Here is the famous live feed of the BP oil-hole in the seafloor, and according to the robots we must now trust with Everything, the bold scheme to pump a billion tons of filth & garbage atop/inside the spewing crude wound has “worked,” and everything’s better now! Oh yeah and Obama fired the mineral agency chief, and the well has actually been shooting out some 19,000 gallons barrels of black goo per day, not 5,000 as BP kept saying.
There is currently no oil leaking into the Gulf of Mexico from the well that had been spewing crude into the sea for more than a month.
“They’ve stopped the hydrocarbons from coming up,” National Incident Commander Thad Allen told WWL First News. “They’ve been able to stabilize the well head, they are pumping mud down it.”
Hooray? Meanwhile, former offshore-oil-drilling fanatic Barack Obama will announce a six-month deepwater-drilling moratorium. He’ll also cancel drilling plans offshore in Virginia and Alaska, which should make Sarah Palin very concerned about her neighbor writing a book. Books?! At a time like this?
Stocks are rallying! [Washington Post/Reuters]
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Despite a massive federal response at the scene, the White House has received withering criticism from all quarters as the sense of frustration with oil giant BP’s inability to plug the leak has ballooned. In recent days, the administration has come under increasing pressure to demonstrate that it is fully in control of the situation.
Real Merikans aren’t happy unless the president goes off half-cocked and acts when he doesn’t have any idea what’s going on. Unless it’s an expected hurricane in New Orleans, then fuckitall.
Slightly O/T, but Palin was an unbelievable cunt when she wrote on her F/B page that Joe McGinniss has a nice view of Piper’s bedroom. Who thinks like that???
Top Kill worked?
What did they do, have Sarah Palin endorse the leak for Congress?
Fortunately for Americans, filth and garbage are endlessly renewable resources.
Operation Buttplug a success? Time will tell.
Yeah, yeah, usually it’s “get yore hands offa mah state” until there’s a disaster.
Why is socialest Barry HUSSEIN Nobama cutting off our precious offshore drill baby drilling, BP managed to stop the thing in just a little over a month which proves that it’s perfectly safe to do all the drilling we want!?!!
Oily to bed, oily to rise, makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Ummm, well one outa three ain’t bad. Heck if you can hit a baseball like that the Mariners will give you a contract.
Well, maybe not there either or also, since they only have one guy hitting 0.333. I’ll go fix myself more coffee now and see if that helps with the snark.
plug, baby, plug!
About fucking time he fired the mineral agency chief. I mean, snarkoff a little here, but by all appearances, the agency hasn’t rehabilitated any since the coke-fuelled lobbyistsex parties back under Shrubya’s administration. Even more than the DoJ (which also needed/needs it), Interior is one agency where I expected a housecleaning worthy of Stalin or Robespierre once Obama or whoever else got into office. Not that I’m calling Obamer a French Communist Socialist, or anything. Just saying.
If Nobama wasn’t such a pussy he’d have invaded Venezuela. If they’d just give us their oil, we wouldn’t have to be fucking around with deep water drilling. That’s why this whole thing happened.
[re=586435]Katydid[/re]: Someone who is either (a) clinically paranoid or (b) cynically implying a political opponent is a pedophile to demonize them and act as a martyr (see also: Letterman).
Oh those naughty scamps from BP. This must be part of May Retard’s Day, which as everyone knows, is Knifecrime Island’s version of April Fool’s, where we shoot fireworks at our intellectually disabled citizens to ward away the devil from eating their brains. Anyway, I am going reprise my role as doubting Thomas and reserve judgement until I hear Alex Jones state for a fact that they really did kill the leak. For all we know this is yet another barrage of disinfo from the Smurf/Lizard People cabal. If they can fake the moon landing and Elvis’ death, then they can doctor images of the Earth vomiting up oil!!!1! Wake up sheeples!
[re=586435]Katydid[/re]: An unbelievable cunt thinks like that.
Not to be a nitpicky douche, but hey, here goes: 19,000 gal/day is only ~450 barrels/day, or way way less than the 5,000 bbl/day estimate BP was giving out. But again, I know I shouldn’t be fact-checking jokes.
Sigh…maybe not
http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE64Q3JY20100527
Well, not to be a total dick conspiracy theorist, but just because bp says it worked, and bp is the only source at all for this, does not mean it worked. I mean, its kinda tough to tell if its even the same thing that was on the other live feed, what without the oil in the way. Also, not to be a total dick, but you guys had it wrong on the numbers, it’s barrels and not gallons. 19,000 barrels a day, instead of the 5,000 barrels a day BP was clinging to. There’s 42 gallons in a barrel. So: 798,000 gallons per day.
And now that BP has reinserted the plug, that which was beneath it has stopped spilling out, the clean ocean water will return, the oil monster has been rendered mortal and killed, and life on Earth is safe again, BP has redeemed and sacrificed itself and can die happy and move on to the next world.
I still wish we had gotten a few more answers, though.
They should have just used that giant plug that saved the world from the “Lost” finale.
[re=586453]Work in Progress[/re]: One nitpick deserves another. The lesser of the two estimates prepared by teams run by USGS indicates that it’s anywhere from 14,000-17,000 barrels a day.
You’re getting excited again, Ken. Stocks don’t rally. They’re not even pieces of paper any more. Some investors are putting some money back into the market. They’ll take it out as soon as enough suckers want to buy in.
[re=586461]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Way less coke at USGS.
[re=586456]Clankie[/re]: This is why we need to do EVERYTHING we can to avoid the European Metric system. Had this accident been in metric, the disaster would have been in liters and far, far worse.
[re=586453]Work in Progress[/re]: At 19000 gallons/day, nobody would have even heard about this. Where’d that number get lied at you?
I heard about that too. It seems some writer guy moved to Alaska right next door to some creepy family. The Lady is actually spying and taking pictures of him out on the patio and posting them on the internet and saying weird things about him.
It seems that the Lady is an ex-politician and is rarely around and when she is, she makes videos of herself interviewing imaginary people and mows the lawn dressed like a stripper. The place always has 10 vehicles parked all over the lawn and they’re always screaming and fighting. At least three times in the last two days he’s seen dirty unkept children crawling around unsupervised in the backyard.
So: 19000 bbl x 37 days = 703,000 bbl of crude, or 29,526,000 gallons. The Exxon Valdez spill was about 11 million gallons. (cite: http://www.eoearth.org/article/Exxon_Valdez_oil_spill) Salient quote from that source, the Encyclopedia of Earth: “Oil persisted beyond a decade in surprising amounts and in toxic forms, was sufficiently bioavailable to induce chronic biological exposures, and had long-term impacts at the population level. Three major pathways of long-term impacts emerge: (1) chronic persistence of oil, biological exposures, and population impacts to species closely associated with shallow sediments; (2) delayed population impacts of sublethal doses compromising health, growth, and reproduction; and (3) indirect effects of trophic and interaction cascades, all of which transmit impacts well beyond the acute-phase mortality.”
I am finding it impossible to snark about this. I just want BP dead.
Moar robot self-sexy time videos, please! I suppose this one had best forego the cigarette, though.
[re=586453]Work in Progress[/re]: GODDAMMIT. (Thank you, fixed.)
and now back to BUTTPLUG OF THE SEABOTTOM.
[re=586467]charlesdegoal[/re]: RALLY MONKEY!
http://i641.photobucket.com/albums/uu137/barname/RALLY_MONKEY.jpg
[re=586492]Ken Layne[/re]: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON LINDSEY GRAHAM!
[re=586456]Clankie[/re]: You are absolutely correct. A work associate of mine is an officer on one of the heavy mud-bearing ships. He’s been sending a couple emails a day describing what they’re doing. His email from late last night was that as the mud is being taken from the tankers and injected into the riser by the drilling ship, they’re adding rubber balls and other “secret” ingredients to it–basically combining the “junk shot” with the “top kill” because they just have no idea what to do anymore so they’re doing everything all at once. He also wrote that because the mud/oil/gas escaping the pipe during this operation interferes with their underwater sensors, they really can’t say if it’s working or not, or if so how much.
Unsurprisingly, this does not mesh well with BP’s “All Is Well, Remain Calm” announcements.
I live at just over a mile above sea level, and am thousands of miles away from a coast. My water supply comes from abundant rain and snow. So, aside from the fact that I have an affection for seafood, this probably won’t have any particular impact on me. Within the year, though, I would expect millions of people to be living with the aftermath of this on a daily basis. I think it is inevitable that we will find the leak to have been substantially larger than all but the most pessimistic doomsayers estimated. For a worst case scenario, this is definitely the place to go.
http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-8199-Breakthrough-Energy-Examiner~y2010m5d13-A-volcano-of-oil-erupting
The actions of BP throughout this month-long saga have been nothing short of heroic, they are modern day Rosa Parks/Anne Franks/Boo Radleys/JESUS CHRISTS! of preventable gulf oil catastrophes. I am just glad this melodramz is over with, a month is an eternity to keep adrift of this debbie downer shit, back to watching repeats of Mister Ed and America’s Next Top Dancing Humans for me, as the good lord intended. The damage done to the wholesome reputation of BP will be an albatross around their corporate necks(corporations are people too, you know!) Unlike the literal albatross, which is now extinct, except for maybe one oil drenched bird that the nice BP folks are wiping off with Penny Savers from the garbage,or whatever space-age contraptions we developed fighting the Ruskies(maybe fancy pants Dawn and a Cookie Monster toothbrush from Dollar General, science!). Well I for one am breathing a sigh of relief that things will git back to normal. I hope the underdogs in BP management get a nice bonus for a job well done, they have had a lot of stress lately. Those suicidal fishermen with no prospect of income and a doomed way of life had better be grateful they are getting a generous portfolio of Shoney’s coupons and If people(prolly going to hell anyhow) on the gulf don’t like the invisible hand of the free market blowing rigs up and pooping eco-AIDS in the marshes like some unregulated troll, well tough shit pinko commie fags. Go play your Woody Guthrie records and toke up on your Jazz reefers in Canada-City!
[re=586461]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Yeah, I never held the 5k bbl/day estimate in much faith. Most of the gulf formations are laminated shale/sandstone/shale/sandstone with the sandstone being production zones. From the three cement plugs Halliburton placed which (obviously) didn’t hold there were at least three production zones tapped, most likely more, so tapping into a serious production zone that could produce 10k bbl/day+ is a real possibility. 5k bbl/day would be in the ballpark for wells in the gulf though. That said, it’s all guess work without the ability to actually measure it. [/former oilfield trash pontification]
A scene from Jerry Bruckheimer’s upcoming action film, “Top Kill”
GENERAL: Wait a minute. What is the potential leak rate of a single oil geyser on the ocean floor?
OFFICER: 18 or 19
WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF: That’s not so bad.
OFFICER: Thousand. 18 or 19 thousand barrels! One teaspoon of this hits the floor, it’s lethal up to… a hundred feet. One teaspoon of this shit hits the water… will kill every living organism in an eight-block radius. Get the point?
Ganson’s kinetic sculptures are god.
http://www.arthurganson.com/pages/Sculptures.html
BP is satan
[re=586547]cheeto_jeebus[/re]: fLike.
Top Kill means never having to say you’re sorry.
in the 1950s early 60s one of the ingredients in oil field mud was shredded blue jeans. So, golf balls not so strange.
It’s going to take a lot of paper towels to clean that mess up!
That live feed ain’t looking too good. Kinda resembles the interior of my toilet after I’ve eaten a KFC “Double Down” sandwich.
Did Obama fire the Mineral agency Chief down the well to stop it up? If not, why not?
Next Plan B: Stuff Dick Cheney into the gusher headfirst. Given his swelled head and leaden soul, his corpus might help stop some of the leakage. Talk about a junk shot.
Meanwhile, BP wants Houston judge with oil ties to hear spill cases.
“That judge, U.S. District Judge Lynn Hughes, has traveled the world giving lectures on ethics for the American Association of Petroleum Geologists, a professional association and research group that works with BP and other oil companies. The organization pays his travel expenses.
“Hughes has also collected royalties from several energy companies, including ConocoPhillips and Devon Energy, from investments in mineral rights, his financial disclosure forms show.”
OK. I’m back…driven by an obsession with watching WrenchBot wield the giant combination wrench around the live feed of the BP well head. BTW, that looks like a Craftsman wrench whch WrenchBot is wielding. If so that wrench is warranted with the Sears Craftsman Lifetime Guarantee!
This is comforting.
http://www.oneprojectcloser.com/sears-craftsman-return-policy-lifetime-guarantee-tested/
You go WrenchBot. YOU FUQIN’ GO! Yah…wield that wrench!
I’m gonna start a petition to have WrenchBot stick that giant combination wrench up Dick Cheney’s ass on a national live feed. Drill baby. Drill.
Guys! I knew it!!! The ROV is on a QCP near the BOP monitored by POB using a QMS for a RBI!
THE ANSWER WAS RIGHT HERE ALL THE TIME!!!!
http://www.atsubsea.com/Dictionary%20of%20Oil%20Industry%20Terminology%200603.pdf
this is where Ed Hardy air-freshener comes from…
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