MEXICAN DEATH MATCH  4:46 pm June 3, 2010

‘Not Half-Kenyan, Gov. Brewer … I’m Actually Half-Mexican’

by Ken Layne

When you're lost in the rain in Juarez / And it's Eastertime too / And your gravity fails / And negativity don't pull you through.
Guess who’s coming to Cena? It’s anti-Mexican lady governor Jan Brewer, fresh from her family’s Time Machine Battles with Hitler! After enjoying a Taco-free lunch, Brewer told President Obama she’s sorry but she will need to see his papers to make sure he’s American. And whaddya know, he said he left his Birth Certificate on the Internet, in Hawaii. Awkward! Then she was sent to Gitmo, which is the white person pronunciation of Bahía de Guantánamo, the end. [White House Flickr]

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actor212 June 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Why are her hands in the classic “evul jeanyus” position?

Buzz Feedback June 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Her hairline is headed for the border. Holy shit.

Tommmcatt June 3, 2010 at 4:51 pm

“Seriously, Jan, just go fuck yourself. I mean it.”

slappypaddy June 3, 2010 at 4:54 pm

[re=590879]actor212[/re]: it’s a gesture of supplication. she’s begging for federal funds to offset all the tourist and convention dollars her party flushed down the toilet.

azw88 June 3, 2010 at 4:56 pm

He will do all he can to protect Arizona….. by helping to elect Terry Goddard, Democrat to the Governors office….

Texan Bulldoggette June 3, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Jeez, talk about a walking ad for staying out of the sun, using sunscreen & a little moisturizer.

lawrenceofthedesert June 3, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Notice there is no water pitcher in the pitcher (sorry); that’s so Barry can’t splash the Wicked Witch of the West and cause her to melt. Special effects are too expensive for this recession.

rocktonsammy June 3, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Don’t look into his eyes Jan, to late, shes gone.

Clancy_Pants June 3, 2010 at 4:59 pm

“This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.”

Does this mean no Blingee contest!

tencentcomic June 3, 2010 at 4:59 pm

Wow! She’s an old bat, isn’t she? And… Are those prayerful hands in respectful supplication to hte great black man in charge or is she just sportin’ a brand new gigundo nail job?

weejee June 3, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Silly governorlady. Givin’ BHO the namaste, when she should be in a burka and rolling out the ol’ As-Salamu Alaykum.

weejee June 3, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Is that a red, white, and blue sombrero on her lapel also too?

JMP June 3, 2010 at 5:02 pm

Obama looks like he’s lecturing the Governor; let’s hope he’s going into his old role as a Constitutional law prof and explaining each way the Arizona law violates the Fourteenth Amendment.

Or just explaining that all it’s pretty stupid to tell a lie that can be disproven using simple grade school arithmetic (44+11=55; 55>45).

user-of-owls June 3, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Gov. Brewer: Don’t call me gringa you fucking beaner, stay on your side of the goddamn river, don’t call me gringa, you beaner.

Pres. Obama: No me digas beaner, Mrs. Puñetero; te sacaré un susto por racista y culero. No me llames frijolero, pinche gringa puñetero.

actor212 June 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm

[re=590894]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: The scary bit is, her unofficial portrait is sitting in a closet and looks a hundred times worse.

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm

“No, governor — while the gila monster has venom, it actually has to bite its prey a couple of times before it gets under the skin. And anyway, we don’t have any laws against them coming across the border of their own volition. As to whether they supported the Sandinistas against the Contras, I really don’t believe they had an opinion.”

Suds McKenzie June 3, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Hopey is telling the story of his Grandfather who served in General Brock’s army during the War of 1812.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2010 at 5:10 pm

“Jan, has anyone ever told you that you are the spitting image of Ann Coulter in bad drag?”

you didn't ask, but June 3, 2010 at 5:10 pm

He’s explaining the old African(Kenyan?)-American adage: “Don’t write checks that your ass can’t cash” to Jan You-sure-do-a-lot-of-trash-talking-when-you’re-in-Arizona Brewer.

tencentcomic: “Are those prayerful hands in respectful supplication to hte great black man in charge…” Yep. Also known as “Lord have mercy”.

This is how Barry does his beat down. She shoulda aksed somebody.

V572625694 June 3, 2010 at 5:15 pm

“Don’t put on any airs when you’re down on Rue Morgue Avenue
They got some hungry little women there, and man, they’ll make a mess outa you.”

It’s Dylan Day on our Wonkette — Hooray!

Crank Tango June 3, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=590892]azw88[/re]: Too bad he appointed her predecessor to homeland security. D’oh! We all fuck up once in a while, right?

rmjag June 3, 2010 at 5:21 pm

jan is a much older version of ann coulter – must have 5 years on her at least ….. considering what they are , they have held up adequately . i mean , considering what they are ….. all that nothingness inside – heavy on the soul , heavier on the looks .

CrunchyKnee June 3, 2010 at 5:21 pm

[re=590897]Clancy_Pants[/re]: Sounds like a challenge.


zhubajie June 3, 2010 at 5:23 pm

[re=590915]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Ann Coulter isn’t perpetually in bad drag?

Joshua Norton June 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Looks like he’s warming up to pimp slap her out of that chair.

CrunchyKnee June 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm

[re=590924]CrunchyKnee[/re]: Shit, I suck.


you cannot be serious June 3, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Oh my. That face reminds of the canals on Mars.

Clancy_Pants June 3, 2010 at 5:38 pm

[re=590927]CrunchyKnee[/re]: My Hero! Now watch out for the black helicopters.

RoscoePColtraine June 3, 2010 at 5:44 pm

She looks like a flight attendant who has flown too much and realizes now that Lancome isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Also, picking off the uneaten carrot cakes as the trays come back from the economy cabin has only worked against her. It’s too late to fix it now, though.

steverino247 June 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm

Two words: Predator Drone. You’ll never see it coming.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2010 at 5:53 pm

[re=590925]zhubajie[/re]: Well, yes, but judging from this photo, Jan let her makeup artist have the month off… something Ann would never let happen.

notreallyhelping June 3, 2010 at 5:55 pm

“How does this much Federal aid sound?”

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm

[re=590939]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Lancome? Pfffft. Jan’s more of an Ivory soap and Dial-a-Prayer kinda gal.

x111e7thst June 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Al pastor me echo una gringa
mas lechuga a la pechuga

charlesdegoal June 3, 2010 at 6:05 pm

[re=590920]V572625694[/re]: Little Women, up on housing project hill?

problemwithcaring June 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm

[re=590922]Crank Tango[/re]: Unfortunately, still had to suck that superdelegate dick.

jus_wonderin June 3, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Brewer: “This is a church. And this is its steeple. Open it up and see all the sheeple.”

Obama: “With all due respect, Gov. Brewer, I believe this is the size of your brain.”

bitchincamaro June 3, 2010 at 6:18 pm

“Seriously, what’s with the alcohol-related family names?”

Dolmance June 3, 2010 at 6:27 pm

That cunt.

thefrontpage June 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Brewer is a dickhead.

Jim89048 June 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Hey, wait a minute. Aren’t those the same apples that’ve been on that table for like 6 months now? I think they had photo day back in December or something and just trot ‘em out when appropriate. Or expedient. June 3, 2010 at 6:43 pm

She’s sporting the blond highlights, leathery skin, orange lipstick and manicure seen at every shuffleboard court in AZ. She is a woman of her people. The non-messican ones anyway.

WhatTheHeck June 3, 2010 at 7:01 pm

Ken, are you implying that’s the look of love?
Actually she’s begging for her right to be silent because back in Az., Miranda left some time ago.

bloatedwhitetruck June 3, 2010 at 7:13 pm

I recently heard a soundbite of Brewer going on and on about my gardener and housekeeper. It takes decades of cheap “voka” and Pall Malls to develop a rattle like hers.

Arizona has a history of women with fascinating hair doos running our state. Take a peak at ex gov Rose Mofford if you dare –

Holding Out for a Hero June 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm

Well at least she didn’t ask Barry to help her break up the chifferobe…

TGY June 3, 2010 at 7:26 pm

Beauty and the Beast

assistant/atlas June 3, 2010 at 7:41 pm

[re=591022]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: Holy God….are you sure that’s a woman and not, like, the nuttiest drag queen ever?

bloatedwhitetruck June 3, 2010 at 7:50 pm

No, no, no. I actually sat across from her at a local eatery. From where I was sitting I’m pretty sure she is a she, didn’t see any sign of old man balls a tuck or an adams apple. She was wearing a lovely rose print blouse and was holding court as her crones gathered about. Appeared to be eating a dainty lady salad. As I recall the table used to have a placard stating “Reserved for Governor Rose Mofford”. This was before the recent remodel.

N.S.Sherlock June 3, 2010 at 8:18 pm

[re=591022]bloatedwhitetruck[/re]: Are you sure that’s not Babs Bush back in the day? When she was hot and George the Elder was on the prowl?

babsinbuffalo June 3, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Jan definitely shares a hairstylist with Sarah Palin also!

S.Luggo June 3, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Brewer’s first, childhood TV intox was with the Nickelodeon Spanglish series, “Y Su Mama Tambien.”
And yet, and yet, we continue to condemn her.

S.Luggo June 3, 2010 at 10:25 pm

[re=590881]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Canada? Evil shits.

S.Luggo June 3, 2010 at 10:39 pm

“So, as I am given to understand, Mister President, you are a Negro. Guards!!!!”

Starrigavan June 4, 2010 at 2:34 am

The only caption this photo will ever need:

“Please, dear Lord, please don’t let the big mulatto man notice that I’m a white woman! They can’t handle themselves around white women… Oh lord, what am I going to do…”

gurukalehuru June 4, 2010 at 5:08 am

Oh, Yes! Those hands are clasped in prayer, for Barry is the one.

Darkness June 4, 2010 at 10:01 am

Caption: Let me tell you how it is, Bitch.

Schmegeg June 4, 2010 at 10:08 am

The picture: He wants her to come into his room to see his birth certificate. She wants him to be her date at a school choice convention in Phoenix.

sezme June 4, 2010 at 1:00 pm

[re=590939]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Something tells me you are describing an actual human being you know. Or does your story apply to pretty much all flight attendants past a certain age?

slowuncle June 4, 2010 at 3:16 pm


Looked at my watch & I looked at my wrist
Punched myself in my face with my fist
I took my taters back home to be mashed
Then I made it down to that billion dollar bash

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