Upon learning that family-values hero Mark Souder had resigned from Congress after admitting his extramarital abstinence, the marriage-sanctifying gals at Concerned Women for America — the Western Hemisphere’s most important public policy women’s organization, after Curves — were in despair, about men. Ultimately they put down their tissues down, though, and brought forth a proclamation in which they blame Souder’s affair on the U.S. Congress, a.k.a. “the frat house on the Hill.”
Penny Vance, who is the most-concerned of all the Concerned Women, describes the connection between Washington livin’ and Souder’s lovin’ in an emotional blog-prayer:
Those of us who have worked with Mark over the years know him to be a kind and thoughtful legislator. If Mark Souder is capable of sexual misconduct, it could happen to anyone. The frat house environment on Capitol Hill does nothing to encourage accountability. Most Members do not live with their families while they are working in D.C. during the week and have even ditched common rules of etiquette that even major corporations follow such as office doors with windows or careful examination of employee/boss interaction.
On Capitol Hill, marijuana grows where grass should be, and grain alcohol comes out of the faucets. Congressmen room with other congressmen, creating a sexual energy that leads them down the road to infidelity. King-sized charisma-pots like John Ensign and the other C Street Boyz peer-pressure folks into attending their raging kegger parties, which have directly led to the ends of hundreds of Congressional marriages. In such an environment, poor John Souder had no chance.
But now he’s expelled himself from the Garden of Nerdly Delights called Washington and can return to Indiana, where the only temptations are methamphetamine and corn.
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Jeebus, Lauri! You make DC seem like the Big Rock Candy Mountain. Do all the cops have wooden legs?
He may be a no good, dheatin’ moron, but he’s my no good, cheatin’ moron!
Another vote for it’s not his fault, blame the environment in DC.
Oh what I would have given to find the frat-house-no-family-no-etiquette-no-windows party she’s talking about when, as a child, my parents took us to tour the Smithsonian, the art museums and the Washington Monument.
The Concerned Women have made a concerning discovery: most people like the sex. On top of that, many people apparently like the sex with people who are not their spouses! Who knew?! I’m so glad that there are Concerned Women (for America, specifically!) who can suss out this sort of thing.
I don’t think office doors without windows were the problem here. Maybe “boathouses without windows” or “state parks without windows,” but not office doors.
It’s true, people — Congress is a dangerous environment rife with temptation. If I were a Godfearing Christian Republican who wanted to wanted to represent the interests of The LORD, I’d resign immediately and put on my sackcloth and ashes and do penance for a while, and leave all that disgusting secular lawmaking stuff to the filthy liberals.
I’m positive, POSITIVE, that the concerned ladies busybodies would be as forgiving of a Demonrat. Positive.
She should blame it on all the phallic monuments. and then pleasure herself.
It is your life, and you be what you want to be / Just don’t hurt nobody / ‘Less of course they ask you…
Moar Lauri posts, pleez, or beloved Wonkette Overlords. She make me go “ha” and “ha,” again.
And Democrats. Were it not for the influence of the unholy, unconcerned Democrat majority on Capital Hill, Rep. Souder would never have had an affair with a woman. Point to one example during the Republican era where an affair with a woman led a Republican to resign from office. And then they took the glass windows out of the office doors. A tactic straight out of the the Communist Manifesto.
Hey Bible Biddies, what happened to that whole Jeebus loves Personal Responsibility thing you been preaching to the heathens, libtards and tinted peoples?
I blame society. If it weren’t for the secular socialist liberalism rampant in D.C., abstinence-only education would work on everyone, even Congressmen!
Sadly, the Concerned Women for America do not allow comments on their blogs…
And that’s just the men. Every time I look at this North Carolinian sack of hotness, I could core an apple.
And the airport men’s room stalls without windows. Also.
[re=580656]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I like your angle. And I don’t mean that in a *concerning*, Capitol Hill frat house sort of way.
And if you want to run for the Senate, you won’t be a conscientious objector or bed-wetting draft-dodger in the War on Mothers Day!
Sometimes its hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one man
You’ll have bad times
And he’ll have good times
Doing things that you don’t understand
But if you love him you’ll forgive him
Even though he’s hard to understand
And if you love him
Oh be proud of him
‘Cause after all he’s just a man
Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man
Stand by your man
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man
They don’t *seem* all that concerned…
Nice story, gals.
How many Capitol Hill frat boys, exactly, attended that Fort Wayne boat ramporgy, 600 miles from DC?
[re=580662]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That there personal responsibility shit don’ apply to us. Cuz we’re chosen people. Y’all ain’t.
Lauri Apple? When did you get here? This post is brilliant.
Well yeah, if you go drinking at the Sign of whale every night you are eventually going to end up in trouble.
So, he was forced into it due to institutional pressures and imperatives, huh?
…
You know who ELSE used the Nuremburg defense?
It’s a game… But you’re only fooling you. Better look at your game, Concerned Women.
(This is the song written by Charles Manson, performed by Guns n’ Roses (pre-meltdown-Axl), that sounds like a Smiths song (voice uncannily Morriseyan), no?)
…common rules of etiquette … such as office doors with windows or careful examination of employee/boss interaction.
So in other words, these “Concerned Women” like to watch. Sickos.
That’s quite the home page (or as Gurley might call it, “cover page”) the CWA has going on. I haven’t seen the word “Obama” in that repetitive a manner since the 2008 elections.
I believe that organization might be better named “Concerned Kneejerk Reflexers for America”.
Here’s Penny Nance. Who here is brave enough to say “I’d hit that?”
IT could happen to anybody!
Penny pens: “I join the countless others now and throughout ages past who cling diligently to the hope of grace and redemption.” Unfortunately, Souder’s diligent clinging was in a boathouse. Man overboard!
This just reminds me of why I am happy that the Jews really run this country.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: I’d hit it. With a sack full of sex-ed books.
That explain John Boehner’s color- too many cherries shoved deep in his ass. Brilliant!
Concerned Women are concerned.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: I’ve seen that before somewhere before somewhere
…with a capitol T and that rhymes with B and that stands for Boathouse.
Too bad he’s not from Iowa..
Also, they were making their beautiful love in INDIANA STATE PARKS! I blame the frat house environment of lonely glens and boat ramps.
CWA has a certain point: If Souder can get laid, just about anybody can get laid.
[re=580676]Manos: Hands of Fate[/re]: So true.
no wonder the teabaggers want their gubbermint back
DC rocks.
[re=580697]biznesskommunity[/re]: I wonder if Amy Poehler knows about this.
So, basically, Souder is so emotionally immature and ruled by his hormones that if he’s away from his wife he’ll commit adultery.
Great defense there.
[re=580695]PsycGirl[/re]: Ew. Makes me shrivel.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: Methinks that there are many Frat Rats from back in the day who can claim to have done this, both multiple times and simultaneously.
DEUCE-D HER! HIGH FIVE BRO!
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: Apropos of nothing…but a co-worker once teased our receptionist and said she had a crush on another co-worker. She sneered at the second co-worker and said, “not if he was the last man on Earth”, to which he replied, “sweetheart, if I were the last man on Earth, you wouldn’t even be allowed in the line.”
So, let me see if I understand this. This republican takes responsibility for his actions by blaming DC?
[re=580694]One Yield Regular[/re]: One of the best things about this story so far is learning new name for Concerned Women for America. From 2000 to 2008 they were the Smug Stepfords for Shiny Objects.
[re=580707]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Correct, except the “blaming D.C.” part is done through a surrogate wingnut organization of “opposite-feminists”.
Also not available on that twat waffle CWA site: personal ads, chat rooms.
How am I going to meet women concerned about my needs?
Given that I can’t rush this DC frat until fall.
EVER SINCE THOSE FILTHY DEMRATS MOVED IN BACK IN 2006, CONGRESS HAS BEEN A DEN OF SODOMITES.
Has anyone ever seen an office door with a window? I mean, every place I have ever worked, my offices have had doors, without windows. We shut them for privacy, not for illicit set, only. These horny old ladies just want to see me change into my running gear!
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: Boy, she makes Katherine Harris look good.
I blame Mrs. Souder. She should have allowed him that 3-way with Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.
They just can’t admit that all that preachin’ and prayin’ isn’t enough to counter a semi-hot strawberry blonde.
Possibility #2: Souder is a sleezy hypocrit who doesn’t actually give a shite about your Bible party.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: She looks like a clone of crazy-eyes Bachmann.
[re=580697]biznesskommunity[/re]: [re=580702]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I blame that perverted brown Tom Haverford; he must have lead the good Congressman to follow him into depravity.
[re=580724]bored with gravity[/re]: She says she’s against sex and presents herself in a way that, at least for her, precludes it ever occurring. This is consistency!
[re=580722]Doglessliberal[/re]: I saw an office door with a window once. I think Jimmy Stewart had one at the Bailey Building and Loan Association in It’s a Wonderful Life. Frank Capra. That’s where all those wimmins get their pesky ideas about How. Life. Should. Be.
[re=580733]Abou Diaby[/re]: Red on the head – fire in the hole, I always say (not really, I don’t always say that).
[re=580707]Dashboard_Buddha[/re]: Recently it occurs to me that it has been a long long while since I heard anyone call Republicans “the party of personal responsibility.”
Anyway, he’s going back to Real America[tm] where these lurid sexcapades don’t happen. Though you will have to teach your pig to dance.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: My, Grandma! What big teeth you have!
Geld all the men, Penny and your problem will be solved, works every time.
[re=580742]JMP[/re]: By golly – she does look like Michelle Bachmann.
Well, I’m just glad *that’s* settled.
careful examination of employee/boss interaction.
There are actual laws about this but Congress made themselves exempt from this stuff. While most of us have to attend annual training about harassment and discrimination, Congress doesn’t have to! Those rules literally don’t apply to them.
(The most important fact I learned in this year’s training is that grumpy people are a protected class in California. I may have to move to California).
Temptation is a problem for pious finger-bangers? Then I guess everyone would be well served if such people simply steered clear of politics entirely. Win-WIN! In fact, anyone who espouses Judeo-Christian values, yet demonstrates a desire to enter the “political arena”, should come under immediate suspicion as a gangbang hound and should have a web cam surgically attached to their perineum so that any “funny business” may be recorded. Don’t worry no one will ever see the tapes of the simple act of elimination, eww who would even want to see that, how perverted you guys.
Blame the refs too while you’re at it, ladies!
Ah geeze peas. just chill out, you Concerned Bible Biddies; it’s not like he knocked her up.
Wait, what?!?
What do mean “That makes it even worse?” You people are just sick.
[re=580666]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: I checked the URL, braced myself, and still — GAAAH!!!
Whatever the antimatter version of fap is, that.
Penny Vance has real white teeth and crazy eyes,
There beneath the blue C Street House skies
in summer
Meanwhile back
the GOP Congressman bangs him out another one
And the intern’s happy to provide the trim
then the crazy lady rushes in
looking less than nice
Jesus Christ!
Penny Vance has real white teeth and crazy eyes,
There beneath the blue C Street House skies
Penny Vance!
So here’s a Serious Question. Why is it that when a liberal like Clinton or Spitzer get caught diddling gals who aren’t their wives, they’re Satan’s cousin once removed, but when a conservative gets caught doing it (while making stamping it out his actual agenda), he is, like all of us, fallen and in need of redemption praise jesus? Disconnect much?
“ditched common rules of etiquette that even major corporations follow such as office doors with windows.”
Ya..because they are exhibitionists & want all their gazillionaire compatriots to watch them have poor people shlurple their murples under their mahogany desks.
And as well, I am fast tracking a moving van to DC where I can smoke my lawn instead of mowing it.
Penny Nance. Who here is brave enough to say “I’d hit that?”
Pretty Penny has the whitest teeth I’ve ever cum across.
Badump.
Maybe if Souder had honored that Contract With America that he signed, his fifteen year ride in Washington would have been limited to two terms, not nearly enough time for the bad influences to reach his loins. And also.
“If Mark Souder is capable of sexual misconduct, it could happen to anyone.”
Maybe they should remember that quote, the next time that they scream for a godless librul to be burned in effigy for infidelity.
[re=580744]Jukesgrrl[/re]: Yes! Someone is always painting someone’s name, or removing it, on those kind of doors.
[re=580803]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: They are spreading librul sperm. That is a sin; some of it might find fertile ground and bring another Devil librull into the world.
[re=580844]GOPCrusher[/re]: in his case, it is the passive tense: it happened to him. In the librul’s case, they are actively partaking.
Clearly we need to move our nation’s capital to one of those states in which sexual misconduct has never ever happened.
[re=580858]Doglessliberal[/re]: Mistakes were made. Fingers were banged.
[re=580869]populucious[/re]: ah, yes, the State of Denial.
Why don’t they just come right out and blame Obama? You know they want to.
[re=580666]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Love your comment, but it screams “needle dick!” And why did I look at the pic? I popped one so fast that I cracked my monitor.
[re=580905]rastignac[/re]: Well, I am a white guy. A man’s got to know his limitations.
Are Penny and her CWA friends really just saying that men, particularly Congressmen, are weak and can’t control themselves when it come to keeping their flys zipped? Isn’t this the position of those “feminazis” that Rush is always complaining about? When will Rush condemn this rampant feminism among the right-wing ladies of America? Should we just give each Congressman a blow-up doll when their elected to solve this problem?
Can you see how easy this would be if the liberal media adopted the Fox “question mark” form of journalism?
More Apple, please. She has the funnee.
Can a regular Citizen Joe show up in DC and get laid? I was thinking of vacationing in Las Vegas but I may change my plans.
Today, we are all cheating spouses corrupted by our environment.
If ignorance is bliss these ladies should look happy. Instead, they always have the face of one who just farted a dripper into her underpants.
[re=580685]V572625694[/re]: TPM has a better picture. I’d get ‘er done. http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2010/05/acts_of_god.php
MEMO TO: V572625694 and pirate king of the Jews
SUBJECT: Hitting It.
No way in Hell without a pair of Handcuffs and a Ball Gag.
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