Ohio Car Salesman Will Stop At Nothing To Get His Dealership Back

The most honest and beloved businessman in America is of course the noble auto dealer. Anyone who's ever bought a new car can remember only good things about the experience! And dealerships have elaborate legal protections in every state that insulate them from competition and restrict the rights of manufacturers to control their own sales channel -- GM had to pay $1 billion dollars to various dealers to shut down Oldsmobile, for instance -- which makes them paragons of the capitalistic free market. But what happens when one of these heroes is shut down by Josef "Obama" Stalin? He gets even, that's what! 

Jim Renacci was just a simple, ordinary American entrepreneur who bought a GM dealership in 2007 from a guy who was about to go to prison for laundering drug money. In those heady go-go times, GM seemed like a world-beating company to hitch one's star to; thus, it came as a total shock a couple of years later when the commissars assigned to run GM for the good of the proletariat came down hard the kulak Renacci, shutting his precious dealership down. That's why Renacci wants to be northeast Ohio's new Congressman , to undo these sorts of terrible injustices.

The current congressman, Democrat John Boccieri, only won the seat in 2008 after the previous Republican Representative-for-almost-life quit, and he voted for the dreaded Health Care Bill that will benefit thousands of his constituents, so he may be in a bit of trouble this year. This is probably why he's being so mean and pointing out all the lawsuits Renacci is faced with over shitty cars he sold to people! Renacci also accepted money from the Trotsky-inspired Cash for Clunkers program , but he swears that he was actually opposed to it and that sweet, sweet government cash was physically shoved into his hands.

Luckily for Renacci, the financial overhaul bill won't regulate auto dealers , so once Speaker of the House Boehner personally gives him his dealership back, he'll be able to create bundles of Chevy Malibu-backed collateralized debt obligations or whatever.