At least it's not a shrimp ... oh wait.Happy Memorial Day, Americans! (Because of the Constitution, you are the only people on the planet to have a day honoring your soldiers, so enjoy it! Foreigners just cold eat their war casualties, “to avenge the fallen.”) And don’t turn on the news radio or look at the Internet, except for the usual porn and pizza orders, because baby it’s bad out there. FOR EXAMPLE: You know that “top kill” oil spill thing nobody really believed was working even though we had Hope, for a little while, on Friday? Yeah, the BP guy apologized. He’s totally sorry. The new “fix” probably won’t work, either — and it might increase the bleeding crude “by as much as 20%.” But August might be different, so hold on for August.

The LA Times reports:

BP’s plan to sever a leaking pipe as part of an effort to cap its runaway well in the Gulf of Mexico could increase flow by as much as 20%, and the oil giant has no remedy to stop up the well until August, Obama administration and company officials said Sunday.

But at least BP feels bad:

BP’s CEO said Sunday he’s sorry for the largest oil spill in U.S. history and the “massive disruption” it has caused the Gulf Coast, telling reporters the company hopes to corral most of the crude offshore.

“The first thing to say is I’m sorry,” Tony Hayward said when asked what he would tell people in Louisiana, where heavy oil has already reached parts of the state’s southeastern marshes.

“We’re sorry for the massive disruption it’s caused their lives. There’s no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back.”

“I would like my life back.” Ha ha, so never mind, what he means is that he’s sorry for the inconvenience, to his life. Could you people please give this man his nice life back? He’s a global oil executive, not a common slob. [CNN]

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  • Noodle Salad

    I suggest we replace the lost wildlife of the gulf coast by tarring and feathering as many BP executives and setting their naked asses free on the bayou. And anyone who still lives in Louisiana gets a special hunting permit.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Awwwwww… Poor sad BP guy wants his fucking life back.

    What can you do to this shitheel? Can’t beat a billion times over. Can’t kill him. Can’t take away his bajillions.

    Only non death thing I can think of is for him, the execubots, everyone who approved this including the engineers, the lobbyists and the board to actually physically clean this up till everything is back to “normal” again. Only then he can get his fucking life back.

  • Iam

    “There’s no one who wants this over more than I do.”
    Translation: “I am a clueless asshole.”

  • mumblyjoe

    He continued, “I mean, just think about how this affecting my stock options. Oh, God, why won’t anyone think of the stock options?!”

  • Rotundo

    [re=588009]Iam[/re]: It needs a little more in the translation:
    Translation: “I am a clueless self obsessed asshole.”
    All fix dup.

  • you didn’t ask, but

    I’d call this BP guy a douchebag but that implies more successful cleaning than this asshole.

  • Limeylizzie

    On behalf of the nation that also brought you the Irish “Troubles”, Simon Cowell, Tony Blair, Imperialism in a really big way and Jack the Ripper, I apologise. On the other hand we did come up with Judi Dench, Nick Drake and Magna Carta.

  • plowman

    What he really means is ‘This could really hurt my annual bonus and we’d planned a remodel of our feudal castle and estate at Sevenoaks. And we need new peasants, the old ones aren’t fit for dogmeat…’

  • Birdcrash

    He’s sorry for destroying the Gulf of Mexico–but accidents happen.

  • x111e7thst

    [re=588013]Limeylizzie[/re]: Magna Carta, an interesting side note: By the 1850’s most clauses in their original form had been repealed from English law. So I guess that asswipe Hayward will not be prevented from acquiring the additional serfs to which Plowman refers.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    I’ll bet he’s having trouble sleeping. I recommend a healthy mixture of Ambian, Nyquil, Soma, Oxycontin, Vicodin, washed down with a bottle Jack Daniels, various Taco Bell Food-Like™ products all while wearing a wet suit with a dildo up your butt. Don’t forget to change the batteries!

  • BlueStateLiberal

    “I would like my life back,” is an immortal Brit phrase that’s been uttered whenever things go wrong in their mighty global empire and they start getting their limey asses kicked. Perhaps the oil will behave like a gentleman and negotiate with them so that they can peacefully withdraw.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    Leave him alone!
    You’re lucky Tony Heyward talks to you fucking peasants at all.

  • user-of-owls

    “I would like my life back”

    Somewhere, a PR flak is crying. Or looking for something very tall to leap from.

  • Country Club Jihadi

    Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.
    Sounds like Tony “Jed Clampett” Hayward needs Jesus and a gun.

  • user-of-owls

    In the photo, Hayward is demonstrating how BP has very thoughtfully provided Gulf Coast birds with excellent SPF protection.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Is this what the English call “muddling through”?

  • Aflac Shrugged

    In Googling for “number of oil wells in Gulf of Mexico,” I came up with the figure 3,858 in the middle of some Firedoglake screed, verified against some random asshole’s contention at (This, of course, exactly mirrors the major networks’ fact-checking protocols, and so the above is incontrovertible fact.)

    3,858. As far as I know, any one of them can do what this one has done. Any one of them.

    You may now return to your Scotch and your prescription sleep aids.

  • runningcircles

    hey guys, checkout this awesome political site

  • Guzelvis

    After “Top Kill”, BP has another brainstorm. Satire @

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    “I was like, ‘Stockholders, Stockholders.’ I was bawling my eyes out. They were like, ‘What’s wrong?’ And I was like, ‘I destroyed the Gulf of Mexico last month and now they won’t give me my life back.’ And they were like ‘Oh my God. Holy crap. What did you do to our 401(k)s?'”

  • Carolina

    It’s the usual deal in our economy. The profits go to one group of people, the devastating consequences of the risks go to a completely different set of people. Meanwhile, Mr. Heyward thinks that having less time for his “life” (golf? dinners out?) matters. I truly wish that I could believe in a literal hell for these folks.

  • user-of-owls

    Like noxious petrochemicals bubbling up to the surface, the circle runner blogwhore oozes out.

    This raises an important metaphysical question: With the departure of Jim “Walk loudly and carry a wicked big stick” Newell, to whom will the Ban Hammer be entrusted?

  • weejee

    The honest truth is that this is a complex accident, caused by an unprecedented combination of failures Tony Hayward – BP’s CEO

    Off-shore drilling is but one of may complex high techie systems we rely upon, where it is not possible for a single individual to “know” it all. Fully quantitative, mathematically-based, risk analysis is not possible in such systems where the scale of complexity amplifies both uncertainty and ambiguity. As the complexity increases meta-uncertainty, or uncertainty about what we are uncertain about, takes flight. What we end up with is a quite scholarly risk analysis heavy to the qualitative and meta-uncertainty. Kinda like discussing Heisenberg after too much wine or weed – it is so fucking profound at the time. Classic examples are the space shuttles, Atlantis, Columbia, Challenger, Discovery, and Endeavour. Oh well, three outta five ain’t bad.

    Well anyway, the clear solution is that you libtard art grads have gotta just trust us left-brained engineers. You know, ya gotta have faith like the fundaments. Trust us, we knows what we’re doin’.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=588028]Carolina[/re]: “A keen fan of football club West Ham United F.C., Hayward lists his interests … and watching football, rugby union and cricket.”

    More bad news for Anthony Hayward: West Ham club captain Matthew Upson is probably leaving.

    Pity, that. Tony just needs to spend some time at one of his vacation villas.

  • PsycGirl

    “There’s no one who wants this over more than I do.” Umm, did the guy even think about what those words mean before he spoke them?

  • proudgrampa

    “I would like my life back.”

    Now that’s chutzpah!

    Arrogant asshole.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    When a building collapses or a train wrecks in Communist China, heads roll. Now there is a death penalty I can believe in.

  • AnglRdr

    Who is a bigger asshole of the day: Anthony Hayward or Israel?

    Tough, tough call, and I do not envy the judges.

  • KnaveOfDiamonds

    [re=588035]AnglRdr[/re]: Just give the Israeli government the award now. Otherwise they’ll be forced to act-out again, maybe by bombing Iran or something.

  • the problem child

    [re=588025]runningcircles[/re]: [re=588026]Guzelvis[/re]: Go play in the Gulf of Mexico.

  • inedalo

    yeah, Rand Paul says “accidents happen”, but isn’t Cheney’s Halliburton involved in this thing?
    did they cut costs and leave out some safety items- to increase their profits?
    who can answer these Qs?

  • inedalo

    why is it that Norway does off-shore drilling, and they haven’t had any big bad oil leaks. Can it be because that is a state-run “socialistic” project? and we have profit-making halliburton involved in our Gulfo Mexico drill, baby, drill little thrill?

  • dex

    paging chris crocker!

  • BarackMyWorld
  • proudgrampa

    [re=588035]AnglRdr[/re]: Yeah, what was that all about? What was Israel thinking? I can’t even imagine what their objective was.

    More chutzpah, arrogance, and stupidity.


  • Rotundo

    [re=588030]weejee[/re]: “The honest truth is that this is a complex accident, caused by an unprecedented combination of failures” Tony Hayward – BP’s CEO

    Gosh, “unprecedented combination of failures” seems to be a perfect description of BP at this point. They might want to keep that one for their next ad campaign.

  • Geogre

    Oh, now, come on! It took him three weeks to get to “Brownie” level assholery.

    Remember that Brownie answered e-mails demanding action to help the dying in the Superdome with, “Can I go now?” He managed that on day two. At least Mr. BP’s PR advisors have trained him well enough to keep his ass away from the microphone for weeks. Let’s all honor, today, the brave men and women who devote their lives to image management and public relations. Without their sacrifices, more guilty executives might reveal their contempt and greed openly.

    BBC World Service, which has taken its own weird rightward turn in the last two years, has had “image” professionals on. They have said, over and over again, that this is something that can be Managed.

    See? It can be managed! Not the oil. Not the tens of thousands of immigrants and low wage workers, not the environment, not the wetlands, not the sea life, but the Image. The Image can be managed.

  • facehead

    Under no circumstances should he get his life back.

  • El Pinche

    Fuck BP, this dude can do it, but turning oil into dirt:

  • El Pinche

    If anyone deserves to eat a large container of shit-flavored, kippered penises, it’s Tony Hayward.

  • natoslug

    [re=588007]Noodle Salad[/re]: Why stop with BP execs? Add anyone who has chanted “Drill Baby Drill” to the list of tar-ees.

  • Geogre

    Oh, and for those of you talking about BP stock price, I think you’re imagining things.

    The market rewarded Deepwater Horizons. Halliburton seems to be doing fine. BP has been bouncing, but the stock market is the only place where there is less social conscience, or conscience of any sort, than natural resource extraction business. How did the stock market punish Shell for Nigeria? (“What do you mean, Nigeria?”)

    Coming soon: BP name change or split into three companies with names like Altria and Xe.

  • Blender

    Sorry, but by the time this mess gets to court, Hayward and BP will have a legion of “scientists” that will prove to the jury, with science and stuff, that the Deepwater Horizon was extracting chocolate milk from the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, which is the only place on earth that chocolate milk occurs naturally.

    Oh yeah, and the Israelis. Fuck them also.

  • Sharkey

    My Life with the Drill Kill Kult.

  • BarackMyWorld

    People making comparison between this and Katrina hardly ever seem to mention the number of human deaths Katrina caused.

  • V572625694

    Wondering whether Tony Hayward worked his way to the top of BP on merit? Hahahaha….:

    “Hayward gained a first class geology degree from Aston University in Birmingham followed by a PhD from Edinburgh University. Joining BP in 1982, with his first job as a rig geologist in Aberdeen, he quickly rose through the ranks in a series of technical and commercial roles in BP Exploration in London, Aberdeen, France, China and Glasgow. Hayward first came to Lord Browne’s attention during a leadership conference in 1990 in Phoenix, Arizona. As a result he was made Browne’s executive assistant.”

    How’s the compensation for this gig? Not too shabby:

    “BP pays Hayward an annual salary of £998,000 and in 2008 his bonus was £1,496,000.”

    What happened to Hayward predecessor “Lord” Browne (Brownie?):

    “Lord Browne resigned following the lifting of a legal injunction preventing Associated Newspapers from publishing details about his private life”

  • Johnny Zhivago

    You’re doing a heck of a job, Tony!

  • V572625694

    More on “Lord” “Brownie” Brown:

    BP boss Lord Browne sensationally quit yesterday after losing a bitter legal battle with his rent boy lover. The disgraced peer, one of the country’s most suc­­cessful businessmen, could now face perjury char­ges after admitting he lied in court over the affair. Lord Browne, a close friend of Tony Blair, claimed he met Canadian Jeff Chevalier, who is in his 30s, by chance while exercising in a London park.

    But the Daily Express can reveal that Lord Browne picked him out after surfing a sordid gay website called Suited And Booted. His error of judgment led to the degrading end of a glittering career which had seen Lord Browne turn the struggling oil giant into the most successful British company of the past decade.

    That’s some company, that BP!

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=588048]El Pinche[/re]: I’d give him 10 minutes with Jack Bauer and a propane torch, a bottle of clorox spray, a ballpine hammer, some rusty nails and an AT&T SIM card.

  • V572625694

    Holy crap, wait’ll you see “Lord” Browne:

  • weejee

    [re=588056]V572625694[/re]: Does BP stand for butt plug‘?

  • V572625694

    [re=588059]weejee[/re]: Apparently BP does stand for butt plug…see post above. Jeebus Christ, is anybody but us doing a little research?

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588034]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: And send their families a bill for the bullet afterward.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    [re=588030]weejee[/re]: Trust the engineers? I know I an engineer who designs chemical-manufacturing plants in India. You know what his favorite phrase is: “It was an honest mistake.”

  • harry palmer

    Hey, mistakes were made, no one could have predicted, you go to drill with the moronic sociopaths you have, not the ones you want …

  • Mad Brahms

    [re=588024]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: You know, the best take on this was from Red State, which actually insinuated that these aren’t *enough* wells. The logic was that the oil spill indicates that there’s a lot more oil in the gulf than we previously thought, but that we can’t get to, because of environmental laws mandated by namby-pamby lieberals who care are worried about oil spills, and so we should repeal these laws, because of oil spills. It’s a breathtaking exercise in Orwellian thought:

    I’m actually a bit surprised we never saw it linked here, as it may be my favorite RedState post of all time.

  • slappypaddy

    when we give him his life back, can we give it to him inside a prison cell, please?

  • S.Luggo

    [re=588024]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: “3,858 [wells in the Gulf]. As far as I know, any one of them can do what this one has done. Any one of them.”

    “Any one of them”? You lie, you whining, nancy pants Socialist liar! Only SOME are operated by BP.

    “Environmentalism … is the last refuge of socialism.” Senator James Inhofe (R – Messy Gusher, Okl.)

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588058]V572625694[/re]: Eraserhead!

  • Can O Whoopass

    [re=588027]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Translation; I wrecked part of the Earth and all I got was this Gubbner Brewer t-shirt and a membership to the Teabagger’s Saloon in Tijuana and 5 Chimichangas.

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Inbreeding is a terrible thing.

  • Oldskool

    This is what I no comprende: how hard would it be to keep a mile long hose on hand say 4 or 6 feet wide to anchor over the leak and funnel it to the surface where it could be vacuumed into tankers. Even if it had no chance of working it would sound a lot better than the crap they’ve come up with so far. Which is the exact same crap that didn’t work the last time this happened in about 1979 in 200? feet of water.

  • Virgin Birther

    [re=588058]V572625694[/re]: Holy christ there’s no way in hell that didn’t fall out of the same cooter as Dubya!

  • rocktonsammy

    Can’t Tony do the patriotic thing and blame Obama.

    Doesn’t he watch FOX NEWS?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is the real tragedy of an oil spill — and it’s a shame BP weren’t (see, I’m typing in British now, for our friends) informed of all the facts. Because if your oil well blows up and kills eleven people and then sinks and leaks and destroys an entire ecosystem and the people who have survived on it for generations, the press will hound you every day and you won’t be able to go out to dinner without being made to feel ashamed.
    Do you think even for a minute that Tony Hayward would’ve let this disaster happen if he knew that for months on end his social activities would be restricted to private dinners and dreary garden parties? Why the poor bastard hasn’t even been able to go near his yacht. Excuse me, I have to go weep for the ruling class.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588063]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: Like, say, Bhopal.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588058]V572625694[/re]: Leave Trig out of this!

  • Rotundo

    [re=588060]V572625694[/re]: [re=588059]weejee[/re]: That would probably be “Plan The Next” whereupon they insert a flexible tube into the leaking pipe and inflate it with mud untill the oil stops coming out. Not quite the same thing as a butt plug, but with some similarity. I do actually shudder to think about what the idiots will try next, the soviets tried nukes at one point, sort of like cauterizing things. With our luck so far, it would just mean a bigger irradiated mess.

  • windupbird

    Someone needs to set him up on a three hour tour on a fishing vessel in the Gulf with some soon-to-be-unemployed fishermen. Accidents happen on those, too.

  • Katydid

    [re=588065]Mad Brahms[/re]: O/T

    Holy cow. Even the nimrods at RedState didn’t comment on that one. Google the guy for more Orwellian blogging. First link I clicked had this post: “Obama Did Not Inherit Anything From Bush”

    It includes this gem: “#2: The current economic morass was started by the Clinton administration in the 80’s [sic sic and sick].”

    And this one: “#6: Just in Obama’s first 100 days, he has initiated 26 pro-abortion bills.” With a link to a Washington Examiner article that has no such information of course.

    So this Kevin Roeten guy clearly belongs on RedState.

  • S.Luggo

    Back the frigging frig off. What Hayword wants is only peace, love and understanding.

  • lochnessmonster

    I like how BP is going to try and “contain” the oil leak and bring the oil to the surface (profit$) not STOP it. I wonder if they know how to stop it but prefer to find a way to “recoup thier losses”.

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588079]Rotundo[/re]: After that inevitably fails, Plan Z is to just accept the fact that the Gulf is destroyed, fill it up with dirt and let the illegals and secessionists have at it. Seriously, think about what a win-win solution this would be. You could even let the Cajuns transform themselves into North American cocaleros.

  • S.Luggo

    In other news:

    — Commemorating Memorial Day, Mark Sanford lays wreath on Appalachian Trail.
    — [SC Republican Nikki “I did not have sex with that man”] Haley compared the flow of crude in the Gulf of Mexico to a plane crash.
    “We don’t stop all the planes from flying. What we do is we look at that accident, we learn from it and say, ‘What do we need to do to make sure that it doesn’t happen again?’ That’s the same thing here,” said Haley —
    Next time I want to fly, I’ll use an off-shore oil rig. Planes are dangerous.

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=588029]user-of-owls[/re]: The site running in circles directs you to is in bad need of both liberals and humor. Come on over if you like.
    Ask not on whom the banhammer falls. It falls on thee. – John Donne

  • imissopus

    [re=588079]Rotundo[/re]: They tried that on Lost and all it did was create purgatory, or something.

  • user-of-owls

    Tony Hayward:
    “First they came for Ken Lay, and I said nothing.
    Then they came for Bernie Madoff, and I said nothing…”

  • user-of-owls

    [re=588086]gurukalehuru[/re]: Ewww. I’d rather swim in the Gulf.

  • V572625694

    [re=588088]user-of-owls[/re]: Remember when Ken Lay’s stewardess wife said, “We’re struggling for liquidity here!” when she couldn’t sell off her Vail ski lodges fast enough to pay Ken’s legal bills? Good times….

  • Bearbloke

    [re=588008]ManchuCandidate[/re]: [re=588033]proudgrampa[/re]: This Pommie prat can have his ‘life’ and his passport back when this mess is finally cleaned up and financially settled – until then, perhaps he should be the guest of the US Govt, at a lovely Cuban beach resort…

  • Bearbloke

    BTW – Here’s another Pommie Bastard who wants Her obscenely over-funded life back…

    Enjoy your Republic, Yanks!

  • plowman

    BREAKING NEWS: In a heartfelt display of contrition, BP’s President Tony Hayward has offered to restock his feudal estate at Sevenoaks with new peasants sourced from along the Louisiana, Alabama and Florida Gulf Coasts. “Many of these people’s ancestors were were wholey owned and operated by my ancestors so it’s really a fitting end for them, a coming home so to speak…”. He also repeated promises that all legitimate claims for damage would be honored though, when pressed, an aide explained that by ‘legitimate’ Lord Hayward means “…written in faerie bloode by means of the quille of a dodo on parchment made of Atlantean foreskin.”

  • Pat Pending

    Is it possible that all of these so-called containment attempts are actually intentionally failing so that, once the entire Gulf region has been killed, it can simply be turned into one big underwater oil field?

  • PsycGirl

    [re=588053]BarackMyWorld[/re]: Well, those people were black. So it’s not as big a deal as you might think. In fact, each “death” should be multiplied by 3/5, I believe, to get the true count.
    [re=588058]V572625694[/re]: Ewwww….I hope the rent boy was well paid.

  • Jim89048

    Thank you, Ken Layne, for your service today as we celebrate our dead soldiers. Some day I hope we can all look back and wonder wtf were we even thinking…

  • KnaveOfDiamonds

    [re=588073]Oldskool[/re]: I may be wrong, but I think this is what the containment dome was meant to accomplish. This sort of deep sea drilling is qualitatively different from offshore drilling in shallow(er) water. First, the oil is under a lot more pressure. As “they” say, “the oil wants to get out”, but it’s under three miles of the Earth’s crust and a mile of ocean. Because of its depth, it’s under very high pressure. Think about trying to drink from a fire hose, but harder. The second problem is that the chemistry of oil and natural gas is different at the temperatures and pressures a mile under the sea than engineers typically encounter. In this particular case the containment dome clogged when methane crystallized inside it.

    I think BP thought they were prepared for an unprecedented situation and found out they were not. Hubris is nothing new to our species.

  • Rotundo

    [re=588089]user-of-owls[/re]: Agreed, argueing with winger morons is exhausting and you can’t fight stupid, there is just an endless supply from those folks. DEVO was right, Idiocracy was right, we’re fucked and there is just no hope the intelligent will survive. There are just too many idiots about to win on the basis of logic. They’ll just keep voting against their own interest and ours while clutching their bibles and waving their flags all the way down the tubes. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Christians and people who love the USA, but I do hate people who are too fucking stupid to even consider looking at the notion that their leaders (political, media, corporate or religious) might just be fucking them over for a buck. Arguing with them might be fun for a moment or two for some folks, I’ll pass on it thanks.

  • chascates

    And this wil help out other oil companies as the uncertainty will cause the price of crude to rise.

    Come to think of it, Dick Cheney was meeting inh the Middle East with people just as this first occurred. Not that I’m into conspiracies or anything.

  • Katydid

    [re=588092]Bearbloke[/re]: Balls said the Queen, I’ve got ’em. Unbelievable. If George III made the agreement by giving up his money, where’d the Queen get £290 million then? And doees she pay for the maintenance of all of her castles, or do the taxpayers? I love this quote: “One senior Royal aide said: ‘The Queen has only been able to manage by very prudent financial management.’”

    Any chance this bullshit will push people over the edge and they’ll finally get rid of the royals?

  • weejee

    [re=588043]Rotundo[/re]: Yes & they keep coming. Glad to hear Carol Browner, Barry’s energy climate guru, mention that the WH made BP drill two wells, not just one, to shut it down below the wellhead. She also said it may well be leaking until August and, also too, “We’re operating at the frontiers of human endeavor at 5,000 feet. There is risk with it. There’s no question.” No shit sparky.

    [re=588063]BlueStateLiberal[/re]: I have less problem with an honest, honest mistake than a mistake that is the result of cost pressure from the top. Too often the engineers cave to political pressure – like the budget’s getting tight cut back on inspection. A way crazy move to please the MBAs that happens far too often. I35W in Minneapolis the idea to fix the plates et al agreed to by the DOT & consulting engineers was replaced by more frequent inspection as a genuflect to the powers at be to fix stuff that will make the commuters happy rather than the shit which holds-up the bridge but doesn’t improved the ride/commute. Except… eh never mind.

    [re=588079]Rotundo[/re]: Jeebus will truly weep if they try to nuke it shut. In honor of India’s chemical oops, Wonkette should trademark ‘Glow Pall’ ahead of the tee shirt bonanza.

  • AddHomonym

    [re=588085]S.Luggo[/re]: “We don’t stop all the planes from flying.”

    Forgot 9/11 already!? NEVAR FERGIT!!!!!!!!!11

  • gurukalehuru

    [re=588047]El Pinche[/re]: Give the man a shot. Why the hell not?

  • RoscoePColtraine

    They said they’ll have it fixed by August, and I was sad. Then they said “…of THIS year” and I was happy!

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=588100]Katydid[/re]: I wish they would go, chinless ,fucking, worthless cunts.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Yup. I fear the stupidity of MBAs and Accountants more than us idiot engineers.

  • zhubajie

    [re=588042]proudgrampa[/re]: Israel is full of people who don’t their right hands from their left.

  • Zorg

    This is the life you clawed and elbowed your way into, Bitch!

  • QueenOfTheDamned

    I am truly sorry for and dismayed by the environmental catastrophe that this is, but I can’t work up a lot of sympathy for the mouthbreathers who populate the affected states. Having lived in the Deep South until very recently, I’ve seen too many “Drill, baby, drill. Vote Republican!” bumper stickers for that. If it had to happen, it couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of assholes. They asked for it, they wanted it, and they got it. So I want the “self-reliant” MF’s to suck it up and put a sock in it. Stop whining about big gummint not interfering enough. And secede, why don’t you? I know I shouldn’t tar everybody there with the same oil spill, but many, many of them are ignorant, uninformed, prejudiced morans, and proud of it. [re=588084]user-of-owls[/re]: DH has been saying they should fill in the Gulf for years. He grew up in Louisiana, and he used to whine incessantly about the weather patterns produced by that body of water. Now he’s living among elite New England libtards in a blue state and only has to worry about blizzards, ice, and pollution from Canadian forest fires.

  • Plutonic PsychoBitch

    I did Katrina. Just the thoughts of any friggin storms blowing in on this mess is making me hang my head out the bathroom window holding back the puke. And i don’t even live there anymore.

  • cynbot

    [re=588013]Limeylizzie[/re]: It would mean more if you spelled it “apologize.”

  • Rock Ripsnort

    Yeah, nothing more fun than opening my dead-tree Sunday newspaper and seeing Krauthammer blaming the Ecologists for this shit.
    At this point, the only possible happy ending is the rise of R’lyeh and Chthulhu’s shamble towards Washington. The Million Shoggoth March!

  • Dashboard_Buddha

    [re=588082]S.Luggo[/re]: And we all know there’s nothing funny about that.

  • Mr Blifil

    Is this douchebag auditioning for Simon Cowell’s replacement slot or some shit?

  • Mr Blifil

    [re=588083]lochnessmonster[/re]: Well after all, miles-wide plumes of subsurface oil are fucking valuable things.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    As an oil exporter, we rank 16th, just behind Libya and well ahead of Oman and Qatar.

    So that crap in the water and on the beach probably wasn’t intended to us, but one of British Petroleum’s other customers.

  • lumpenprole

    This was the thing about Bush whenever he opened his mouth. America has some contemptibly dumb oligarchs.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    And if it’s of any consolation, I’m contemplating sending a strongly-worded letter to The Times.

  • lumpenprole

    Never mind that. How about, the Anglo-American Petrocrats are disturbingly self-involved bunch.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=588092]Bearbloke[/re]: See, she should have kept Diana around. People would have worked for her for FREE. “Please, M’lady, are there any more loos your bum was on that I could scrub?”

  • AnglRdr

    [re=588142]QueenOfTheDamned[/re]: Speaking as a transplant, southerners are hardly the pro-secessionist, anti-gubmint mouth-breathers you seem to think. Yes, there are plenty, but no more than are in, say Michigan (which is my provenance).

    Stupid is universal…it appears to have left you with a mark when it smacked you on the way past.

  • assistant/atlas

    [re=588024]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Drill, baby, dr–wait, how many? Actually… I think that’s quite enough drilling, thanks. I’m good.

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=588142]QueenOfTheDamned[/re]: In Alabama, we have a saying: “Fuck you.”

    I cry myself to sleep each night worrying that we don’t all have wise and honorable political leaders like they have in, say, New York or New Jersey.

  • AddHomonym

    Giant underwater oil dragon, we beseech thee, give us back our lives! (Worth a shot.)

  • S.Luggo

    In Luser-riana, you go unheard. Needs more bile and vinegar. And TOP KILL.
    Monday, 31 May 2010
    Could Gulf moratorium lead to massive job losses?
    Obama has called for a six-month ban on deep-water exploration in the Gulf of Mexico, a move which could shutter up to 33 such deep-water rigs.

    Lafourche [en Anglais: fork you] Parish President Charlotte Randolph told WWL First News that the loss of jobs due to the moratorium could be as bad, or worse, as the job loss caused by the oil spill.
    “Quite frankly, if he [that
    Indonesian Muslim Negro] stops operation on those well, we have more people losing their jobs in Lafourche Parish,” she said.

    Randolph said that jobs in fishing and the oil sector make up most of the employment in her area.
    Confused Charlotte Randolph is the Evelyn Mulwray of the Gulf oil mess.
    “BP is my daughter” Slap.\

    Charlotte of the teabag, may we can now strike off the first part of the parish motto:

  • Iam

    [re=588158]AnglRdr[/re]: I do feel for those affected by the spill (technically, that would be all of us) no matter where it is or who’s being screwed, it’s a fricking tragedy. That said, where ever you are in the vast south, stay put, cuz here in my corner of Texas we have more than our share of pro-secessionist, anti-gubmint mouth-breathers. I’d be more than happy to loan you some if you’d like.

  • plowman

    [re=588160]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Let us not forget the wise and honorable political leaders of Illinois, they alone make our usual fine bunch down here look almost warm and fuzzy…

  • What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=588177]Iam[/re]: In the immortal words of Johnny Winter: “There’s so much shit in Texas, you’re bound to step in some.” I remember Austin from better days,

    [re=588179]plowman[/re]: Oh, but I hear Detroit is really nice. Kind of a Big Rock Candy Mountain, like Cleveland, Stockton, Flint, Buffalo, St. Louis and East St. Louis: Superfund sites, high taxes), unemployment, violent crime … something for everyone.


    [re=588045]Geogre[/re]: I’ve been an avid listener of BBC world service for about 12 years, I’d say they veered rightward after they were slammed following that scientist’s suicide re: WMDs. Must have been big personnel changes. That was 2003? But recently I think they’ve been getting back on track- also- they’re so much better than U.S. news that it really doesn’t even matter.

  • WadISay

    Tony Hayward sings the blues: Nobody knows the truffles I seen.

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=588176]S.Luggo[/re]: Forget it, Jake, it’s Luser-riana.

  • llibra

    This thread seems like an excellent place to recommend the book Bozo Sapiens by two authors both named Kaplan (They are mother and son, and right now I can’t remember their first names).

  • Geogre

    [re=588185]NYNYNY[/re]: In the last two years, BBC World Service has increasingly fallen for lazy journalism. In particular, they’ve been suckers for running Heritage Foundation “studies” as if they were studies (most recently, “Heritage Foundation Study reports US economy less free than Canada!”) and covering the lunatic fringe because there is a lunatic fringe (the whole documentary on “Opposing Obama” which again inflated the Tea Baggots).

    BP’s stock price is down 60% in London. Don’t worry: it won’t last. First, New York will either give the money back, or else these numbers will play Flubber for a while until BP becomes the oil company known as AltuaZe. After all, “BP” is already a name change, and the logo is the prettiest thing out there.

  • Geogre

    [re=588142]QueenOfTheDamned[/re]: Oh, come on! There are two sorts of “asked for it” in the “affected states.”
    1. Deathly poor people with extremely poor education in rural areas and a choice of a) the military, b) drug making/dealing, c) manual labor. They want drilling because they want anything.
    2. Republican assholes who know no border, region, or fact. They shout “drill here” in the midst of deserts, mountains, lakes, and everywhere else, because they have drunk deep the wine of “culture war.” They are Republicans because it gives them a war against other Americans, and they invoke the language of war at every turn. They employ military language when speaking of political matters, and they speak as if, and actually believe, that their fellow citizens are enemies. For them, “You’re either with me, or you’re against me” made sense. For them, it makes perfect sense to vote against the Republican health care reform bill from 1993 when it is proposed by a Democrat, because Democrats are servants of Marx/Satan/Oneworldgubmunttheyouin.

    I have found both classes everywhere, but the greater the economic strain, the worse it is. That’s why rust belt areas seem to have blossoms, as over a septic field, of such hatefulness.

  • agitpropster

    [re=588023]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: No, this is what the English call either “ended in tears” or “went pear-shaped.”

  • widget09

    “Top Kill” sound like a term the should be applied to BP’ upper management.

  • TGY

    We shall shame BP until they change their name to ‘PB’ to protect the guilty. We still need to buy oil from them, of course.

  • thatonegirlsays

    [re=588142]QueenOfTheDamned[/re]: I may hate the South and never do I want to voluntarily live there again. But I don’t understand the idea of wishing this kind of disaster on anyone.

  • llibra

    [re=588197]Geogre[/re]: Yes to all you say, and especially about the greater the economic strain, the worse it [incoherent maundering in place of thinking and hate searching blindly for targets] gets.

    Desperate people behave badly and can scarcely think at all. Deep desperation over much of the world brought on the rise of Fascism in the 1920s and 1930s and World War II in the ’40s. A great many people are carefully taught damaged thinking by damaged parents and other authority figures. Authoritarians of every political stripe, religion, and sect waste their lives in paranoia and preemptive defensive aggression. They’re crazy and dangerous, IEDs on the hoof.

  • sagebrush

    Today is the official start of hurricane season. Having to contend with a few hurricanes will make stopping up the leak even more difficult.

  • S.Luggo

    [re=588289]sagebrush[/re]: The Gulf will soon look like a large tub of brown Kool Whip. Slather more of dat stuff on mah Key West Lime Pie, please.

  • Humpback

    “Life back” is a British slang for unprotected anal sex.

  • Can O Whoopass

    [re=588059]weejee[/re]: BP? BushCo Petrol.

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