it's morning in america

New York Times Can’t Bring Itself To Say ‘Girlfriend’

Add to Flipboard Magazine.
  • Awww, lookit the cute lil mayorIn America in 2010, nobody gets married. Nobody! This is because like six years ago in one little despised U.S. state, dudes started marrying other dudes and chicks started marrying chicks, so everyone else was all like “Ew, what’s the point.” (Either that or there have been fundamental shifts in ideas about sexual propriety and lifelong fidelity. Opinions differ!) Anyway, despite everyone’s failure to marry, people still find people to hump more or less exclusively and form economically beneficial cohabitation arrangements with and sometimes even fall in love with, and generally when they do this they call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” like they did in high school. This is an order of magnitude too casual for the New York Times, though! Wait, what does this have to do with the politics, and Mayor Bloomberg? Just that Bloomberg’s girlfriend Diana Taylor seems smart and savvy and might want to run for some office as a Republican someday, maybe soon, who knows! She was maybe thinking of running against Kristen Gillibrand but then decided not to, but the Times already had this article mostly written about her, so they decided to publish it anyway. Despite Bloomberg being quoted as calling her his girlfriend in the story, the Times will only snootily call her his “companion,” as if Mayor Bloomberg and his special lady were gay men in the ’70s. [NYT]
  • In other New York news, Andrew Cuomo is trying to make the “Working Families Party” endorse some non-Cuomo person until after the primaries, at which point they will abandon said person and endorse Cuomo. This is reminding everyone why they hate New York state politics in general, and Andrew Cuomo in particular. [NYT]
  • Jim Webb heard a rumor that Burma is trying to build a nuclear bomb, so he cancelled a trip there, so the Burmese couldn’t steal all the nuke-building information that he keeps hidden in his brain, at all times. [BBC]
  • SpaceX, a private company that wants to launch spaceships, is probably test-launching its new space rocket today! President Obama stopped by to nod meaningfully at the spacebound phallus, as it is key to his plan to stop giving money to NASA. [AFP]

Photo courtesy of the International Women’s Health Coalition, on the Flickr!

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Chernobyl Soup

    Lady, if you’re going to get that much plastic work done on your face why not go ahead and throw some at your chest while you’re at it?

  • slappypaddy

    the burmese aren’t “building a bomb.” how gauche. they are merely investing in oil-well blowout prevention technology, which they need badly, as their country is overrun with oil wells. the only technology they presently have for controlling blowouts is the so-called “tony cap,” which is never guaranteed to work. and “top kill” is a forbidden phrase in burma. you understand, they are sensitive about that.

  • WadISay

    If your live-in companion is thinking of running on the Republican ticket, the NYT Manual of Style should reflect that the proper term is “bitch”.

  • Norbert

    Ew, Bloomberg looks like gross Mitch McConnell in that photo.

    p.s. Maybe Burma saw a great opportunity to start up a business which provides leaky oil well capping services. Maybe Burma reads Wonkette. When it’s not too busy.

  • gurukalehuru

    Good luck, SpaceX!

    and overheard from Bloomberg’s Amazon flapper friend “He isn’t short at all…not for a billionaire.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Maybe the NYT didn’t get it wrong. For a lady, she’s got a pretty large adam’s apple. Just saying.

  • Barrelhse

    Concubine? Consort? Salad-tosser?

  • dijetlo

    “It would be a great day if we reach orbital velocity, but still a good day if the first stage functions correctly, even if the second stage malfunctions,” the company said
    NASA never used to talk to us that way. NASA was all like…”maybe we’ll meet Vulcans” these guys are more like “well, if it doesn’t just leave a big smoking hole in the ground when it explodes, that’s a win”.
    To be fair though, that could just be the BP effect.

  • Terry

    “Despite Bloomberg being quoted as calling her his girlfriend in the story, the Times will only snootily call her his “companion,” as if they were gay men in the ’70s.”

    Maybe the NYTimes knows something we don’t.

    “Jim Webb heard a rumor that Burma is trying to build a nuclear bomb, so he cancelled a trip there”

    I think that he tried to find Burma in his atlas but only saw this place called Myanmar, then cancelled his trip out of confusion.

  • ella

    She’s not in it for his looks, that’s for sure.

  • Terry

    Ok, that ad on the left sidebar with the title “Glenn Beck Exposed”? That’s creeping me out. Each time it loads, I mistake it for something announcing nekkid photos of Beck and I’m driven to thoughts of lifelong celebacy and perhaps even a cloistered convent.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    [re=591202]Terry[/re]: Put a big piece of tape on the left side of your screen like I did. I know he’s still there, exposed, but at least he’s not looking at me when I’m trying to read.

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=591200]ella[/re]: Neither is he.

  • FlownOver

    Jeez, she must be a giant! By comparison, maybe 5′ 5″ or even 5′ 6″!

  • Serolf Divad

    Whatever happened to perfectly respectable terms like “fuck bunny?”

  • norbizness

    To be played in a movie nobody watches by Richard Dreyfuss and Amy Irving.

  • Cape Clod

    I think the term “Matress” works here.

  • V572625694

    Short Man Syndrome is a terrible thing.

  • magic titty

    To call her his girlfriend would be heteronormative and sexist, and The Gray Lady is nothing if not ahead of the curve with the new jargon, doodz.

  • Katydid

    [re=591176]gurukalehuru[/re]: Nice.

  • Katydid

    [re=591258]magic titty[/re]: Either that the “girlfriend” quote is a lie. Hey! I’m brainstorming here! Has Bloomie ever been married? For how long? To whom? They have kids? How did he treat her? Did he kiss her a lot in public? Too much? Not enough? On the lips? Which lips? Did he love her? Is he secretly gay? Does he….Oh, wait, Bloomie’s a Republican. Never mind.

  • AnnieGetYourFun

    My father still says “lady friend” for “girlfriend” and “friend” for “boyfriend.” He can’t bring himself to say “boyfriend” when referring to the man that his 60 year-old manager is dating. We mock him.

  • oldguy

    Hey, I read that unintended slur about my state of residence, and I can assure you that the Vermont Gay Maoist Coalition for a Permanent Revolution (VGMCPR) will be delivering a stinging rebuke shortly.

  • magic titty

    [re=591269]Katydid[/re]: Actually he’s independent now, which means he’s bi-curious, or something.

  • TGY

    “I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” – Lewis Grizzard

  • Katydid

    [re=591280]magic titty[/re]: Evidently Bloomie’s affiliation wasn’t worth storing on my hard drive, I’m not sure I even put it in RAM. (Yes, that’s how I think sometimes, it’s pathetic. I once dropped a bunch of file folders and immediately thought, “Ctrl Z.”)

  • Autochthon

    Who’s the lil’ guy next to the drag queen?

  • actor212

    [re=591280]magic titty[/re]: Well, he was a Democrat until he ran in 2001, then swung Republican, then went independent and supported Obama, so you could say he swang both ways and is no longer curious but firmly has his feet planted in the air.

  • Monsieur Grumpe
  • LittlePig

    Hey, if the NYT Style Guide says “transvestite partner” is to be called “companion” not “girlfriend” that’s their business.

  • TubeCity

    The key question is what SHE permits him to call her in private, and it is likely one of the following: “Mistress,” “Maitresse,” “Goddess,” “Princess,” “Domina” or “Master.”

  • edgydrifter

    Y’all are haters. I think s/he’s pretty.

  • elburrito

    How fitting that the French media is hyping Obama’s White Muslim Rocket of Hate.

  • chaste everywhere

    By the time I get to Rangoon
    They’ll be enrichin’ uranium . . .

    (Oops, wrong Jim Webb)

    [re=591398]edgydrifter[/re]: Pretty what?

  • imissopus

    [re=591176]gurukalehuru[/re]: When he stands on his money he looks much taller.

  • Come here a minute

    What, Bloomberg has the Gay Cancer?

  • Mr Blifil

    I believe the term is “beard.”

  • marioninnyc

    Given that Bloomberg bought the Kingdom of New York, perhaps we should refer to his mistress as the crown consort? But why the hell would NYer’s elect her senator? If she can’t close the deal and get a ring on her finger from her billionaire boyfriend, how could we trust her to bring home the bacon to our state? If she’s going to sleep with Big Money, then Big Money should at least respect her enough to make an honest woman out of her. If marriage didn’t have its (economic) privileges, then the gays wouldn’t be fighting so hard to get it.

  • GOPCrusher

    [re=591182]ManchuCandidate[/re]: A Pre-op tranny?

  • chauncey

    Ha, they do it AGAIN here, with Cuomo’s girlfriend! Or that is to say his “Sweetheart”!

    Big City
    On the Campaign Trail, With a Tuna in Every Pot
    Sandra Lee, Andrew Cuomo’s sweetheart, promotes her own agenda before offering answers about her potential first ladydom.

    In the article:
    … Andrew M. Cuomo, Ms. Lee’s longstanding sweetheart, had been anointed the …

  • NJB

    I never realized hizzhonah was into trannies. That’s practically liberal!


    I read somewhere this week that Richard Burton used to call Elizabeth Taylor “Twit Twaddle” when they were dating or married. When I saw that picture, my first thought was “now that’s a Twit Twaddle if I ever saw one.”

  • oldguy

    [re=591529]chauncey[/re]: I was just about to post that. I wonder what the editorial distinctions are.

  • Aurelio

    Bloomie is a billionaire. Why doesn’t he just lease a whole stable of really hot whores? Oh. Maybe he does. Never mind.

  • Zorg

    I like that picture of the drag queen ventriloquist with the old white guy dummy. Where can I catch their act?

  • olympia_Blowe

    umm fyi companion refers to the relationship between a gay midget and the woman he will never be sexually attracted to, in this case a gay midget made of actual limited edition gajillion-dollar bills

  • mr.ed

    His mother wouldn’t want him to marry another shiksa. Simple as that.