mexican death match

‘Not Half-Kenyan, Gov. Brewer … I’m Actually Half-Mexican’

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When you're lost in the rain in Juarez / And it's Eastertime too / And your gravity fails / And negativity don't pull you through.
Guess who’s coming to Cena? It’s anti-Mexican lady governor Jan Brewer, fresh from her family’s Time Machine Battles with Hitler! After enjoying a Taco-free lunch, Brewer told President Obama she’s sorry but she will need to see his papers to make sure he’s American. And whaddya know, he said he left his Birth Certificate on the Internet, in Hawaii. Awkward! Then she was sent to Gitmo, which is the white person pronunciation of Bahía de Guantánamo, the end. [White House Flickr]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • actor212

    Why are her hands in the classic “evul jeanyus” position?

  • Buzz Feedback

    Her hairline is headed for the border. Holy shit.

  • Tommmcatt

    “Seriously, Jan, just go fuck yourself. I mean it.”

  • slappypaddy

    [re=590879]actor212[/re]: it’s a gesture of supplication. she’s begging for federal funds to offset all the tourist and convention dollars her party flushed down the toilet.

  • azw88

    He will do all he can to protect Arizona….. by helping to elect Terry Goddard, Democrat to the Governors office….

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Jeez, talk about a walking ad for staying out of the sun, using sunscreen & a little moisturizer.

  • lawrenceofthedesert

    Notice there is no water pitcher in the pitcher (sorry); that’s so Barry can’t splash the Wicked Witch of the West and cause her to melt. Special effects are too expensive for this recession.

  • rocktonsammy

    Don’t look into his eyes Jan, to late, shes gone.

  • Clancy_Pants

    “This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.”

    Does this mean no Blingee contest!

  • tencentcomic

    Wow! She’s an old bat, isn’t she? And… Are those prayerful hands in respectful supplication to hte great black man in charge or is she just sportin’ a brand new gigundo nail job?

  • weejee

    Silly governorlady. Givin’ BHO the namaste, when she should be in a burka and rolling out the ol’ As-Salamu Alaykum.

  • weejee

    Is that a red, white, and blue sombrero on her lapel also too?

  • JMP

    Obama looks like he’s lecturing the Governor; let’s hope he’s going into his old role as a Constitutional law prof and explaining each way the Arizona law violates the Fourteenth Amendment.

    Or just explaining that all it’s pretty stupid to tell a lie that can be disproven using simple grade school arithmetic (44+11=55; 55>45).

  • user-of-owls

    Gov. Brewer: Don’t call me gringa you fucking beaner, stay on your side of the goddamn river, don’t call me gringa, you beaner.

    Pres. Obama: No me digas beaner, Mrs. Puñetero; te sacaré un susto por racista y culero. No me llames frijolero, pinche gringa puñetero.

  • actor212

    [re=590894]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The scary bit is, her unofficial portrait is sitting in a closet and looks a hundred times worse.

  • SayItWithWookies

    “No, governor — while the gila monster has venom, it actually has to bite its prey a couple of times before it gets under the skin. And anyway, we don’t have any laws against them coming across the border of their own volition. As to whether they supported the Sandinistas against the Contras, I really don’t believe they had an opinion.”

  • Suds McKenzie

    Hopey is telling the story of his Grandfather who served in General Brock’s army during the War of 1812.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    “Jan, has anyone ever told you that you are the spitting image of Ann Coulter in bad drag?”

  • you didn’t ask, but

    He’s explaining the old African(Kenyan?)-American adage: “Don’t write checks that your ass can’t cash” to Jan You-sure-do-a-lot-of-trash-talking-when-you’re-in-Arizona Brewer.

    tencentcomic: “Are those prayerful hands in respectful supplication to hte great black man in charge…” Yep. Also known as “Lord have mercy”.

    This is how Barry does his beat down. She shoulda aksed somebody.

  • V572625694

    “Don’t put on any airs when you’re down on Rue Morgue Avenue
    They got some hungry little women there, and man, they’ll make a mess outa you.”

    It’s Dylan Day on our Wonkette — Hooray!

  • Crank Tango

    [re=590892]azw88[/re]: Too bad he appointed her predecessor to homeland security. D’oh! We all fuck up once in a while, right?

  • rmjag

    jan is a much older version of ann coulter – must have 5 years on her at least ….. considering what they are , they have held up adequately . i mean , considering what they are ….. all that nothingness inside – heavy on the soul , heavier on the looks .

  • CrunchyKnee

    [re=590897]Clancy_Pants[/re]: Sounds like a challenge.


  • zhubajie

    [re=590915]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Ann Coulter isn’t perpetually in bad drag?

  • Joshua Norton

    Looks like he’s warming up to pimp slap her out of that chair.

  • CrunchyKnee

    [re=590924]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Shit, I suck.


  • you cannot be serious

    Oh my. That face reminds of the canals on Mars.

  • Clancy_Pants

    [re=590927]CrunchyKnee[/re]: My Hero! Now watch out for the black helicopters.

  • RoscoePColtraine

    She looks like a flight attendant who has flown too much and realizes now that Lancome isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Also, picking off the uneaten carrot cakes as the trays come back from the economy cabin has only worked against her. It’s too late to fix it now, though.

  • steverino247

    Two words: Predator Drone. You’ll never see it coming.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=590925]zhubajie[/re]: Well, yes, but judging from this photo, Jan let her makeup artist have the month off… something Ann would never let happen.

  • notreallyhelping

    “How does this much Federal aid sound?”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=590939]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Lancome? Pfffft. Jan’s more of an Ivory soap and Dial-a-Prayer kinda gal.

  • x111e7thst

    Al pastor me echo una gringa
    mas lechuga a la pechuga

  • charlesdegoal

    [re=590920]V572625694[/re]: Little Women, up on housing project hill?

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=590922]Crank Tango[/re]: Unfortunately, still had to suck that superdelegate dick.

  • jus_wonderin

    Brewer: “This is a church. And this is its steeple. Open it up and see all the sheeple.”

    Obama: “With all due respect, Gov. Brewer, I believe this is the size of your brain.”

  • bitchincamaro

    “Seriously, what’s with the alcohol-related family names?”

  • Dolmance

    That cunt.

  • thefrontpage

    Brewer is a dickhead.

  • Jim89048

    Hey, wait a minute. Aren’t those the same apples that’ve been on that table for like 6 months now? I think they had photo day back in December or something and just trot ’em out when appropriate. Or expedient.


    She’s sporting the blond highlights, leathery skin, orange lipstick and manicure seen at every shuffleboard court in AZ. She is a woman of her people. The non-messican ones anyway.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Ken, are you implying that’s the look of love?
    Actually she’s begging for her right to be silent because back in Az., Miranda left some time ago.

  • bloatedwhitetruck

    I recently heard a soundbite of Brewer going on and on about my gardener and housekeeper. It takes decades of cheap “voka” and Pall Malls to develop a rattle like hers.

    Arizona has a history of women with fascinating hair doos running our state. Take a peak at ex gov Rose Mofford if you dare –

  • Holding Out for a Hero

    Well at least she didn’t ask Barry to help her break up the chifferobe…

  • TGY

    Beauty and the Beast

  • assistant/atlas

    [re=591022]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: Holy God….are you sure that’s a woman and not, like, the nuttiest drag queen ever?

  • bloatedwhitetruck

    No, no, no. I actually sat across from her at a local eatery. From where I was sitting I’m pretty sure she is a she, didn’t see any sign of old man balls a tuck or an adams apple. She was wearing a lovely rose print blouse and was holding court as her crones gathered about. Appeared to be eating a dainty lady salad. As I recall the table used to have a placard stating “Reserved for Governor Rose Mofford”. This was before the recent remodel.

  • N.S.Sherlock

    [re=591022]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: Are you sure that’s not Babs Bush back in the day? When she was hot and George the Elder was on the prowl?

  • babsinbuffalo

    Jan definitely shares a hairstylist with Sarah Palin also!

  • S.Luggo

    Brewer’s first, childhood TV intox was with the Nickelodeon Spanglish series, “Y Su Mama Tambien.”
    And yet, and yet, we continue to condemn her.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=590881]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Canada? Evil shits.

  • S.Luggo

    “So, as I am given to understand, Mister President, you are a Negro. Guards!!!!”

  • Starrigavan

    The only caption this photo will ever need:

    “Please, dear Lord, please don’t let the big mulatto man notice that I’m a white woman! They can’t handle themselves around white women… Oh lord, what am I going to do…”

  • gurukalehuru

    Oh, Yes! Those hands are clasped in prayer, for Barry is the one.

  • Darkness

    Caption: Let me tell you how it is, Bitch.

  • Schmegeg

    The picture: He wants her to come into his room to see his birth certificate. She wants him to be her date at a school choice convention in Phoenix.

  • sezme

    [re=590939]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Something tells me you are describing an actual human being you know. Or does your story apply to pretty much all flight attendants past a certain age?

  • slowuncle


    Looked at my watch & I looked at my wrist
    Punched myself in my face with my fist
    I took my taters back home to be mashed
    Then I made it down to that billion dollar bash