Wonkette Editor ‘Jim Newell’ Leaving To Type About Politics Somewhere Else

by Jim Newell

AHEM. [Turning third-person voice off for first time ever.] I come with a “Tuesday Night News Dump” that will be a great source of joy to those of you who have put up with my lies for more than 2.5 years: I am leaving you people, my beloved readers, to type about politics for another Internet blog. The blog is called RedState. No just kidding, it’s Gawker.

Yes, it’s true. After replacing Alex Pareene at Wonkette in 2007, I will now replace… Alex Pareene… at Gawker’s politics slot, which he left very recently. As long as I keep blatantly copying his style, I should have steady employment for life, as he is very talented.

I am not sure when my last day at Wonkette will be — either at the end of this week or early next week. YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW, unless someone else is.

What else… not much else, right now. I’m very excited about the new job! But it’s damn near paralyzing to think about leaving Wonkette.

This is good news for John McCain.

 
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{ 214 comments }

ManchuCandidate May 25, 2010 at 5:56 pm

Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Who will be the staff Ginger of Wonkette?

t-rose May 25, 2010 at 5:56 pm

I am not okay with this, since you asked.

Extemporanus May 25, 2010 at 5:56 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tacdab May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

You will be missed, Ana Marie.

davitydave May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Who is this “Jim Newell?”

Aguacatero May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

This is most unfortunate, nada mas.

armoredbore May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm
AbstinenceOnly Ed May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

I for one welcome our new Ken Layne overlords.

Extemporanus May 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

The alt text says it all…

j0lt May 25, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Nooooo!!!!!
(sob)

Capitol Hillbilly May 25, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Good luck to you Mr. Newell. Remember, when life gets confusing, ask yourself, “What would Jessica Cutler do?”

gizmo1204 May 25, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Does anyone still work here? Ken, it’s anarchy!

RoscoePColtraine May 25, 2010 at 5:59 pm

Don’t do it, Jim! Seriously! Alex Pareene is bound for hell, and I don’t think you want to go there!

In all seriousness, I am very sad for me / HAPPY FOR YOU. Which is more important? HENGGHH?

Whiskeybaby May 25, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Sadface.
Jim, your rapier-sharp wit and impressive young person world-weariness will be sorely missed. No snarko.

Buzz Feedback May 25, 2010 at 6:00 pm

They got the Carla Bruni finger in my butt video over there. Can’t say I blame you. Good luck, sir.

LittlePig May 25, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Viya con carne, Jim.

Whiskeybaby May 25, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Does this mean we have to start reading Gawker again?

Suds McKenzie May 25, 2010 at 6:01 pm

So you will be live blogging Top Chef now?

Fox n Fiends May 25, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Please don’t let them make you write about GLEE or all that other crap they blather on about.

I Am Not Your Gary Busey May 25, 2010 at 6:04 pm

But! But without a resident angry ginger wherefore will Wonkette sail? Adrift I tell you!

trondant May 25, 2010 at 6:06 pm

Good luck, and we’re all counting on you. I think.

Redhead May 25, 2010 at 6:06 pm

So Ken leaves to tramp around the wilderness, SKS leaves to have a baby spawn, and now Jim is leaving?

So, Riley, when’s the mandatory parents-are-away houseparty?

Yes You Can Own A Piece of History May 25, 2010 at 6:07 pm

[re=585008]Suds McKenzie[/re]: Probably recapping the Real Housewives of DC.
Seriously though, you will be missed.

I Heart Accuracy May 25, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Good luck. What’s you’re hobo beans ration?

RoscoePColtraine May 25, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Oh one more thing, Jim. Are you currently training your replacement? Will you try not to forget to tell him or her to NEVER, EVAR run a funny thread based on a tip from Roscoe?

satyricrash May 25, 2010 at 6:09 pm

Also.

:(

windupbird May 25, 2010 at 6:09 pm

I am sad.

SpenceRedux May 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Will Ken Layne have to leave his desert hideaway now, or is your replacement going to be the first slob who spare changes you on the hard streets of DC?

I Heart Accuracy May 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

[re=585015]I Heart Accuracy[/re]: Damnit, I can’t spell through the boozy tears.

qwerty42 May 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Best Wishes, Jim. I thought it might be Politico, but that would be too awful.

Snarkalicious May 25, 2010 at 6:11 pm

Oh, sure…of with you then. Go on and enjoy your plush new office with its Amero-lined electricity and buttsecks.

FlipOffResearch May 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm

A dark day in the history of America.

AppalachianWino May 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm

You’ll be off to Salon when, then?

red sky May 25, 2010 at 6:12 pm

I’m confused is this a lateral move or a demotion? Or punishment?
I suspect Cindy McCain is behind this, that filthy cougar. Eitherway, welcome back to NY.

comicbookguy May 25, 2010 at 6:13 pm

You mean you haven’t been posting ridiculously satirical stories in redstate for years now? And all the comments?

ericblair May 25, 2010 at 6:13 pm

That is the only site I, ericblair, deem an acceptable career move for Newell. I will see him there!

Oldskool May 25, 2010 at 6:14 pm

There must be an animal carcass in the ductwork at Wonkette Central and everyone keeps leaving cause they think someone has horrible gas and they’re too nice to mention it. Nah. They’d be all over a story like that.

qaf May 25, 2010 at 6:14 pm

So long, and thanks for all the snark. You (and the rest of the Wonketteers) are an oasis of relief in this political Hell we are all forced to live in.

ericblair May 25, 2010 at 6:14 pm

[re=584987]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Isn’t Fruhlinger gingery?

Mad Farmer Manifest May 25, 2010 at 6:15 pm

I think we need to convene a committee to investigate why everyone is leaving Wonkette suddenly. Mismanagement? A hostile workplace? A workplace that isn’t hostile enough? Fear of Ken’s awesome beard?

Jim, don’t forget to give cupcakes to the ducks at your new jerb.

Bearbloke May 25, 2010 at 6:16 pm

[re=584992]Aguacatero[/re]: [re=585022]SpenceRedux[/re]: I knew this was a job an American wouldn’t do…

bobwurst May 25, 2010 at 6:16 pm

I hope they send you to the South Carolina office, I hear the bloggers’ benefits down there are fantastic!

qwerty42 May 25, 2010 at 6:16 pm

Oh, does this mean you leave your posh office suite in Wonkette Towers and move to a cold water flat in NYC?

Dr. Zoidberg May 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm

You bastard.

Mr Blifil May 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm

What is this Gawker you speak of? Is it an iPad app or some shit?

sharkbait May 25, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Gawker???
You whore.
Bitterman? party of one? your table is ready.
You. Will. Be. Missed.
[sad music ♫♫]

Jim Newell May 25, 2010 at 6:19 pm

[re=585045]qwerty42[/re]: No I will still live in DC, but in the White House now.

hockeymom May 25, 2010 at 6:20 pm

Curse you, Denton!!!
(but congrats to you, Jim. Best wishes!)

TurdBlossom May 25, 2010 at 6:21 pm

Newell! This is horrible.

Dr. Zoidberg May 25, 2010 at 6:21 pm

[re=585041]Mad Farmer Manifest[/re]: Socialists? Commies? Commie Socialists?

Dean Booth May 25, 2010 at 6:22 pm

You know about that Jim Newell? He always ate with his mouth open. And he smelled, too. Smelled bad all the time. I won’t miss him one bit.

[/All's Quiet on the Western Front]

Sleeves May 25, 2010 at 6:23 pm

>But it’s damn near paralyzing to think about leaving Wonkette.

DAMMIT JIM, very like as paralyzing as to think about leaving yourself.

drrty martini May 25, 2010 at 6:24 pm

Are you going to turn Gawker into a WARBLOG? How am I going to use my mouse to move over to that web-site?

Troubledog May 25, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Is this about that cross you jacked, out in the desert, not long ago?

qwerty42 May 25, 2010 at 6:26 pm

[re=585053]Jim Newell[/re]: Oh great. We can all drop by and pester you.

problemwithcaring May 25, 2010 at 6:28 pm

Ugh! I read this massive buzz kill news as I head to Watts to deliver stipend checks to focus group residents living in Jordan Downs. My luck is shit today, I feel a mugging coming on.

Nigerian Business Executive May 25, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Pareene continues to ruin my life!

Bye, Jim. I’ll miss you.

twoeightnine May 25, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Were you the fat one or the gay one?

Delicious May 25, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Gawker, right. Enjoy your new job with Al Qaeda.

OverlySensitiveNegress May 25, 2010 at 6:34 pm
BlueStateLiberal May 25, 2010 at 6:34 pm

I has a sad. And Peggy Noonington heaves a big sigh of relief. There is no justice in this world.

The Rev. Yevot May 25, 2010 at 6:35 pm

So we can haz Ana Marie Cox back now?

notreallyhelping May 25, 2010 at 6:36 pm

Have your stapler?

weejee May 25, 2010 at 6:36 pm

Best of luck Jim!!! Just know that you will be able to turn those Gawkers into full-blown voyeurs.

Sleeves May 25, 2010 at 6:36 pm

[re=585070]twoeightnine[/re]: The Irish one! Fix and Fun Stuff.

dijetlo May 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

What did they offer you Jim?
Better booze?
More attractive interns to abuse?

I’m so glad we had this time together…
Just to have a laugh and talk some shit,
Seems we just get started and before you know it
Jim gets a better spot on the corporate tit…

thefrontpage May 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Who is Alex Parenne?

Is it true that Jessica Cutler is succeeding Jim Newell?

dmac May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Congrats, Jim. Well earned.

AnglRdr May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Jesus, doesn’t anybody ever stay together anymore?

I can’t take much more of this leaving.

But best of luck anyway, Jim.

ForTheTurnstiles May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Curious fact: two and half years is precisely the length of the “dry spell” I’ve endured in this particular marriage. So, apropos of coincidences: Thanks for the writing, Jim, but I’m hoping to get laid soon thanks.

Joshua Norton May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

So what’s the story? There appears to be an unseemly stampede of everyone departing Wonkette. Is there something going on that we, the loyal readers should know about? (cough)like what happened to Air America(cough) I’ve seen people in less of a hurry to leave a burning building.

thefrontpage May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

White House sources say that Newell will be succeeded by Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin, on a rotating basis.

PickneyPinchback May 25, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Please Lord do not let Meghan McCain take Jim’s place.

hiphophitler May 25, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Before you go, just for kicks, ban everybody. Or at least steal a stapler or something.

Texan Bulldoggette May 25, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Awww…we will miss you. I do not like how everyone at Wonkette gets too big for their britches & leaves to go to an *actual* job. But, yeah, leave that Glee & Real Housewives shit for the Gawker interns.

dr.giraud May 25, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Gah, who will read and translate the percoset/Nyquil&gin cocktail-fueled musings of Peggington Nooningtonshire for us????????????????????????

Gorillionaire May 25, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Ain’t no one can sing the blues like Blind Willie McTell.

Tim May 25, 2010 at 6:51 pm

People get paid to do this shit? I thought you all did this from your day jobs.

DirtyHarriett May 25, 2010 at 6:53 pm

Bon Voyage, Jim!
Can you still comment on Wonkette? Or is that a conflict of interest? Also.
Best of luck!!

Neilist May 25, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Jim:

Ya Ginger BaSturd, Ya! Good luck, Mate! After enduring the drivel of that asshole Neilist for over two years, and never banning the bugger, ya deserve a reward.

Very truly yours,

Lt. Col. Neilist, V.C., DSO, MM (with bar)
Department of Hipocracy,
Moral Degeneracy Division
Pervert Manpower Deployment
United States Army,
The Pentagon

P.S. As you leave us, remember that Benazir Bhutto is STILL DEAD!

:::Sniff:::

I always get weepy at leave-takings. Some play “Taps,” would you?

irisheyesagain May 25, 2010 at 6:54 pm

This is unacceptable. You’re damn lucky I read Gawker everyday as well. Best of luck you Ginger Handicapable Guy!

Monsieur Grumpe May 25, 2010 at 6:54 pm

Awwww crap. I remember your first days here like it was 64 years ago. Must be the cheap dope. Has it been 2.5 years? I’ve come to think of you like the son I never had only not too retarded. Good luck Mr Newell! You will be missed. I guess I can peruse Gawker once in while. Sniff. I’ll float you in a good tip once in while. Maybe. Sniff.

bjkeefe May 25, 2010 at 6:54 pm

[re=585013]Redhead[/re]: FTW.

Can’t top that, and now I won’t even feel bad about not trying.

Good luck, Jim, and thanks for all the laughs.

P.S. If you want me to read you on Gawker, make their webmaster slaves figure out why that site takes so damned long to load.

TinyTheToga May 25, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Nick Denton is going to Eric Massa you.

He Does Not Use Lube

Sleeves May 25, 2010 at 6:58 pm

[re=585103]Gorillionaire[/re]: Ah, that was a classical: Who will be the next poor Mexican black railroad worker in Ohio and Virginia who is dead from money cancer?

AnnieGetYourFun May 25, 2010 at 6:58 pm

I can’t decide if you would have been better off at RedState than Gawker, though. Dammit, Jim.

Simba B May 25, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Ugh, does this mean I have to read Gawker now? I’ve tried a couple of times and they’re just, um, too annoying, I guess is the short version of it. Maybe that will change now.

This is kind of like when TBogg went to FDL. Hey, maybe you can get them to stop truncating stories in the RSS feed!

Heywood Jablome May 25, 2010 at 7:00 pm

Godspeed, Jim! While at Wonkette, you put your hand out and touched the face of god.

No one could do Dame Peggy Nooningtonshire like you did her. So to speak(eth).

joe twelve pack May 25, 2010 at 7:01 pm

¡is confused! where do i send truck-nutz™ pix now?

slappypaddy May 25, 2010 at 7:01 pm

congratulations and godspeed, revered master of the land of wonkettia.

NJB May 25, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Shit, I’m going to miss you. Wait – no I won’t – I’ll bookmark Gawker. Good luck with the transition – to everyone involved!

Holding Out for a Hero May 25, 2010 at 7:06 pm

So I found Wonkette by reading Gawker. I liked it here better.

This sucks.

DemmeFatale May 25, 2010 at 7:08 pm

Buh-bye, brave Wonketteer.
*cries softly*

Tommmcatt May 25, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Christ, Jim, I hate the Gawker comment system. Guess I’ll have to get used to it.

Just when I uploaded a new avatar here too.

Jim89048 May 25, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Goddamn this fucking farm team, anyway…

bfstevie May 25, 2010 at 7:16 pm

This is so sad that I don’t even want to talk smack about Billy Kristol.

Before you go, Mr. Newell, we need some more secret sauce.

We will miss you.

Enslave the Whales May 25, 2010 at 7:16 pm

Was it because I finally got an id and posted a comment? Hey, I’ll unsubscribe and go back to just reading.

Lascauxcaveman May 25, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Shit. I’m going to have to start reading Gawker. Bleah.

Vulpes82 May 25, 2010 at 7:19 pm

Nooooooooooo! Don’t you know Nick Denton is eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil?!? Don’t do it, Jim! Stay here, in the loving bosom of Papa Bear’s beard.

geminisunmars May 25, 2010 at 7:20 pm

This move will increase the journalistic integrity quotient four-fold at both Wonkette and Gawker. Good luck and bon boyage.

hoosiermama May 25, 2010 at 7:20 pm

GODDAMMITT why does everyone at Wonkette leave?!

Wonkette bloggers are vagabonds of the Internet.

Fine. Go hop your intertube boxcar, Jim.

Thank you for the laughs.

Tommmcatt May 25, 2010 at 7:20 pm

Oh, and if you want to, you know, “lose it” before you move on, I’m always right here. I’ll even pay for the plane ride. One way…

qwerty42 May 25, 2010 at 7:21 pm

[re=585128]Holding Out for a Hero[/re]: So I found Wonkette by reading Gawker. I liked it here better…
I found Gawker by reading Wonkette (but that was back when they were part of the same empire). But I liked it here more myself.

TJBeck May 25, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Jim, you are like of my top 5 or 6 favorites here at Wonkette. So, on your move to other, greener pastures, I’ll offer this one suggestion: DIE IN A FIRE! I HATE YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. PERSONALLY. LITERALLY.

June Cleaver 2.0 May 25, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I don’t comment at Gawker, but I read it every day. So, I’ll be seeing (reading) you. May Pareene leave for the New York Times one day.

One Yield Regular May 25, 2010 at 7:34 pm

I offer my standard yet sincere congratulations on your career advancement (*ahem*), gratitude for your contributions, regrets at your leaving us, and encouragement to whomever on the Wonkette ladder of success currently has his or her hair blussedly mussed by your ascending shoe.

Bearbloke May 25, 2010 at 7:35 pm

[re=585136]Enslave the Whales[/re]: Too little too later, ya bloody wanker! You always ruin everything…

bitchincamaro May 25, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Haha! Shazaaam, motherfucker!!111 Can’t quite recall which uber-observant W commenter it was last week who called you out on his or her uber-observant (love typing that) PROGNOSTICATION on this very subject.

That said, should I perchance, uber-observe your unmistakably Newell-like visage anywhere south of 14th St., I would be honored to purchase one endless shots of whatever it is you drink for breakfast, providing the dramshops on the Bowery are still open for business.

Stay thirsty, my friend. And please, do not “tele-commute”!

bitchincamaro May 25, 2010 at 7:48 pm

[re=585093]thefrontpage[/re]: Let’s hope it’s on “rotating” knives.

RoscoePColtraine May 25, 2010 at 7:50 pm

[re=585115]AnnieGetYourFun[/re]: There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere!

Country Club Jihadi May 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Unacceptable. I just moved back to DC to be closer to you, Jim.

I will need to conduct a thorough exit-interview. Naked. Please call me to book your appointment.

vaporware May 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Awwww, Jim, with you gone, I’ve got no more
White Anglos left in our Coachella Valley to
put the Cross(thank you Jesus) back up…
-and I certainly cannot count on those
GOD DAMN CANADIANS!!(sorry Jesus)

Wait a minute, you’re switching over to Gawker
-since they can’t even afford to pay attention,
they probably won’t be paying for relocation.

Prairie Flower May 25, 2010 at 7:53 pm

But I do not want this to happen! Was it the sexual harassment? The ginger harassment? Ken, I think we need to have a talk about staff retention. Good luck to you Mr. Newell, guess I’ll have to read Gawker now.

DC Hates Me May 25, 2010 at 8:03 pm

With Jim gone, we’ll finally be able to have serious political discussions without all the ha-ha comedy.

amy amnesia May 25, 2010 at 8:09 pm

my fiance’ and i spent some of our first bonding moments reading jim newell. we’re getting married this weekend. thanks for the worst wedding present ever, ginger.

Dreamer May 25, 2010 at 8:12 pm

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! How could you abondan us, Jim?

Your rants will be missed but will follow you to Gawker. Does that mean you’re moving to New York. If so, you will have your very own stalker.

Way Cool Larry May 25, 2010 at 8:14 pm

I’m absolutely heartbroken and devastated.

Damn.

priceofrice May 25, 2010 at 8:15 pm

Good luck to you, Jimbo (what?, I guess now that you’re a big shot over at the gawker you will now be referred to as ‘JImbo). You will be missed.

JMP May 25, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Aw man, as a ginger I always thought we’d be represented at Wonkette, as the memory of AMC continued to guide the place; but now there’s nothing.

First, they came for the college girls missing an “e” in their name;
Then, they came for the bespectacled new moms;
Then, they came for the gingers.

WickedWitch May 25, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Boooooooo.

alzronnie May 25, 2010 at 8:18 pm

You shall never be forgotten. Goodbye Jeff.

Godless Liberal May 25, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Great, now with you gone there will no longer be an “ette” to Wonkette.

the problem child May 25, 2010 at 8:23 pm

What, they were willing to give you a bigger banhammer? If you can get rid of those poncy Gawker commenters, I might visit…

Jerri May 25, 2010 at 8:26 pm

NOOOOO! I read Gawker too, but it’s not My Wonkette. They had better not make you change your style and lame it all up.

BOOBIES! May 25, 2010 at 8:30 pm

First Sarah Palin quits and now Newell. America is in a comedy crisis kids.

All I can think about are the rambling and immortal words of our favorite Alaskan snowbilly grifter and quitter:

“And one chooses how to react to circumstances. You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity. I choose NOT to tear down and waste precious time; but to build UP this state and our country, and her industrious, generous, patriotic, free people!

Life is too short to compromise time and resources… it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: “Sit down and shut up”, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and “go with the flow”.

Nah, only dead fish “go with the flow”.”

May you never be a dead fish, Mr. Newell.

Beanball May 25, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Dammit, Jim! I’m am anonymous poster, not a going-away-party organizer!!1!!

Also, I don’t even know where Gawker is.

bitterz May 25, 2010 at 8:33 pm

You have a great writerly voice. Use your powers for good at Gawker.

DDD May 25, 2010 at 8:40 pm

Thank you for your very kind indulgence of my submissions, Jim. Good luck!

peggynoonansrickshaw May 25, 2010 at 8:42 pm

DISLIKE BUTTON!! DISLIKE BUTTON!!!

Moleman v2.5 May 25, 2010 at 8:46 pm

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

Dammit, can’t you get an emotionally fulfilling job as a PR flack for BP or something?

Red Zeppelin May 25, 2010 at 8:51 pm

It was all the sexual harassment, wasn’t it?

Laddie, we hardly knew ye! :-(

AutomaticPilot May 25, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Aww, we’ll miss you over here, Jim. I loved the Peggington Noonington updates from the banking pamphlet. Good luck with the new job and I hope this place doesn’t go all to hell.

vaporware May 25, 2010 at 9:12 pm

It’s starting already
-Mediaite is all weepy, sobby on the passing of Jim Newell

…which means Jeanne Moos of CNN should be editing a segment
to air any day now.

What? No! May 25, 2010 at 9:13 pm

So… the Jim Newell character *was* the black smoke???? WTF I can’t follow this Wonkette thing at all.

Johnny Zhivago May 25, 2010 at 9:14 pm

And this is only because Denton has a pile of iPhones he’s still using to lure people over.

We will miss you!

Johnny Zhivago May 25, 2010 at 9:15 pm

[re=585219]AutomaticPilot[/re]: This place? You mean Wonkette or the planet Earth?

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 25, 2010 at 9:22 pm

If you love Gawker so much, why don’t you marry it?

Oh…you are.

Okies.

*throws rice*

Happy honeymoon!

Crow T. Robot May 25, 2010 at 9:28 pm

Somewhere…a polar bear dances to Petula Clark.

You always reminded me a little of TV’s Frank.

Now you no longer have no where to go but up–think about that one. That’ll put the fear in you.

We were good together, weren’t we?

Crow T. Robot May 25, 2010 at 9:31 pm

Oh…and Jim. Over a gawker, I’m like, a Junior Commander Cody Commenter, or whatever–once you’re Queen of the County, may I be real boy?

SmutBoffin May 25, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Good work and best of luck in yr. new position!

Ken will be taking applications from commenters here for your old position, I trust?

desertwind May 25, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Chasing the filthy lucre.

I’m disappointed in you, Jim Newell.

PabaBritannica May 25, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Can I be the new Intern Riley when he leaves? I promise to lose like 75 pounds so I can sub for him in shape as well as position.

hotdog May 25, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Good luck, Jim, and may the farce be with you. Always. Also.

chascates May 25, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Then, I call on you in the
name of Liberty, of patriotism &
every thing dear to the American
character, to come to our aid,
with dispatch —– The enemy is
receiving reinforcements daily &
will no doubt increase to three or
four thousand in four or five days.
If this call is neglected, I am deter-
mined to sustain myself as long as
possible & die like a soldier
who never forgets what is due to
his own honor & that of his
country —– Victory or Death

Jim Newell
Lt. Col. Comdt

Panquake May 25, 2010 at 10:07 pm

fuck
YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Dilaceratus May 25, 2010 at 10:23 pm

If Mr Newell has been reading the Public Service Announcements this website runs in its left margin in lieu of actual Renters, I believe he is already acquainted with the sound Parting Advice I was going to offer, regarding the symptoms of Lupus.

In a similarly terrifying vein, may I then suggest that he maintain the same sort of corporeal rigor in assiduously avoiding touching– and most especially sitting– anywhere on the Gawker properties one might reasonably surmise Moe Tckacik to have previously occupied.

Also, as a matter of some minor housekeeping, Mr Newell has still not made payment to me of my “iPhone.”

El Pinche May 25, 2010 at 10:25 pm

JIM……. WE CANT QUIT YOU, BABY!!!

SlouchingTowardsWasilla May 25, 2010 at 10:45 pm

Christ, I’m always the last to hear anything.

Someone please clear this up for me – does this mean Gawker is better than Wonkette?

rocktonsammy May 25, 2010 at 10:48 pm

What did he do to get fired? probably.

kudzu May 25, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Wow! You found a job?

OhCrapIHaveACrushOnSarahPalin May 25, 2010 at 10:57 pm

Congrats, Jim! You’ll be missed. Even though we can just go to Gawker to read you, but still!

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 25, 2010 at 10:59 pm

But who will wield the mighty ban hammer now?

And who will lead us into war, brilliantly dressed in his armor as only a God-King of a war blog can?

Why must the good always die young?

Well, take one last late night booze run with Liz before you leave.

I, for one, will always remember you as someone I’ve read.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 25, 2010 at 11:01 pm

[re=585000]Capitol Hillbilly[/re]: Take it in the butt for $50?

iburl May 25, 2010 at 11:01 pm

This blows.

Who is gonna feel sorry for Arlen when you’re gone?

Seriously, this sucks.

Decker May 25, 2010 at 11:05 pm

You know who else worked for Gawker?

Thank you for making life in Jebusland more bearable. Viel Glueck!

J May 25, 2010 at 11:06 pm

All these DC-centric yokels are right, it will be oooooh so hard to find your stuff and read it now, why, we will have to put Gawker in our bookmarks. Oh, wait, I already have it there since it was the 1st Denton success. Welcome to the big town, even if you chose to live there in Mayberry for a little bit longer.

S.Luggo May 25, 2010 at 11:11 pm

You are dead to me.

negative nancy May 25, 2010 at 11:14 pm

Stop leaving, Wonketteers :[

Duz Itayew May 25, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Why do you hate the Wonkette so?

LindsayBluth May 25, 2010 at 11:45 pm

How can you make jokes at such a sad time? Is everything funny to you, Wonkett?

I remember many, many years ago, last year, when Ken, Sara and Jim were the editors and I could identify the writer of the post just by reading the first sentence or two. I always knew Jim’s posts because they were especially hysterical. You’ll be missed, dude.

Hemp Dogbane May 25, 2010 at 11:51 pm

We’ll miss you, Sarah!

Holy Cow!! May 25, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Gawker? You really are downgrading.

ladymacbeth May 26, 2010 at 12:00 am

gawd another one gone.

gawd.

many good wishes and probably we all follow you in gawker world.

Red Zeppelin May 26, 2010 at 12:12 am

He really couldn’t stand the number of blowjobs (given or received) that had to happen every single working day at Wonkette. It just wore a soul out.

sati demise May 26, 2010 at 12:26 am

[re=585297]ladymacbeth[/re]: the Bermuda Triangle. damnit Jim, the engines cant hold warp speed all the way through!

crumpet May 26, 2010 at 12:38 am

Aw, we hardly knew ye.

And really, Gawker? I tried it, but it brought on projectile vomiting, and then I couldn’t read anything on my puter.

Beowoof May 26, 2010 at 12:54 am

Oh damn, this is all about me and now having another place to go and try to come up with original snark.

Jim, good luck to you in the new job.

shadowMark May 26, 2010 at 12:55 am

This is how I will remember Jim.

Jim grew up at the Wonkette, a happy, healthy child in a bright world of illustrated books, clean sand, orange trees, friendly dogs, sea vistas and smiling faces. Around him the splendid Wonkette revolved as a kind of private universe, a whitewashed cosmos within the blue greater one that blazed outside. From the aproned pot-scrubber to the flanneled potentate, everybody liked Jim, everybody petted him. Elderly American ladies leaning on their canes listed toward Jim like towers of Pisa. Ruined Russian princesses and Meghan, who could not stand Ken, bought Jim expensive bonbons. Ken took Jim out boating and biking, taught him to swim and dive and water-ski, read to Jim from Don Quixote and Les Misérables, and Jim adored and respected Ken and felt glad for him whenever Jim overheard Juli and Sarah discuss Ken’s various lady-friends, beautiful and kind beings who made much of Jim and cooed and shed precious tears over his cheerful editor ways.

That’s how I’ll always remember Jim.

V572625694 May 26, 2010 at 1:00 am

Adios, Jim. Your jeremiads were a great pleasure, as was your English major erudition put to the worst possible use. Good luck!

BigWhiteCloud May 26, 2010 at 1:03 am

Oh I am so not OK with this. Gawker?? Jim you can surely do better.

Somebody should call me. I have money and trained killer dogs.

imissopus May 26, 2010 at 1:48 am

Just in the last nine hours I watched the last episode of 24, the Lakers lost in front of 18,000 Arizonans, and two lit agents sent rejection letters.

And now this.

Things are looking up!

imissopus has issues with emotional intimacy and will probably resent you forever for abandoning him. Also he resents people who can work in their pajamas. Good luck!

Aurelio May 26, 2010 at 2:06 am

See you on Gawker, Jim.

lulzmonger May 26, 2010 at 2:11 am

Sporadic snarker, & frequent fan. The Wonkette is going to lose a major source of precious piss & vinegar when you go. Hope the intern can teach a Doberman (or a gigantic feral anthropomorphic mouse) to type.

Remember to not let them catch you swiping the butt-floss out of the john.

MsQuasimodo May 26, 2010 at 2:13 am

Dammit JIm. Who can ever replace you? What about having rotating Wonkette editors – rotate for several months at a time among the most senior, funniest commenters?

Harvey Birdman May 26, 2010 at 2:39 am

Goodbye imaginary friend/Aaron Melcher of Wonkette.

You hit it out of the park over and over, and I’ll miss that.

JeffGoldblum May 26, 2010 at 3:30 am

If you look out the port side of the Wonkette blimp, you will see the shark.

blogslut May 26, 2010 at 3:43 am

Well, hell.

I am old enough to understand that change is inevitable but not yet sage enough to prevent my despair when it happens. I visit the mighty Denton machine daily so I realize I’m not really losing you Mr. Newell. This fact, at the moment, does not console me.

Waah!

Sleeves May 26, 2010 at 3:48 am
SpecialHorse May 26, 2010 at 4:26 am

Enjoy yourself, it’s later than you think
Enjoy yourself, while you’re still in the pink
The years go by, as quickly as you wink
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,
It’s later than you think…

…I’ll definitely miss you and your editorial slant.

mumblyjoe May 26, 2010 at 7:21 am

We’ll miss you, Farfour! I mean, Jim!

Edsdesk May 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

You’ll be singin’ a sorry song….

“I used to wonk, but now I just gawk…”

freakishlystrong May 26, 2010 at 7:58 am

Well. Crap.

What Fresh Hell is This? May 26, 2010 at 8:53 am

Jim Newell, didn’t he use to be at Wonkette? Was he the one who looked like Ben Affleck’s beer-bloated younger brother or the other one? Now Ana Marie Cox — that is a former employee!

Nah, goodbye and best wishes. We promise not to believe half the stuff they say about Gawker — and you can now post on Wonkette about how much cooler it was when Jim was here.

TGY May 26, 2010 at 9:06 am

Good luck in your career of perpetually replacing Alex.

Naked Bunny with a Whip May 26, 2010 at 9:32 am

[re=585379]TGY[/re]: Mmm, sloppy seconds.

taylormattd May 26, 2010 at 9:50 am

I’m sad. :(

Also, now I will never get to stalk you enough with comments such that we will end up dating.

ragecupcake May 26, 2010 at 9:59 am

jim, you’ve kept me sane since the summer of 08.. the way you laugh at things that make you angry has helped me deal with my unfortunate tendency to care about the state of the world.. i hold you entirely responsible for what may happen now.. ok, ok, i’ll read gawker.. but it won’t be the sane – i mean same -
thanks so much -

Voyou Charmant May 26, 2010 at 10:01 am

Jim, I would be happy to copy your unique style of copying Alex’s style.

queeraselvis v 2.0 May 26, 2010 at 10:22 am

Gawker? GAWKER? Jesus Krispy Kremes, Jim, that doesn’t even warrant a “Bless Your Heart.” FINE. Good luck anyway, and know that you’ll be missed!

jennx May 26, 2010 at 10:45 am

Does this mean I have to read Gawker?

sezme May 26, 2010 at 10:55 am

So sad! Did Denton offer to pay you more clamshells than Layne does? Or indeed, did he offer to pay you in real money for a change? That would be sweet… Anyway, I’d prefer you to remain poor, funny, and at Wonkette than slightly less poor, funny(?), and at bloody Gawker. You have always been solid gold, my friend. Solid gold! Perhaps you’ll manage to bring a little class to that outfit as well.

vkladchik May 26, 2010 at 11:00 am

It would be interesting to find out how much any of these people makes.

TimeCubist May 26, 2010 at 11:04 am

I’m flying my TruckNutz at half mast. Dang.

Rumproast May 26, 2010 at 11:07 am

[re=585225]What? No![/re]: So… the Jim Newell character *was* the black smoke???? WTF I can’t follow this Wonkette thing at all.

So does this mean Wonkette is purgatory and Gawker is real or vice versa? And who the fuck is Whitmore? Layne or Denton?

Whatever.

Good luck, Jim. Thanks for all of the links to my craptastic blog, the Weblog Awards wars, and a helluva lotta belly laughs.

Prommie May 26, 2010 at 11:17 am

Don’t leave us alone with this Layne character, he creeps me out.

snarkopolitan May 26, 2010 at 12:03 pm

Hah! I won’t be missing the long candlelit walks, fine dining, and barefoot romps through Foggy Bottom, nor thinking of the way your throat glistens in the moonlight when you laugh that laugh of yours, nor remembering the lingering scent of peonies….NO! NOT HARDLY!

Vera Severa May 26, 2010 at 12:18 pm

Isn’t it time you guys hired a real drag queen? Where can I send my resume?

lawrenceofthedesert May 26, 2010 at 1:11 pm

After heartily supporting Obama, the Wonketeers attempt to embrace change…

sigerson May 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

You’re a JUDAS! You’re doing it for the money, aren’t you? You whore.

Jewdishoowary Square May 26, 2010 at 1:30 pm

NOW how will I know which politicians are stupid? (Ken mostly just tells me which ones are hypocrites.)

assistant/atlas May 26, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Don’t worry, Jim, I’m sure that one day you won’t have to settle for Pareene’s sloppy seconds (that said, either one is like settling for sloppy seconds on Jessica Biel or something).

But no matter what Denton tells you, it’s not okay if he touches you in your special place. You need to tell somebody if he does that, okay?

Zack May 26, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Fuck! This is terrible news. Gawker truly sucks donkey balls, especially compared to Wonkette. Jim you were one of my favorites. You will be missed, especially since Gawker pukes up so much useless content I won’t be able to find your work in the stream of shit. Oh well. Write a book or something so I can buy it! Don’t get me wrong, I know that we owe Pareene much, but this is really too bad.

102415 May 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Okay dear. I’ll see you at Gawker. Wear a clean shirt.

Dingus McHatred May 26, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Cock! Balls! Cock! Balls! Dork! Gawk! Knock! Stork! Flunk! Stink!

Will my tubes and trucks still connect to the Gawker? Whatever that is. — Ted Stevens

ella May 26, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Well, trucknutz. Jimmy, we hardly knew ye! Denton wins, we lose, but it was great to have you.

Look At My Wiener May 26, 2010 at 6:21 pm

I haz a big sad.

Sharkey May 26, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Man, this is worse than when that lesbian chick shot Drella and almost killed him.

wheelie May 26, 2010 at 9:38 pm

This is not good news and I am pissed off.

DustBowlBlues May 26, 2010 at 9:49 pm

I’m old and I hate change, except when I thought Hopey was an actual liberal.

Damn, Jim–Does this mean there is no one between us and Ken? He kind of scares me. I trusted your ginger-haired youthful outlook to protect us. On the other hand, if you’re still as young as you were when I started posting about how you look sixteen, this is pretty big deal. Good luck. Don’t forget us.

DustBowlBlues May 26, 2010 at 9:52 pm

[re=585536]Prommie[/re]: Me, too and I obviously posted before I read this. Let’s figure out a way to flatter Ken and make he think we really like him, and maybe he’ll be nice. Or, I could lurk. Except I always have to write something.

I’m catching up, so to cheer myself up I’m going to read the one about Sarah Palin being a bust at a trade show.

Except if Jim wrote it . . . I don’t think I can handle this.

wheelie May 26, 2010 at 9:53 pm

[re=586261]wheelie[/re]: Um, sorry, I meant I am delighted for Jim with his new position and wish him the best and . . . ok. But fuck it, this is a decent blog, one of the few, and Nick Denton sold off Wonkette ages ago, so it’s a bit annoying when he comes back poaching some of the talent. *shakes fist at Gawker*

Also, this is not good news and I am pissed off . . .

So goodbye then Jim Newell, you were the life and soul here. We knew that you deserved to go on some day to better things.

Instead, you are going to Gawker. *rimshot*

Barrett808 May 26, 2010 at 11:43 pm

The end of an era. Now excuse me, I have something in my eyes…

Idlerat May 27, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Wah, sniff, good luck!

accbll May 30, 2010 at 9:20 am

NOOOOO!!!! Jim I will follow you wherever you go. I never realized I had a man crush until now.

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