well whaddya know

Sarah Palin Trail Of Destruction Heads From Idaho To South Carolina

More accurate than an e-meter

Argh, one of the problems in blogging here at Wonkette on Wednesday mornings during the summer of a midterm election year is that you sometimes feel obliged to “cover” the boring pissant primaries that happened the previous evening. So, uh, last night’s nonsense went down in Idaho, and, uh, Idaho is not the sort of word that attracts all of your valuable eyeballs and Google searches and clicky clicks, so, let’s see, what’s the angle … oh right SARAH PALIN. Sarah Palin single-handedly saved Nancy Pelosi’s job and now she’s going to get involved in a hott sexx affair in South Carolina. (IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, YOU VULTURES??)

Anyway, there is one reason why you or anyone else outside of Idaho (and three-quarters of the people living there, actually) would care about this so-called “Vaughn Ward,” and that is because he was endorsed by Sarah Palin, who was wearing somebody else’s clothes at the time. He also did a bunch of hilarious stuff, like claim in a debate that Puerto Rico wasn’t under America’s colonial sway, and get the awesome nickname “Young Gun” bestowed upon him by the NRCC, because of his money-raising prowess. Then last night he went and got his ass beat in the primary by Raul Labrador, an actual Puerto Rican. Labrador will now probably lose to Democrat Walt Minnick, who is super-conservative and votes against literally everything on the Democratic agenda and actually got endorsed by the Tea Party, but, uh, big tent?

But don’t think that Sarah Palin is dwelling on the stench of political death she left behind her in Idaho! Now she is flying into South Carolina to deal with the very important blogger-on-candidate sex scandal! Well, not literally flying, as she fears that she would lose her last remaining garments and be forced to give a press conference wearing a potato sack. But she did write a long, rambling thing on her Facebook page about the scandal, because Nikki Haley is another doomed candidate that she supports. This diatribe, which literally begins with the sentence “Well, whaddya know,” is well worth reading, if only as some sort of exercise to see if it would be possible to create a parody of Palin’s writing style that would be distinguishable from the original. (SPOILER: It would not be possible.) Sarah doesn’t think Nikki did it with the gross blogger, for the record, and stands fully behind Haley and against the attacks of the bloggers and the “lamestream media” (she says this for real, without irony), which means that the sex video of the two will be posted online within an hour and Haley’s career will be over, because Sarah Palin destroys everything she touches.

But what do Palin’s many Facebook fans think of all this? Let’s hear some wisdom from the American people!

I am also quite bothered, concerning your comma splice

Can we deny Pami’s wisdom? It does indeed figure !!!!!!!!, does it not?

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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84 comments

  1. ManchuCandidate

    Javier Gonzalez?
    Sounds positively unUSAmericun.

    Pami? What kind of fucking retard spells Pammy… oh right.

  2. Toonces

    I had no idea people in South Carolina could spell “allegations” much less use it in a sentence. You go, Helen Parker Bragg!!!

  3. FMA

    Palin wrote, “Hang in there. I’ve been there.”

    OK, which one of you guys nailed Palin?

  4. JMP

    Between the caps, the misspellings and the foreign-sounding name, I’d guess that Mr. Gonzalez is actually mocking the rest. Pami is showing some nice cleavage, at least.

  5. ttommyunger

    I can’t believe a woman with that many kids would come out against fucking under ANY circumstances. Energizer Bunny, indeed!

  6. Bowdoin

    Is there more than one floor in an outhouse? Could somebody please check? Sounds sort of palatial. We can assume that one of them, if there are several, is the “bottom.”

    An old boy I knew back home was always in the know, seemingly, and he remained there by playing the eternal skeptic. Even if what he witnessed today conflicted with the observation from yesterday, his reaction was ever the same. “Figgers.”

  7. Clankie

    There is nothing like hearing someone who made $12 million dollars being the mainstream media’s Jezebel of Destruction complain about the ‘lamestream media’. So refreshing, so candid.

  8. GoinGreen

    [re=585502]JMP[/re]: It looks as if Pami took the Y off the end of her name and stuck it between her tits – for wisdom.

  9. KTHXBAI

    I’ve had to watch Vaughn Ward commercials for the last two months, where he had to remind us he was pro-life every four seconds and every other word was either “spending” or “Washington.”

    Can’t stand Labrador either, but WIN

  10. Thrillhouse Goes Bananas!

    If Sarah Palin says these allegations are not true, then it’s only because the actual truth is much, much more fucked up than we’ve been led to believe.

  11. Bowdoin

    It’s never wise to bet against the claimant of a nefarious affair, is it? The Repugnants years ago, in order to defend their Uncle Thomas, had to sell the notion that a candidate who acted like every perp ever caught out in the open was falsely villified by a law prof who came all the way from Oklahoma to lie under oath about her history with him. That’s a hard sell, harder when you remember she passed a polygraph and, of course, he stood on his dignity and refused to take one.

    How many dark deniers are later proved innocent? Clinton? No, wait …

    The most clamorous wailer of innocence in history, Floyd Landis, whined for a solid year and spent somebody’s millions in a failed attempt to “prove” he was not a cheating doper – then admitted it, and is now trying to drag the rest of the peloton down with him.

  12. weejee

    Let me see if I got this right. Palin just bought a Labrador retriever from some Idaho port commissioner under RICO investigation and she’s going to take it down to South Carolina for sexytime at kama sutra-base kennel run by someone named Nookie? Did I miss anything?

  13. Escape Goat Nation

    Also, I think that Biographer writer guy that moved next door to Sarah is pretty creepy. However, drama queen Sarah is already playing it up to the hilt and is once again using the baby Trig as a human shield.
    Thanks to the presence of this leering lamestream media writer, Sarah can no longer wear her high-heels, short shorts and halter top while carrying the baby Trig in a little backpack during Sarah’s sexy lawn mowing sessions. How can Alaska’s first family go on with their lives knowing that a person might be watching! Thanks a lot creepy Liberal, you have ruined Trig’s life! Are ya happy now!

  14. harry palmer

    [re=585501]Jim89048[/re]: “So. On that O-meter, which face is her O-face? I’m guessing the one on the left.”

    Palin’s bitterness, nastiness and greed don’t bespeak many Os. She gets off on herself, but I bet the first dude needs him some on the side, which she’s totally down with.

  15. dijetlo

    For traditional media to rely on an accusation via some blog entry is almost laughable

    So sayeth Sister Saras blog.
    This is a really odd approach for a women who limits her public contacts to facebook entrees and the odd canned interview on Faux news/entertainment.

  16. Gorillionaire

    Like wow the comments over there at FB are just awesome – random ALL CAPS, great misspellings, and I love how they keep calling Palin “GOVERNOR”. It is funny for awhile and then suddenly so depressing.

  17. JMP

    Not only is Raul Labrador from Puerto Rico, a foreign country according to Ward, but he’s named after a Canadian city; that makes him doubly foreign. How could the Republicans nominate such a man?

  18. Escape Goat Nation

    [re=585526]Clankie[/re]: Yeah, I saw that yesterday.
    The funny part is how she was touting her mad oil skillz.

    “As for getting “informed” about oil drilling: I’m confident that in the course of my chairmanship of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission (AOGCC)”

    She was chairman for less than a year because…you know…She quit.

  19. Troubledog

    LOL – as if something would actually be true, that someone typed into the Facebook?

    Facebook is like being in high school, forever, with the idiots you didn’t like when you were in high school.

    Dolph: Hey, I just had sex with MaryAnne WIN WIN WIN
    Janet: I thought you were In A Relationship with Mandy.
    Dolph: I just unlocked the Philanderer Badge bitch

  20. Aloysius

    Heh.

    “South Carolina: don’t let some blogger make any accusation against your Nikki…”

    Actually, Sarah, they’re making accusations about her nookie. (Cue rimshot.)

    Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all week. Tip your waiters.

  21. S.Luggo

    [re=585535]JMP[/re]:

    Idaho primary winner Rican Labrador es un Teabagero, tambien.
    http://www.realclearpolitics.com/politics_nation/2010/05/id-1_labrador_upsets_ward.html
    May 26, 2010
    ID-1: Labrador Upsets Ward In GOP Primary
    Local tea party favorite Raul Labrador upset Vaughn Ward last night in the Republican primary for Idaho’s 1st congressional district. Labrador overcame a fundraising disadvantage and Ward’s endorsement by Sarah Palin to win 48-39 percent.
    ***
    Raul also wants to protect the Spud State’s borders from interloping Hispanico dishwashers (like he should know). http://www.labrador4idaho.com/
    But he’s also an immigration lawyer (truth) and attended Brigham Young as a Spanish major. And Vaughan Ward still lost? Idaho must be going all Cinco-de-Mayo and stuff.

  22. chascates

    [re=585526]Clankie[/re]: What’s so amazing about that post and most previous ones is how well it is written, regardless of any logical errors. When she actually speaks her words rush out like a train jumping the rails, spilling all over the place. Now that she’s canned Meg Stapleton I wonder who’s writing for her.

  23. actor212

    OK, so how does a Teabagger in IDAHO lose a primary when a) he’s endorsed by Ms Teabagger herself, and b) runs against a swarthy skinned Latino improbably named “Labrador”?

  24. SlouchingTowardsWasilla

    So, the lamestream media reported that Palin left her husband and moved to LA? I guess to Palin The Enquirer qualifies as mainstream media.

  25. the problem child

    Those multi-floored outhouses are kind of pointless, aren’t they? Who would ever want to use the bottom hole?

  26. JMP

    After reading all of Sarah’s ghostwriter’s meandering Facebook entry, it’s funny that she goes right into her standard attacks against the alleged liberal “lamestream” media; she didn’t even pay enough attention to see that this came from a right-wing blogger, so blaming the liberals is a little silly.

    [re=585497]FMA[/re]: She’s “been there” as in wrapped around a pasty bald blogger’s penis, I suppose.

  27. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    The name “Pami” makes me want to choke a baby seal to death with my bare hands.

  28. The Church of Realism

    Things I did not know before today: Raul Labrador is NOT a character in a Hunter S. Thompson novel.

  29. Baldar T Flagass

    [re=585531]dijetlo[/re]: “facebook entrees”
    So they have a Restaurantville over there now to go with Mafia Wars and Farmville?

  30. WadISay

    In my experience, women like Pami respond well to the “If God made it feel so good, how can it be wrong?” line of argument.

  31. Troubledog

    Also, remember, my darling Sarah hasn’t had an extramarital romp since she was banging her husband’s partner in that failed snowmachine dealership in Wasilla. But the coverup only works if all parties have been paid off.

    Honestly, if that dude decided to come forward, pose for Playgirl, he could make a quick half million and put a fork in my lovemuffin Sarah P.

  32. Troubledog

    Last year I dated a girl named Pami Jo. She was exotic because most 35-49 year old women in south-central Indiana are named either Victoria/Vicki/Vickie or Valerie/Val. Probably half of them.

    I am now back in Seattle, where most of the women are named OH SHIT YOU DON’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOUR PICTURE.

    [re=585497]FMA[/re]: When my lovebunny Sarah says “Hang in there, I’ve been through this” she is referring to when she was banging the SHIT out of Todd’s partner in that failed snowmachine dealership in Wasilla, got busted, managed to get people to stay quiet, and survived.

  33. dijetlo

    [re=585553]Baldar T Flagass[/re]:
    Dijetlos Rule of thumb: If spellcheck says it’s a word, then it is, in fact, the word I meant to use.

  34. RoscoePColtraine

    Candidate is running ahead in the polls, so anything scandalous that may come along is just hogwash. Okay, Sarah.

  35. chascates

    Sarah’s one sentence statement from Sunday:
    “When Rand Paul had anticipated that he’d be able to engage in a discussion, he being a libertarian-leaning constitutional conservative, being able to engage in a discussion with a TV character, a media personality, who perhaps had an agenda in asking the question and then interpreting his answer the way that she did, he wanted to talk about, evidently, some hypotheticals as it applies to impacts on the Civil Rights Act, as it impacts our Constitution.”

  36. Prommie

    [re=585554]WadISay[/re]: No, no, its “God meant for us to be together.” Its not the physical tingle, its the passion as an expression of deep spiritual religious bonding inspired by God.

  37. Long Form Def Certificate

    [re=585542]S.Luggo[/re]: Especialista en espanola en la Universidad de Brigham Young?

    Tiene que ser uno de los primos mejicanos de Willard “Mitones” Romney.

  38. WhatTheHeck

    But she did write a long, rambling thing on her Facebook page

    Josh, what makes you think she writes anything? She has some ghostwriter person who’s doing one hell of a job to write like she thinks.

  39. mumblyjoe

    [re=585580]chascates[/re]: So, what you’re saying is that she’s not in any danger of teaching English in Arizona any time soon?

    Oh, wait, she’s white, so that word-salad doesn’t count as mispronounced ungrammatical jibberish, because there’s no spanish accent.

  40. Vera Severa

    Is it true that Sarah gets her bikini waxing done at a Vietnamese transsexual nail solon in Anchorage?

  41. WadISay

    [re=585580]chascates[/re]: Needs more also.

    [re=585583]Prommie[/re]: Ugh, implies commitment. Although, now that you mention it, this discussion has been very, very meaningful for me. You don’t mind if I cry a little, do you?

  42. KingCoCrazy

    As a recovering Idahoan, I’m more than a little shocked that there were enough functioning brain cells among the state’s Republicans to show Vaughn Ward the door. He’s the classic white, good-looking empty suit dipshit they love (see Gov. Butch Otter). So the GOP nomination goes to Puerto Rican. But there’s probably more Puerto Ricans in the Gem State than Democrats. Meanwhile, the erstwhile Democrat incumbent, Walt Minnick, has already been endorsed by the teabaggers. Plus, he’s white, so expect Raul to get his swarthy ass handed to him come November. Not that am saying a lot of Idahoans are racist (wink).

  43. Baby who ate the Dingo

    [re=585526]Clankie[/re]: Saran Wrapalin had me at “enormous…gush problem.” I wish she’d just wrap her nekkidness in Saranwrap, take a piture, an’ I’d have the gush problem too!

  44. Not_So_Much

    I just plopped in Idaho and the retardation level is astounding. 26% of GOP voters picked the alliterative ‘Rex Rammel Real Republican’ for governor — a guy who wants more Jeebus and guns in order to fire up a militia overthrow the federal guvmint. But Butch Otter, who wanted to de-fund PBS cuz he and his little lady don’t watch it, won the day. Yay?

  45. Bowdoin

    [re=585583]Prommie[/re]: I think it was Faulkner – maybe not – who claimed all the rewards for virtue were colorless, odorless, tasteless, like carbon monoxide.

  46. Sansabeltway

    So you wrote alt-text on a .jpg that is a cropped screen shot of the comments on an idiot’s Facebook post about a blogger having sex. I think this signals the heat death of the internet.

  47. Oblios Cap

    [re=585513]Lucidamente[/re]:

    Idaho is really close to Wyoming. I hope, for the Labradour’s sake, that Dick Cheney doesn’t need any new Hell Hounds. Two go out, one comes back…

  48. lawrenceofthedesert

    Any SC native would have written, “It figgers.” Dem carpetbagger troll!

  49. populucious

    I just have this image, this delightful image, of the Idaho debates disintegrating into a fabulous sing/dance rendition of America from West Side Story.

    I like to be in America!
    Ok by me in America!
    Everything’s free in America!
    For a small fee in Americaaaaaa!

    Sigh

  50. Mad Farmer Manifest

    My former compatriots in Idaho may complain about immigrants (and be insanely racist), but it comes down to business. Agriculture needs undocumented workers to be paid hideously low wages to work long hours in pesticide soaked fields. The end. It’s all for show. Idahoans also need the Messicans to bring in the truly awful weed that’s available there. Seriously, it’s all stems and seeds.

    Walt isn’t really a Democrat. He’s a Republican who changed to a Democrat because the Repugs have gotten so insane he couldn’t stick around. I’m waiting for Idaho to fold in on itself in some kind of a right wing black hole. Someday physicists will be studying the phenomenon.

  51. schlock and flaws

    [re=585543]chascates[/re]: In the ‘who’s writing for Sarah?’ race, my money is on Rebecca Mansour, one of her biggest supporters and founder of Conservatives4Palin (find it yerselfs…) who’s another narcissist–after she writes a post for the Whiskey Tango Foxtwat (h/t Tundra Grifter–I am *so* using that from now on), she bops over to C4P asking, “What did everyone think about what I jus…er..SARAH just wrote….”

  52. GoinGreen

    [re=585711]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: What you said – only replace “Idaho” with “Texas” and “Walt” with any number of dems in the state congress. Except, our pot is damn good – it has to be, because possessing it can get you 10-20 in the bigs!

  53. GOPCrusher

    [re=585580]chascates[/re]: I like how she insinuated that the shitstorm was single handidly caused by Rachel Maddow. It wasn’t how Rachel interpreted Rand Paul’s statement, it was how the American public interpreted Rand Paul’s statement. Bible Spice hasn’t quite figured out that not everyone needs to be told what things mean.

  54. What Fresh Hell is This?

    [re=585711]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: “Be like the fox who makes more tracks than necessary,
    some in the wrong direction. Practice resurrection.”

    I did some work with Wendell Berry in a former life.

  55. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=585843]What Fresh Hell is This?[/re]: Nice catch. Wendell Berry is a source of inspiration as a farmer/writer/enviro-nut.

    What did you do with Mr. Berry?

  56. meyotch

    [re=585711]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Stems and seeds? Good sir, your hunter/gathering skills are letting you down. There are small boutique growers in many small towns in our fine Gem State.

    There are three grades of Idaho ganja:

    Mexican Brown: compressed and seedy. obviously field-grown and imported. may contain paraquat.

    Ranger Rick Special: Seedy, dried poorly, possibly moldy. Guerrilla-grown on our loverly Federal lands. May contain pine needles.

    Stuff you’d actually smoke: grown with loving care by highly trained artisan-farmers in abandoned potato cellars. They don’t sell this stuff to non-natives until they’ve stopped acting all superior about not being from Idaho.

    Rex Rammell for God-King 2012!!!!!!

    Sincerely,

    Meyotch

  57. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=586036]meyotch[/re]: I grew up in Idaho, so as a high schooler I did not have good connections. The “Mexican Brown” is what I had in high school. Nasty stuff. I’ve since lived in Washington and Oregon and thus had no problems. I’m happy for those of you still in the Gem State that get what you need to survive and thrive.

    And when are you guys gonna legalize? Or at least pass a medical law? My dad could use the help, but he’s all law abiding. Do it for Old Man Mad Farmer!

  58. meyotch

    [re=586078]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]:

    I think the boutique growers may be a new phenomenonrelated to the green rushes in CA and CO. It makes good strains easily available without international travel. The mexican brown was all I could find in high school, too. I can’t tell if my cool-factor increased over time or if the market has changed.

    Butch did make a positive comment recently about about tax-and-regulate schemes. Compassionate use exemptions? No way, screw the weak. New state revenue source? Hells yeah.

    I’m in the north now, so the guy in this article

    http://www.boiseweekly.com/boise/is-idaho-ready-for-medical-marijuana/Content?oid=1035546

    Tom Trail (great name, eh?) has been working to get a hemp growers exemption.

    I went to high school in Rexburg, btw.

  59. Mad Farmer Manifest

    [re=586099]meyotch[/re]: Thanks for the article.

    Rexburg! Wow. I went to high school in Boise but I did most of my growing up in Emmett. Keep on keepin’ on, fellow Gem Stater.

  60. MsQuasimodo

    [re=585545]actor212[/re]: Um, Pedro graduated from high school and ran for public office, and that Napolean dude did his crazy dance?

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