There is a super-big primary tonight in the great state of Alabama! The state’s wealthy, white, land-owning males will decide which candidate becomes their official GOP candidate for governor. Everyone in Alabama is so excited, according to the Anniston Star: “Election officials say Alabama voters planning to participate in the primary election don’t have to worry about long lines or crowds at the polls.” Ten points for democracy!
So let’s all put in a Christian Prayer for a Tim James victory, since he made the funniest ads. And you snotty out-of-staters don’t want the hilarious “Tim James” YouTubes to stop, do you? Go pretend to vote for him NOW.
The clip above is Tim James’ latest (final?) ad, in which the little baby businessman begs for everyone’s vote, like a slob. He even leaves his mahoganied plantation mansion in this one, preferring instead to aimlessly wander around his mahoganied plantation mansion’s mansion-size gardens. That’s how serious he is about politics!
He also goes off-script at the end, the fucker. “IT MAKES SENSE TO ME… DOES IT TO YOU?” IS THE LINE, NO SELF-INDULGENT RHAPSODIZING PLEASE THANK YOU.
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How’s Judge Ten Commandments polling?
Needs…
Needz moar awkward pauses.
does it chew? or does it just gum?
What does he mean by taking Alabama “right to the top?” By that does he mean “finally have higher living standards than Mississippi?” or does he mean “‘roll Tide!”
Also expected to win tonight: thugs and criminals who don’t give a RIP about Alabama. And the DemocRATs are having a primary too!
Shit. Now I’m going to start obsessing over RCP and Intrade again. Why doesn’t Obama just declare himself King already?!
He sort of swallowed the “if”. At first I thought he said, “That makes sense to you.” To which the only logical reply would surely be, “Does it to me?”
Can they petition the NRA to allow them to bring guns to the polls? ‘Cause that would be awesome.
“…logical cures to Alamba’s problems… jobs, education, are budget.”
Say what?
He’s going to debate somebody?
Will he say ” Boy…ah said, ah said Boy! You can’t be talkin’ that Messican jibberty-jibberish around a mahn like Timmah Jimmah!” if he doesn’t understand a question (which, of course, indicates he’ll say it repeatedly) because that would be just too sweet.
Haha I’m glad I don’t live in Alabama, where the R’s try to outdo each other as red meat lowbrows!
In the California primary, we’ve got Whitman and Poizner spending a zillion dollars on advertising positioning themselves as… uh, red meat lowbrows, California edition.
[re=588878]Buzz Feedback[/re]: [re=588877]Extemporanus[/re]: Damn you, Buzz Bigfoot!
everyone should support taking Alabamy to the top.
The top of what, I’m not sure. But it probably has to do with buttsecks and trucknutz!
Go Alabamy! Moar dumbfucks in office! Go!1eleventy!1!
Whoever gets to be guv might want to be nice to the feds:
“Red-brown oil washes ashore at Alabama’s Dauphin Islan”
http://blog.al.com/live/2010/06/red-brown_oil_washes_ashore_at.html
“I’m Tim James, bitches”.
If WHAT makes sense? he doesn’t say anything. Good lord.
And am I the only one who thinks he looks like Fred Thompson? and that he took acting lessons from the Fred Thompson School of Drama and Looking Pensive?
[re=588874]chascates[/re]: “And Ray Moore stayed flat.”
[re=588912]user-of-owls[/re]: Roy, too.
[re=588909]Sue[/re]: Yeah, he does look like Fred Thompson. And what’s with the nasty stern look he’s perfected using on his underlings? He’s going to glower people into voting for him?
Is there a primary for the Alabama Ag Commissioner? Can Alabamans write-in the horse?
He’s not a politician, nosiree. Just because his daddy was goobernor doesn’t mean he’s a lyin stinkin politician like, uh…his daddy. Tim’s a bidnessman:
‘In 2004, James and his brothers entered into a deal with Orange Beach, Alabama to build a toll bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway. Although analysts expect the city to profit from the deal beginning in 2014 the city is presently having to borrow money to meet the terms of the arrangement. James no longer owns the bridge but sold it to an Australian company for $70 million. As of December 2009 the city had paid the company almost twice the amount the city collected in revenues from the bridge.”
He’s a bidnessman in the bidness of rippin off the gummint with public works projects. Admirable!
[re=588894]bitchincamaro[/re]: That’s how one pronounces “our” in Timmeh Jimmeh-speak.
And remembah, fella cit-zens, it’s ARE budget, not MY-UHN, even if Ah am elected. That makes sense to me? Duzz it ta yew?
“Take Alabama to the top!” He will really have his work cut out for him to get those illiteracy rates up there with Mississippi and Louisiana. That will probably take all of his first term.
I like the title “Businessman”. Think of how it would look on a card:
Roscoe P Coltraine
Businessman
Sometimes, it’s all a person wants. Plumber, carpenter, electrician…..too specific. Water heater’s busted! Oh no! Call a businessman!
Forget the Gov race, it’s the Young Boozer – George Wallace Jr. treasurer match that takes center stage for me. Wallace tried to grab Boozer’s hair, but there was nothing there. Then Boozer tried the run out the old “his dad fought integration” spinnaker, but that sail just did not catch much breeze in ‘Bamy. Boozer – Wallace, Wallace – Boozer??? Oh sweet Jebus the suspenders.
[re=588929]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: not good enuff
Conservative
Roscoe P. Coltraine
Businessman
[re=588929]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: Actually, he comes from money – a bidnessman birther, so to speak. He built a privatized toll bridge across the oily ‘Bamy Intracoastal Waterway and sold that to some koalas from Oz for $70m. The city of Orange Beach (bit more orange-brown now) has paid the Aussies twice as much as they have collected in tolls. Think they’ll be seeing a uptick in folks coming to the beach this summer to help on that?
I’d appreciate polaroids of this fucker getting raped as a boy scout.
For a country that prizes itself on individual achievement and excellence, we sure seem awfully enamored of ‘common’ sense.
“Vote for me! I got straight C’s!”
Oh the excitement! As the returns come in, quietly, slowly at first, chant begins, and as more voices take it up, it becomes a roar! “Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche!”
[re=588915]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Glad it’s not just me. The resemblance was bugging me. Maybe the glower is part of being Business Man ™? My guess is he thinks it makes him look sincere.
He’ll “Take Alabama right to the top” of what?
[re=588941]user-of-owls[/re]: [re=588941]user-of-owls[/re]: Exactly! WTF is that about? Why is being smart bad and stupid confused with “common sense”?
Education? That kinna talk’ll get ya lynched in Alabammie.
“Oh Alabama
Banjos playing
through the broken glass
Windows down in Alabama.
See the old folks
tied in white ropes
Hear the banjo.
Don’t it take you down home?”
To The TOP (of the tree, we’ll string up the Ne-gros!)
Speaking of weirdo, southern republicans (Stew’s segues back with a vengence!), Diaper Dave leaks oily discharge–scumbag in every conceivable way.
http://swampland.blogs.time.com/2010/06/01/vitter-and-bp/?xid=huffpolitics
Over in the Alabammy (D) column, Ron Sparks has an interesting talky website (http://www.sparks2010.com/), as well as some interestingly named offspring:
“Sparks has three children, Misty Dixon, Sparky Sparks and Luke Sparks; and two grandchildren, Jake Dixon and Atticus Sparks.”
With 12 of 2483 precints reporting my boy Roy isn’t doing well:
Votes %
(R) Bradley Byrne 926 31%
(R) Tim James 673 23%
(R) Robert Bentley 637 22%
(R) Roy Moore 575 19%
[re=588957]stew[/re]: “By the same token, after every plane crash, you and I should both oppose plane travel,” Vitter quipped on Sunday to CNN’s Candy Crowley.
By that line of reasoning VItter should also be demanding we reinstate Supersonic Transport service.
Does he have a shrimpin’ boat named Jenny?
These gems are from today’s Opelika-Auburn News website:
Posted by Dave in Auburn on June 01, 2010 at 3:14 pm
“Maybe, if all the illegal immigrants working at Young’s Plant Farm and other local factories around the OA area stay home, the elections may actually stay legit.
And this from the SAME PERSON an hour later:
Posted by Dave in Auburn on June 01, 2010 at 4:11 pm
“…I was at the local voting destination and hundreds of blacks were in the road waving signs in my face and I felt threatened. No doubt, these people are being funded by wealthy business owners trying to protect their illegal work force. Pathetic.”
Now black people are illegal aliens, too? Or do Mexicans just look black in Alabama? Perhaps Dave believes some bidnessmen AREN’T good folks.
But there are always consequences …
Posted by Redman Says on June 01, 2010 at 6:39 pm
“Vote Republican or Burn Baby, Burn with the rest of the SINNERS!”
He walks like he’s got something jammed up his ass. Which, considering he’s a Republican, is entirely likely.
Tim James will bring Alabama to the top of the bottom. That makes sense to me.
343 Of 2843 12%
(R) Robert Bentley 14,316 28%
(R) Tim James 12,918 26%
(R) Bradley Byrne 12,100 24%
(R) Roy Moore 9,726 19%
Come on TIMMEH!
Isn’t saying you’ll run the government like a corporation just another way of declaring you’re a fascist? I must be thinkin’ this whole politicky thang too much….
[re=588949]Sue[/re]: No, no…in American elections “common sense” literally does translate to stupid. Look at all the fuckwits who claim to not have so much book learnin’ like one of them there commie “intel-eckshul” elites but then say what they do have is common sense. It was what Reagan said, Qualye said, Dubya said and Palin says.
man i love this guy.
Good lord, these ads must take all of 30 seconds to write. I thought of one just now, inspired by a Memorial Day mattress sale commercial. Walk around, complain about politicians and their multilingual frivolous lawsuit filing parties for illegal immigrants, talk about getting a good deal on a queen-size mattress from a name-brand manufacturer, mention you got the box spring for just $1, wander out of the shot, reappear in a different room, mention you’re a businessman and that you know a lot about business, and that you think it’s very patriotic to honor our nation’s heros by offering discounts on consumer goods like mattresses and lawn mowers. Mill around nervously while emphasizing that you want to see more of that kind of thing in Alabama, and less of the sex offender driving tests in Spanish and Hmong and whatever they speak in Haiti. Point out that it makes sense to you, look directly at the camera and then bite your lip and look down at your clasped hands as the screen goes dark, then ask the viewers if it makes sense to them.
We should keep using the line. Makes sense to me.
Duzzitayew?
[re=588970]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Meh, don’t trust the opinion posters at the O-A News. We had a dust-up about the rebel flag a year or so ago, and the biggest outside agitator was a Serbian Orthodox woman from New York who loves all things Confederate. People who post there don’t reflect community opinion. When I voted today, it was calm and civil, and since I voted in the Republican primary (as one may do in Alabama), there were too many choices of people to vote against.
Artur Davis is great, but his base felt really screwed over by him. Several civil rights groups came out on behalf of his opponent.
The guy’s whiter than a snowstorm during a KKK rally, with a side of ivory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxD73nV3NAE&feature=related
Imagine the fun we’ll have if he wins.
Repug Primary – Currently
Alabama – 1289 of 2843 Precincts Reporting – 45%
Max Runoff Cands=2
Byrne , Bradley GOP 54,675 26%
James , Tim GOP 53,803 26%
Bentley , Robert GOP 52,116 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 40,706 20%
Johnson , Bill GOP 3,962 2%
Taylor , Charles GOP 1,180 1%
Potts , James GOP 725 0%
1158 Of 2843 40%
Looks like a runoff
(R) Bradley Byrne 45,985 26%
(R) Tim James 45,635 26%
(R) Robert Bentley 45,195 26%
With only 20% God must have other plans for Roy Moore.
Runoff likely in NM GOP governor’s race with Snobilly]’s pick Susan Martinez consistent at 50%
Tim James will prevail. As a constant reminder of greatness.
GOP Governor’s race in New Mexico called for Martinez.
Alabama will win.
[re=589012]Escape Goat Nation[/re]: You’re probably right. Being Church of England, Timmy doesn’t really appeal to the Roy Moore crowd, so they will probably not vote at all in the run-off. Dem’s will vote for Byrne in the Repug run-off, so it will be Byrne against Sparks. And I think Sparks, the current Ag Commissioner is a nasty opportunist, so I might even vote for Byrne against Ron.
In the Alabama GOP treasure race Young Boozer beat out George Wallace.
With 76%, the worm has turned:
Bentley , Robert GOP 99,023 26%
James , Tim GOP 95,752 25%
Byrne , Bradley GOP 95,555 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 75,900 20%
[re=589015]chascates[/re]: Ah, so the Stanford/Wharton lad may have a chance to do to Alabama what he did to Colonial Bank. Doesn’t sound promising.
It’s Boozer, Boozer, Boozer!!!
[re=589003]Sharkey[/re]: [re=589006]chascates[/re]: We may see Timmeh & Boozer at the top of the ‘Bamy ticket. Yee ha, let the snark begin. Althoughs, at the risk of being an oxymoran, there are some postings that Boozer might be a moderate R. But it is just such a fun name, Young Boozer.
[re=589019]weejee[/re]: Actually, Kay Ivey would be at the top of the ticket, as the lieutenant governor nominee. She’s not bad.
Bwahaa douchebag lost. No make that douchebag WON!11!
[re=588948]Johnny Zhivago[/re]: Spaghetti – all covered with cheese.
Oh, and I hate to disappoint all the Dale Peterson fans.
The Republican race for Ag Commissioner will have a runoff. With 60 percent counted, former Alabama Forestry Association executive vice president John McMillan had 37 percent and farmer Dorman Grace of Jasper 34 percent. McMillan was short of the 50 percent of the vote needed to avoid a runoff.”
Dale was in third.
Dorman’s a good guy, though he could have been bought by the farmers’ federation/ALFA Insurance crowd. I’m afraid John’s owned by Yankee and Northwestern timber and paper companies, but I don’t know.
With 87% in:
Byrne , Bradley GOP 111,055 27%
Bentley , Robert GOP 106,733 26%
James , Tim GOP 105,818 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 81,812 20%
An American small businessman running for office.
Oh noes!
As all good Americans know, Nancy Pelosi’s husband’s business is more ethical, and more worthy, of our trust.
Because Nancy’s husband is a businessman-husband. With the whole Disadvantaged-Business-Enterprise framework.
Nancy, you see, is very smart, and probably runs the whole business-endeavor herself.
[re=589018]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: I guess I overestimated (again!) the intelligence of our AL natives. Figured Artur was a shoo-in, and voted in Rep. primary so Roy Moore would be denied a shot at candidacy…. Bentley, bless his heart, has surprised everyone, methinks.
I did vote for Young Boozer; hey, I’ve NEVER voted for a Wallace for anything!!! and never will.
Kate Ivey is not bad. Did a decent job as Treasurer; plus I always vote for a woman with good qualifications over most men who run in AL–which is the majority of women who get enough $$$ and guts to run here.
A Rep. will win the Gov. seat, but I’m so disappointed….. Davis is the future and, business as usual, AL turned its back. I keep threatening to move, but I have family here, so..
[re=588955]Neilist[/re]: Bet you’ve never even been down South, you lawyer you!! teehee!!
Imagine how long it would take for Alabama to do a recount.
[re=589024]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: voted for Dorman…
[re=589020]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: The teatard rebellion hasn’t moved treasurer to the ticket top? How sad!
[re=589026]Brick Oven Bill[/re]: Tim’s a good ‘Mercun bidnessman – sell a ‘Bamy bridge to the Australians. Is he gude nuff small bidnessman to sell Tejas to the Messicans?
With 92%:
Byrne , Bradley GOP 123,620 28%
Bentley , Robert GOP 113,720 25%
James , Tim GOP 112,210 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 86,196 19%
With Dale Peterson and Roy Moore out — and a chance that Timmy won’t make the runoff, I will expect some witty snark about Byrne’s education plans and Bentley’s health programs.
[re=589031]weejee[/re]: Ivey tried for Gov., but got virtually no support, so as to stay in an office of any kind, she ran for lt. gov…… Plus, hate to burst your bubble , but “Boozer” is the Americanized version of the Swedish “Buzer” and there are a boatload of similarly named folks in AL— mostly in northern parts.
[re=589030]Words[/re]: I really like Artur, and I wish him well. The old-school Black politicos are as crooked as they come, and he riled them. God, Jesse Jackson even came into town on behalf of Milton McGregor.
[re=589031]weejee[/re]: No, but a bunch of Yankees have started something called the Von Mises Institute near Auburn University. I’d love for them to go back to Austria or New Hampshire or wherever they came from.
[re=589011]chascates[/re]: What? There’s a NEW Mexico?!!! Does Arizona know about this?
At 95%, we may get Timmy yet in the run-off with Byrne.
Byrne , Bradley GOP 135,482 28%
James , Tim GOP 122,033 25%
Bentley , Robert GOP 121,863 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 94,318 19%
I’m viewing this from Texas so I have to ask: how different from each other are the positions of Byrne, James and Bentley so far as Alabama Republicans go?
Go Go Businessman Jones!
[re=589038]Bearbloke[/re]: Someone help me out on this but I recall some prominent person during the Bush administration confused New Mexico with the country of Mexico, right?
[re=588990]One Flew Over the Wingnut[/re]: Common sense is wrong more often than it’s not. In fact it takes a good deal of trial and error to overcome common sense and to think in terms of complex structures. It wasn’t common sense that got us to the moon, or common sense that discovered penicillin. And yet Tim James seems to think that what’s been holding Alabama back is a lack of common sense. Yeah, Tim. And we’re so glad you’re a businessman, too. Because if there were two things I think Alabama clearly needed, it was less of that serious thinking and a friendlier attitude towards business. Hell, son, when they elect you governor, all you have to do is put a bow on that big package of stupid and pro-business and sit back, ’cause money and jobs will rain from the sky.
So if James and Bentley remain in a virtual tie, do they have an extra post-primary pre-runoff extra-special election to decide who gets into the runoff election? Because two more Tim James races would be awesome.
[re=589043]chascates[/re]: Still maybe not as bad as Caribou Barbie calling Africa a country. Which she later denied. Of course.
[re=589043]chascates[/re]: Could it have been the same Bush administration official who said “Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease?”
[re=589048]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Can’t say. Started on the gin early today.
[re=589049]chascates[/re]: Good for you. It’s been a year and a half and I still can’t get the motherfucker out of my head.
95% reporting
(R) Bradley Byrne 137,093 28%
(R) Robert Bentley 123,321 25%
(R) Tim James 123,181 25%
[re=589040]chascates[/re]: So I lived in Alabama for 18 years and still keep up with state politics. Here’s the GOP breakdown: Byrne=moderate Republican trying desperately to seem Conservative, but easily the best Democrats can hope for. Bentley=pretty conservative overall but at least has a positive message and doesn’t rip minorities all the time. James…yeah…
Realistically, the best that intelligent Alabamians can hope for is Byrne, since Sparks won’t beat any of these guys. Sparks should still get the token votes in the general, but he’s nothing to get excited about either. As a friend of mine once put it, voting in Alabama is always a matter of choosing which demon to summon.
[re=588903]chascates[/re]: That’s what he meant about rising to the top
With 99%:
Byrne , Bradley GOP 137,093 28%
Bentley , Robert GOP 123,321 25%
James , Tim GOP 123,181 25%
Moore , Roy GOP 94,425 19%
Johnson , Bill GOP 8,289 2%
Taylor , Charles GOP 2,585 1%
Thank all of you for your hope that good things will happen in Alabama. With our heart-breaking poverty, rural isolation, terrible divisions between haves and have-nots — and the outdated constitution that keeps our state in the political gutter — the people of this state deserve better than they have gotten.
RECOUNT!!111!!! What kind of funny commercials did Bob Bentley ever have?
And look at the lineup in the run-off B B B B….
As to the “top of what?” question: (in best James Cagney voice) Top o the world, Ma!
[re=589063]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: You got the rest of the union to help you along. What’s going wrong?
“Bob Bentley, Bradley Byrne in Bitter Battle to be ‘Bama’s Biggest Bubba” You read it here first.
[re=589063]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: ha! “deserve better than we have gotten” I think you forgot how Demon-ocracy works … you gots JUST the govmint you deserve. I laugh at you from just over the state line. I’m going back to my porch to sip another mint-julip now.
Ooh, now Roy Moore and his Rapture-stricken lunatics can be kingmaker. Or at least guvmaker. Up next, Tim James sez, “The literal truth of every word in the King James edition of the Bible makes sense to me. Does it to you?”
As is often said: http://tinyurl.com/2evl5rk
[re=588946]Alaska Girl[/re]: France I am from; this “douche” reference-he needs a shower, due to an intellectual stinkiness? Why, then, Shower, Shower, Shower,all the Good people with fresh air and daiseys. May his Douche overflow!
[re=589067]ph7[/re]: It’s the constitution that was written in 1901 that gave power to the few. There is virtually no local authority, and even the most mundane of taxes or county rules has to come as an amendment to our massive constitution — which is the longest constitution in the world, three times longer than that of India. For example, local governments can’t just pass any tax ordinances. They most be voted on by the entire state.
It is a clever document, created in such a way that centralized power is guaranteed and virtually unamendable. That power is in the hands of lobbyists, now primarily gambling industries in Alabama and/or those for the Mississippi casinos and in the hands of the farmers’ federation/insurance company ALFA. Needless to say those in power will not allow the constitution to be changed. That includes the big Northern and Northwestern paper and timber companies which own so much of our state and have a vested reason for keeping the status quo.
Complaints about the stupidity of Alabamians may often be justified, but they are as misdirected at us as they are at the people of Zimbabwe for Mugabe remaining in power.
There are many good people in a state which has produced Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity, and Morris Dees of the Southern Poverty Law Center. There is also mind-numbing poverty and rural isolation.
[re=589063]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Why is each candidate’s middle name the same? Cousins?
[re=589080]S.Luggo[/re]: Yes, “GOP” is a common nick-name. It is the modern equivalent of the old Gullah/Mandinka “Bubba.”
Yes, let’s get a “conservative businessman” into high office. That worked out so well circa 2001-2009.
His failure makes me feel so very good, so very good indeed.
[re=589024]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Here’s how Peterson could have won: Use the same campaign ad, but close it with a long shot revealing the horse to be lame, then Peterson raises his gun to the horse’s head and says, “I’m Dale Peterson and, as Ag Commissioner, I’ll get the job done no matter what it takes,” then smash cut at the sound of a single gunshot to a black screen with “Vote Peterson” on it. That’s an easy 20%+ increase in votes right there.
[re=588924]Jukesgrrl[/re]: How ’bout choo?
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