Troubled oil giant BP, which just wants its life back, is having a “bad news year” and needs the kind of experienced press flak who’s got plenty of experience lying for America’s most evil people. This is, after all, America — despite the Gulf of Mexico’s mysterious “Mexican Name” that keeps Sarah Palin confused every night on Twitter (“Well if it’s so Mexican then where’s the Taco Bells?”). So, BP hired Dick Cheney’s former press secretary, Anne “Anne Kolton” Womack-Kolton, as the disaster company’s new spokeslady. Everything about this hire is perfect.
Daily Kos blogger RLMiller dug up this old DoE press release about Kolton:
Most recently, Ms. Kolton served as Vice President Dick Cheney’s Campaign Press Secretary. Prior to joining the Bush-Cheney 2004 campaign, Ms. Kolton was Director of Public Affairs at the Department of the Treasury and previously served as Senior Advisor to Chairman William H. Donaldson at the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Ms. Kolton joined the Bush administration in January 2001 as Assistant Press Secretary in the White House Press Office after serving on the Bush-Cheney 2000 campaign as Assistant Press Secretary to then Vice Presidential candidate Dick Cheney.
Before joining Bush-Cheney 2000, Ms. Kolton was Washington Liaison for Texas Attorney General John Cornyn.
Wow, she even lied for the SEC! This person is ready for the Challenge of spewing bullshit at the speed and volume of the BP oil spill itself.
“Perception” is one of those tangible intangibles that large, rotten corporations struggle with year after year: What to do when a firm is basically seen as evil and wildly out of touch with the concerns and crises it has created? Hire some press hack who used to peddle propaganda for Dick Cheney, obviously! [Daily Kos/Think Progress via Wonkette operative "Howard H."]
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I’d thought Cheney handled all his press releases with his pithy, signature, “go fuck yourself”. Such gravitas.
Abyssus abyssum invocat…
Wait, I don’t get it, are they going to stick her in the pipe?
“Cuntgogue”?
Girl’s got some world-class lying under her belt. This should work out well.
Sorry: “Cuntagogue.”
The OED people are still working on the “standard” spelling.
If this gig doesn’t work out, she can try for a job with Robert Mugabe.
Some folks have a type. Some go for blonds. Some go for Asian twinks. And some go for incompetent evil dipshits.
As I understand, BP will lower Ms. Kolton 5,000 feet to the site of the damaged well, where she will place her mouth over the broken pipe and swallow the millions of gallons of crude oil. She will then be pulled to the surface, where she will poop out butterflies with BP logos on their wings.
“Kolton,
Just tell ‘em the WMD are MIA and talk to DOE about the BP and then me and the D.O. double G. are gonna get to the monie$$$$”
-Dick
If she worked for Dick Cheney, she’s been an oil company’s bitch before, so … back to work.
Does mean that Haliburton will finally be afforded the well-earned accolades that have thus far eluded it for its pivotal role in this unprecedented spectacle?
Hahaha, no.
“Clearly Al Qaeda is to blame for this tragedy in the Gulf.”
Obviously, BP was able to outbid Palin for her services this time. But for how long?
Hiring a Cheney spokesperson is a clear signal that BP has decided that environmental destruction, lying and stonewalling are absolutely the wrong thing to do. And damned cost-effective.
I am so ready to be spun!!!
Anybody remember when Gulf Oil changed its name to BP and they hired Radar fromM*A*S*H to be the spokesman during the transition? No? Well anyway I think they did. He was a good spokesman.
Ken, I really feel like I just dodged a bullet. My goddaughters are just recently of an age when they’ve finally STOPPED watching Teletubbies (and by extension, subjecting their godforsaken godfather to it over and over ad nauseum), so that Cheney-Baby-Teletubbie-Sun is something I now won’t have to think about every time those kids turn on the TV.
she’s been seen sleepwalking late at night, frantically rubbing her hands together and murmuring, “out, damned spot!” but some stains will never wash out.
Her real job is to keep any further mention of Halliburton’s role in this mess out of the press.
I know somebody already thought of this moniker for BP……but I’ll re-iterate it. BP = Biggest Polluter?
So, um, how well does the lying profession pay?
Just asking.
[re=589385]Terry[/re]: What about Halliburton’s nifty “Blow-out Preventer” that one worked pretty well.
[re=589375]Fox n Fiends[/re]: you mean Iraq. Oh fuck, we already invaded Iraq. How about Iran?
[re=589367]Neilist[/re]: Armies of Cuntgog and Cuntamagog, also.
[re=589374]Extemporanus[/re]: Oh, and let’s not forget Haliburton’s top-notch cementing work that caused the East Timor spill last August!
Keep fuckin’ that Earth, Dick!
[re=589385]Terry[/re]: *DING DING DING!*
Transocean might as well declare bankruptcy right now, and save Haliburton & BP a few hundred billable spokesperson hours. I’m pretty sure they’d return the favor….
[re=589389]widget09[/re]: Well, in relation to this thread; Bloviating Poop monsters.
[re=589377]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You could also say it’s pretty much an acknowledgement that BP is throwing the towel in about trying to maintain good PR and have just decided to go with the Fuck You approach
[re=589408]Snarkalicious[/re]: Armies of Cuntgog and Cuntamagog, also.
Hmmm.
“Cuntgog” sounds like something that Fat Lesbians would imbibe at Christmas parties or Wikkan festivals.
And “Cuntamagog” sounds like the name of Mel Gibson’s mother in “Braveheart.”
I’m sticking with “Cuntagogue.” But I’m still open to suggestions.
[re=589375]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Wait, does that mean that the oil “spill” is a WMD? Sadly, yes. BP should stick her in the pipe. With Cheney and Cornyn, also. Also.
[re=589375]Fox n Fiends[/re]: And thus it is necessary to nuke France.
I would think they’d angle for someone of a cheerier and more British disposition, like Mary Poppins. “Just a spoonful of fluids makes the oil spill subside!”
Whoever told you that you could call her Liz is no friend of yours.
Well, where else was she really gonna find work?
I guess when the BP mucky-mucks said heads will roll the previous spokesperson didn’t expect it to be his/hers. I think this is the “glitter & glue” answer to one of our most devastating environment disasters. Throw better spin and pithy phrases down that hole. It’s marketing, baby.
[re=589425]Neilist[/re]: Cuntagogue, though apt, is a touch too poly-syllabic for the masses. I’m sticking with ‘twunt.’ ‘Fucking twunt’ for emphasis.
Anyone know if they offered this gig to that other Cheney pal, Mary Matalin?
No snark, just gloom: What this really signals is that BP is going to try to play politics with the spill and is going to try to shirk its duties by getting the “base Republican” involved.
Watch: in less than two weeks, there will be a magical wedge issue explaining how cleaning up is destroying America, and polluting is freedom.
[re=589425]Neilist[/re]: ,et.al.: Given the apocalyptic nature of current events (environmental disasters, threats of war, everybody ganging up on Israel), “Cuntgog and Cuntmagog” are excellent.
Keep fucking that chicken baby.
[re=589532]schlock and flaws[/re]: Isn’t a twunt what Elmer Fudd calls the snowbilly grifter?
[re=589592]proudgrampa[/re]: I’m thinking T-Shirt! Be the first on your block.
Let me help her out a bit, “Don’t Worry America, the oil is biodegradable”.
Actually, my political senses were failing me. If anyone is still looking, I’ll amend my prediction.
The hire actually says one thing: direct line to GOP Congressional offices (staff). This means that the #1 concern is government changes to liability laws. The hire means that they’re going to use special interests and insider access to try to wield the vast, corrupt machine of 1996-2008 to prevent the increase in damages cap rising and block (“threat of filibuster” will continue to be a keyboard macro) all changes to legislation on licensing, OSHA enforcement (BP is awful and has been dodging its duties there), etc. They’re really afraid of the “nationalize BP USA” option, I’m sure.
If you think the dead marine life, dead economy, desperate people, and blighted landscape was horrifying, just hold on: ugly is on the way. Every revenant will be before the cameras soon.
meet the new pimp/same as the old pimp
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
We decide and the shotgun sings the song, also.
[re=590205]widget09[/re]: Going mobile:
Blank the tape machine
I’ll take my toast and tea
I’m going mobile.
No use drilling in that bed
All our assets will have fled,
They’re going mobile.
Watch the police and the taxman miss me!
BP!
Well if Ms. Womack-Kolton doesn’t fit in, I understand Debrahlee Lorenzana is looking for a position to exploit her substantial assets?
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