make darrell issa cry

But Could Saint Ronald Reagan Possibly Be As Corrupt As Barack Obama?

Some communist somewhere is circulating this old AP newspaper clipping claiming that the sainted Reagan Administration did that thing that every political leadership has done since the Dawn of Politics, and frankly it’s insulting to the memory of The Gipper to even suggest his White House would’ve offered an ambassadorship or administration job to a Republican facing a tough GOP primary that could divide the base. Seriously, look at this news clipping and ask yourself, “Doesn’t this font look kind of funny?”

Fonts like this didn't even *exist* when Reagan was alive.
FAKE. There was never anybody in American History called “Senator Hayakawa.” This probably was dug out of some Kenyan library by Barack Obama’s drug-addict brother. [TwitPic via Matt Ortega]

About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

View all articles by Ken Layne
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49 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    How DARE YOU KEN LAYNE!!!! Lalalalalalala! I can’t HEAR YOU!!! I can’t READ YOU!!! Ronnie was pure as snow!!! He pooped gold and pissed oil! Even his farts smelled like Channel No 5! Ronnie was the greatest man ever! He fought in WW2. Made peace with the Apes from Planet of the Apes! He had a 20 feet dong! HE WON THE FUCKING COLD WAR AGAINST THE ROOSHINS!!! HE MADE US AMERICA GREAT!!! No one knows this but I know that his mere touch made gay men straight! Lalalalala!!

  2. gurukalehuru

    If I remember the man correctly, he sort of considered himself the Asian Bill Buckley.

  3. slappypaddy

    born in canadia long ago, he slipped across a porous border to campaign for the adoption of english as the official language of the german-speaking bundesrepublik amerika, penning such screeds as, “if the majority of our fellow-citizens are more susceptible to the slogans of fear and race hatred than to those of peaceful accommodation and mutual respect among human beings, our political liberties remain at the mercy of any eloquent and unscrupulous demagogue.”

  4. Snarkalicious

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s true. Kissinger was a fag until he blew Ron in ’76.

  5. JMP

    Of course Ronnie would never have done this, just as he would never have cut and run and pulled troops out of a Muslim country just because of terrorist attack, nor would he have ever negotiated with either the Iranian government or Saddam Hussein.

    It’s nice to see from the CA candidates’ list that we’ve been dealing with incompetent nepotism for a while now.

  6. rafflesinc

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s Chanel, not Channel. I know because my middle school English teacher spelled it that way and I kept thinking that Channel 5 was the Coco Channel.

  7. What Fresh Hell is This?

    Hayakawa was a clever semanticist. As to whether he was a cunning linguist, I do not know.

  8. RoscoePColtraine

    [re=587474]Fox n Fiends[/re]: Going to need a double dose of Ritalin to get through that.

  9. freshlywrappedhell

    Hayakawa was a proto-teabagger – his claim to fame? shutting down a demonstration at SF State by unplugging the sound system during the protest. Made him the darling of the “Silent (proto-teabag) Majority” for one term.

    but, then, he was a member of that sinister cabal, The Bohemian Club

  10. Hooray For Anything

    I keep on hearing about this “Ronald Reagan” that the GOP claims to have existed yet cannot find any record of him. When I go to Wikipedia, I just get “myth- see Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, straight male who’ll willingly see Sex & City 2 this weekend.”

  11. crumpet

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I can’t stand it when you go all kid-glovey and understated like that.

  12. freakishlystrong

    This is even more unsavory due to the fact that his DAUGHTER was in the race, sheeeesh!

  13. Extemporanus

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: According to this article, his farts actually smell like Hai Karate.

    And Hai Kawaya,
    Kawasaki, Yo-Yo Ma,
    and Nakatomi…

    Burma-Shave.

  14. plowman

    BULLSHIT! It was BRIAN Wilson that wanting the post and NOT Pete Wilson. Get your fucking facts straight Mr. Commie!

  15. Doglessliberal

    [re=587467]Snarkalicious[/re]: Kissenger was a powersexual. He would have fucked an octopus if it gave him an edge or a leg up.

  16. McDuff

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: “He fought in WW2.”

    Reagan went all “Blumenthal” in stating that he fought during WWII. Reagan would later admit that he really meant to say he “fought with Jane Wyman during World War II.”

  17. SayItWithWookies

    I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for this — probably a) You’re quoting him out of context; b) That was a long time ago, and it’s pathetic that you’re dredging this up from ancient history; c) Freedom!

  18. yellowerdog

    How do you fuck an octopus? Very carefully! Moi-meme, I’d have preferred Jill St. John.
    Love that one of the ‘candidates’ was Maureen – no conflict there. Chelsea in 2012!

  19. JMP

    [re=587510]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Sometimes I believe that a lot of these conservatives have traveled here from an alternate universe, one in which unlike ours Reagan was a pure doctrinaire conservative, all his policies succeeded, no one from his administration ever committed any crimes, and he was popular throughout his presidency; much of the media seems to be from this same reality.

  20. Clean For Gene

    [re=587534]McDuff[/re]: He really fought for the Screen Actors Guild during WWII.

  21. Buttery1000

    Yeah … well … you know … but it’s different when Republicans do it. See … [looks down].

  22. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=587471]rafflesinc[/re]: Sounds like your middle school teacher was not a cheap woman to bribe.

  23. sezme

    [re=587471]rafflesinc[/re]: Well, this would all be true except for one fact: Reagan really did smell like Channel 5. On the TV.

  24. Suds McKenzie

    Sweet Jeebus, there’s STILL Steroids in Baseball!!, … lets get our priorities in order … grrr

  25. lawrenceofthedesert

    The line between Earth and Planet Reagan was never very fixed in Dutch’s mind, which helped him call Cubs games using nothing but telegrams, but may have slightly hampered his position as most powerful dufus in the Western Hemisphere. He would say his hometown was Dixon, for example, when he was born in nearby Tampico (Illinois, and mispronounced TAM-pick-o in true Illini fashion) in an apartment over a bakery or a bank, depending on whom you ask. Moving to Dixon later on, Dutch and brother Moon would hang out on the front porch with neighbor Hugh Downs — Earth is a much smaller place than Planet Reagan, I guess. If someone asks you to go there, just say no!

  26. Ducksworthy

    [re=587544]Clean For Gene[/re]: Then he cleverly switched sides and fought for Joe McCarthy and the House Unamerican Activities Committee.

  27. Cape Clod

    [re=587460]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It is ridiculous to believe this story. One of the Indians from F-Troop was a Senator from California? Ha! Nice try, Lame-Stream Media!

  28. Marlowe

    Hiyakawa was the one who said the US had no responsibility for removing our land mines from VietNam and that he hope they would kill a few more of them.

  29. One Yield Regular

    This is a bit O/T, but references to Kenya always bring back fond memories of my two vacations there, one to the Kenyan island called Kauai and another to Kenya’s capital, a large city called Honolulu. Did you know you can get to Africa by plane in only about 5 hours from the West Coast?

  30. germansteel

    I will be concerned when Barrack offers an off-stage part in the school play to one of Malia’s classmates.

  31. crumpet

    In other Republican news, Loser Harry Reid might win, after all, like I have always known he will. I should have gotten one of those betting contracts back when he was down so hidjuslee.

  32. chascates

    That was Ronald Reagan’s Watergate. Or maybe it was Iran-Contra. Or sending Muslim fundamentalists a Christian bible & a chocolate cake.

  33. WadISay

    This situation was different in that Reagan was changing water into wine while he did it.

  34. Hooray For Anything

    [re=587643]WadISay[/re]: Don’t forget curing people of AIDS. He did a lot of that when he was President too

  35. CessnaDriver

    I remember that election. Maureen Reagan referred to her two challengers as “Petey and whats-his-butt”. Hayakawa was never in it, but he was replaced as the dumbest puck in the Senate by Chic Hecht (R-NV).

  36. a_pink_poodle

    Hey I came up with the term Saint Reagan! Now I’m willing to settle out of court for a $50 gift certificate for Famous Daves BBQ but a $30 gift certificate will work.

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