let's nuke the corner

National Review Typing Person Unhappy With Being Mocked

And Pravda is a UFO-hooker site, you nitwit.Oh okay, fine, we’ll bite, but only because Newell emailed this and he’s supposed to be ON VACATION for a few days, Jesus, but whatever, here is what National Review Online typing person typed in response to, uh, Wonkette making fun of his dumb column actually calling for a nuclear bomb to be “used” to stop the BP oil spill, which more than a few commenters here have noted would, besides being Insane, require the drilling of a well to drop in the nuke.

Uh?

What a perfectly irrelevant string on non-sequiturs, straw men and ad hominems. I know Wonkette exists to make fun of everything, but how historically uncoupled is the Left when it can un-ironically condemn the Right for its Soviet nostalgia?

LET US BE CLEAR: You, National Review Online typing person who is not (?) K-Lo, you love the Soviet Union so much it’s crazy. Love it love it love it. And you do actually love it, for reals.

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne

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171 comments

  1. gizmo1204

    Can non-sequiturs, straw men, and ad hominems actually co-exist on the same string? What a mixed metaphor!

  2. tbogg

    Newell left some yogurt in the fridge. Can I have it since he’s not coming back until Denton fires him and then Joan Walsh fires after a week at Salon?

    Also. His stapler.

  3. kinginyellow

    How exactly is Wonkette “The Left”? It’s not like it’s part of the Center For American Progress.

  4. snideinplainsight

    Tovareesh! Tui tolka, tolka lubeesh cheetaiem Wonkette!! Kashdi dien, hashdi dien!

  5. scooterKPFT

    [re=590748]gizmo1204[/re]:

    It is attacking the character of something you made up with an illogical argument. Like everything on Fox News.
    It’s easy!

  6. the problem child

    You mock them, and they become more entrenched in their insanity. I’ll trust the Wonkette engineering squad, thanks.

  7. Hart88

    [re=590749]tbogg[/re]: he gets to keep his stapler, otherwise he burns the buidling down.

  8. Dashboard_Buddha

    Ummm…if they would use the relief wells to place the bomb, why don’t they use the relief wells to, you know…provide relief?

  9. Real DC Native

    I like this quote:

    “Last but not least, Brownfield — who previously supported the nuclear option but has since backed off — thinks we can do the job with carefully placed conventional explosives…..

    The explosive power of 30,000 tons of dynamite, on the other hand, tends to be a bit more forgiving.”

    Really? Bigger, nuclear explosions are more forgiving than smaller conventional ones? I guess when you live in a world devoid of science anything can be fixed by a big enough bomb.

    “Paging Dr. Strangelove”

  10. Crank Tango

    Hey NRO shitsucker! You’re still a fucking moron, so fuck that ad hominem straw man however you want.

  11. Joshua Norton

    Strawman? STRAWMAN??? Sorry toots, but we straight tell you up front that we’re plain making shit up. No need for a strawman, nosireeee Bob.

  12. JMP

    So let’s see, the National Review ironically thinks the US should follow the Soviets’ example, Wonkette points out the irony within this, and the NR defensively calls this un-ironic while calling the left historically uncoupled.

    How many levels of irony? It’s at least triple irony, I think; maybe this be pushed further to complete recursive irony.

  13. steverino247

    [re=590747]scooterKPFT[/re]: +10 for the Zappa reference!

    BP Exec: “I spilled 20 million gallons, but I ain’t gotta cum from the dynamo humm.”

    Sarah Palin: “I gotta spot that gets me hot, but you ain’t drillin’ it yet.”

    NRO Chorus: “No, no, no!”

  14. actor212

    Ken, you might have missed this:

    UPDATE: Kenneth Green over at AEI’s Enterprise blog wonders whether I have “lost [my] mind.” Well, folks who have lost their minds are usually in the worst position to answer that question, but I don’t think so.

    Um, if you’re a wingnut AND the American Enterprise Institute calls you crazy, you’re crazy. Stop digging. You’ve hit bottom.

  15. mumblyjoe

    I love the part about how the Bikini Atoll got nuked like the dickens, and nothing bad ever happened.

    You know, except for the deaths, and also all the radioactive fish. And all the natives who had to be relocated, because of the radioactive fish.

    But, I mean, if something like that were to happen today, it’s not like there are “residents” of the Gulf Coast whose lives and livelihoods depend on fishing the soon-to-be-radioactive fish from the Gulf, so, hahaha, no worries, right?

  16. hughman

    also, comedy show “friends” (which is a conservative rock song) made fun of soviet straw men WHO ARE PERHAPS SOMETIMES RIGHT! NUKE RACHEAL’S HAIR, you leftie reruns!!

  17. Schmegeg

    Another right wing attack on straw men. We are still waiting for our f-ing brain, pricks!

  18. comicbookguy

    Can we please just nuke something? The Soviets did it, and things worked out pretty well for them.

    It’s supposed to be a big hurricane season. We should nuke them too.

    NRO loves to stare into Putin’s eyes and see his soul. There’s a KGB agent you can trust!

    NRO, we are not condemning your Soviet nostalgia, we are celebrating it!

  19. AnglRdr

    So he’s totally serious about this nuking thing, isn’t he?

    Not even just playing around with it, he really wants to detonate a nuclear weapon on top of the remains of the well that once was the Deepwater Horizon rig. In the Gulf of Mexico. On planet Earth.

    I like my crazy to be funny, not just flat-out crazy.

    Nuclear weapons are probably the worst tool for nearly any job.

  20. rottenart

    Wait, does he think there’s a way to ironically tell him he wants to make out with Stalin?

  21. rottenart

    [re=590770]JMP[/re]: Just like Reality Bites. Or at least Ethan Hawke’s career.

  22. Zadig

    “I am surprised that Green, like Wonkette, is treating one itty-bitty A- bomb as Vishnu, Destroyer of Worlds.”

    Um, Vishnu is the Protector god of the triumvirate. Oppenheimer was quoting a line attributed to Shiva, you ignorant fucker.

  23. geminisunmars

    “would let virtually no fallout escape into the waters of the Gulf.”
    “I am surprised that Green, like Wonkette, is treating one itty-bitty A-bomb as Vishnu, Destroyer of Worlds.”

    Just one itty-bitty titty A-bomb, puh-leeze. Hardly any fallout. Whas the big deal?

  24. mumblyjoe

    [re=590754]Hart88[/re]: See the NRO “conservative rock” post. The only lesson to be learned from Godzilla is that environmentalists are shitheads for thinking that the magic sky-ninja isn’t going to fix everything just because. AND NOTHING ABOUT NUCLEAR BOMBS.

  25. actor212

    Again, a properly-executed 20-30 kiloton detonation beneath a solid layer of impermeable rock would let virtually no fallout escape into the waters of the Gulf.

    Which is why no one was allowed to SCUBA DIVE the lagoon until 1996, almost 50 years after the detonation, and mutations among sharks are common.

    What a doosh.

  26. Gorillionaire

    Can somebody just fast forward to the part where Bill Kristol tells us what Palin thinks about the whole thing? Also something carefully worded about Israel, also.

  27. Snarkalicious

    Oh, holy shit. The ‘un-ironically’ bit just caused me to screw up payroll with my cackling laughter.

    Seriously…which one of you guys hacked NRO?

  28. SayItWithWookies

    Frankly it’s un-American that the government is restricting responsible companies like BP from maintaining their own nuclear stockpiles in case something goes so horribly wrong that it needs a good quick several-megaton fix. It’s probably the fault of the environmentalists, but I haven’t figured that angle out yet.

  29. PsycGirl

    Should I even be upset about the accusation of “historically uncoupled”? Is it in urbandictionary?

  30. mumblyjoe

    [re=590788]Zadig[/re]: Just remember, the National Review is LITERALLY the flagship publication of American Intellectual Conservatism. These are the greatest minds in the conservative blogosphere, folks. No, really.

    And it’s not just me saying this, take Paul Begala:

    “I bookmark NRO and read it frequently. It’s smart and breezy”

    and Markos Moulitsas:

    “I do like the blogs at the National Review — I do think their writers are the best in the [conservative] blogosphere,”

    There you have it folks: The National Review: Quite literally the best stuff conservatives are working with.

  31. user-of-owls

    [re=590762]Hart88[/re]: he gets to keep his stapler, otherwise he burns the buidling down.

    …or runs against an incumbent in a Democratic primary.

  32. Crank Tango

    I know this has nothing to do with anything, because the NRO post was by a feces-throwing retard, but isn’t that fucking rig like right off the coast of Louisiana?

  33. Joanie

    “…how historically uncoupled is the Left when it can un-ironically condemn the Right for its Soviet nostalgia?”

    Uh, I think that the condemnation was totally and intentionally ironic, actually. That’s why it’s a joke?

  34. Hart88

    Jesus, the ARI is calling this guy out, and he’s hanging on to his ignorance like Cindy Brady with the last Kitty Carry-All On Earth.

  35. user-of-owls

    [re=590800]PsycGirl[/re]: I think it refers to most bloggers, who truth be told, have been ‘uncoupled’ historically.

  36. slappypaddy

    if it’s “perfectly irrelevant” then what’s his point? it’s both perfect, requiring no further comment, and irrelevant, requiring no initial comment. it would seem all his bases are covered, coming and going.

    could it be he doesn’t know what the words “perfectly irrelevant” mean? has he looked in the mirror lately?

  37. Gratuitous World

    as someone with a complete lack of self-awareness, I would like to condemn all irony.

    in Soviet Russia, irony means irony.

  38. McDuff

    [re=590759]Oldskool[/re]: “If things go according to plan…”

    What I tell my wife everytime a get my tools out to do home repairs.

  39. JMP

    [re=590789]geminisunmars[/re]: They’re just tiny little nuclear weapons, what’s the big deal?

    Ironic (yet again!) coming from the National Review, which argued that the possibility that both Iraq and later Iran might be thinking of starting to develop technologies that could someday maybe be used to develop potential nukes justified bombing the shit out of them.

  40. you didn't ask, but

    [re=590770]JMP[/re]: A triple axil of irony? The Soviets will still only give NRO a 5.

  41. Crank Tango

    [re=590805]Joanie[/re]: it’s like Hey Alanis, I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

  42. LindsayBluth

    “I know Wonkette exists to make fun of everything, but how historically uncoupled is the Left when it can un-ironically condemn…”

    Making fun of everything always involves un-ironically condemning things. Can Daniel Foster please be the new Jim? He excels at humor.

  43. rottenart

    [re=590804]Crank Tango[/re]: Are you suggesting that the residents of LA wouldn’t be happy with a plan that may or may not involve a giant wall of water headed their way? Strange.

  44. doxastic

    [re=590748]gizmo1204[/re]: This is actually the preferred right wing method of argumentation: Energy policy: “Turning new renewable energies might sound good, but dare we forget that asshole loser Jimmy Carter?” Or on healthcare: “Ted Kennedy is a drunken lout who killed Mary Jo Kopechne.” Or Supreme Court nominations: “Elena Kagan’s college thesis proves definitively that she is a Marxist dyke.”

  45. martinette

    “What a perfectly irrelevant string on non-sequiturs, straw men and ad hominems…”

    Nobody gets more mileage out of a semester of Latin than right-wingers. As a former alter boy, I learned to grow nervous around guys who used Latin in their work. And when they start talking about “standing athwart”, you’d better run.

    BTW, just what is a “string on?”

  46. qwerty42

    [re=590775]actor212[/re]: In fairness to NRO they did include the update. I checked it:

    What could be worse than having massive oil slicks floating in the Gulf, killing fish, tainting fisheries, and so forth? Having radioactive oil slicks floating in the Gulf, killing fish, tainting fisheries, and so forth, that’s what.

    see this. teh crazee is strong with this one.

  47. Geogre

    They love the Soviet Union selectively, just as they do their morality… selectively… and their Christianity. They have a cut ‘n paste Soviet Union. I won’t call it a “straw man” Soviet Union, because they’re putting a copyright on the phrase and hoping to turn it into a line of wind up toys suitable for good little right wingers’ stockings (they have stockings…on weekends, anyway).

    You see, when the U.S.S.R. was a military power, they were damn near omnipotent. The Soviet missiles were better than ours. The bombs were bigger. The tanks were tougher. The soldiers were robotic killing machines without remorse. The state was super efficient, bent on deeeeeeth.

    When the U.S.S.R. became Russia, though, it was ludicrous, inefficient, impossible and laughable. Do not imitate their social programs, because they are incredibly wasteful. Do not listen to their philosophy, because it is weakness itself. Russia now is a “basket case” because the U.S.S.R. was awful, incapable, manned with nincompoops.

    Except when it comes to wanting them to be the old Soviet Death Machine.

    It isn’t nostalgia for the USSR that the NRO typing person is feeling: it’s nostalgia for that first wet spot in the night when he or she contemplated that mighty fantasy army of the “Rocky III” Soviets Bill Buckley had constructed out of airy nothings.

  48. storm

    Wait. These are the people who have a book called “Liberal Fascism” with a little Hitler moustache and they are mad that they got confused with the Soviets?

  49. actor212

    [re=590824]qwerty42[/re]: Yea, I pulled the “UPDATE” quote from NRO. Sorry that it wasn’t clearer that it was from there.

  50. you didn't ask, but

    [re=590789]geminisunmars[/re]: Successfully proving that “Beneath the Planet of the Apes” was, in fact, a docudrama.

  51. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Ooooh, can I be one of “Wonkette’s allies in the east coast media elite”?

    Do I get a standing army and diplomatic missions? Can we declare a more literal form of war on the National Review and despoil Chuck Buckley’s eczema-riddle, simmering corpse? (Ugh, cancel that last part)

  52. actor212

    [re=590823]martinette[/re]: BTW, just what is a “string on?”

    A tampon in use?

  53. snideinplainsight

    The thing that still totally blows my mind is that these idiots are willing to opine so forcefully about anything at all. Bose-Einstein Condensates? There’s a conservatard opinion about that. Ergodic theory of six-dimensional manifolds? Just wait around a while, K-Low will crap out some shitty quasi-Catholicized theory about those.

    Just once in my life, I’d love for Kristol Meh or Sarah Grifterbilly or KLow to stand up and say “I really am not informed enough to venture an opinion on that topic.” There’s something useful about being able to recognize and declare your own ignorance.

  54. user-of-owls

    [re=590820]rottenart[/re]: Well, there may be a few Bull Connor-wannabes from across the rivers that would just love to see another phalanx of poor, unarmed, Negros trying to cross the bridge into their parishes.

    “Was lahk shootin’ fish inna barrel, Cletus, I tell you what.”

  55. RoscoePColtraine

    In medicine, the correlation to this might be flooding a person’s IV with Clorox bleach to kill a bacterial infection. It would work. You cannot deny that.

  56. Real DC Native

    [re=590825]Geogre[/re]:
    You see, when the U.S.S.R. was a military power, they were damn near omnipotent. The Soviet missiles were better than ours. The bombs were bigger. The tanks were tougher. The soldiers were robotic killing machines without remorse. The state was super efficient, bent on deeeeeeth.

    This does not bode well for our efforts in Afghanistan.

  57. sezme

    As the War in Japan amply demonstrated, we’d only need to nuke the oil well twice for it to surrender.

  58. gurukalehuru

    [re=590748]gizmo1204[/re]: Could be worse. Straw hominems and ad men, for instance. But what I want to know is, where are the sequiters? We never hear about the sequiters any more.

  59. Crank Tango

    [re=590831]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: once you learn the secret handshake, you get deep discounts on gin at walgreens and george soros’ paypal address.

  60. JMP

    [re=590825]Geogre[/re]: Let’s face it, these guys are still pissed at Gorbachev for ending the Cold War; they loved having the big Soviet boogieman to justify whatever military spending and domestic oppression they wanted. Now they’re trying to make the Muslims take that place, but painting a bunch of guys hiding out in remote caves as all-powerful supervillians stretches most people’s credulity.

  61. Crank Tango

    [re=590820]rottenart[/re]: it’s hard to say. I think we should ask bobby jindal. even if the thought has old diaper dave shitting his pants, to him that’s a good thing so he’s beyond worthless.

  62. KnaveOfDiamonds

    What? This is a “Left” wing blog? Crap. I thought this was the blog for “Commentary”.

  63. doxastic

    Because if there was one thing the USSR was known for, it was having good ideas that worked well in practice.

  64. Lucidamente

    If the BP spill is our Chernobyl, shouldn’t the Soviets have pumped crude oil into that reactor? (Not funny, I know, but I started drinking as soon as I read the NRO piece.)

  65. coolcatdaddy

    Those on the Right get their orgasms by exploding Nukes.

    Those on the Left get their orgasms by actually having sex. With consenting adults.

  66. lawrenceofthedesert

    “Hey, Bikini Atoll got nuked 20 times, but it’s a great place to hang and eat glow-in-the-dark sashimi. You can take my word for it, because I write for the National Review where we won’t be bothered by liberal journalism hangups of the past like corroboration or attribution, okay? We get it from one source, and if we’re too tired to do that, we just make it up. But hey, these scientists and Greenies got it wrong, okay? Trust me. Drop The Big Shrimponator tomorrow!

  67. Beanball

    “Last but not least, Brownfield — who previously supported the nuclear option but has since backed off — thinks we can do the job with carefully placed conventional explosives…..
    The explosive power of 30,000 tons of dynamite, on the other hand, tends to be a bit more forgiving.”

    Jesus Cadiddlehopper Christ, what nuclear weapons training can this narcissistically-disordered NRO TYPIST claim that makes his opinion that a nuclear weapon can be “forgiving” more valid than Brownback’s, an actual nuclear weapons expert?

    “Moron” doesn’t even begin to cover his presumptuous idiocy.

  68. Prommie

    The premise here is astounding, his real premise, that liberals just looooove the old Soviet Union, are filled with nostalgia for the good old Soviet Union, and therefore, it is hypocritical for liberals to criticize him for looking to the Soviet Union as a model for how to deal with this problem. Like, what right do we have to make fun of him for loving the commies, when we are the ones who love the commies.

    Comrades, this is ludicrous, is it not? Doesn’t he know that we are not Lenninists, we are Trotskyites?

    Long live the glorious revolution!

    s

  69. Hemp Dogbane

    “historically uncoupled” + big liberal basket of condoms = “Wonkette exists to make fun”

  70. Doglessliberal

    [re=590748]gizmo1204[/re]: they are actually the ingredients of the Sizzling Happy Family special at the local Chinese place down the street. I always ask for extra ad hominems and hot peppers.

  71. Redhead

    awwww, the NRO must have been talking to Plastic “don’t call me a cunt, baldy!” McCain!

  72. Crank Tango

    [re=590860]Prommie[/re]: Yeah it’s like you almost hate to break it to them that we only worship the soviets in their imaginary universe, not the real one, but if it keeps them from blowing anything up, I guess they can live in whatever universe they want…

  73. Geogre

    [re=590839]Real DC Native[/re]: Oh, they loved Afghanistan.

    Well, they didn’t when it was Jimmy Carter keeping us out of the Olympics, if you’ll recall, but otherwise, yeah. The mujahadeen were “freedom fighters.” I think they were even the first ones to get that sanctifying term handed to them by Reagan’s linguistic torture machine… the very machine that is now at NRO and beyond.

    I concur about having expertise on everything, too. At a party, this gets you thrown out. At NRO, it gets you on FauxNews and CNN’s speed dial. The party crashing boor has a sinking feeling in his heart, I’m sure. The Cliff Clavens of the world know how sad they are. At NeoTard Inc., though, conscience is a disqualification, awareness of consequences is advanced reasoning, and morality is something you shout, not something you have.

  74. Redhead

    [re=590776]mumblyjoe[/re]: nah, there aren’t any REAL residents near the Gulf coast.

    Brownie took care of all of them after Katrina. He did a heckuva job, too.

  75. Doglessliberal

    [re=590765]Real DC Native[/re]: I like the name. Great to be named after an environmentally-disastrous abandoned industrial area.

  76. qwerty42

    [re=590845]JMP[/re]: …but painting a bunch of guys hiding out in remote caves as all-powerful supervillians stretches most people’s credulity.

    But not all!!! Remember when they were peeing in their panties because Obammar didn’t keep us safe from the underpants bomber? And even now, they are frightened by the scary mooslims in Gitmo. Bring on the torturers! For America! For our highest, most sacred values!

  77. facehead

    So the NRA wants to blow up the Mexicans with K-Lo’s snuke?

    What’s the problem?

  78. Geogre

    [re=590860]Prommie[/re]: Damn right!
    I got kicked out the Commitern for “formalist error.” Besides, they said I was more of a neo-Hegelian anyway.

    Joke’s on them, though, because I’m really an anti-rationalist anti-empiricist who accepts a dialectic modality of history through materialism as insufficient without dynamic input from superstructural elements! (Oh, the laughs I have with that one.)

  79. Aunt Fancy

    [re=590784]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: She is for it as she saw Russia do it from her house, while Joe McGinnis was peering over the fence.

  80. weejee

    …has some radioactive coconuts to be sure, but is even as we speak safely inhabitable

    Then why are most of the Bikinians scatter elsewhere? Maybe strontium 90, cesium 137, americium 241, plutonium 239, and plutonium 240. But hey, maybe NRO has something there. The strontium & cesium are great if you want develop you own glow-in-the-dark skelington. You could take an x-ray without those annoying copper k-alpha x-rays.

    NRO is just so ahead on the science side compared to we technologically challenge lefties.

  81. Geogre

    [re=590845]JMP[/re]: The enemy in the caves…

    What they’re doing is particularly pernicious because the GOP, in particular, has been fractured since 1992 between it’s “Southern strategy” inheritance of “culture war” people (the fundamentalists, the tea baggots), and the old GOP of corporate profits, and the new narrative is “invisible enemy.” What they’re invoking is, in fact, not the Red Menace, but the Red Scare.

    Look at those idiotic e-mails that people are forwarding all the time, and you see that there are “secret muslins” everywhere who dwell among us. They look like us. “We” let them in. “They” are around the corner. “We” must “take our country back.” This narrative allows for an eternal peril and, most insidiously, allows the GOP to unite its culture war morans with its corporatist villains. The baggots won’t ask about the GOP being pro-globalization, if the GOP is “all that stands between you and an ARAB moving in next door.” They’re not making the enemy al Qaeda: they’re making the enemy Islam as a religion, all who practice it, and all Arabic derived individuals.

    Watch for a remake of “The Blob” soon, although it will have a different title.

  82. schlock and flaws

    [re=590755]snideinplainsight[/re]: Вы должны использовать Google перевода. Это работает.

  83. vag

    Hey Trig! Hah hah, you see that? How morally uncoupled is the Left when I can ironically call a retarded person Trig?

  84. bored with gravity

    As a resident of southeast coastal Texas, I’m just gonna say goodbye to you all now. We are screwed, one way or another. Also.

  85. Crank Tango

    [re=590891]Geogre[/re]: halva is pretty scary, and tasty too. not very bloblike i don’t think tho.

  86. BobTheBuilder

    If there’s even the slightest chance of irradiating Alabama, I’m all for this.

  87. user-of-owls

    [re=590905]bored with gravity[/re]: Bet you want your life back. Seriously, condolences and best wishes from a fellow (landlocked) commenter.

  88. populucious

    I think what’s really bugging NRO and the righties that are getting all hot and bothered over this idea is that the Soviet Union has apparently found creative ways to USE THEIR NUKES on HOUSEHOLD CHORES…there’s a forest fire in the Urals…NUKE IT! We want to get some oil from underground…NUKE IT! Oops…too much oil…NUKE IT AGAIN! Oops…Anthrax escape…NUKE THAT SHEEP!

    The Ruskies are like the Martha Stewart of nuclear warheads, and our righties are so so so jealous, and turned on.

  89. imissopus

    If things go according to plan, the gas-proof rock layer that caps the BP well would absorb virtually all of the fallout.

    Um, care to stake the entire southern coast of the United States on that?

  90. GOPCrusher

    The fact that someone would blithely consider using a nuclear weapon and then piss and moan about people calling you insane, probably means that your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor.

  91. comicbookguy

    [re=590839]Real DC Native[/re]: And their boxers were high-tech robotic punching machines that could beat Rocky Balboa to a bloody pulp.

    Speaking of 80s movie references…

    But monsieur, this nuke, eet eez wafer thin!

  92. What Fresh Hell is This?

    I’ve always thought that American energy policy was about like someone pissing in their bed because they were too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom.

    This idea is like someone pissing in their bed and then burning the bed clothes.

  93. comicbookguy

    [re=590930]imissopus[/re]: You kidding? These guys would bet the entire US coastline just to get a bigger SUV.

  94. steverino247

    [re=590908]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Christ! Have you been to Alabama? And you think that’s not what caused them to be that way?

  95. x111e7thst

    [re=590940]comicbookguy[/re]: These guys would bet the coastline just to get one more erection.

  96. Aflac Shrugged

    [re=590938]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: But only after swaddling themselves and their Mexican neighbor in them first.

  97. steverino247

    [re=590829]martinette[/re]: Obama to BP: You just broke a XQJ-37 Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker. And you’re gonna have to pay for it.

  98. notreallyhelping

    “Honey, can you open this jar?”

    “Why, certainly. Let your manly-manly, big, handsome, financially stable all-American head of this nuclear family handle that. I have just the tool.”

    “Did you say nuclear? Hang–”

    [insert special effects]

  99. Aflac Shrugged

    “I know Wonkette exists to make fun of everything, but” is the new “I am aware of all Internet traditions.”

  100. doxastic

    [re=590860]Prommie[/re]: Personally, I prefer Engelsian. Fred never gets his due.

  101. zhubajie

    [re=590800]PsycGirl[/re]: Well, the NRO probably has it’s own history, not connected to the one reconstructed by the reality based community of historians.

  102. zhubajie

    [re=590805]Joanie[/re]: I guess he thinks all “lefties” are genuwine Communists. In fact, real lefties are rare as Buffalo in America. There is a sizeable group of people who don’t like being screwed by Big Business, the Religious and Rich Retards of the George Bush/Dan Quayle sort.

  103. thefrontpage

    Who actually reads the National Review? Anyone? Thank gawd none of us here do.

  104. Pragmatist

    Seriously. Can you name a funny conservative? I mean funny in the “ha ha” sense, not in the “I solicit sex in airport bathrooms” sense or in the “I will actually cast a ballot for Sarah Palin” sense.

  105. Slattenpat

    First, they wanted to start a WAR for oil, now they want to start a WAR on the actual oil.

    “WHY DUZ THAT OIRL HATE OUR FREEDOMS?” -NRO

    And, why does the NRO want us all to stand in line for 3 hours for a roll of toilet paper? Fuckin’ commie bastards.

  106. zhubajie

    [re=590838]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: There are MDs who want to cure HIV by infecting people with malaria (which kills far more, but who cares?)

  107. zhubajie

    [re=590970]ladymacbeth[/re]: It exists so that so-called lefties can feel less powerless than we really are. I can’t vote in a pres. or repr. or senator who will really do something useful (like reduce the military to the 1932 level). But I can laugh and mock here.

  108. slappypaddy

    [re=590891]Geogre[/re]: they’re trying to make the most of their fear and confusion. hey, when you’re dealt a bad hand and can’t bear to fold….

    in new mexico, the republican candidate for this fall’s gubernatorial election campaigned in the primary with the pithy slogan of “we’re taking our state back.” who this “we” is and who presently has the state are unspecified. she has an hispanic last name, so she’s not a white guy playing some sort of sexist and racist game. she’s more confused than that. the fact that new mexico was taken from mexico in a war of aggression, and she has a last name that in texas would be characterized as “meskin,” adds to her campaign and its slogan a level of meaning of which she is either unaware or dismissive.

    it gets better. new mexico is 44% hispanic, 42% anglo, 10% native american, and 6% african- and asian-american and others. the native americans are descendants of people who have lived in the state for thousands of years. if anyone has the strongest claim for “taking our state back,” it’s them. the hispanics are in some cases descendants of people who came over when plymouth was still just a rock and jamestown was still an uninhabited island. the united states of america wasn’t even a wet dream when they were governed by the viceroyalty of new spain. the fact that the moors governed spain for 700 years, and due to the fucking that humans will engage in, many hispanics look like arabs, adds another level of meaning and interpretation to who is who in new mexico and how can you tell.

    who the republicans are in new mexico, and who they’re “taking the state back from,” is anyone’s guess. but if the only cards you hold are the deuces of fear and confusion, you might as well hold them. you might get dealt the aces of catastrophe and scandal before november, and win with two pair.

  109. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=590976]Pragmatist[/re]: Name a funny conservative? That’s like trying to select my favorite from Adolph Hitler’s “Ginormous Book of Practical Jokes.” Zany and madcap!

    Victoria Jackson is to humor what Trig Palin is to politics, but not nearly as funny.

  110. President Beeblebrox

    [re=590821]doxastic[/re]: Don’t forget “Bill Clinton Semen Stain Monica Lewinsky Vince Foster Whitewater Jim Guy Tucker Travelgate.” Also.

  111. Half-Price Muslin

    You see, um, my Tea-Birther friends always use ad-hominem arguments but if I said that they would have no idea what I was talking about. And even if this NRO typist can recite the dictionary definition…oh never mind I forgot what I was going to say.

  112. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=590908]BobTheBuilder[/re]: If you are for irradiating Alabama, who of us do you want to kill: Jews, Unitarians, blacks, poor people, liberals?

    Are you going to separate out those of us whites who are part of a battle-tested liberal tradition, people like Helen Keller, Millard Fuller, Morris Dees? Or are you just to kill the conservative white people?

    The trouble with bigots like you is in the details.

  113. Maus

    [re=590940]comicbookguy[/re]: “You kidding? These guys would bet the entire US coastline just to get a bigger SUV.”

    Pretty much, this hasn’t slowed down the “DRILL BABY DRILL” crowd any, in the media, in politics, and your average drooling citizen.

  114. Rasvar

    What a fucking moron. Is there a large fishing industry in the Bikini Atoll? Granted, BP is doing a good job of killing the current one; but at least there is a chance it can recover in our lifetime, unless we drop a nuke on it, then all bets are off.

    Besides, we have some bunker busting MOABS in the region. Better to drop one of those puppies and not deal with making everything glow in the dark if it comes down to bombing the thing.

  115. Words

    Why don’t we just recruit Neilist to get his guns and go shoot that oil spill until it gives up and dies? Not as messy as the nuclear option, is all I’m sayin’ ….

  116. Words

    [re=591026]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Thank you for standing up for the small group of us who aren’t conservative or twits.

  117. TouchMyMess

    I keep getting water under my house. It’s infuriating. I suppose I should properly weatherize, but… what’s this about a nuclear option you say?

  118. comicbookguy

    [re=591029]Maus[/re]: I thought it was just the extreme greenies who where saying “drill baby drill (in the outer continental shelf)?” The Palin crowd was saying “don’t drill offshore, drill in safe proven onshore fields”

  119. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=591037]Words[/re]: Oh, you’re welcome. The issue that these hypocritical bigots have is that they don’t realize that people in Alabama are not significantly different from people anywhere else. We are gay, straight, liberal, conservative, black and white. True, our state is far blacker than most states. We are also much poorer. With poverty comes poor education, poor nutrition, and a weak infrastructure.

    The fact that so many people continue to have a foolish fascination with Alabama (like the Republican primary race for agriculture commissioner – AGRI-fucking-culture Commissioner!) is a puzzlement to me.

    Bigotry against people like you and me seems to be the last safe bastion of group-hate in the United States. A generation or two ago, they would have probably been trashing queers and kikes and niggers — now they only feel safe in a group-think that allows them to spew against people who live in Southern states.

  120. Biden Time

    These guys have about the same comprehension of “irony” as Alanis Morrisette.

  121. Geogre

    [re=591061]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Um, not sure I want to agree with you very much….

    Yes, bigotry about the south is laziness and the last safe stereotyping. On the Internet, one sees it over and over again. On television, a character with a southern accent loses 40 points of IQ instantly (but not a charming Bwookwyn accent), and that’s providing that one ever even hears a southern accent. There are fourteen major southern accents, and Hollywood usually manages to meander across the states without landing on even one of them.

    That said, Alabama and South Carolina and Georgia have shaken out over the last thirty years in their own state wide political and demographic shifts in such a way as to institutionalize the backward looking and retrograde policies that are hideous. In SC, there is a “high country/low country” political/demographic battle. In GA, there is North GA vs. South GA, which then became Atlanta vs. Georgia. Alabama is peculiar in having been united, other than some areas like Mobile and Huntsville, in what can only be called “Dixiecrat.” It has been low hanging fruit for the GOP.

    There are solid liberal communities in Alabama, good progressives. Heck, it’s where the SPLC is! There is amazing light coming from Alabama. It’s just that the district by district, precinct by precinct machinery of the state has stifled all of that, and the major influxes of new people haven’t broken the hold. (By the way, folks, you can thank yankees for Georgia going Republican. Newt Gingrich’s voters were migrants from outside, and they were all about the “keep your hands off my money, government.”)

    Progressivism in the south is like snow: precious, treasured, and fostered carefully. It is also besieged.

  122. Neilist

    A-hem.

    Look, I recognize that virtually all of you are liberal arts majors, with no background in science or engineering (or, god forbid, nuclear weapons technology). But really, you shouldn’t display your ignorance so openly.

    In theory, a nuclear device — or “warhead,” or “bomb,” or “Nasty Thingy That Goes Boom!,” if you prefer — probably would plug the Gulf oil leak. And without any radiation leakage. The NTS in Nevada has literally hundreds of “shot holes” from underground nuclear tests that were conducted after the Atmospheric Test Ban Treaty went into effect in 1963. Only a very small number leaked any radiation — and that leakage was minimal.

    The “in theory” qualification is important, because there are several very difficult — if not impossible, given the time constraints involved — engineering problems.

    The first is that the nuclear device would have to be encased in some kind of pressure/waterproof container. That’s not all that difficult, because some of the technology required was developed during the pre-Test Ban Treaty testing of deep-water detonations, e.g., the Upshot/Knothole test series. (They were trying to develop a nuclear depth charge.)

    As a result, the physics of deep-water detonations is understood: There is a whole chapter on the same in the DOE textbook/manual on nuclear detonations. (The physics are really interesting: Basically, the detonation creates a high pressure bubble and shot wave, and then another shock wave when the bubble cools off and collapses.)

    The second problem is much harder. For such a device to work, it would have to be lowered down a hole that would have to be drilled. The difficulty is that the NTS underground shot holes typically are much larger than “standard” oil well holes, e.g., around 100 inches in diameter. The NTS had to develop new technology to drill a hole this large the the depth required, e.g., between 1500 – 3000 ft, depending on the yield.

    The Russian device in the http://www.youtube.com video is nowhere near 100 inches in diameter, and a modern thermonuclear device in the 150-200 KT range is only about 18 inches in diameter. But the hole to shut off the BP/Gulf well would have to be a lot deeper than the NTS shot holes.

    Could it work? Sure. Is it a viable option? Maybe. Like anything else, it is risk/benefit analysis.

    All that said, the whole thing could be a lot more fun if one placed a barge directly over the wellhead, loaded with the Boards of Directors of Hallibuton, BP, etc. If the blast was contained, the barge might not sink. (The 5000 feet of water would buffer the subsurface shock wave.)

    But again, that’s a risk/benefit analysis — in an entertainment context. And if one used a really powerful “device” — say, 250 KT — you might be able to flip the barge despite the buffering. Throw in a school of starving, oil-smeared sharks . . . and that’s a http://www.youtube.com video the whole family can enjoy.

  123. CanadianBacon

    [re=590972]thefrontpage[/re]: Um,I do but my excuse is at work NRO and The Tennessean are the only websites that get past our internet blocker besides Google. NRO has provided me with accurate scientific knowledge, for example DDT has no known effects other than killing malaria carrying mosquitoes, giving poor people money makes them lazy but giving rich people money makes them work harder and liberals changed the KKK into racists.

  124. martinette

    [re=590952]steverino247[/re]: …to which BP replied, “Fick mich, du miserabler hurensohn!”

  125. mumblyjoe

    [re=591072]Neilist[/re]: Honestly, I’m not going to lie about this: 90% of my misgivings about the “just nuke it!” avenue of inquiry is naked superstition. We can’t even get the engineering behind some goddamned saws to work, why would anyone ever want to add nukes to the equation, with that track record?

    Add to that the fact that “usually” isn’t really a word you tend to want to hear with relation to explosives, and the fact that that goes double when those explosives use nuclear fission, and I think I have a decent basis for running screaming the other way, the second this idea gets floated as a serious option.

  126. Johnny Zhivago

    [re=591072]Neilist[/re]: Finally, a situation where our stockpile of nuclear hand grenades would have come in handy. Damn the liberals for making us disassemble them!!!

  127. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=591070]Geogre[/re]: That said, the anti-Alabama bigots use a remarkably broad brush of tar. To them, we are all slaves and slave masters. They have no interest in Frank Stitt’s wonderful cooking, the fact that the diversity of our wildlife is second only to that of Hawaii, or the brilliant and generous quilters of Gee’s Bend. They’ll never camp on the Sipsey River or eat shrimp in the 116-year-old utopian commune of Fairhope (home of the century-old School for Organic Education). To them, we are all Ku Klux Klan, not Hugo Black and Richmond Flowers and Morris Dees.

    Living in Alabama, I can hike De Soto Canyon or kayak Mobile Bay. Hell, I could even ski at the modest Cloudmont Ski Area. Or I can enjoy the simple pleasures of working in my garden with my father and my son, admiring the blue birds and martins flying overhead and trying to keep the dang gopher tortoises away from my Brazilian tomatoes.

    The bigots would never believe that I attend a large, liberal Baptist Church (with music by people like Gorecki and Arvo Part) and that on weekend evenings I go the Unitarian Church (in its 125-year-old sanctuary) and listen to musicians like Ray Wylie Hubbard or Gillian Welsh.

    As long as people like Ken consider the third place finisher in the Republic Ag Commissioner primary to be some measure of my state, I’ll make a modest effort to defend a key and vital aspect of my identity.

  128. Words

    [re=591072]Neilist[/re]: OOO….. I like Door # 3!!! Please!! Haywood is an upper-class Brit Twit of the Year: I’d like my life back, !! Please. What a whiney-ass jerk. He can apologize all he wants and can, but the truth is the idiot just said plainly what all those BP as*h***s are thinking and wishing for.

    I knew I could count on you for the solution!

    [re=591070]Geogre[/re]: Investing $$$ in our schools would be a start…. All our local pols (all bought & paid for properly by US Steel, Drummond Coal, Milton McGregor–gambling— and the AEA, believe it or not) are paid not to give a damn @ the people’s well being in the state… A long tradition that was started by our out-of-state landowners in concert w/ the overpaid white fat cats who ran everything after Reconstruction– same group who wrote the 1912 Constitution, which now has set a record for the most amendments and the biggest lump of paper (hear all the paper pulp plant owners clapping?) in the US to date.

    The small group of progressives you speak of often feel like we are hitting our collective heads against a brick wall (and w/as much results)…… —
    Sigh.

  129. Words

    [re=591112]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: You go, Sir/Madam!! I would add to your list Albert Brewer, Ben Erdreich, and John Buchanan—- all good men w/good intentions who had their heads handed to them by racist pols who slung unbelievable dirt at them, and like Artur Davis, retreated from AL politics period. There is no incentive for good people in our state to try to make a difference at this point; we need a new constitution, but I’ll be dead & gone before it happens.

    Whatever his good points as well as his obtuse views of the South, I believe we are stuck w/Ken’s opinion as representative of how the rest of the nation sees us, unfortunately.

  130. Geogre

    [re=591114]Words[/re]: Your observation matches mine (not about the schools): Alabama’s political set from Reconstruction got aligned with the oligarchs and anti-democratic, and, most importantly, it didn’t have a Progressive Era shake up. There wasn’t a Long, a Talmage, a near-revolutionary moment where a new machine came in and either in lip service or reality took on a community response. Instead, the state seemed to double down.

    “The South” bigotry is just intellectual laziness. Anyone who resorts to “southerners/the south” in a joke is about as lame as a person telling a joke where the central feature is “women all” or “you know what Black people are like.” It’s just working in unexamined lumps, self-perpetuating crap bricks. Anyone who then seems to actually believe those stereotypes, on the other hand, is much worse than lazy: he or she is ready to submit a resume for NRO.

    (Besides, the real terror is Michigan.)

  131. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=591157]Geogre[/re]: Michigan? Oh, there are some great places there. I deeply fear Connecticut: Lieberman, bomb makers, and the family home of teh Bushes.

  132. comicbookguy

    [re=591094]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Extreme greenies forced us to nuke the gulf. Are you happy now, greenies???

    We should slap a “Do you get it now, greenies?” bumper sticker on every giant SUV. In fact, that should be the standard response every time the fossil fuel industry does something horrible. As a constant reminder of Sarah Palin’s greatness.

  133. crapshooter102

    Don’t forget to watch Glenn Beck tonight for the latest news on Nazi Germany during WWII, and maybe a crying fit too if you are lucky. He is so up to date.

  134. NJB

    How can any verbal attack on a drooling retard who thinks it’s an awesome idea to use a fucking nuke to destroy an oil well deep in the Gulf of Mexico be “ad hominem”? The only thing “ad hominem” about this is their own fallacious idea! How do insane numb-nuts like these even get jobs? Oh, fuck it – millions unemployed and Bill Kristol and Charles Krauthammer get work. We live in an insane asylum.

  135. comicbookguy

    [re=591322]crapshooter102[/re]: He’s not comparing Obama to Hitler or Stalin, he’s just saying that if Hitler and Stalin were gay married and adopted a muslim child and raised him to be hate God, that’s Obama. It’s the sort of complex topic that’s best explained on a blackboard.

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