One of the most self-defeating fetishes of the modern-day right-wing pundit is assembling “evidence” that some kind of popular entertainment product is actually conservative — because these tunnel-vision wingnuts really do look at the Entire World this way, as some contest between political parties. (“Chicken Run/Wall-E is socialist claptrap, while Avatar/Lindsey Lohan exemplifies the right’s values,” etc.) So, after forty or fifty years of dull attacks on “longhair music” and “race records” or whatever, and approximately a quarter century after popular music gave up whatever artistic pretensions it ever had and just became a dumb autotune-BPM meaningless soundtrack to dance or fuck or stock Wal-Mart shelves to, the wallflowers at National Review have bravely decided to steal rock ‘n roll back from the hippies or whatever. It’s hip to be square!
UPDATE: Ha ha, this is from what, 2006? Thanks for the hot tip, peoples! (We are too tired to look at the date under the byline.) Anyway, no matter, as the songs are still from three or four decades ago.
Seriously, this is what they do with themselves:
But some rock songs really are conservative — and there are more of them than you might think. Last year, I asked readers of National Review Online to nominate conservative rock songs. Hundreds of suggestions poured in. I’ve sifted through them all, downloaded scores of mp3s, and puzzled over a lot of lyrics. What follows is a list of the 50 greatest conservative rock songs of all time, as determined by me and a few others. The result is of course arbitrary, though we did apply a handful of criteria.
What makes a great conservative rock song? The lyrics must convey a conservative idea or sentiment, such as skepticism of government or support for traditional values.
Oh for fuck’s sake, can’t you idiots leave anything alone? Or at least stick to Ross Douthat’s realm of wondering, say, why Jews in Hitler’s Concentration Camps couldn’t come up with something really evil, like the Hobbit?
Anyway, hooray, “pop culture conservatives” at NRO have found many classic rock songs they can embrace as ideological anthems. Did you know the Beatles’ guitarist George Harrison wrote a petulant song about being in a high-tax bracket? He was literally the Sarah Palin of his day, literally 45 years ago. And “Sympathy for the Devil” has lyrics that may not, ultimately, be in total sympathy to the make-believe Devil? Also, these people love Rush, which fucking figures, right? Rush! [National Review]
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Ha ha ha ha ha – The Pretenders are on this list. Awesome. This is a parody, right?
Lame. Everyone knows that hip-hop is the real conservative music genre. Just ask Michael (Steel Doggy) Steele.
So he even acknowledges that they wrote this exact same list and published it last year, on account of there being no new conservative music since the tragic Ted Nugent / Geddy Lee murder-suicide in 1998?
“downloaded scores of mp3s”? What kind of socialist is this fucker?
Egads…these people will do anything to be relevant.
“Godzilla” is #34. As in, “Oh no, there goes Tokyo. Go go, Godzilla.” Is nothing sacred?
“Whoever said diversity isn’t a conservative principle?”
Uhm, everyone?
So I guess this is why they always get sued by librul rockers when they use their songs on their stupid campaigns. And Paul McCartney, Yesterdaaaayyy..dissed the fuck outta Dubya.
Nugent is gonna be pissed. Cat Scratch Fever was clearly a prophetic homage to the coming of Ms. Sarah Palin.
Eat shit, Nuge. The Cranberries have more conservative musical cul de sac cred…
I hate myself for looking. Made it to number 10 or so then turned away in disgust. Yeah, The Who are real conservatives, increasing demand for electric guitars at every concert.
Heh, The Clash? So, finally, there is proof “conservative” is code for intellectually challenged.
Here’s a tip for the NRO crew: plenty of us pinko libs listen to country music without trying to claim that the songs are really about progressive ideals. It’s called living outside of a fucking bubble.
This is like a feminist trying to claim that “Under My Thumb” is really about Mick coming to terms with his role as a patriarchal oppressor. Sometimes good music is made by shitty people and has a shitty message. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop shaking my ass to it.
Well, once you make that complete break with reality, there are simply no limits to what you can do. Every possible statement or proposition must fall into one or the other of only two categories: liberal lies, or conservative truths. These people believe ad hominem is a valid argument, hell, the only valid argument. If a liberal says it, it is not true, if a conservative says it, it is true, and thats the whole ball game. When these are the rules, your imagination is the only limit. Free market capitalism is the central tenet of christianity. George W Bush and Sarah Palin are not idiots. 9-11 was not retaliation for our support of Israel, it was because they hate our freedoms.
I always thought Brian Wilson’s “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” was a paean to teen horniness, not a tribute to family values. Some of these are really a reach.
Before clicking I knew Taxman was near the top; though I’m surprised the NRA leanings didn’t lead them to pick Happiness is a Warm Gun.
…but now I see the did select Janie’s Got a Gun. Oh my; especially surprising considering the right-wing’s support of child abuse.
And the only song that seems actually conservative is that horrible piece of shit, Sweet Home Alabama. Fuck Skynnard.
“Wallflowers” is damn skippy, Ken. I wonder if Ian’s “At 17″ is on their list of miscast (and yet to come out) misfit rebels? (And I like that sad song myself.) What about “Run, Joey Run” as an emblem of conservative (Cold, dead fingers) values?
I don’t want to go to NRO to find out.
Truth is: 1) they just don’t want to sound as corny now as they were then/still are 2) They’re assholes who want to ruin our old school fun 3) we’ve always been at war w/ Eastasia dovetails into remixed 2 minute hate 4) Their crazies are redoing the Bible for criminy b/c it’s not conservative enough so no surprise here 5) They are, and will always be “the man” whether they’re in government or not. Back in the day, the hippy/rocker government criticisms were still about *them*.
This is from 2006. So it’s way out of date. It doesn’t include any of the new work from Lee Greenwood or Orrin Hatch. And any list of conservative rock songs that does not include the Dead Milkmen’s “Taking Retards To The Zoo,” you know, for Trig, is incomplete.
What, no Ted Nugent?
I’ll give em the Village People. Dudes fetishizing hyper-masculine images while simultaneously (albeit in their case, secretly) loving cock sceams conservative.
This list is a sham. Gimmee Some Money by Spinal Tap should have been somewhere in the top 10.
[re=590442]freakishlystrong[/re]: word, dude. Suing is letting the marketplace handle it. Conservative principle!
Stupid nanny state speed limit! Free Sammy Hagar!
Like Johnny Cash said: Shut up and sing, unless you’re conservative. And only one Rush song? Half their library is a ripoff of Ayn Rand.
[re=590453]FMA[/re]: Hey, where has bitchin’ camaro been, now that you bring them up?
No. They may NOT touch the Stones.
[re=590446]I Heart Accuracy[/re]:
Of course, The Clash. Remember “Combat Rock.”
Combat good. War good.
That off-key mumbly shit from Seattle, what do they call that, grudge or something, the wingers can have that. But other than that, rock and roll is, by definition and incontrovertibly, a liberal phenomenon.
Okay, wait, I may have overlooked something… Kid Rock. Do they have hostages we could trade him for? No? How about booze, can we trade him for booze? Eh, fuck it, toss him over the fence anyway, maybe they can figure out what he’s good for.
I can’t believe “Boots of Chinese Plastic” did not make the list.
I hope Joe Strummer’s ghost comes back to personally skull-fuck Jonah Goldberg with his guitar.
Led Zeppelin was famous for their fight against the communist bloc. It’s practically the only thing they’re known for. And George Harrison, if he were alive today, would be marching with the tea party. John Lennon wants his country back, libtards!
[re=590463]Doglessliberal[/re]: Or U2. U2 just SCREAMS conservative. keep fucking those facts, azzholes.
Lyrics from “conservative song” Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones:
I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the Gods they made
I shouted out
“Who killed the Kennedys?”
When after all
It was you and me
Ehhh, maybe a little too honest there.
Neil Young’s “Southern Man” made the list, didn’t it?
They missed Lola by the Kinks. It is sooooo South Carolina, Florida, Idaho, etc. repubican.
Wait, wait, “skepticism of government” equals conservative? Geeze, even NRO’s definition of conservative really stretches things.
That first Pretenders song is about the developers absolutely wrecking Ohio and the government letting them do it. Sounds Republican to me.
Somehow I think the fans of #4, “Sweet Home Alabama” won’t be hugely excited by #37, “The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down.”
A couple of years ago, they were all on about how March of the Penguins was all about conservative dutifulness. Then, it turned out the penguins abandon their young, fuck other penguins’ mates, and are gay. Back to the Teletubbies, assholes.
So they include “Revolution” for the lyric “Don’t you know [that] you can count me out?” but DON’t include “Revolution 1″ where John lennon sings Don’t you know [that] you can count me out…in?” Nice.
And oh, where is “California Uber Alles” on this list????
William F. Buckley was a street walkin’ cheetah with a heart full of napalm. FACT.
[re=590473]mumblyjoe[/re]: Fuck these morans. They think Born in the USA is an upbeat, Go USA anthem.
I saw the Sex Pistols in 2003, between songs, Johnny Rotten would finger his nipples, spit on people (seriously, people fought to get spit on), and keep asking, “why aren’t you people in I Rock? Why don’t you go join in your George Bush’s war in I Rock?”
[re=590461]comicbookguy[/re]: Rush is, indeed, the sophomorically “intellectual” band of choice for the Randtard set.
[re=590446]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: The Clash? Really? Which song?
Is Billy Bragg on the list? I wonder why not, I always thought “Waiting for the Great Leap Forward” was all about the free market. And there was his ode of praise for conservatism, words by Woody Guthrie, “All You Fascists.”
Is “Let The Eagle Soar” on the list? Cuz as fantastical as the list is, I can’t believe they didn’t make up that song as a Number One With A Bullet! hit.
What makes a great conservative rock song? The lyrics must convey a conservative idea or sentiment, such as skepticism of government or support for traditional values.
???
Doesn’t this fucking worthless brood of oxymorons understand that part of traditional values involves respecting the governing authorities? Oh yeah, right. I just remembered that modern American conservatism has never made any sense.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now I see that idea theft is part of the conservative pantheon, too, I now hate them even more…
“Winds of Change” don’t describe how our right-wing government officials were desperately afraid of what a reunified Germany would — or could — ever do.
As for “The Trees”, for one, it’s not stated who controls the height of the trees — but it clearly states that the Oaks (the unintended oppressors of the much shorter Maples) demonstrate their smugness by shrugging off all their crying; “Why can’t the Maples be happy in their shade?”
These dickheads make it sound like it’s strictly liberals who demonstrate hypocrisy, but there’s a uniqueness to every lyric, that it may be interpreted by the listener. Maybe the point of these songs isn’t that they lean one way or another, but they have already shown objective qualities that demonstrate wisdom and perspective. That’s a fair argument, and probably more fair than to suggest these fifty songs have a common right lean.
I am, however, pleased to see that the severely talentless Kid Rock made the list. Conservatives deserve to keep him… he’s the spokesperson for White Trash.
[re=590472]freakishlystrong[/re]: I’m sad they didn’t use “Pride In the Name of Love” because seeing them make that sound conservative would have been entertaining.
Did we all somehow get transported back to 2006? With Jim gone will we now see Wonkette go back to the archives for funny but stale postings of years gone by? The NRO stupidity is still fresh, but …
Needz moar facepalm.
[re=590476]dmac[/re]: Or how about how apparently thinking that activists are mostly awesome, but maybe shouldn’t embrace extremism and violence makes someone “conservative”, also? (Revolution)
[re=590482]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]: not to mention “Bonzo Goes To Bitburg….”
They forgot Black Flag’s Six Pack, you know for all the Johnny six pack conservatives.
Hahah, “Rock the Casbah” and “Who’ll Stop the Rain” are on the list. The Clash and CCR are well known for their right-wing politics.
They can have Creed and Everclear, though.
[re=590431]superfecta[/re]: Jesus. Really. Can we comment there and tell them how fucking stupid they are?
[re=590492]Fresh[/re]: If it involves lots of ass-fucking stories, I’m game.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. NRO is the new Onion.
And while I’m at it, I nominate “The Shag”. Recents events have led me to believe that it is still very popular in the Palmetto State.
[re=590472]freakishlystrong[/re]: I was also surprised to discover Dylan and Mellencamp were right-wingers; who knew?
Oh, and Cult of Personality is conservative because it attacks Stalin and Mussolini. Um, Benito was a conservative, dicks.
[re=590478]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Which would make Neil Young’s “Southern Man” a radical paleoconservative (Frémont, Chase, Sumner, Wade & Grant aka FCSW&G) ode…
Fox News nominates, “Twist & Shout”.
And they’ve also gone with Oingo Boingo as conservative. Maybe they should’ve listed Weird Al’s Trigger Happy, as it supports gun rights, or Amish Paradise for supporting traditional values.
[re=590483]TinyDespot[/re]: To be fair, conservatives are awfully fond of those nuclear A-bombs, whether they are runaway sons of them or not.
Conservatives are eating my brain. Maybe they do this hideous stupid shit on purpose to rile us up?
Wait until they read the lyrics to ‘My Sweet Lord’. They’ll dig up George’s corpse and have sex with him.
I think intellectual excerises are good but if you never do them regularly, you don’t derive any benefit from them.
Ok so we’ve established that it’s an old piece, but I still must snark.
Joe Jackson’s “Obvious Song”? He looked at the first 6 lines and thought it was poking fun at liberal hypocrisy? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
There was a kid in the city selling crack to get by
Got caught one day with a gun in his hand
When a voice said, Okay, get ‘em up in the air
You’re too young to live like this
But you ain’t too fast to die.
Just another foot-soldier in a stupid little war
Another sound-bite on the American scene
Caught between the supplier only dreaming of money
And the demand of the man with money
Who needs a little help to dream
So we starve all the teachers
And recruit more Marines
How come we don’t even know what that means
It’s obvious
dumbasses
when i’m rushing on my run, and i feel just like jesus’ son, and all the politicians are making crazy sounds, and all the dead bodies are piling up in mounds, then i know that “heroin” is a bright exemplar of contemporary conservative american values. otherwise, it’s just another catchy ditty.
Flashforward to 2030 when Jonah Goldberg II, employee of Newscorp/Newsmax/NRO Media completes his list “Top Fifty Conservative Hip-hop songs”; celebrating thr right’s historic admiration for a celebrated art-form it never, ever denounced with racist vitriol.
#1: Public Enemy’s “FIght the Power”: “Our freedom of speech is freedom or death
We got to fight the powers that be.” (liberal government!)
24. “Der Kommissar,” by After the Fire. – ’nuff said.
[re=590464]WhatTheHeck[/re]: Speaking of… is Blitzkrieg Bop on the list? It’s a natch.
[re=590477]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: “That first Pretenders song is about the developers absolutely wrecking Ohio and the government letting them do it. Sounds Republican to me.”
Wikipedia:”According to Rolling Stone, Hynde took action after Limbaugh told a pair of reporters in 1997 that “it was icing on the cake that it was [written by] an environmentalist, animal rights wacko and was an anti-conservative song. It is anti-development, anti-capitalist, and here I am going to take a liberal song and make fun of [liberals] at the same time.” This led Hynde to demand that Limbaugh stop using the song, which he did. However, Hynde did an about face and offered Limbaugh the use of her song in exchange for his donating the appropriate royalties to PETA. She later wrote to the organization saying, “In light of Rush Limbaugh’s vocal support of PETA’s campaign against the Environmental Protection Agency’s foolish plan to test some 3,000 chemicals on animals, I have decided to allow him to keep my song, ‘My City Was Gone,’ as his signature tune…”.
[re=590465]Virgin Birther[/re]: OMG EPIPHANY – PALIN = MELVINS.
[re=590505]S.Luggo[/re]: Would that be in Isley Bro’s 3/4 time or Beatlesque’s in 4/4?
Christ what a list. I see where a Metallica song made #9. Wonder how this guy would feel about that other famous Metallica song “One,” which is so anti-war the video was intercut with scenes from “Johnny Got His Gun,” a famous anti-war movie based on a novel by Dalton Trumbo, who was one of the Hollywood Ten.
And what, no “Seventeen” by Winger? About a guy in love with an underage girl? Change it to an underage boy and it could be the Republicans’ national anthem.
[re=590490]Pandy[/re]: They have occasionally claimed MLK was really a secret conservative, so that wouldn’t surprise me.
I’m surprised they missed Circle Jerks “When the Shit Hits the Fan”
in a sluggish economy
inflation,recession
hits the land of the free
standing in unemployment lines
blame the government for hard time
we just get by
however we can
we all gotta duck
when the shit hits the fan
10 kids in a cadillac
stand in lines for welfare checks
let’s all leach off the state
gee!the money’s really great!
soup lines
free loaves of bread
5lb blocks of cheese
bags of groceries
social security
has run out on you and me
we do whatever we can
gotta duck when the shit hits the fan
Oingo Boingo/Danny Elfman = never conservative, “Insanity” and “War Again” are good cases in point.
“Let’s talk of family falues while we sit and watch the slaughter
Hypothetical abortions on imaginary daughters
The white folks think they’re on the top ask any proud white male
A million years of evolution, we get Danny Quayle “
[re=590514]Franklin Pierce & Pierce[/re]: 911 is a Joke is about the weakness of big government. Conservative!
Pat Boone weeps.
[re=590503]JMP[/re]: [re=590472]freakishlystrong[/re]: Some conservative lyrics from Mr Dylan:
Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Made everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It’s easy to see without looking too far
That not much
Is really sacred.
See? He wanted our faith to be sincere! Or maybe something else:
While one who sings with his tongue on fire
Gargles in the rat race choir
Bent out of shape from society’s pliers
Cares not to come up any higher
But rather get you down in the hole
That he’s in.
Okay, I’ll stop now. Even the president of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked.
Tim Pawlenty claims to be an ardent fan of the Boss, which prompted me once to ask, in a letter to the editor, if he had ever listened to the lyrics or just used Springsteen as background for sick some boogie disco scene he was doing.
The Georgia Satellites? OH COME ON. Why not R.E.M.’s “Shiny Happy People,” since it could be read as a paean about blissfully ignorant whiteys. Or Michael Steele.
Oh and as to Douchehat and the hobbits, the Jews do now have their own magical fantasy land, Israel.
Their number one pick was written by a guy with a conviction for possessing photos of naked little boys. Makes sense, I guess.
How about Woody Guthrie? Was he a conservative?
This land is your land
This land is my land
Very patriotic.
Conservatives are irony blind. That explains a lot of the mix up. Why didn’t they claim the brilliant “I’d Love to Change the World” by Ten Years After?
Everywhere is freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies–tell me where is sanity
Tax the rich, feed the poor
Til there are no rich no more …
Now THAT’S conservative.
well the trees can’t help their feelings/if they like the way they’re made…
Tammy Wynette, “Stand By Your Man” Released September 1968
Aside from her music, Wynette’s private life was tumultuous. Over the course of her life, she had five husbands: Euple Byrd (married 1959–divorced 1966); Don Chapel (married 1967–annulled 1968); George Jones (married 1969–divorced 1972); Michael Tomlin (married 1976–annulled 1976); and George Richey (married 1978–her death 1998)
Ah yes, Talking about it is one thing, actually living it is another.
Perfect choice for conservative values.
What, no Skrewdriver?
And Jebus was a conservative as we all know, at least those of us who read the Conservative Bible, not some bearded guy berating the Pharisees and Sadducees for their hypocrisies. Also he promoted televised public prayer, for money.
[re=590476]dmac[/re]: Really what makes you realize that arguing with these idiots is so idiotic is when you notice, like Alice, that the meaning of words in not fixed but mean whatever they want them to mean and may also mean something else later, if challenged.
Paul Revere and the Raiders? Seriously? Must be because of the name.
Jesus Creeping Shit. It’s a vertiable Mt. Everest of rationalization. Yeah, yeah: “You Can’t Always Get What You Wan’t” certainly is a song about accepting society as blah blah blah and da doo doo doo da ron ron ron. Or scoring smack. It’s hard to tell.
And “Hallelujah” was about religion! Plus a seminal recording was made by a guy named Buckley! FAIL.
Jesus, they tried to claim that Godzilla is a conservative song? About environmentalists, or something? And not about Godzilla, which itself is a barely-masked allegory for nuclear weapons?
Christ, fuck all these people.
They left out Naughty by Nature’s “OPP”.
[re=590544]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: Sang stand by your man while getting multiple divorces? Why, she’s practically Newt Gingrich! No wonder she made the list!
Also notably absent this time around: Born in the USA. Touted by Ronald Reagan for its conservative values of Uncle Sam sending you to a foreign land to kill the yellow man.
[re=590485]Prommie[/re]: Indeed, if you auto-tuned Atlas Shrugged book on tape, you would get a Rush album.
[re=590484]Doglessliberal[/re]: I know. I’m actually LITERALLY (literally) surprised they managed to realize that the Sympathy in Sympathy for the Devil is itself ironic, given the rest of the fail fail fail here.
[re=590536]TweeLions[/re]: Townshend was not convicted. He is not a pedophile. God I am so tired of explaining this to people. Just find out for yourself.
The people who write rock songs may be as liberal as Hippy Jesus, but the middle aged fans of classic rock are as uptight and conservative as Rush Limpballs. The guy who fixed my guitars and amps for twenty years listens to Neil Boortz on the radio every day and makes crude jokes about gays and minorities. There are still plenty of dumbasses who go to Neil Young concerts and get mad and shoot the bird at him when he criticizes the war and Dubya. And they all have those gay ass Republican moustaches too. That proves it.
For all their contempt of everything librul, they spend a lot of energy try to glom onto the brand. At the same time they try to tie libruls to fascism and all sorts of evil. Make up yer fucking dingbat minds.
[re=590554]mumblyjoe[/re]: Actually, I take it back. After all, the same publication is now saying that we should nuke the oil, because what could go wrong, and it’s clearly the EXTREME GREENIES fault that we were drilling offshore over their protests in the first place, so clearly they are all Godzilla. Us, too. Today, we are all Godzilla. And four years ago, we were, too. Also.
[re=590530]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Yes, a singer most famous for his version of Long Tall Sally – Richard Penniman’s ballad about a tryst between Uncle John and an aging transvestite Sally. Pat’s conservtard version did skip the line “Long Tall Sally is built for speed, she’s got everything Uncle John needs.”
“I Can’t Drive 55″ by Sammy Hagar made the list, because it condemns the ‘nanny state.’ Solution: raise the limit to 65….no more nanny state!
Prussian Blue is about the only band that truly belongs on this list, and they’re not on it.
I forgot about this list. It really pissed me off a couple years ago when it came out and I started manically digging through my records, looking for hidden conservative messages, etc. Didn’t find any. There’s a lot about sex in there though.
I noted “Gloria” by U2; maybe they should have given thought to the version of “Gloria” by the Doors: “Wrap your legs around my neck, wrap your arms around my feet…”
Yesterday, Dubya caused Facebook to jump the shark. Today, it’s Rock n Roll.
[re=590528]Baldar T Flagass[/re]: I was going to mention “When the Shit Hits the Fan.” Good thing I scrolled down the page to make sure it hadn’t already been done.
How could the party that nominated George W. Bush for president twice in a row possibly lay claim to “Won’t Get Fooled Again”?
[re=590560]Gorillionaire[/re]: Uh, neither was Michael and you know noone says he was a pedophile.
[re=590444]V572625694[/re]: I imagine it was Peter Townsend’s pedophilia that got the Who recognized as purveyors of true conservative values.
[re=590562]Oldskool[/re]: Hillbilly Rock like “Sweet Home Alabama” can only be played so much, before you realize there’s got to be more, better music out there. Even for a young conservative person. One must expand one’s horizons, even to the point of taking notoriously liberal, progressive artists, who have better shit, as one’s musical standard bearer.
Oh, and Christian Rock still isn’t good enough, because the lyrics are about loving Jeebus, and none about fucking Jeebus.
[re=590526]JMP[/re]: Well….I guess if you can’t get people to say what you want to hear, make it sound like they did and you still win the argument.
Where’s Verve/The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony” (nee highly litigious melody loop from Andrew Oldham Orchestra recording of The Rolling Stones’ 1965 song “The Last Time”) from their ’97 breakthrough set Urban Hymns, describing the Rand Paulite/Conservatardian move to remove the social safety nets?
Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
QED
Too bad its an old list. They could have added the Avett Brothers:
No longer do we wonder if we’re together
We’re way past that
And I’ve already asked her
So in January we’re gettin’ married
Even if they’re stoned hippies from Appalachia.
Wow, they put Gozilla on the list, based on one line in the song.
If Top 40 rock and roll is conservative, what’s with all the law suits over unauthorized use of anthems in campaign ads? But anyway, the Skrewdriver comment ended the thread…
I don’t like papers, reading books
Gettin’ sick, think it sucks
I don’t wanna listen to another word
I’m so bleedin’ bored
Chorus:
I’m anti-social
Anti-social
Anti-social
I hate the world
Conservatives are to cool what Sarah Palin is to articulate speaking, what Lindsey Graham is to machismo, what Dick Cheney is to love, hope and charity. NRO is where cool goes to die. Just being included on this list must be a horrible mark of shame to most of these artists.
When I think of conservatives listening to music, I picture those old German martial marches. Or, maybe reruns of Lawrence Welk.
I think Gloria by the Shadows of Knight would have been a better choice. “she comes around here/just about midnight/ She makes me feel so good/ she makes me feel alright”. Seems kinda like Jesus to me, DOES IT TO YOU?
[re=590593]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: It must amuse them that they’re so fucking retarded. Like when I was ten years old I’d say anything to piss off my brother. But, I was ten fucking years old.
Actually, those lyrics from Gloria sound like Nikki Haley. Hubba hubba.
“Rime of the Ancient Mariner” is conservative, because it’s based on an old POEM? Jeebus wept.
Scanning the list again, it’s also notable almost entirely white; the only mostly black act I noticed is Living Color. Well, that makes since as white people invented Rock.
Stand by Your Man is rock? They missed the low-hanging fruit here: clearly the Sex Pistols’ Anarchy in the UK is totally a tea-bagger anthem.
Never have so few misunderstood so badly about so much.
oh boy. apparently the concept of tongue-in-cheek is lost on the national review.
also, even most of the red state heartland’s favorite artists were bleeding heart hippie librul commies at the start and only changed their tune because they realized who was buttering their bread, so to speak.
exhibit a: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=487t88pz-2Y
exhibit b: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMN7fGZW_BY
[re=590482]JohnnyMeatworth[/re]:
Actually, these douchebaggy sonsabitches have laid claim to the Dead Kennedy’s, too. Motherfuckers will say ANYTHING.
http://www.redcounty.com/california-uber-alles-and-dead-kennedys-coming-revival/40450
Jeeesus fucking christ, I just read part of that. It feels like my brain was ass raped.
How about a list of songs where the artists filed suit against conservatives who stole the music?
I nominate “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew in honor of Mark Foley, Mark Sanford, David Vitter, Larry Craig, etc. and “Hoochie Mama” also by 2 Live Crew to honor Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.
I nominate “Highway to Hell” to reflect George W. Bush’s eight years in office and “Shoot em Up” for Dick Cheney.
And for the State of Arizona…”White Christmas”
But hey, at least there’s this, right?
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/06/rush-songs-not-for-rent-to-rand-paul.php
Conservative: dogs Liberal: cats
Convservative: ketchup
Conservative : dogs
Liberal : cats
Conservative : ketchup
Liberal : mustard
Conservative : briefs
Liberal : boxers
tell me when you think this starts to get juvenile…
[re=590557]comicbookguy[/re]: WIN of all time.
Talk about journalistic flatulence.
[re=590654]snideinplainsight[/re]:
Conservative: bow tie
Liberal: open collar
Conservative: Extenze Male Enhancement Pills
Liberal: porn
Conservative: penis pump
Liberal: anal beads
Could the differences be any starker?
“What makes a great conservative rock song? The lyrics must convey a conservative idea or sentiment, such as skepticism of government or support for traditional values.”
It’s true, Alex Jones and Glenn Beck both love Muse and co-opted their last album as some sort of conservative rallying cry.
Shouldn’t the Dead Kennedys be a sort of default inclusion?
Jim Newell wouldn’t make that mistake, Ken.
[re=590440]letmetellyou[/re]: I wish National Review Online staff and writers would appreciate and take the advice of the other Blue Oyster Cult song; Don’t Fear the Reaper.
“Music begins with fear, and because of this fear there is dread, as of a curse. Then I add the weariness, and because of the weariness there is compliance. I end it all with confusion, and because of the confusion there is stupidity.” — Chuang Tzu
(i had been wondering how this all worked…)
[re=590511]Cape Clod[/re]: Until the listen to the refrain at the end and realize its Krishna he’s singing about.
At least Phil Ochs didn’t make the list, to his everlasting credit.
Terribly Ironic, “Waiting for the worms” (sarcastic depiction of right wing nuts) as well as “In the Flesh” are probably seen as literal by these morans. Oh by the way……which one is pink?
How could they leave Frank Zappa of the list. With such anti crime songs as the Illinois Enema Bandit or pro-hygine and farming song Montana, he would seem to be a natural for their list.
The Clash? Really? Joe Strummer is crying his eyes out in his grave. Why do conservatives try to attach themselves to dead artists who can’t fight back? Must be because the live ones sue them.
Why is “Comfortably Numb” not on this list?
More evidence that the ‘conservative’ mind is congenitally irony-impaired.
Even (genuine) Country music is lousy with barely closeted libruls
Merle Haggard has been fooling the credulous rubes throughout his entire career—— “Okie from Muskogee” was ALWAYS tongue-in-cheek.
Actual conservative rock songs date very, very, very badly.
Consider the last time you sang along to “Having My Baby.” That’s right: it came out the year of Roe, and it has a verse in there about how she could have thrown it all away, but she wouldn’t do it.
How about “Okie from Muscogie?” The song has some merit, but the bit that makes it conservative is the bit that holds it back, because its petulance detracts from the “I’m proud of me” sentiment.
“Ballad of the Green Beret” is pure ideology, pure conservativism, a song for the Hard Hats to sing as they beat up peace demonstrators. How’s that doing these days? Melodically innovative?
Could it be that being an innovator in music tends to make one also innovative in other ways and therefore not a true conservative? Bob Dylan’s “Saved” and “Slow Train Coming” are good records, and we can say that they’re conservative, but not that he ever was, because he got to that position by pushing forward, not fearfully clutching memories and illusions of what someone said was good. The Byrds made Sweetheart of the Rodeo, but see how the country establishment reacted: they knew it wasn’t conservative. “Conservative rock and roll” is all but an oxymoron (unless we’re talking about rock and roll ‘retro’ stuff, and I don’t know what the heck that is).
As for Rush (and Heart, by the way), the whole Ayn Rand thing has never lacked adherents among the middle brow and the self-deluding.
Wait…no “Us and Them”?
[re=590848]Geogre[/re]: Conservatives can rock. I mean, look at their biggest rock star, Ted Nugent. I always thought that “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang” was about marital, monogamous sex performed solely for reproductive purposes.
Wow…looks like there’s more than one way to be tone-deaf. I’m surprised he missed these:
“Mercedes Benz,” Janis Joplin. A celebration of striving for the material benefits of middle-class life, achievable through the power of prayer.
“Pleasant Valley Sunday,” The Monkees. Carole King’s anthem praises the achievements of small-town America and laments young radicals’ rejection of traditional values: “the kids just don’t understand.”
“Old Mother Reagan,” The Violent Femmes. It’s about Reagan, and Reagan was good.
“Bitchin’ Camaro,” The Dead Milkmen. One line says it all: “I don’t want unleaded.”
“Fuck and Run,” Liz Phair. A young woman confronts the disillusionment and emptiness caused by embracing the cultural left’s agenda of sexual hedonism. “I can feel it in my bones / I’m gonna spend my whole life alone” … until she embraces the perfect forgiveness of Christ.
[re=590485]Prommie[/re]: They’re bound to lose.
[re=590560]Gorillionaire[/re]: He IS a registered sex offender, though. Which in republican eyes is probably good enough to join the club, no?
[re=590848]Geogre[/re]: “Ballad of the Green Berets”–and for that matter, why isn’t “The Battle Hymn of Lt. Calley” on the list?
The NRO article somehow goes beyond scraping the barrel bottom of news to some kind of “taking a Dremel tool to the bottom of the news barrel” level. The right is so completely exhausted of ideas that it amazes (not that they ever had more than a couple). Next they’ll be comparing the politics of Mickey Mantle, Willy Mays and Joe DiMaggio.
“Mother Knows Best” by Richard Thompson (anyone know him? He’s kind of an indie punk folk super great guitarist). The title looks very conservative but it’s a rather unflattering song purportedly about Margaret Thatcher; if you want to check it out it’s on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQRF4Ml1iVQ
what’s rock music?
That is a whole lot of dancing about architecture for people who disapprove of dancing.
Rush. So Republican/Conservative they even downzied to three members. Canadians are SO CONSERVATIVE!
Mother farting zombie Jesus nailed to a pogo stick. Wingtards should just stick to their John Philips Sousa marching music. Haven’t they harassed the music community enough? Maybe they can turn “Shut up and sing” into another lame-ass prep school white boy rap song, extolling the virtues of never ever discussing politics if you are any way involved in music.
In defense of Rush, I don’t think Neil Peart’s lyrics have referenced Ayn Rand since 1981. Even so, that was different times than our current Ayn Rand/Amos & Andy revival. NRO should jam to Rush’s anti-Bush, anti-theist Snakes and Arrows before they jump to claim them for their own. Also, I’ll have you know my conservative/Xian upbringing/outlook began to crumble as a teenager listening to Rush starting with this lyric:
“Better the pride that resides in a citizen of the world, than the pride that divides when a colorful rag is unfurled.”
Well, this is what conservativism is all about: breakin’ the rules and bein’ a rebel. “I can’t drive 55″ should have been #1 on the list.
Oh yeah, and fuck the system, man! Mad props First Street conservative home boyz, steele dawg.
[re=590889]PsycGirl[/re]: Mother Knows Best is most DEFINITELY about Thatcher, and it basically one-up’s the elegant vitriol & rage of Elvis Costello’s Tramp the Dirt Down (as in dancing on Thatcher’s grave)
Won’t Get Fooled Again? CONSERVATIVE?
Townshend stated in 2006 that: “It is not precisely a song that decries revolution – it suggests that we will indeed fight in the streets – but that revolution, like all action can have results we cannot predict. Don’t expect to see what you expect to see. Expect nothing and you might gain everything. The song was meant to let politicians and revolutionaries alike know that what lay in the centre of my life was not for sale, and could not be co-opted into any obvious cause. [...] From 1971 – when I wrote Won’t Get Fooled Again – to 1985, there was a transition in me from refusal to be co-opted by activists, to a refusal to be judged by people I found jaded and compliant in Thatcher’s Britain.”
Yes, ole Mags, that fucking commie.
“But some rock songs really are conservative”
There are Nazi rock songs. So what?
[re=590441]Oldskool[/re]: Pat Buchanan’s whole career is hatred of diversity.
Does anyone have a definition of “conservative” or “liberal”? Beyond “I don’t like it, it must be liberal!”
My definitions: Conservatives want everyone else to be slaves/serf/peons/debt-bondsmen — something servile, that they can look down upon and humiliate. Those of us who refuse to be slaves or whatever are the Evil Liberals.
Zhu Bajie, alive in the bitter sea
Can I take this to mean they are finally finished pretending that W. was Batman?
“Back to the Teletubbies, assholes.”
But Jerry Falwell says Teletubbies are queer!
Rush just sent their lawyer after Rand Paul to make him stop using their songs. The conservatards will have to update their list when they publish it again in 2014.
They missed the other classic of Oingo Boingo: “I love little girls / They make me feel so good”
[re=590856]FMA[/re]: Ted Nugent could rock, when he was with the Amboy Dukes. Maybe “Stranglehold.”
It’s just that… well… all his guitar solos on his solo records were 5th – 7th fret and then 12th – 14th fret. That’s…. Well… I’m trying to not discount The Ramones, here, because complexity isn’t a necessity, but The Ramones weren’t passing themselves off as virtuosi. They were saying quite clearly that they were sniffin’ glue and beating on the brat. With a baseball bat also.
[re=591057]zhubajie[/re]: The classical 20th century definitions:
Conservative: a belief that the current system is best and that the proper policy is to conserve values. Implicitly, that what is good and right is under threat by social change. Also, in some, this extends toward an attempt at recreation a real or imagined past order or set of values that the practitioner believes to have already been lost to social or political change.
Liberal: a belief that the current system must or should be changed, either politically or culturally, to achieve the greater good. A belief that change from the status quo is necessary as a condition. Implicitly, a belief that political and social institutions are always imperfect or that historical change requires constant adaptation, and therefore that all political and cultural systems need to be examined and altered to more nearly approach the good.
It’s not really the same as left and right, but the “left and right” and “liberal and conservative” kind of polluted each other in popular parlance. Orwell weeps.
[re=590865]DoktorZoom[/re]: Well, one of the Monkees is now a genuinewignut; but it’s Mickey Dolenz, not one of the two who were actually talented.
Other possible conservative songs!
Bon Jovi, “Bad Medicine”: this must be about the horrors of universal healthcare.
Bruce Springsteen, “The River”: he marries Mary after getting her pregnant; a victory for traditional values.
Debbie Gibson, “Electric Youth”: the glory of fossil fuels.
Meatloaf, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”: more teenage sinners agreeing to abide by tradition.
Nena, “99 Red Balloons” (only the English version counts): this is obviously a metaphor for how awesome nuking the USSR would’ve been.
Madonna, “Like a Virgin”: the joy of waiting for marriage.
Van Halen, “Panama”: Obviously about the glorious Dear Leader’s father’s defeat of the evil Noriega. (What do you mean about it being six year too early?)
Jimi Hendrix, “Hey Joe”: “Where you going with that gun in your hand?” The NRA is awesome.
Joan Jett: “Crimson and Clover”: another celebration of good old fashioned Christian monogamous love; totally traditional. Huh, the use of the pronoun “her” is kind of weird; well it’s a remake, not changing that must have just been a mistake.
Republicans, conservatives, teabaggers or whatever they call themselves nowadays can take the coolest things on God’s green earth and make them totally uncool.
Wanna make crack uncool for inner city types? Show Sarah Palin and a bunch of dumb, puffy white guys from South Carolina taking that stuff and talking about Jeebus and lower taxes.
“Stand By Your Man” is, like, the apotheosis of the zenith of camp, which is like the gay version of irony. Tammy knew what she was doing.
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