Clear a lil’ shelf room in your wood-paneled libraries, everybody, because President of Texas Rick Perry is writing a new book! It’s called Fed Up, and it teaches you how to hate the federal government like a Texan does (i.e., while wearing spurs). A rep from Perry’s publisher says that “when [Perry] speaks, millions listen,” so this book could inspire a new civil rights movement or even cause a world war between Texas and “the Beltway,” depending on how “fed up” people end up getting.
A follow-up to Perry’s best-selling memoir On My Honor, in which the fancy-haired Republican discussed his infatuation with the entire Boy Scouts of America organization, Fed Up covers the fundamentals of federal government terribleness, from bailouts and ObamaCare to its failure to deliver Messican-spotting predator drones by mail to anyone who wants them.
The rest of the book is filled with doodle-pictures of rattlesnakes and coyotes Perry has slaughtered while exercising.
Perry is writing his tome in the comfort of his rented Perryville, a $10,000-a-month, taxpayer-funded bungalow with five bedrooms and seven bathrooms as well as “pecan-wood floors, a gourmet kitchen and three dining rooms.” It is just like the house where Thoreau wrote Walden, except that it has a few more walk-in closets. To unwind, Perry likes to kick back with $130,000 worth of Lone Star and cable teevee, because sometimes there’s just nothing to shoot.
You won’t be able to put Perry’s bible on your summer reading list — unless you live in Texas, where it’s summer year-round — because it won’t be coming out until Election Time. In Texas, political candidates win elections by writing books! See, everything you think about Texas is WRONG. [Dallas Morning News/Associated Press]
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Texas is still part of the U.S.?
I thought they seceded.
It will be ghost written by the actual ghost of Ronald Reagan.
Also, Rick’s still in the running for Billy Mays’ old job.
Perry thinks government is so bad he should be in charge of it. George W. Bush thought the same thing.
“Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
http://lh4.ggpht.com/_rx6LLl6oeKg/SCQMtuqZCzI/AAAAAAAAA2c/8TOZjVXQB7k/theese+things.JPG
Why can’t he do it song?
I’m so “Fed Up” with these lying asshats, I gagged.
Something tells me he won’t mind the Feds getting involved in cleaning up the Gulf.
Here I thought Republicans hated government spending, but Perry’s comfort must be so important that he has to relax a few principles. Hey, of course he’s got to have the state pay over $8,000 for his heated pool; you know how cold it gets in the arctic Texas winters. And he’s saved money by keeping only one of the housekeepers and one of the chefs on full-time.
He named it “Fed Up” because “Mein Kampf” was already taken.
Heeeey Lauri Apple! You replacing NEWELL??? I want to see funny cartoon pictures with every one of your posts…or we sell you to Gawker.
I’m sure his book will be in a thrilling race to the top of the NY Times bestseller list with that book written by the actor/lazy senator whose name I’ve already forgotten.
Does anyone have a link to video for that picture? Because I really need to get the narrative that’s formed in my head (disco-crude oil bath-buttsecks) around said image the hell out.
Rick Antoinette: “Let them eat rage”
ooohhh, backstage Journey stories, how timely, aweesome!
Hate to tell Breck Perry, but he isn’t ever going to be able to out-Snowbilly Snowbilly. Yes, Rick, your hair is almost as pretty but the stupid tea baggers don’t give a cow’s piss about you. And at least Mike Huckleberry lived in a damn trailer when they were re-doing the AR statehouse.
[re=585573]Suds McKenzie[/re]: with longer hair and a reverse nose job the Rickster would kinda look like Steve Perry.
All hat, no cattle.
if it wasn’t for the federal government, texas would still be part of mexico. i doubt that a gringo would have any more than a token role in any part of the government of any part of mexico. dick perry might be able to get a job mowing lawns or washing cars, or picking tomatoes. ay, que lastima, un mas tonto gringo quien desea trabajo en mi casa. limpia aqui, dick. andale, cabron!
Anyone remember this great photo of Ted Nugent performing at Perry’s inaugural ball?
http://media.photobucket.com/image/rick%20perry%20nugent%20inaugural/slc987/TedNugent01.jpg
If Texans are truly fed up with the federal government, I expect they will remove their snouts from the trough of federal dollars used to prop up their hateful, backward State. I can’t wait to read Perry’s pledge to return our filthy federal highway dollars, federal education subsidy dollars, federal BP oil cleanup dollars, federal hurricane disaster dollars, federal NASA dollars, federal military camps and training base dollars, federal oil and energy subsidy dollars, and our federal medicare and social security dollars. A real Texan knows how to survive without sucking the DC beltway’s tits dry.
[re=585573]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Well, if Perry gets his wish for Texas secession, he’ll find he still loves the US though they touched and went their separate ways.
“Fed Up?”
Try running the Texas Rangers buddy boy!
[re=585592]JMP[/re]: Worlds apart.
[re=585586]BOOBIES![/re]:
Well, Tejas does give more in tax $ to the Feds than it gets. One of the two Southern states that can, but a lot of Tejas’ economic expansion and hi teckiness was generated through the largess of having LBJ as Senate Leader (cough NASA cough.) So it’s not just cause of Tejas’ special skills and hard work.
Makes one regret what Abe Lincoln did, eh?
“when [Perry] speaks, millions listen,”
Is that cuz they cain’t read so good? Is this a Texas-only, books on tape phenom?
Bring back the Articles of Confederation!!!!
“Rick and Sarah, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G”. Or, if they aren’t they should be, they truly deserve each other… The First Dude just isn’t a big enough ass-hat for the Palinator.
Fuck the hair, and his anti-American bullshit. I don’t even know who this Bill White guy is , but I’m voting for his mysterious ass.
I’ll put his bible right next to my lol cat bible.
Millions of what listen to Ricky Bighair? Rocks?
And he get caused another $100 of my vast portfolio to go to a Bill White contribution.
Judging from the photo, the book should be called “Fed Lead as a Baby.” The morning shave definitely contains a Between the Brows component. (Texas, so easy a Neanderthal can run it?)
There’s a typo in the title. It should be “F’d Up”
Doesn’t he mean “Fed Down”? “Fed Up!” sounds like a young people’s federal government-supporting evangelical singing group.
We will build a giant elevator, stick Austin in it and then blast into the cosmos (sans all the legislators) and then build an eternal fire out of BP runoff and roast every last Tejas dillweed into black dust while ZZ Top plays “Mushmouth Shoutin’”:
Said, now honey if you don’t stop messin’ round with me,
try’n to make me out a dumbbell, somethin’ I ain’t never gonna be.
I’m still wild about you, baby,
you been keepin’ me from my sleeps at night.
You know I’m hung up on you, little doll,
but you just don’t treat your daddy right.
Gerrrverner…See you for the film adaptation premier at the 2013 Sundance Festival! I’ll be the asshat in the orange puffy jacket standing next to Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Maintain creative control!
How did I miss this posting. My favorite Gov. TruckNutz. Could we get Dr. Kevorkian euthanize Perry’s hair, please.
I can’t stand this man. Smarmy Conservative. Puke.
[re=585599]ManchuCandidate[/re]:
Texas and other southern gulf coast states like to talk trash about being independent and rebelling against the feds until mother nature or some foreign oil company takes a big, ugly poop in their back yards. Then their first response is to cry the federal government isn’t doing enough to help them. Hypocrites – every last one of them.
I guess “Fed Up” is what you get after all that throat ramming.
Chapter One: The Founders, God, guns, the CONSTITUTION
Chapter Two: Alamo, Sam Houston, Texas, cattle-driven values, more guns
Chapter Three: Stinkin’ libruls, Obama, stupid government overreach
P.S. He will not hate on Mexicans, ‘cuz some of them live in his state and can, you know, vote…
to be fair, textards get equally “fed up” when a malfunctioning vending machine won’t give ‘em their goddamn andy capp’s white cheddar steak fries that they paid goddamn 80 fuckin’ cents for goddammit.
“This will be the governor’s second book. He also wrote “On My Honor,” a book about the values of the Boy Scouts.”
Chapter One. My First Merit Badge: On All Fours.
I hope there is a chapter on how to murder menacing coyotes. With a laser sight. When they just look at you and your dog from afar. Cowardly asshat.
Rick Perry is a pencil dick piece of crap. I expect reading his book to be marginally less interesting and informative than watching shit dry on the wall of a (Texas) outhouse.
This is what happens when you let Tom Cruise’s doppelganger run one of Amurrica’s most fucked-up states.
If Texas elects Bill White, Wonkette’s sexy bloggers will lose 50% of their inspiration. A Texas that isn’t just crawling with fire ants, Baptists and Congressmen who want to repeal every Constitutional amendment since 1789 would be intolerably dull, sort of like an Oregon with a really bad climate and no scenery.
When did Kevin Nealon get elected governor of Texas anyway?
It’s true!! They do make ‘em bigger in Texas.
Assholes, that is.
Belt, hello.
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