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'She said, 'Sign your name on the dotted line.' The lights went out. And Nikki started to grind ....'The weird “blogger has sex with hot governor-candidate lady” just keeps getting sexier (except for the blogger-having-sex part). South Carolina GOP person-turned-blog-typer Will Folks has produced various Holy Texts about the sexytime he supposedly had with GOP candidate Nikki Haley. They all used to work together with Mark Sanford, because the South Carolina Republican Party is all about Forbidden Love. So what did Haley say when she called Will Folks the other day, about this affair she says never happened? And why won’t Sarah Palin FOR ONCE stand up for actual traditional family values?

Here’s one such message, just posted to Will Folks’ website:

—— SMS ——
From: Wes Donehue
To: Will Folks
Sent: May 14, 2010 10:36 AM

Now, I don’t give a fuck of you believe me or not. Your the one who screwed her. You’re the one who bragged about it. She’s the one who told BJ. Yall point fingers at your own damn selves and leave me the fuck out of it.

Such foul mouths on these people! Anyway, “Wes Donehue” is a South Carolina “GOP operative.” Then there’s the voicemail from Haley (saying she will deny everything), and some dumb messages from an AP reporter, etc. Also, at one point, somebody won’t talk to Folks on the phone because this somebody is “in the car with the Haleys,” apparently meaning, “in the car with the husband of Haley, who still didn’t know about the (alleged) sex affair, with a blogger.” [Talking Points Memo]

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81 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t give a fuck of you either, Wes, because you obviously suffer from low self of steam.

    But seriously: this post lacks sexy details. Nikki has some Indian heritage; what are her Kama Sutra or Tantric Bhuddist capabilities? This what Amurrica wants to know.

  2. From TPM (who, btw, posted the most difficult to follow story of 2010 to date):
    “According to Folks, “BJ” is B.J. Boling, a staffer for Haley opponent Rep. Gresham Barrett (R-SC).”

    So they’re saying that not only did Nikki Haley have an affair with the world’s ugliest blogger, but that she chose to confide in one person, and that one person works for the guy she’s running against?”

    Sure, I’d buy that.

  3. Of course, the maim street media will ignore all of FACTS in their dogged pursuit of Sarah Palin, who has categorically denied being known as “Will Folks,” denied every being in the back seat of anyone’s truck, and denied that she had sexytime with a harem of arctic seagulls. Said Ms Malapropalin, after the “fussy parts” of her speach, “I never said one good tern deserves another!”

  4. “They all used to work together with Mark Sanford”

    Enough said right there.

    What is the Texas equivalent of the Appalachian Trail? One of those trail ride routes that converge on Houston for the annual fat stock show and rodeo?

  5. Like Clinton before her, Ms. Haley illustrates a simple lesson: if you’re a powerful politician, or want to be one, don’t go fucking dumbasses who are going to brag about it to all their finds, find someone who can be discrete for your affairs.

  6. This is the first time I’ve ever felt qualified to post..

    I actually know BJ. And yes, the politics is very inbred here. Everyone has worked for everyone else at some time or another.

    Silly, sexy Republicans.

  7. This story has it all: Will Wes BJ? Wes Will BJ who? Are they just dicks? Nikki Will BJ Wes?Chicks with dicks. Just like my favorite magazine!

  8. OT, but over on HuffPo Carville is saying, “We’re about to die down here,” showing that every cloud has a silver lining, assuming he takes Matalin with him.

  9. Well, her husband looks like Ernest Borgnine, so this guy, even though he looks like a penis with teeth, actually is a step up. And she’s in South Carolina; the possibilities aren’t exactly endless. And while she’s not exactly repulsive-looking, she ain’t that hot, and with her personality, she no doubt deserves a penis with teeth.

  10. Nikki, in her press release during a stop in Las Vegas, said that driving the Hershey Highway Tunnel was not the same as “having sex,” since ovaries were not put at risk during the crap shoot. Mrs. “Sarah” Malapropalin, when asked for her input, said that she liked Nikki’s “Stud Muffin,” too, but those darn farty words came out as “Mud Stuffin,” which worked, too.

  11. [re=585434]taylormattd[/re]: Everyone looks the same in the dark. Everyone makes funny faces during orgasm too. Ha ha… I chuckle just thinking about some of the faces I’ve seen (both of them).

  12. Boy, it’s a good thing she’s not gay, huh? I mean, imagine her, lying naked with Sarah Palin, getting the funk on with a little Chardonnay and some soft jazz playing on the ol’ Victrola…

    ….OK, I think I need to up my meds.

  13. [re=585432]V572625694[/re]: The motto of serious journalism -“Pics or GTFO”

    Still, one has to feel for this poor Wes human. It’s one thing to boink a married politician, it’s another to brag about boinking the married politician, it’s purely a third thing to be identified as the fellow who sat in a chair next to the bed watching intently as his elbow rotated in a circular motion as said boinking was afoot.
    Still, on the off chance this Wes person is reading this, for the good of our beloved nation, pics pls (for the troops, also).

  14. Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
    Talk away I’ve got to
    Tell away
    From the silence that you drive into the heart of me
    The sex we share
    Seems to go nowhere
    And I’ve lost my light
    For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night

    (chorus)
    Once I ran to you (I ran)
    Now I’ll tell on you
    This tainted love you’ve given
    I give you all a boy could give you
    Take my texts and that’s not nearly all
    Oh…Imaginary love
    Imaginary love

  15. [re=585446]JMP[/re]: And like Clinton before her, the defense may be built on the traditional Latin maxim “Epulor praevaricor non est.”

  16. [re=585461]rocktonsammy[/re]: She has the thick dark hair on her head, this bodes not well for the cooter, it is probably surrounded by a gargantuan bush that proceeds on through the taint and surrounds the poop-chute as well.

  17. So, Purple Rain has to be on the top 10 album of all time list, no? (check the ALT-TEXT, folks)

    [re=585450]Buzz Feedback[/re]: Agreed.

    And he looks like a bald, ugly brother of Kiefer Sutherland, also.

  18. [re=585432]V572625694[/re]: The only way we’ll know for sure whose version of this story is true is if this blogger person can accurately describe the “distinguishing features” of Nikki Haley’s penis.

  19. [re=585481]Prommie[/re]: “She has the thick dark hair on her head, this bodes not well for the cooter, it is probably surrounded by a gargantuan bush that proceeds on through the taint and surrounds the poop-chute as well.”

    Your obervation is astute, but must we regard the hirsute hoo-ha as a disadvantage? Unless it has foreign objects trapped in it, the poon pelt is a sign that its owner is indeed probably above legal age (if still somehow “forbidden); in many southern states, this makes fucking said owner somewhat of an aberation, and thus a kinky thrill.

  20. [re=585467]harry palmer[/re]: “Toe with a face”, “Penis with teeth” – Dammit all…stop making me laugh. (at least I put the coffee down).

  21. South Carolina Choice 2010:

    – guy who pardoned Mark Sanford (because if loving you so hard is a crime, then he’s guilty!)
    – guy who thinks poors are animals scrounging in the garbage
    – Sarah Palin’s best gal pal who may or may not (probably) had sex with a character from one of those movies with the thumbs in place of the actors

    I wonder if the “Democratic” Party, which has been sighted on occasion in SC (the last sighting occurring during the most recent appearance of Brigadoon) will benefit from this?

  22. Will Folks is so horny he’d screw a rattlesnake if you’d hold it and he’d screw a rockpile if he thought there was a snake in it.

  23. A couple of the texts he posted look longer than 160 characters?
    Could be cut-and-paste of multiple messages but he is not representing them as
    such…and I have spent too much thought on this.

  24. As for journalist style clarity goes, Justin Elliott of Talking Points may be up for a James Joyce Award. And word, Will Folks: Don’t drink and blog, m’okay?

  25. — In one May 15 text, Haley campaign manager Tim Pearson tells Folks “I’m telling you man, we keep this under wraps and nh is going to win.” —

    It’s not the crime, it’s the campaign manager.

    [re=585466]ph7[/re]: Win.

  26. She may or may not have had sex with homunculus Will Folks, given that her husband looks like a baby mountain troll, but it’s her penchant for black dudes that will blow this case wide open.

  27. Doesn’t this fella bear more than a passing resemblance to Talon-News schill Jim Guckert? Of course, he was just a vigorous top, and not into da ladies…

  28. From: Tim Pearson
    To: Will Folks
    Sent: May 15, 2010 2:57 PM

    I think we both deny it. I think an affadavit is something we can beat down. Legally and politically.

    Because if no affair has happened, you have to “think” about whether to deny it or not. Mmm Hmm.

    “My neighbor accused me of keying his car. I didn’t key his car. I think I should deny it? Maybe? Maybe I should admit it instead, though.”

  29. [re=585625]Mr Blifil[/re]:

    Shucks, she’d just be following in the footsteps of that great Son of The South and former (breathing) white-robed South Carolinian, Strom Thurmond.

    It’s a woodpile thing, that’s all.

  30. [re=585495]chascates[/re]:
    Will Folks is so horny he’d screw a rattlesnake if you’d hold it and he’d screw a rockpile if he thought there was a snake in it.
    That reads like a Dan Ratherism.

  31. Nikki, I used to work for the Fairfax County Summer Roadside program, which is where the county would pay a bunch of college kids to go smoke pot and pick up litter on the side of the road where rich people (who didn’t like picking up beer cans in their own yards) lived. You know, Great Falls, McLean, Springfield (kidding about Springfield, whose motto comes verbatim from the bathroom at Bazano’s Pizzaria at Ravensworth: “Please do not put hand towels or toilet paper in the toilet.” Really.) Like pornography, I know road kill when I see it, and you are road kill.

  32. Also, from her Nikki-pedia article, this little gem – she’s a recip of the coveted:
    “Strom Thurmond Excellence in Public Service and Government Award” – South Carolina federation of Republican Women

  33. “Cool. We’ll keep truckin.”

    Damn and I thought I was oldskool. Gotta give it F-minus. No sexytime, no nuthin. Much rather read Wonkette inter-office chit chat.

  34. Whoa, whoa I just want to know who the Wonkettes are emailing around with. Right now.
    Nikki will run for VP when Sarah runs for P. Nothing bothers cons any more certainly not adultery. Certainly not stealing or lying or killing,and not usury or praying to golden cattle or not keeping the Sabbath. What’s left? Oh yes, disrespecting Mom and Dad. We need video of her slapping around her old mother. It might work.

  35. I still want to see her Birth Certificate, and SC should make her use her real name on the Ballot. Will Folks for Money, or Food, or Booze or etc.

  36. [re=585455]Merkin Muffley[/re]: The only qualification is you like trucknutz. Actually KNOWING anything is not necessary. Welcome.

  37. [re=586026]crapshooter102[/re]: Nimrata Randhawa? Her real name is the female form of Nimrod?!?
    Is she one of them there Piyush Jindals? And that “Rand” stuck in there … a secret sign that she’s Paulish??? OMG.

  38. [re=585745]Baby who ate the Dingo[/re]: You’re killing me. I’m an old Kings Park vet who ate his weight in Bazano’s pizza back in the 70s. I can’t even think of anything snarky to say about Nikki I’m so hungry for an old slice of the best. Now I’m out in the Wild West where men are men and sheep stay nervous.

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