Deepwater Horizon was built to resemble the White House, out of spite

If beloved departing Wonkette editor Jim Newell can be said to have made one enduring contribution to the American collective political consciousness, it’s the way he made hatred of the British “fun” again. Before he came onto the scene, nobody was using the slur “lobsterback,” and now kids all over the country taunt their more effete/orthodontically challenged classmates with it constantly. He has done this, of course, because he is a LaRouchite plant, but you’ll have to admit this new wave of Britanno-hate is peaking at a strangely appropriate moment, what with a vast multinational corporation that used to have the word “British” in its name despoiling our ocean and all. After the jump, photographic evidence that The War of 1812 II: The War of 2010 is right around the corner.

Party in the front, death to lobsterbacks in the back

Here is a picture from a New Orleans protest in which a dude with a mullet stands on the Union Jack, the only thing your average Briton loves more than getting drunk and stabbing people. We appreciate the way that he’s just casually resting his feet on it as he presumably listens to a speaker describing Queen Elizabeth’s crimes against humanity in detail; it shows much more contempt than if he were grinding his heels into it or burning it or something. When do you think the last act of British flag desecration occurred in the U.S.? The Monroe Administration?

We guarantee that every sober Brit (roughly 20 percent of the population — 15 percent in Scotland and Wales) is looking at this picture and seething. When your flag is stepped on at a protest that white people with dreadlocks attend, that means war, my friends.

Photo courtesy Flickr user infrogmation; hat tip to our close personal friends at the Awl.

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  1. “the only thing your average Briton loves more than getting drunk and stabbing people”

    You forgot the Brits’ greatest love – tea.

    Yes, all this hatred of the British is good and old fashioned and all, but when are we going to turn our attention back to the real enemy, the drunkest and fightiest people in the world, those dirty Irishmen?

  2. Ah yes, the desecration of the British colors is shocking. A look at the desecrators is more shocking. Ever doubt for a moment that we are doomed as a Country? Will our soap-challenged, T-Shirt and expanded fit jeans-wearing populace ever learn Chinese? I doubt it. We will be reduced to farm and factory workers whose main form of communications will be by factory whistles and grunts. Slouch on, motherfuckers!

  3. OK, so maybe it took them 200+ years, but they finally figured out what to dump in the water that would piss us off as much, if not more, as our dumping their tea did.

  4. Actually, they don’t have the anals about their flag like we loyal ‘Murickans. When the real lobserbacks, the army, have a worn flag they aren’t like us who have a 3-day wake then place our tattered glory on a pyre on the banks of the sacred Ganges Chatahoochee Potomac and burn baby burn. No, the Brits cut the Union Jack up into little squares and use it to swab the insides of their flintlocks, or whatever they are using these days, and then toss the bits into the trash.

  5. [re=588256]ttommyunger[/re]: I openly welcome our new orally challenged, shaved headed, stinky, shiny black shoes wearing, overlords!

  6. “taunt their more effete/orthodontically challenged classmates….”

    Badly neglected teeth ain’t peculiar to the Brits. Ever take a look around at the fat fuckin’ faces of your obese fellow citizens Josh?

    Why is Steve Earle standing on the UK UJ? And when did he lose so much weight?

    Canuckledragger, DDS

  7. Worth waiting 2 years for 2012 and another one of those fun Bicentennials with flags, souvirs, tall ships, etc., but with fighting and blood. Also.

  8. [re=588256]ttommyunger[/re]: I am wearing my Union Jack boxers – so, by days end, I will have basically shat upon the Queen!! Today, my racing stripe is for AMURRICKA!!1!

  9. Mullet guy doesn’t seem to know he’s striking the Capt Morgan pose. Or maybe he’s a big fan. Pictures speak a thousand words in random order.

  10. [re=588249]MLHencken[/re]:

    Not to mention the fashion statement she makes with those shoes! We call the white wading boots “Wakulla Nikes” in honor of the coastal county to our south. They are the footware of choice for the gap-toothed, inbred imbeciles that populate that area.

  11. So…what exactly are they protesting? Do they think Brits are pro-oil-spill? Are they protesting capitalism? The modern industrial age? What?

    @Mild Midwesterner: Win.

  12. Great, now I’ve spent half the morning reading LaRouchite conspiracies again. They were out in force in Westmount, Montreal’s most posh anglo neighborhood, doing their whole Lobsterback schtick again the other day. I don’t think it was going well!

  13. “When do you think the last act of British flag desecration occurred in the U.S.? The Monroe Administration?”

    Actually, it was during the Carter years, when a punk puked on my union jack t-shirt at the Mudd Club. Of course, during those times, vomit was considered just another accessory.

  14. Oh come on now. Everyone knows that New Orléans isn’t part of America. It’s a part of France and they hate the British – As well as every other country in the world including themselves – until someone masses on their border.

  15. I was there, I must have missed this. There was a single teabagger whose only contribution was to shout “go back to Mexico!” at some guy speaking Spanish in the crowd.

  16. Not nice to make fun of Brits for all the stabby stuff. If their deficient unwritten so-called “constitution” had a Second Amendment like ours, they’d all have Wembley machine pistols and Sten guns and…well, I’ll leave it to Neilist to supply a fantasy home-armory with impeccable Albionistic brands.

  17. Is it just a coincidence that the British army suffered a major defeat at the Battle of New Orleans? I can’t say that was during the War of 1812 because the war was over at the time.

    Meanwhile, I’m not sure this is a true mullet. Methinks this gentleman is simply follically challenged in the frontal lobe area.

  18. Do you think he knows he’s standing on a Union Jack? I attended Tulane for a year — according to a transcript. There is at least a 50% chance that that flag came off a Bass Ale promo., and it’s on the ground because they ran out of beer.

  19. One of my Flickr photos has inspired a Wonkette post?! Huzzah, this makes my taking photos in the rain for hours so worth it!

    Yes, recently here in South Louisiana there have been many references to the last time a bunch of mullet-heads, bay pirates, and downtown Creoles opened up a can of extra-spicy whoop-ass on a British invasion.

    This guy was the only one I saw to take it the extra step. Yet.

  20. Hey Wonketteers, don’t hate me because of the whole Limey thing, I have always been very friendly to you Americans, in some cases very, very friendly, and I would have been extremely nice to any American servicemen in WWII, so please it wasn’t my fault the whole BP Spill thingy, and I always used to feel so welcome here at Wonkette….sob.

  21. [re=588274]Oblios Cap[/re]: The “shoes” are shrimp boots. Some folks wore them to the rally in support of the coastal shrimpers suddenly loosing the livelihood they’ve had for generations; others wore them because they were coastal shimpers. The Louisiana coastal marsh is where Gulf shrimp come to spawn; the area Plaquemines Parish President Nungesser recently reported was “destroyed, everything in is dead”.

    If you like seafood, enjoy some now, one last time.

    On the up side, if this keeps on going, soon you’ll be able to fuel your automobile with common seawater.

  22. Argentina is the primary beneficiary of the current round of Fabianhate. Foggy Bottom will be crawling with diploArgentines, looking for extreme über-rapprochement with Washington.

    You know, something like trade normalization, to make the lemoncurdscone-eaters cringe.

  23. [re=588296]WadISay[/re]: Ahead of you. English has never been spoken in the South.

    My hatred of the Brits began when I learned that the chips in “Fish & Chips” aren’t Freedom Fries.

  24. Well, lemme see. The last act of Union Jack burning in this country was when the Beatles said they were more popular than Jesus.
    Shit! Brits ought to know better than upsetting the fundies with talk like that. And I suspect of the two acts of flag desecration, the Jesus remark one would hurt real Mericuns all the more.

  25. [re=588256]ttommyunger[/re]: It is especially dispiriting to see that protest has come to mean stepping on the flag of a third world country.

  26. It is only now that I realize that the whole British Petroleum fiasco was just a conspiracy to distract us from preparations for war with the real Commonwealth enemy: Canada.

  27. [re=588326]Infrogmation[/re]:

    I despair. Actually, we have quite a few oyster tongers, fish mongers, and shrimpers in this part of the Gulf, too (for now). I, myself, have worn said footwear while shrimping – one trip- that shit is hard work, much like mullet fishing.

    We actually cancelled our annual grouper/snapper/amberjack fishing trip into the deeper water (about 50 miles out)for later this year because of the spill, so I won’t be able to fill up the freezer. We’re just waiting for that crap to wash up on our beaches. So far, Crist has been able to keep it out to sea using his special “hot-air” powers.

  28. Won’t our upcoming destruction of the England team in the World Cup solve this whole oil problem? I’m sure if Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand had extra free time, they’d come up with a solution.

  29. Snark off mostly/

    Here’s another reason to hate Brits with a blood boiling passion. Hey America wanna know why there are so many Brits and Aussies in major motion pictures over the last few years? Many of them making lame attempts to play “Americans?” It has nothing to do with their veddy smaht Theatre Conservatorium training (which by the way keeps representation by the darkies down to a nice healthy non-discomfiting minimum). It has everything to do with the fact that citizens of the U.K. and Australia are not covered by American Screen Actor’s Guild, and they therefore are willing to forego lucrative agreements on profit sharing and residuals. In other words, each poncy-Brit engaged to traipse around pretending they’re an American, while you gorge yourself on high fructose corn syrup drinks and snacks bedewed with “butter,” are the beneficiaries of a large, over-arching attempt to bust unions here in our country of origin. Cue applause!

    So fuck them, I hate them, each and every one of them, with the possible exceptions of any repatriated Irish artists forced to make their way in London…umm… and let’s throw in Tom Wilkinson, Robby Coltrane, Helen Mirren, Ricky Gervais and his crew, the dude from House, Snape, Judi Dench, any actor or actress of color coming out of the UK. Some of them are pretty good I guess. But you know who I mean…jesus god, Kate Beckinsale? Like there aren’t a bunch of hot local women waiting for those kinds of breaks waiting to play nice white American girlfriends?

    /nihislistic sarcasm resuming

  30. At the Battle of New Orleans, the major blow was a ship’s cannon shot of shrapnel fired by pirates right into the center of the British line, with devastating results. That’s why the Brits started drifting sideways instead of forward. Oh, and the officer ordered to bring ladders and fascines for climbing the American works neglected to find out where the ladders and fascines were. He just “assumed.” Duh! Actually, he just assumed he would die, if he led his Irish regiment at the front right up to the moat and wall. So, the British effort to “top kill” the moat with fascines failed. There are parallels to today, except that Cheney didn’t personally approve the plans for assault in 1815, and except that the commanding British general died fighting and the ladder doofus was court-martialed.

  31. [re=588314]Limeylizzie[/re]: Like any smart U.S. American visitor to Europe, maybe you should begin sporting a Canadian flag patch, at least until the heat dies down.

  32. Obviously, Jethro is just a huge soccer fan who can barely contain his excitement about the upcoming World Cup match on June 12. ‘Good to see Real Merkuh getting into it.

  33. As my great-grandfather Jones was alleged by family tradition to have said with some frequency, “We Welsh aren’t drunk like the Irish. We’re just naturally stupid. Why else do you think we’re singing all the time despite living in fuckin’ sod houses and mining coal for a living?”

  34. [re=588416]TubeCity[/re]: Well played! The American sharpshooters took a heavy toll of the British soliders – particularly the officers.

    However, it wasn’t “Shrapnel.” Given the circumstances, I suggest it was “langrage.”

  35. [re=588398]Mr Blifil[/re]: To be fair, Wolverine did say that what he does ain’t pretty. He just didn’t specifically mention being a scab.

  36. [re=588398]Mr Blifil[/re]: Not sure that that is true as I am a British Citizen and a SAG member and I get paid the same as any other actor complete with residuals and all.

  37. How disappointing, Wonkette came to New Orleans just long enough to get a Tea Bagger Nut and then missed the rest of the Protest! What kind of kinky creme is this?
    We like Queens in New Orleans too –but we don’t bow to their asses!
    I would have expected such Drive-by Punkitry from Ditto’heads and Beck’lavas, but always thought Wonkette was a friend of NOLA!
    I at least thought Wonketters had a forking brain.
    Has Wonkette turned into nothing more than a douche-canoe?
    Civilization has crumbled and Fun is in the Ass of the Beholder.

  38. [re=588264]Canuckledragger[/re]: Watch it, buddy. When we nuke the shit out of Knifecrime Island and show the lobsterbacks just how much we value our “special relationship”, you’re gonna want to be on our side. After all, we have lots more guns and frankly, the Salvation Army could kick Canada’s ass. So I would keep your head down or else someone might suggest annexing Vancouver, maybe Toronto, and making Windsor join Detroit so that it has at least one nice part. Oh yeah, you guys have oil, don’t you? We might want that, also.

  39. [re=588300]Tundra Grifter[/re]: No, that’s not a mullet. The gentleman has styled his hair as a comb-back, using, I’m sure, his natural oil to give it that sexy, slick-back look.

  40. [re=588553]lizzieborden[/re]: And that Grifter too, (B)itch (P)lease. I’m sure he would also wear his Soul’fest Audubon Zoo t-shirt to your Rainbow Family Hatchet Partays.
    Why don’t you all come on down and taste the British Petroleum Jelly Roll, smell the Stench.
    But let’s not focus on that, or 110,000,000 Pounds of their oil-fail, or the fact that you all will surely get your chance at home in your sustainable Tea-pees.
    Oh, and bring your umbrellas.
    It’s always raining somewhere in New Orleans.

  41. Who knew that Lyndon LaRouche had been right all along.

    Does this mean that Obama is Hitler?

    Does this mean we have to take Glen Beck seriously?

  42. [re=588658]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: No, Obama is more like Chamberlain here. You already seem to take Glen Beck seriously. In your bourgeois naivete, you all give him more face time than an airport bathroom wall. I call it the Stockholm Fetish.
    Yeah, ladymacbeth, actor is just another word for hypocrite right?

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