Obama Fires Lady Who Ran America's Oil Industry Meth 'n Bribery Office

Elizabeth "Liz" Birnbaum, who has run the terrible U.S. Minerals Management Service since last summer, has been fired by mean anti-oil extremist Barack Obama. The federal office is best known for its meth-addict staff in Louisiana and its five-star customer service for the oil industry, which includes filling out all the complicated forms the energy companies need to complete so they can take all the oil from the Earth and then sell it to Americans.

This is now, officially, the worst oil spill in American History.

Oh yeah, and the TOP KILL KILLTOP "buttplug of the seabottom" may, uh, actually not be working, according to Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, according to Bloomberg. [ AP / CNN ]