CNN Will Turn This Oil Spill Into A Winner-less Pros/Cons Debate After All!

Television's best channel CNN simply cannotbreathein this environment, where the only truthful way to cover the oil spill is to make it all negative, all the time. Is that really *news*? Everyone at CNN knows that something only qualifies as "news" when one side says it's a bad thing, while the other necessarily says it's good for America. Can CNN 50/50-ize this likely worst-in-a-generation event into a proper "news" story? They're gonna try, apparently, sometime after 4: 00 this afternoon!UPDATE: CNN says it's not a CNN producer who did this.

ACNN producersent out this email yesterday to some secret pundit e-mail job board, we assume (?), and now everyone is appropriately making fun of CNN:

1) Summary: The Good Side of the Oil Spill

Name: Gary Hewing (CNN)

Category: Biotech and Healthcare

Media Outlet: CNN

Deadline: 04:00 PM EST - 2 June

Query:

Looking for pitches: The Good Side of the Oil Spill - if there is any.

So everyone check out CNN today to watch Paul Begala and Bill Bennett debate the pros and cons of the worst oil spill in American history, a natural disaster that will destroy every animal and $100 billion industry on the Gulf Coast of America for the next generation or three.

UPDATE: Seriously, CNN sent this statement to your Wonkette, complaining about Gawker and the Washington Monthly:

Attributed to a CNN Spokesperson:

“Gary Hewing is not a CNN employee - and never has been. He is not working on CNN’s behalf and should not be identified as such. CNN has taken action in regards to a radio station that brands itself “CNN 650 Houston. However, we do not know if Gary Hewing is affiliated with that radio station. It is a real shame that sites like Media Matters, Gawker and Washington Monthly never bothered to check the facts before posting stories such as these.”

Yeah yeah and CNN still pays HUGE STACKS OF ACTUAL MONEY to Erick Erickson, the RedState psychopath. And literally everything reported on CNN since approximately 2006 has been presented as an equal 50/50 proposition for pundits to argue over while looking at laptops while Wolf Blitzer stumbles around like a lost child, the end. (Also, yeah, check your facts, Gawker! Fucking bloggers.)

[ Gawker via Washington Monthly ]