BY ALL MEANS GO AHEAD  3:05 pm May 21, 2010

Mayor Daley To Jam Rifle Up Reporter’s Butt, For Laffs

by Jim Newell

Omnipotent Chicago mob boss and mayor-for-life Richard Daley held a press conference with local reporters yesterday to discuss the city’s handgun ban that will probably be overturned by the Supreme Court, which loves giving citizens of violent death-towns as many handguns as the Constitution permits (10.9 trillion). It was a very serious affair, and Daley brought all sorts of guns to show the reporters how bad they are. When one reporter asked the Mayor how effective the ban has been, Daley picked up a rifle, giggled, and said he would stick it up the reporter’s butt? To demonstrate… huh? =

This is a fine transcription job from the Chicago Reader reporter, describing how Mayor Daley went about threatening his dumper with a rifle:

So I asked: since guns are readily available in Chicago even with a ban in place, do you really think it’s been effective?


“Oh!” Daley said. “It’s been very effective!”

He grabbed a rifle, held it up, and looked right at me. He was chuckling but there was no smile.

“If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

For a moment the room was very, very quiet. I took a good look at the weapon. It had a long bayonet. (Was it seized during the Civil War?)

“If I put a round up your—ha ha!”

The photographers snapped away. Suddenly everybody started cracking up.

Daley went on. “This gun saved many lives—it could save your life,” he said—meaning, I think, that getting that gun off the street might have saved many lives, including mine.

Second-generation mayors-for-life always get to be so flip about everything.

[Chicago Reader]

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Snarkalicious May 21, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Homeboy from The Reader should be counting his blessings. If Dickey-D’s face had gone serious during the back half of that exchange, he would have been obliged to take that thing in the ass.

gurukalehuru May 21, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Like father, like son.

lochnessmonster May 21, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Good ol’ Mayor Daley…what would Chicago do for laughs without him?

Aflac Shrugged May 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm

You wanna know how to get the Chicago Reader? They pull a knife and threaten to stick it in your rectum, you pull a gun and threaten to stick it in their rectums. He sends one of yours to the hospital with a knife protruding from his rectum, you send one of his to the morgue with a gun, um, just kinda hanging…out…of his ass. *That’s* the *Chicago* way! And that’s how you get the Chicago Reader.

Crank Tango May 21, 2010 at 3:15 pm

he then added, “no homo.”

SayItWithWookies May 21, 2010 at 3:16 pm

This is why it’s best not to argue with the mayor — because he has no understanding of logic or syntax.

Extemporanus May 21, 2010 at 3:18 pm


JMP May 21, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Daley knows that, no matter what, he’ll always be reelected, so why not just be as big of a dick as he wants; he’ll never have to face any consequences.

comicbookguy May 21, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Did he just get back from a Ted Nugent concert?

Extemporanus May 21, 2010 at 3:22 pm

[re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: [re=582869]Extemporanus[/re]: Feel free to jam that comment up my butt any time you’d like — I’m on hold with Xfinity, waiting to upgrade my Internets.

magic titty May 21, 2010 at 3:22 pm

“If I put this up your—ha!—your butt—ha ha!—you’ll find out how effective this is!”

Ahhhh, sleepaway camp. *Shudder*

Buzz Feedback May 21, 2010 at 3:22 pm

“Mick Dumke.” Sounds foreign. Blast him!

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 21, 2010 at 3:23 pm

This is the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Cheney would have done it.

Brick Oven Bill May 21, 2010 at 3:26 pm

In Chicago, guns don’t kill people, railroad ties kill people.

Therefore, we need to rescind the whole rails to trails concept. The removal of metallic rails from the wooden ties, complete with the associated metal spikes, frees the wooden tie for public use, representing the greatest threat to Chicagoans’ health, safety, and welfare, since the introduction of sausage.

Which should also be banned.

I Heart Accuracy May 21, 2010 at 3:27 pm

That was awkward.

Mr Blifil May 21, 2010 at 3:28 pm

A haha A HAHAAHHAAHHAA Hoooooboy…

From my cold, dead rectum.

MMS May 21, 2010 at 3:31 pm

This is my rifle, this is my gun; one is for fightin’ and one is for fun.

Extemporanus May 21, 2010 at 3:35 pm

[re=582866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: From a little later in the interview:

Reporter: “What? What?!”

Mayor Daley: “In! The! BUTT!”

Reporter: “Okaaayyy…”

ph7 May 21, 2010 at 3:36 pm

He’s no Bud Dwyer.

obfuscator May 21, 2010 at 3:41 pm

[re=582866]SayItWithWookies[/re]: god, he’s a hopeless diaster of a public speaker. i’m reading a great book on harold washington and the council wars, and li’l daley comes off as a pretty dim bulb.

Ruhe May 21, 2010 at 3:45 pm

It really is a shame that the Mayor isn’t more articulate. Some effort to stem the easy flow of weapons has got to be a good thing. If only he’d said simply “well, the guns you see here won’t be killing anybody.” Can the Mayor get a do-over?

JMP May 21, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Is that a gun up my ass, or are you just happy to see me?

slappypaddy May 21, 2010 at 3:49 pm

too much nipping at the rat cheese in old dickie daley’s place. a few cans of oil beer ought to set him straight.

PlanetWingnuta May 21, 2010 at 3:51 pm


ManchuCandidate May 21, 2010 at 3:54 pm

[re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]:
Just like a reporter, bringing a tape recorder to an anal gunfight.

the problem child May 21, 2010 at 4:04 pm

It’s a good think nobody got butthurt.

edgydrifter May 21, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Well, better a rifle barrel than an eagle’s beak, I suppose.

Snarkalicious May 21, 2010 at 4:22 pm

[re=582930]ManchuCandidate[/re]: Drinking COFFEE HERE ASSHOLE.

chascates May 21, 2010 at 4:33 pm

A gun won’t save you from a Daley Concrete Overcoat dump in the lake.

weejee May 21, 2010 at 4:59 pm

[re=582968]chascates[/re]: It’s the Action Jackson memorial handgun ban. No ban on meat hooks, cattle prods, chainsaws, or concrete outerwear – overcoats or galoshes.

Jim89048 May 21, 2010 at 5:11 pm

I guess dat be in da butt, Bob…

populucious May 21, 2010 at 5:13 pm

And they LAUGHED and LAUGHED and then LAUGHED some more…funny…so funny…

glamourdammerung May 21, 2010 at 5:43 pm

I totally thought this was made up until I clicked the video.

Then I re-watched it to make sure it was not just my imagination.


Beanball May 21, 2010 at 10:27 pm

That Mayor Daley, such a kidder. Just like when his dad said “There wasn’t any ‘shoot-to-kill’ order.”

Wait, waht?

zhubajie May 22, 2010 at 7:34 am

So, next mayor Rahm Emmanuelle? Is he up to the job?

Neilist May 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Gesh. Is there anything more . . . disquieting . . . than watching an alleged Democratic handling firearms?

It’s like watching a nun playing with a penis . . . .a real nun, that is. Not Sister Larry Flint.

(On, and the “rifle with a bayonet” is an SKS with the standard folding bayonet. Standard issue in smaller Warsaw Pact countries, and ceremonial/display arm in the Red Army, since around the end of the Great Patriotic War.)

But one idea that I am sure all you Wonketeers share with Hiz Honor: DISARM the NEGROS!!!!!!!

RPolanski May 22, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Maybe that’s how you get Scalia to uphold the ban on guns. You conflate the issue with the pornography issue and First Amendment free press rights. If a rifle can be shoved up a reporter’s ass, in public, maybe guns should be banned in order to protect freedom of the press and to eliminate pornography. Just like the Founding Fathers would have wanted it, Justice Antonin Scalia!!!!!

plowman May 22, 2010 at 12:55 pm

So what does a handgun ban have to do with shoving an SKS rifle up a reporter’s ass? Dems and guns put people at ease like Republicans and protecting the environment, I guess they’re in denial about or just can’t remember 1994, duh…

Neilist May 22, 2010 at 12:57 pm

[re=583321]RPolanski[/re]: Interesting argument, counsel. But you’ve failed to account for the historical fact that a majority of the Conventional Delegates would have insisted that the rifle be shoved only 3/5ths up the reporter’s ass, reflecting the social structures of the Southern members of the Confederation . . .

::::Banging head against table:::

Sorry. I’m on Oxycotton from an operation on my leg, and I’ve taken to spouting Rush Limbaugh/Federalist Society pronouncements at every opportunity.

“Social structures” for “slavery” was sort of a giveaway, however.

MsQuasimodo May 23, 2010 at 2:16 am

[re=582862]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: I used to get the Chicago Reader by picking it up in the metal box or corner bookstore, when I lived in Chicago.

zhubajie May 23, 2010 at 5:45 am

[re=583401]MsQuasimodo[/re]: Was it worth reading?

Snarkalicious May 24, 2010 at 1:51 pm

[re=583401]MsQuasimodo[/re]: Y’know, I always passed on the Reader. Mainly because if you paused long enough to pull one out you we’re liable to get gang banged by twelve homeless dudes with stacks of “Streetwise”.

mrbgoode May 24, 2010 at 8:27 pm

Rectum? I’ll say we wrecked him! Shot him right in the asshole!! (Never gets old.)

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