by all means go ahead

Mayor Daley To Jam Rifle Up Reporter’s Butt, For Laffs

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Omnipotent Chicago mob boss and mayor-for-life Richard Daley held a press conference with local reporters yesterday to discuss the city’s handgun ban that will probably be overturned by the Supreme Court, which loves giving citizens of violent death-towns as many handguns as the Constitution permits (10.9 trillion). It was a very serious affair, and Daley brought all sorts of guns to show the reporters how bad they are. When one reporter asked the Mayor how effective the ban has been, Daley picked up a rifle, giggled, and said he would stick it up the reporter’s butt? To demonstrate… huh? =

This is a fine transcription job from the Chicago Reader reporter, describing how Mayor Daley went about threatening his dumper with a rifle:

So I asked: since guns are readily available in Chicago even with a ban in place, do you really think it’s been effective?


“Oh!” Daley said. “It’s been very effective!”

He grabbed a rifle, held it up, and looked right at me. He was chuckling but there was no smile.

“If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

For a moment the room was very, very quiet. I took a good look at the weapon. It had a long bayonet. (Was it seized during the Civil War?)

“If I put a round up your—ha ha!”

The photographers snapped away. Suddenly everybody started cracking up.

Sponsored Intermission

Daley went on. “This gun saved many lives—it could save your life,” he said—meaning, I think, that getting that gun off the street might have saved many lives, including mine.

Second-generation mayors-for-life always get to be so flip about everything.

[Chicago Reader]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


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  • Snarkalicious

    Homeboy from The Reader should be counting his blessings. If Dickey-D’s face had gone serious during the back half of that exchange, he would have been obliged to take that thing in the ass.

  • gurukalehuru

    Like father, like son.

  • lochnessmonster

    Good ol’ Mayor Daley…what would Chicago do for laughs without him?

  • Aflac Shrugged

    You wanna know how to get the Chicago Reader? They pull a knife and threaten to stick it in your rectum, you pull a gun and threaten to stick it in their rectums. He sends one of yours to the hospital with a knife protruding from his rectum, you send one of his to the morgue with a gun, um, just kinda hanging…out…of his ass. *That’s* the *Chicago* way! And that’s how you get the Chicago Reader.

  • Crank Tango

    he then added, “no homo.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is why it’s best not to argue with the mayor — because he has no understanding of logic or syntax.

  • Extemporanus


  • JMP

    Daley knows that, no matter what, he’ll always be reelected, so why not just be as big of a dick as he wants; he’ll never have to face any consequences.

  • comicbookguy

    Did he just get back from a Ted Nugent concert?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: [re=582869]Extemporanus[/re]: Feel free to jam that comment up my butt any time you’d like — I’m on hold with Xfinity, waiting to upgrade my Internets.

  • magic titty

    “If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

    Ahhhh, sleepaway camp. *Shudder*

  • Buzz Feedback

    “Mick Dumke.” Sounds foreign. Blast him!

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    This is the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Cheney would have done it.

  • Brick Oven Bill

    In Chicago, guns don’t kill people, railroad ties kill people.

    Therefore, we need to rescind the whole rails to trails concept. The removal of metallic rails from the wooden ties, complete with the associated metal spikes, frees the wooden tie for public use, representing the greatest threat to Chicagoans’ health, safety, and welfare, since the introduction of sausage.

    Which should also be banned.

  • I Heart Accuracy

    That was awkward.

  • Mr Blifil

    A haha A HAHAAHHAAHHAA Hoooooboy…

    From my cold, dead rectum.

  • MMS

    This is my rifle, this is my gun; one is for fightin’ and one is for fun.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=582866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: From a little later in the interview:

    Reporter: “What? What?!”

    Mayor Daley: “In! The! BUTT!”

    Reporter: “Okaaayyy…”

  • ph7

    He’s no Bud Dwyer.

  • obfuscator

    [re=582866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: god, he’s a hopeless diaster of a public speaker. i’m reading a great book on harold washington and the council wars, and li’l daley comes off as a pretty dim bulb.

  • Ruhe

    It really is a shame that the Mayor isn’t more articulate. Some effort to stem the easy flow of weapons has got to be a good thing. If only he’d said simply “well, the guns you see here won’t be killing anybody.” Can the Mayor get a do-over?

  • JMP

    Is that a gun up my ass, or are you just happy to see me?

  • slappypaddy

    too much nipping at the rat cheese in old dickie daley’s place. a few cans of oil beer ought to set him straight.

  • PlanetWingnuta


  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]:
    Just like a reporter, bringing a tape recorder to an anal gunfight.

  • the problem child

    It’s a good think nobody got butthurt.

  • edgydrifter

    Well, better a rifle barrel than an eagle’s beak, I suppose.

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=582930]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Drinking COFFEE HERE ASSHOLE.

  • chascates

    A gun won’t save you from a Daley Concrete Overcoat dump in the lake.

  • weejee

    [re=582968]chascates[/re]: It’s the Action Jackson memorial handgun ban. No ban on meat hooks, cattle prods, chainsaws, or concrete outerwear – overcoats or galoshes.

  • Jim89048

    I guess dat be in da butt, Bob…

  • populucious

    And they LAUGHED and LAUGHED and then LAUGHED some more…funny…so funny…

  • glamourdammerung

    I totally thought this was made up until I clicked the video.

    Then I re-watched it to make sure it was not just my imagination.


  • Beanball

    That Mayor Daley, such a kidder. Just like when his dad said “There wasn’t any ‘shoot-to-kill’ order.”

    Wait, waht?

  • zhubajie

    So, next mayor Rahm Emmanuelle? Is he up to the job?

  • Neilist

    Gesh. Is there anything more . . . disquieting . . . than watching an alleged Democratic handling firearms?

    It’s like watching a nun playing with a penis . . . .a real nun, that is. Not Sister Larry Flint.

    (On, and the “rifle with a bayonet” is an SKS with the standard folding bayonet. Standard issue in smaller Warsaw Pact countries, and ceremonial/display arm in the Red Army, since around the end of the Great Patriotic War.)

    But one idea that I am sure all you Wonketeers share with Hiz Honor: DISARM the NEGROS!!!!!!!

  • RPolanski

    Maybe that’s how you get Scalia to uphold the ban on guns. You conflate the issue with the pornography issue and First Amendment free press rights. If a rifle can be shoved up a reporter’s ass, in public, maybe guns should be banned in order to protect freedom of the press and to eliminate pornography. Just like the Founding Fathers would have wanted it, Justice Antonin Scalia!!!!!

  • plowman

    So what does a handgun ban have to do with shoving an SKS rifle up a reporter’s ass? Dems and guns put people at ease like Republicans and protecting the environment, I guess they’re in denial about or just can’t remember 1994, duh…

  • Neilist

    [re=583321]RPolanski[/re]: Interesting argument, counsel. But you’ve failed to account for the historical fact that a majority of the Conventional Delegates would have insisted that the rifle be shoved only 3/5ths up the reporter’s ass, reflecting the social structures of the Southern members of the Confederation . . .

    ::::Banging head against table:::

    Sorry. I’m on Oxycotton from an operation on my leg, and I’ve taken to spouting Rush Limbaugh/Federalist Society pronouncements at every opportunity.

    “Social structures” for “slavery” was sort of a giveaway, however.

  • MsQuasimodo

    [re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: I used to get the Chicago Reader by picking it up in the metal box or corner bookstore, when I lived in Chicago.

  • zhubajie

    [re=583401]MsQuasimodo[/re]: Was it worth reading?

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=583401]MsQuasimodo[/re]: Y’know, I always passed on the Reader. Mainly because if you paused long enough to pull one out you we’re liable to get gang banged by twelve homeless dudes with stacks of “Streetwise”.

  • mrbgoode

    Rectum? I’ll say we wrecked him! Shot him right in the asshole!! (Never gets old.)