SEXTING  9:59 am May 26, 2010

Nikki Haley’s Alleged Republican Loveblogger Posts Sexy Texts

by Ken Layne

'She said, 'Sign your name on the dotted line.' The lights went out. And Nikki started to grind ....'The weird “blogger has sex with hot governor-candidate lady” just keeps getting sexier (except for the blogger-having-sex part). South Carolina GOP person-turned-blog-typer Will Folks has produced various Holy Texts about the sexytime he supposedly had with GOP candidate Nikki Haley. They all used to work together with Mark Sanford, because the South Carolina Republican Party is all about Forbidden Love. So what did Haley say when she called Will Folks the other day, about this affair she says never happened? And why won’t Sarah Palin FOR ONCE stand up for actual traditional family values?

Here’s one such message, just posted to Will Folks’ website:

—— SMS ——
From: Wes Donehue
To: Will Folks
Sent: May 14, 2010 10:36 AM

Now, I don’t give a fuck of you believe me or not. Your the one who screwed her. You’re the one who bragged about it. She’s the one who told BJ. Yall point fingers at your own damn selves and leave me the fuck out of it.

Such foul mouths on these people! Anyway, “Wes Donehue” is a South Carolina “GOP operative.” Then there’s the voicemail from Haley (saying she will deny everything), and some dumb messages from an AP reporter, etc. Also, at one point, somebody won’t talk to Folks on the phone because this somebody is “in the car with the Haleys,” apparently meaning, “in the car with the husband of Haley, who still didn’t know about the (alleged) sex affair, with a blogger.” [Talking Points Memo]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 81 comments }

mumblyjoe May 26, 2010 at 10:03 am

You know, I had really hoped that the “Forbidden Love” link was going to link to the story about the tombside rake. Oh, well, maybe next time!

taylormattd May 26, 2010 at 10:04 am

Gross.

V572625694 May 26, 2010 at 10:05 am

I don’t give a fuck of you either, Wes, because you obviously suffer from low self of steam.

But seriously: this post lacks sexy details. Nikki has some Indian heritage; what are her Kama Sutra or Tantric Bhuddist capabilities? This what Amurrica wants to know.

Red Zeppelin May 26, 2010 at 10:06 am

I’m just waiting to hear how Lindsay is involved in all this.

taylormattd May 26, 2010 at 10:06 am

God that guy is ugly. Why is he allowed to have sex?

Decker May 26, 2010 at 10:06 am

Do you have to keep posting pictures of him? He’s like Jeff Gannon minus the roids.

Gorillionaire May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am

He looks like a big toe with a face.

AuntieLola May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am

From TPM (who, btw, posted the most difficult to follow story of 2010 to date):
“According to Folks, “BJ” is B.J. Boling, a staffer for Haley opponent Rep. Gresham Barrett (R-SC).”

So they’re saying that not only did Nikki Haley have an affair with the world’s ugliest blogger, but that she chose to confide in one person, and that one person works for the guy she’s running against?”

Sure, I’d buy that.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am

Of course, the maim street media will ignore all of FACTS in their dogged pursuit of Sarah Palin, who has categorically denied being known as “Will Folks,” denied every being in the back seat of anyone’s truck, and denied that she had sexytime with a harem of arctic seagulls. Said Ms Malapropalin, after the “fussy parts” of her speach, “I never said one good tern deserves another!”

taylormattd May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am

[re=585435]Decker[/re]: Don’t forget, Gannon had a very large penis.

V572625694 May 26, 2010 at 10:10 am

[re=585435]Decker[/re]: [re=585434]taylormattd[/re]: That’s skoalrebel, cleaned up a bit. Fuck the haters!

Terry May 26, 2010 at 10:13 am

“They all used to work together with Mark Sanford”

Enough said right there.

What is the Texas equivalent of the Appalachian Trail? One of those trail ride routes that converge on Houston for the annual fat stock show and rodeo?

JMP May 26, 2010 at 10:14 am

Like Clinton before her, Ms. Haley illustrates a simple lesson: if you’re a powerful politician, or want to be one, don’t go fucking dumbasses who are going to brag about it to all their finds, find someone who can be discrete for your affairs.

Lucidamente May 26, 2010 at 10:15 am

“Will Folks”: such an obvious fake name–it’s woman with a shaved head who’s been having hot girl-on-girl with Nikki.

Buzz Feedback May 26, 2010 at 10:16 am

Unsexytime.

Merkin Muffley May 26, 2010 at 10:19 am

This is the first time I’ve ever felt qualified to post..

I actually know BJ. And yes, the politics is very inbred here. Everyone has worked for everyone else at some time or another.

Silly, sexy Republicans.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 10:21 am

This story has it all: Will Wes BJ? Wes Will BJ who? Are they just dicks? Nikki Will BJ Wes?Chicks with dicks. Just like my favorite magazine!

V572625694 May 26, 2010 at 10:21 am

OT, but over on HuffPo Carville is saying, “We’re about to die down here,” showing that every cloud has a silver lining, assuming he takes Matalin with him.

rocktonsammy May 26, 2010 at 10:21 am

I want to know if she shaves her pooter.

ph7 May 26, 2010 at 10:24 am

Nikki didn’t lose that number.

harry palmer May 26, 2010 at 10:26 am

Well, her husband looks like Ernest Borgnine, so this guy, even though he looks like a penis with teeth, actually is a step up. And she’s in South Carolina; the possibilities aren’t exactly endless. And while she’s not exactly repulsive-looking, she ain’t that hot, and with her personality, she no doubt deserves a penis with teeth.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 10:27 am

Nikki, in her press release during a stop in Las Vegas, said that driving the Hershey Highway Tunnel was not the same as “having sex,” since ovaries were not put at risk during the crap shoot. Mrs. “Sarah” Malapropalin, when asked for her input, said that she liked Nikki’s “Stud Muffin,” too, but those darn farty words came out as “Mud Stuffin,” which worked, too.

Mild Midwesterner May 26, 2010 at 10:28 am

[re=585434]taylormattd[/re]: Everyone looks the same in the dark. Everyone makes funny faces during orgasm too. Ha ha… I chuckle just thinking about some of the faces I’ve seen (both of them).

germansteel May 26, 2010 at 10:32 am

I’m waiting to see the abstinence videos they made together, or I won’t believe a word of it.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 10:32 am

Scarier thought: Nikki Haley Barbour.

actor212 May 26, 2010 at 10:33 am

Boy, it’s a good thing she’s not gay, huh? I mean, imagine her, lying naked with Sarah Palin, getting the funk on with a little Chardonnay and some soft jazz playing on the ol’ Victrola…

….OK, I think I need to up my meds.

dijetlo May 26, 2010 at 10:33 am

[re=585432]V572625694[/re]: The motto of serious journalism -”Pics or GTFO”

Still, one has to feel for this poor Wes human. It’s one thing to boink a married politician, it’s another to brag about boinking the married politician, it’s purely a third thing to be identified as the fellow who sat in a chair next to the bed watching intently as his elbow rotated in a circular motion as said boinking was afoot.
Still, on the off chance this Wes person is reading this, for the good of our beloved nation, pics pls (for the troops, also).

ManchuCandidate May 26, 2010 at 10:34 am

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Talk away I’ve got to
Tell away
From the silence that you drive into the heart of me
The sex we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night

(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I’ll tell on you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my texts and that’s not nearly all
Oh…Imaginary love
Imaginary love

Prommie May 26, 2010 at 10:36 am

[re=585446]JMP[/re]: Yes, Hillary’s boyfriend Vince was very discrete, he killed himself to keep the secret.

bored with gravity May 26, 2010 at 10:37 am

My life is dull and boring, and the sex is minimal. I am moving to South Carolina to get some action.

FlownOver May 26, 2010 at 10:37 am

[re=585446]JMP[/re]: And like Clinton before her, the defense may be built on the traditional Latin maxim “Epulor praevaricor non est.”

Prommie May 26, 2010 at 10:37 am

[re=585461]rocktonsammy[/re]: She has the thick dark hair on her head, this bodes not well for the cooter, it is probably surrounded by a gargantuan bush that proceeds on through the taint and surrounds the poop-chute as well.

Barrelhse May 26, 2010 at 10:47 am

[re=585476]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Heh. Tainted.

Doglessliberal May 26, 2010 at 10:48 am

So, Purple Rain has to be on the top 10 album of all time list, no? (check the ALT-TEXT, folks)

[re=585450]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Agreed.

And he looks like a bald, ugly brother of Kiefer Sutherland, also.

Dashboard_Buddha May 26, 2010 at 10:49 am

[re=585438]Gorillionaire[/re]: Great…now I have to wipe coffee off of my keyboard.

mumblyjoe May 26, 2010 at 10:50 am

[re=585432]V572625694[/re]: The only way we’ll know for sure whose version of this story is true is if this blogger person can accurately describe the “distinguishing features” of Nikki Haley’s penis.

harry palmer May 26, 2010 at 10:51 am

[re=585481]Prommie[/re]: “She has the thick dark hair on her head, this bodes not well for the cooter, it is probably surrounded by a gargantuan bush that proceeds on through the taint and surrounds the poop-chute as well.”

Your obervation is astute, but must we regard the hirsute hoo-ha as a disadvantage? Unless it has foreign objects trapped in it, the poon pelt is a sign that its owner is indeed probably above legal age (if still somehow “forbidden); in many southern states, this makes fucking said owner somewhat of an aberation, and thus a kinky thrill.

Dashboard_Buddha May 26, 2010 at 10:51 am

[re=585467]harry palmer[/re]: “Toe with a face”, “Penis with teeth” – Dammit all…stop making me laugh. (at least I put the coffee down).

PabaBritannica May 26, 2010 at 10:54 am

South Carolina Choice 2010:

- guy who pardoned Mark Sanford (because if loving you so hard is a crime, then he’s guilty!)
- guy who thinks poors are animals scrounging in the garbage
- Sarah Palin’s best gal pal who may or may not (probably) had sex with a character from one of those movies with the thumbs in place of the actors

I wonder if the “Democratic” Party, which has been sighted on occasion in SC (the last sighting occurring during the most recent appearance of Brigadoon) will benefit from this?

chascates May 26, 2010 at 10:56 am

Will Folks is so horny he’d screw a rattlesnake if you’d hold it and he’d screw a rockpile if he thought there was a snake in it.

soproud May 26, 2010 at 11:00 am

A couple of the texts he posted look longer than 160 characters?
Could be cut-and-paste of multiple messages but he is not representing them as
such…and I have spent too much thought on this.

Tundra Grifter May 26, 2010 at 11:00 am

[re=585433]Red Zeppelin[/re]: Lohan?

JMP May 26, 2010 at 11:01 am

[re=585466]ph7[/re]: Hey Nikki, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind; hey Nikki.

whiterabid May 26, 2010 at 11:03 am

There are five million stories on God’s little acre, and this is one of them.

Tundra Grifter May 26, 2010 at 11:05 am

[re=585495]chascates[/re]: Will “Just Plain” Folks?

What Fresh Hell is This? May 26, 2010 at 11:08 am

As for journalist style clarity goes, Justin Elliott of Talking Points may be up for a James Joyce Award. And word, Will Folks: Don’t drink and blog, m’okay?

S.Luggo May 26, 2010 at 11:46 am

[re=585495]chascates[/re]: Have you ever seen Nikki Naughty Knickers in profile? She looks like a weather vane.

S.Luggo May 26, 2010 at 11:50 am

— In one May 15 text, Haley campaign manager Tim Pearson tells Folks “I’m telling you man, we keep this under wraps and nh is going to win.” —

It’s not the crime, it’s the campaign manager.

[re=585466]ph7[/re]: Win.

Long Form Def Certificate May 26, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Haley’s Com…

Tundra Grifter May 26, 2010 at 12:02 pm

[re=585576]S.Luggo[/re]: Most “white collar” criminals go to prison for what they do after they have been indicted.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 12:02 pm

GOP Memo: Abadie abadie th th that’s all Folks!

actor212 May 26, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Folks has a follow up post, practically begging Haley to sue him for libel.

mustardman May 26, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Yawn, this sex scandal just isn’t really doin it for me. Those two look like their sex life is about as exciting as dental work.

Scarab May 26, 2010 at 12:08 pm

South Carolina is for lovers… of adultery.

freshlywrappedhell May 26, 2010 at 12:11 pm

[re=585444]Terry[/re]: The Chisolm Trail…. long flat and dusty

momus May 26, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Yall? Is that messican for you all?

What Fresh Hell is This? May 26, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Give Folks a beard and a dastar, and he looks very much like her dad. Just saying.

Mr Blifil May 26, 2010 at 12:19 pm

She may or may not have had sex with homunculus Will Folks, given that her husband looks like a baby mountain troll, but it’s her penchant for black dudes that will blow this case wide open.

Carrie_Okie May 26, 2010 at 12:20 pm

WWKD? (What Would Kwame Do?)

Way Cool Larry May 26, 2010 at 12:27 pm

“told BJ”??? Is that how the younguns do it these days?

Pat Pending May 26, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Doesn’t this fella bear more than a passing resemblance to Talon-News schill Jim Guckert? Of course, he was just a vigorous top, and not into da ladies…

ph7 May 26, 2010 at 12:28 pm

[re=585625]Mr Blifil[/re]: In SC, she’s better off confessing to fellating the corpse of Ulysses S. Grant than admitting to that.

Way Cool Larry May 26, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Can you be named Nikki and not be a sexpot?

lawrenceofthedesert May 26, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Isn’t there a South Carolina law forbidding sex outside of the immediate family?

Nimm May 26, 2010 at 1:02 pm

From: Tim Pearson
To: Will Folks
Sent: May 15, 2010 2:57 PM

I think we both deny it. I think an affadavit is something we can beat down. Legally and politically.

Because if no affair has happened, you have to “think” about whether to deny it or not. Mmm Hmm.

“My neighbor accused me of keying his car. I didn’t key his car. I think I should deny it? Maybe? Maybe I should admit it instead, though.”

Oblios Cap May 26, 2010 at 1:26 pm

[re=585625]Mr Blifil[/re]:

Shucks, she’d just be following in the footsteps of that great Son of The South and former (breathing) white-robed South Carolinian, Strom Thurmond.

It’s a woodpile thing, that’s all.

Aurelio May 26, 2010 at 1:43 pm

[re=585495]chascates[/re]:
Will Folks is so horny he’d screw a rattlesnake if you’d hold it and he’d screw a rockpile if he thought there was a snake in it.
That reads like a Dan Ratherism.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 26, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Nikki, I used to work for the Fairfax County Summer Roadside program, which is where the county would pay a bunch of college kids to go smoke pot and pick up litter on the side of the road where rich people (who didn’t like picking up beer cans in their own yards) lived. You know, Great Falls, McLean, Springfield (kidding about Springfield, whose motto comes verbatim from the bathroom at Bazano’s Pizzaria at Ravensworth: “Please do not put hand towels or toilet paper in the toilet.” Really.) Like pornography, I know road kill when I see it, and you are road kill.

Snidely May 26, 2010 at 1:55 pm

That FITSnews blogpost is inanely dense. Worst. Screenplay. Ever.

Troubledog May 26, 2010 at 2:04 pm

Also, from her Nikki-pedia article, this little gem – she’s a recip of the coveted:
“Strom Thurmond Excellence in Public Service and Government Award” – South Carolina federation of Republican Women

chascates May 26, 2010 at 3:21 pm

[re=585740]Aurelio[/re]: I’m in Texas and heard it from a fellow idiot so you’re correct.

ph7 May 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm

I just lent my show of support to Mikki’s facebook page.

Oldskool May 26, 2010 at 3:30 pm

“Cool. We’ll keep truckin.”

Damn and I thought I was oldskool. Gotta give it F-minus. No sexytime, no nuthin. Much rather read Wonkette inter-office chit chat.

102415 May 26, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Whoa, whoa I just want to know who the Wonkettes are emailing around with. Right now.
Nikki will run for VP when Sarah runs for P. Nothing bothers cons any more certainly not adultery. Certainly not stealing or lying or killing,and not usury or praying to golden cattle or not keeping the Sabbath. What’s left? Oh yes, disrespecting Mom and Dad. We need video of her slapping around her old mother. It might work.

assistant/atlas May 26, 2010 at 4:38 pm

[re=585479]bored with gravity[/re]: get some action and the herp.

/fixed

crapshooter102 May 26, 2010 at 4:53 pm

I still want to see her Birth Certificate, and SC should make her use her real name on the Ballot. Will Folks for Money, or Food, or Booze or etc.

Jukesgrrl May 26, 2010 at 5:19 pm

[re=585455]Merkin Muffley[/re]: The only qualification is you like trucknutz. Actually KNOWING anything is not necessary. Welcome.

Jukesgrrl May 26, 2010 at 5:26 pm

[re=586026]crapshooter102[/re]: Nimrata Randhawa? Her real name is the female form of Nimrod?!?
Is she one of them there Piyush Jindals? And that “Rand” stuck in there … a secret sign that she’s Paulish??? OMG.

zhubajie May 27, 2010 at 3:32 am

“world’s ugliest blogger”

There’s a lot of competition for that title!

Mr. Herpes May 27, 2010 at 7:11 pm

[re=585745]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: You’re killing me. I’m an old Kings Park vet who ate his weight in Bazano’s pizza back in the 70s. I can’t even think of anything snarky to say about Nikki I’m so hungry for an old slice of the best. Now I’m out in the Wild West where men are men and sheep stay nervous.

Baby who ate the Dingo May 28, 2010 at 3:37 pm

[re=587029]Mr. Herpes[/re]: B-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-

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