Argh, one of the problems in blogging here at Wonkette on Wednesday mornings during the summer of a midterm election year is that you sometimes feel obliged to “cover” the boring pissant primaries that happened the previous evening. So, uh, last night’s nonsense went down in Idaho, and, uh, Idaho is not the sort of word that attracts all of your valuable eyeballs and Google searches and clicky clicks, so, let’s see, what’s the angle … oh right SARAH PALIN. Sarah Palin single-handedly saved Nancy Pelosi’s job and now she’s going to get involved in a hott sexx affair in South Carolina. (IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, YOU VULTURES??)
Anyway, there is one reason why you or anyone else outside of Idaho (and three-quarters of the people living there, actually) would care about this so-called “Vaughn Ward,” and that is because he was endorsed by Sarah Palin, who was wearing somebody else’s clothes at the time. He also did a bunch of hilarious stuff, like claim in a debate that Puerto Rico wasn’t under America’s colonial sway, and get the awesome nickname “Young Gun” bestowed upon him by the NRCC, because of his money-raising prowess. Then last night he went and got his ass beat in the primary by Raul Labrador, an actual Puerto Rican. Labrador will now probably lose to Democrat Walt Minnick, who is super-conservative and votes against literally everything on the Democratic agenda and actually got endorsed by the Tea Party, but, uh, big tent?
But don’t think that Sarah Palin is dwelling on the stench of political death she left behind her in Idaho! Now she is flying into South Carolina to deal with the very important blogger-on-candidate sex scandal! Well, not literally flying, as she fears that she would lose her last remaining garments and be forced to give a press conference wearing a potato sack. But she did write a long, rambling thing on her Facebook page about the scandal, because Nikki Haley is another doomed candidate that she supports. This diatribe, which literally begins with the sentence “Well, whaddya know,” is well worth reading, if only as some sort of exercise to see if it would be possible to create a parody of Palin’s writing style that would be distinguishable from the original. (SPOILER: It would not be possible.) Sarah doesn’t think Nikki did it with the gross blogger, for the record, and stands fully behind Haley and against the attacks of the bloggers and the “lamestream media” (she says this for real, without irony), which means that the sex video of the two will be posted online within an hour and Haley’s career will be over, because Sarah Palin destroys everything she touches.
But what do Palin’s many Facebook fans think of all this? Let’s hear some wisdom from the American people!
Can we deny Pami’s wisdom? It does indeed figure !!!!!!!!, does it not?