Yesterday, Gawker-loving traitor Jim Newell asked the cogent question “Why did Obama ask Allah to shoot bolts of lightning at soldiers’ graves?” Now, obviously our president didn’t specifically ask the Muslin deity to desecrate our fallen heroes’ final resting place. No, it was more of a tit-for-tat thing: so long as Allah’s enforcers ensured that the President could spend Saturday downing Labatts Ice and enjoying a hockey game without being bothered by tough, hard-hitting questions from the White House Press Corps, He could do whatever He wanted to the bodies of American soldiers on Monday.
So yeah, as you’ve probably heard, the entire White House press corps got into some sort of goofy tussle Saturday with the Fruit of Islam, the Nation of Islam’s private bow-tied paramilitary service. This is because one of Obama’s neighbors is Louis Farrakhan, and Obama was spending the evening at another neighbor’s house watching the Blackhawks beat the loathsome trash-monsters from Philly in Game One of the Stanley Cup Finals. The press mob was just chillin’ in a van outside Farrakhan’s house, and then the Fruit of Islam dudes came out and mildly hassled them and muttered darkly into their walkie-talkies, and then the press’s Secret Service agent (wait, what?) made the reporters get back into the van, but some of them asked if they could use Farrakhan’s bathroom, and nothing came of it. It’s all mildly funny, and if you’re interested you can read the as-it-happened coverage from the very serious New York Times.
But! Though this is no doubt extremely Not News to those Power Brokers who are In The Know, etc., it is worth re-emphasizing, for Comedy, that there is literally a van full of people who follow the president around constantly, just in case. Much sadder and funnier than some NoI guys and the Secret Service agent with the worst of all Secret Service assignments getting twitchy by turns is the concept of a bunch of reporters huddled together for warmth and companionship all evening, without even access to a bathroom, growing increasingly punchy and irritated, waiting for the president to emerge from his friend’s house so they can shout questions at him about, we don’t know, what he thinks of the Flyers’ penalty killing or something. Presumably they are there if we go to war with Canada on short notice so that they could be the first to get a “no comment” on whether Toronto will be taken by naval assault or paratroopers, but still: what a sad group of sad people.
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I don’t think any of them would need to use Louis’ bathroom if it turned into a Quentin Tarantino
“style” (aka Hong Kong Style) circle jerk kind of gunfight.
As for the invasion of Toronto? At least you’re thinking. No way anyone can invade here by road with the traffic we got here.
Drinking LaBatts!? That’s FURRIN beer, damn commie…
Good thing the pool reporters take themselves so seriously. No one else does.
Having lived in Chicago, not too far from Farrakhan’s place, I assume the Nation of Islam guys’ hassling of the press was in fact one of their usual aggressive attempts to convince them to buy a copy of The Final Call.
Now, now. The agents are very cool — and one of them is hawt. Rawr hawt. You want pool duty the day a certain dark-haired cutie is assigned to your van!
If the reporters had blundered onto Farrakhan’s property and learned the dark secret of why you never see Obama and Farrakhan in the same place, at the same time, they would have paid with their lives.
(Sorry, guys, Newell’s inspired me to make some audition pieces for RedState and Malkin. Pay no attention.)
Prezzy-O should have been drinking a good Irish beer, like Harp Lager, with its obvious Harp and all things Irish. I’m drinking my fourth this morning. So glad to support one of our true friends, Irelan…oh. Wait. It’s made in CANADA, those tweakin’ bastards. What’s next, commie forners owning BUUUUttwiper? They own them, too? Its a conspiracy! Send in the Sarah’s and their bitchin’ Camaros. Or Mr. Quayle, is it “Camaroes?” Sounds too much like “Camarones,” which is Mexican for “Ocean Bugs.” I think.
Round of bean pies on me.
They exist to inform we the people and rather than gratitude you offer cynical urine jokes. This is most of what’s wrong with America today.
[re=588230]WickedWitch[/re]: pics or it didn’t happen.
Fruit of Islam??? The Minister’s body guards have caught teh ghey?
I hope Barry had a fun evening watching hockey with Bill Ayers and the Rev. Wright. I also hope he doesn’t start every answer to the press’s shouted questions with, “The Honorable Elijah Mohammed teaches…”
The “A tone” is 440 cycles per second, and Columbus invaded the American continent 440 years ago. The Egyptian pharoa Aton established the worship of the one sun-god Ra. So Aton plus the A-tone plus Columbus equals a million man march.
Maybe you had to be there.
[re=588237]weejee[/re]: Misquoted, actually should be Fruit of Is-Loom, and they were all dressed up as grapes, leaves, and apples. With bow ties.
[re=588237]weejee[/re]: Has any straight man worn a bow tie (unless with a tux) since 1940?
Labatts Ice is piss. It’s made within smelling distance of where I live. Ick.
Why the accompanying photo of the Los Pollos Hermanos dude from Breaking Bad?
Why don’t you ever use a cartoon of Moohamad for a post like this? Afraid of exploding?? Fruit of Islam…douchebags.
[re=588243]JMP[/re]: George Will? Oh, never mind.
[re=588225]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Besides, we already did that, and they cold burned Washington down in return.
If only the press corps had fought the Fruit of the Loom instead. Don’t let the grape fool you, he’s a stone cold killer.
watching the Blackhawks beat the loathsome trash-monsters from Philly
That comic totally went downhill when they went from being elite fighter pilots to third-string superheroes.
Hahaha..letters to the editor on the Times lead have our Dear Halfrican plotting the overthrow of America As We Know It with Farrakhan and even a sprinkling of the hotbed of White Hate Rev. Wright thrown in for good commie measure. Some posters demand to know why Oblacker is not deep sea diving while carrying the worlds largest cork to plug the Gulf geyser. Others are insulted to their American bones that our foreign president is watching hockey with Farrakhan instead of paying homage to the fallen at Arlington National, and of course this is on Saturday and not actually on Memorial Day.
I gets my daily humor perusing the letters from Proud, White, Freedum Luving Resluglicans.
And oh yea..Kill Whitey!
“watching the Blackhawks beat the loathsome trash-monsters from Philly”
As a Habs fan, I salute you, Fruhlinger.
[re=588258]doxastic[/re]: If the Mormons have magical underoos, why can`t muslins? “Fruit of the ‘slam” sounds like a winner to me, now 10% less revealing than ever.
“…what he thinks of the Flyers’ penalty killing or something.”
Except that the Hawks didn’t have a power play for that entire game, the Flyers didn’t have to kill any penalties. Srsly. Do you guys even watch hockey?
[re=588258]doxastic[/re]: I used to know the grape, nice guy, killing machine. And a bunch of “journalists” parked in a van? You’d think they’d be outside the Catholic girl’s school…
[re=588265]libwakman[/re]: Via SPLC: Obama is going home to spend time with “his homies in the Chicago hood,” writes Dale Robertson, the vitriolic founder and president of TeaParty.org. The taxpayers will be footing the bill for the president to “bump and grind in the hood.” While he’s gone, Vice President Joseph Biden and his wife “will step into Obama’s sneakers” to lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Obama, meanwhile, will be “shooting hoops, smoking cigarettes and goofing-off with his homies.”
[re=588243]JMP[/re]: Paul Simon (D-IL, not D-Garfunkel)
The Hockey playoffs are *still* going on?
It’s freaking June for pete’s sake. Those hockey guys are worse than the NBA.
[re=588233]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: You rang?
First I rooted for the Rangers. They never made it to the playoffs.
Then I rooted for the Red Wings. They lost.
Then I rooted for the Habs. They lost.
Now I shall root for the demon Flyers, hoping my luck will stay the course.
[re=588281]chascates[/re]: Nothing racist there. These teabaggers are being unfairly tagged with these racism charges.
[re=588288]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: The Hockey playoffs start out with more teams than there actually is in the league, and go on for 14 months of each year. As with the NBA, each match-up is a best of 379 series, and they always go to the 379th game.
[re=588281]chascates[/re]: Is it just me, or has Robertson attained most of his ideas about black people from early 1990s LL Cool J videos and reruns of The Fresh Prince?
What movie was it where Cedric the Entertainer asked “Is Ahmad Rashad a Muslim? You never see him in one of those iddy-biddy bow ties.”
[re=588288]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: Wait a few years. Global warming will melt all the ice and they’ll go back to playing golf in the Spring, like the Rangers always do.
[re=588287]user-of-owls[/re]: Are we sure about him?
[re=588288]Lascauxcaveman[/re]: No, they are not still going on. The finals ended last week, with the Flyers’ victory over Montreal; that was the championship.
[re=588243]JMP[/re]: Pee-wee Herman?
Heh.
If you saw these sad “pool reports” every day, you’d be even sadder–they’re poorly-written, poorly-constructed, juvenile, and contain zero news much of the time. It’s very weird. They are there basically in case of an emergency–but it’s a very odd, sad, situation. Still, that doesn’t excuse the morons, idiots, psychos, obnoxious nimrods and stupid bullies with the Nation of Islam–who are just a bunch of freaks. They need to issue an apology, effective immediately, to the press, to the U.S. Secret Service, to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, to the President, and to the White House. You’d think that an organization with such a terrible reputation would learn how to act around representatives of the national press, the U.S. Secret Service, and the Office of the President of the United States. The Nation of Islam organization needs to disband and disappear, effective immediately.
Why does our Muslin President hate America so much that he is spending time watching socialist Canada’s national sport?
Kind of reminds me of what happens if you stand in front of a Scientology building holding a protest sign.
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