucrap

    This couldn’t possibly be true. I heard from very reliable sources that Nikki Haley’s REAL given name is Naomi Esther Halewitz, from Astoria, Queens.

  28. Boojum

    In truth, Jake Knotts is a legal scholar. He properly recognized that intentional discrimination requires a showing of specific intent. Specific intent requires sufficient mental capacity. Really, it is a case of quod erat demonstrandum.

  29. AnnieGetYourFun

    Huh. I would think that being of South Asian ancestry might be the only thing I like about this gal.

  30. Tundra Grifter

    I thought those South Carolina GOP’s did it on tombstones, not on beds in Salt Lake City motels.

  31. qwerty42

    Geeze this is awful. I’m feeling sympathy for her and wondering why she’d ever want to live in SC let alone be its governor. The SC coast is pretty, though.

  32. JMP

    These people are from South Carolina, the state which claims it’s not racist to fly the flag of racism, so it’s kind of hard accept their denials of racism. They likely really want to say that they’re happy to be racists, but know that’s not publicly acceptable.

  33. Numbat Dundee

    Let me understand this, because I am a foreigner (albeit a, mostly, white one from a friendly country). She is a Sikh. They wear turbans (if they’re male) but hate Muslims. The rednecks in South Carolina (excuse me if this is a tautology, but I’m being nice) don’t like her because she is of a vaguely middle eastern ethnicity (ie. they think the Punjab is next to Kuwait or something).
    So I should give up my dreams of selling falafels in Charleston?

  34. rottenart

    [re=591254]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: Take a look at this picture over at TPM:

    Wow!

    She makes Bachmann’s crazy eyes look like reasoned intellect. Why in the world would any non-white person ever want to be associated with the nutjob party, unless they were just greedy and without moral foundation… oh, wait.

    “Bobby” Jindal and Nikki “Haley” indeed.

  35. Reginald P. Pants, Esq.

    South Carolina, if you want to try that secession thing again, we promise we won’t put up a fight this time.

  36. qwerty42

    [re=591223]Geogre[/re]: …consequently the state legislatures fill up with some of the zaniest comedy any nation has ever fielded. U.S. state assemblies make medieval village tribunals look like a Nobel class reunion.

    This is why we need to repeal the 17th Ammendment! Who knows what comedic heights the US Senate might reach if the clowns in the state legislatures were selecting them! A laff riot!

  37. PsycGirl

    “but I do apologize to both for an unintended slur” I do not think this guy knows what the word “unintended” means. It would appear that the slur was 100% intended.

  38. S.Luggo

    There is no PC in SC.

    Btw, are there still schools in South Carolinia, or was that just a passing fad?

  39. Barcode of the Apocalypse

    Reminds me of the adage, “Sikh and ye shall find!” In this case, sikhing some one-night-stand action.

  40. Ripley_in_CT

    next thing you know, he’ll be claiming that he gave birth to her illegitimate demon spawn.

  41. actor212

    [re=591224]rottenart[/re]: If you pronounce it with a Sikh accent, “Nikki Haley” sounds like “Nik Inhaley” so there’s your porn name. Bollyporn FTW!

  42. JMP

    [re=591303]PsycGirl[/re]: What was unintended was that anyone besides his fellow racists would hear what he said.

  43. Egregious

    Everytime time a GOP cracker opens his pie hole and spews racist crap, Michael Steel loses a piece of his soul. Get thee to your cabin, uncle.

  44. P Drizzle

    As a South Carolina person, I’d like to say that incidents like this do not in any way reflect upon the noble character of the people of South Carolina.

    Hahah, just kidding. They totally do.

  45. BOOBIES!

    Chromatech wrote: “Let’s have a little sympathy on old Jake. He is about 4 hamburgers away from a massive heart attack anyway so we will all feel horrible this year when he moves on to the big confederacy in the sky.”

    I offer to take old Jake to McDonald’s and buy the old bastard all the hamburgers he wants. I won’t feel the least bit horrible when he meets the Imperial Wizard Hamburglar in the sky.

  46. rottenart

    [re=591271]Numbat Dundee[/re]:

    Helen: Hmm, Pita. Well, I don’t know about food from the Middle East.
    Isn’t that whole area a little iffy?
    Hostess: [laughs] Hey, I’m no geographer. You and I — why don’t we
    call it pocket bread, huh?
    Maude: [reading the ingredients list] Umm, what’s tahini?
    Hostess: Flavor sauce.
    Edna: And falafel?
    Hostess: Crunch patties.
    Helen: So, we’d be selling foreign…
    Hostess: Specialty foods. Here, try a Ben Franklin.
    Helen: [takes a bite] Mmm, that is good. What’s in it?
    Chef: [poking his head out of a window, looking of Indian origin]
    Tabbouleh and rezmi-kabob.
    Hostess: [trying to cover-up] Uh, th-that’s our chef… Christopher.

  47. Darkness

    [re=591298]Reginald P. Pants, Esq.[/re]: I totally don’t get why we can’t just pull the previous secession documents out of the old Library of Congress, sign ‘em, and send ‘em back.

  48. austintxx

    Ripley_in_CT says next thing you know, he’ll be claiming that he gave birth to her illegitimate demon spawn

    A gravy covered curry bisquit……I love it.

  49. Mr Blifil

    I don’t suppose this kind of treatment would cause her to question her basis for political affiliation?

  50. AnnieGetYourFun

    [re=591369]Mr Blifil[/re]: Never! As Sarah Palin will tell you, he was just engaging in a little satire, like when Rush Limbaugh calls liberal activists “retards”.

  51. wildturtlelove

    [re=591271]Numbat Dundee[/re]: Well, the falafels must be subjected to some marketing strategery: In Salt Lake they could be sold under the guise of “Vegan Rocky Mountain Oysters”. In South Carolina-? mmmmm….maybe “Veggie Cooter-Doodles”….

  52. Ripley_in_CT

    recall that Mrs. Private Citizen Former Half-Term Governor Palin called one of her critics “falafel lady” in her “book”.

    Isn’t it apparent that the entire rethuglican culture is racist? I think we should let them go ahead and wear their hoods in public. At least then we’d see them coming and recognize them before they open their ignorant, racist pieholes.

    Gee, I think I need more coffee…

  53. Jumping Jim

    That political consultant ought to wear a rag on jis head to cover up that hideous toupee.

  54. GOPCrusher

    I like the gentleman on the street that stated “We need to get back to the issues”, because you know in his mind he was saying “Lynching that uppity nigger in the White House.”

  55. BobTheBuilder

    We need to come up with better Republicanized nicknames for our U.S. Ragheads: Bobby, Nikki, Barry… they sound more like members of the Mickey Mouse Club than holders of high office.

  56. Coolness

    I’m smirking reading the left-wing nuts on this site strutting their self-proclaimed moral superiority by running down the supposidly backwards, racist South Carolina.

    I mean, it’s not like those backwards, racist people of that state would actually elect a RAGHEAD, especially the SUPER-RACIST Republicans!

    Wait… she’s far ahead in the polls there….

    Well, maybe those backwards racists are finally catching up with the superior progressive states who elect Sikhs and other minority governors all the time. Real progressive states like California and Oregon and Vermont and Connecticut and….

    Umm…I guess those progressive states actually don’t have monority raghead governors like South Carolina is likely to have.

    Darn it, though! You’ve got to feel superior somehow! So what if you live in posh all-white neighbornoods. You know “those people” down south are redneck racists even if they do vote for ragheads and you don’t…

    Left wingnuts: Must be nice to not have to deal with reality at all. Just invent one and then discuss it among yourselves as it it were real…

  57. GOPCrusher

    [re=591588]Coolness[/re]: Awful lot of words to say “Calling a racist, a racist, means you’re a racist.”

  58. bitchincamaro

    [re=591246]bureaucrap[/re]: Googling that name finds your comment as the only reference to such speculation, rendering it for the time, moot. That said, we do have our share of schmatanoggins here in Astoria.

  59. Zorg

    If she is elected, how can the good people of South Carolina be sure she won’t be taking orders directly from Manmohan Singh and the shadowy occupants of the Harmandir Sahib?

  60. Abou Diaby

    [re=591588]Coolness[/re]:

    You fuckers don’t vote for ragheads. You only cast votes for Nimrata and Piyush once they have changed their names and have pledged to suck baby jesus’ balls for all eternity.

  61. PancakeBreakfast

    South Carolina – Is this the same state where the rumor that John McCain fathered an African American child began? The first state to secede from the Union and fired the first shots of the Civil War? The state that gave the nation Strom Thurmond and Joe Wilson? Oh, it is? South Carolina can eat a dick.

  62. P Drizzle

    [re=591588]Coolness[/re]: No fucking way you’re from South Carolina. I don’t hear the accent, for one.

  63. Reginald P. Pants, Esq.

    [re=591806]P Drizzle[/re]: He actually spelled the majority (but not all) of his words right as well, indicating that he probably completed the fourth grade. No way he’s from South Carolina.

  64. Beowoof

    [re=591588]Coolness[/re]: A South Carolinian critizing a bunch of liberal snark addicts. Gee you wouldn’t be a republican who has consumed mass quantities of Kool-Aid, Oxycontin and Off Market Viagara would you.

    Although you would be pleased to know I would like to spend some time dispensing political advice to her over at the Holiday Inn Express.

  65. zhubajie

    Why not have Nimrata and Jakes get together to discuss whatever. Inter-racial sex! Sex between fat men and skinny women!

  66. zhubajie

    “Why in the world would any non-white person ever want to be associated with the nutjob party”

    Trying to pass for white?

  67. Troubledog

    Can you imagine finding out
    that your Sikh wife is fooling around on you
    from Matt Damon?

    Scotty doesn’t know
    That Fiona and me
    Do it in my van every Sunday.
    She tells him she’s in church but she doesn’t go
    Still she’s on her knees and Scotty doesn’t know!

    Oh Scotty doesn’t know!
    So Don’t Tell Scotty!
    Scotty doesn’t know!
    Scotty doesn’t know!
    So Don’t Tell Scotty!

    I can’t believe he’s so trusting,
    While I’m right behind you thrusting.
    Fiona’s got him on the phone,
    And she’s trying not to moan.
    It’s a three-way call and he knows nothing!

    The parkin lot
    Why not? It’s so cool when you’re on top!
    His front lawn in the snow
    Life is so hard because Scotty doesn’t know!

    We did it on his birthday…

    Scotty doesn’t know!(X4)

  68. Troubledog

    [re=591224]rottenart[/re]: I did not know that. Asia Carrera is actually a filthy JEWESS?

    fap fap fap

    Please do go on.

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