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Your editor “Jim” here has not been able to think of anything funny or interesting to write all afternoon and apologizes for that. (Not really.) Various evil forces are destroying his stomach. So just read the POLITICO for important primary coverage tonight. Look at how excited and healthy they are about politics right now, whipping out the “___, ___, and ___, oh my!” headline construction. Dear god. Don’t read the POLITICO tonight. We’ll be back typing things in an hour or two. Two? Let’s go with “two.” Kentucky is divided into two time zones, making this scheduling infinitely more difficult. What if Rand Paul wins one half, and Trey Grayson the other? This is how “time” works. Thanks for nothing, Jeebus. Okay must lie down now. [The Page]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • jagorev

    Why does Jim’s tummy Hate America?

    Feel better, Jim! Try some Alka Seltzer. Or Pepto Bismol.

  • Texan Bulldoggette

    Damn. Pics of those 3 guys could have me turning gay.

  • Hallux Valgus

    that’s what you get for hanging out with Ezra Klein

  • geminisunmars

    I know what’s wrong with your tummy. You looked at those fellas’s pitchers all day.

  • Extemporanus

    1. Liar
    2. Liar
    3. Pants on fire

  • SayItWithWookies

    Wow — Dick Blumenthal looks like he has yet to evolve a frontal lobe. Not that he doesn’t look creepy in every pic so far, but that one is especially bog-people-esque.

  • V572625694

    [re=580038]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Rand in particular looks like the village idiot. The shorts-and-blazer getup the other day didn’t help.

    And Combat Dick looks like someone who’s just found out that going to Harvard and washing Katherine Graham’s car won’t necessarily get you every fucking thing you ever want.

  • Pilate

    Can you believe Daily Kos is supporting Dick Blewitall?

    I bet they’ll probably blame the “stupid voters” when the Dems lose ANOTHER Senate seat.

  • ella

    If the Alka Seltzer and Pepto don’t help, have a stiff adult bevvie, Jim. You’ll need your strength to get through a couple hours of hearing Chwis Matthews mention he’s in Phiwadewphia talking to his old fwiend, Eddie Wendeww.

  • chascates

    Evil stomach forces can be countered with a nice, cold White Russian.

  • chascates

    And by White Russian I mean the drink!

  • V572625694

    [re=580046]Extemporanus[/re]: Brevity is the soul of wit, as you have demonstrated.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Veteran Dick is giving Slade Gorton a run in the Skeletor department.

  • gizmo1204

    Stop eating Triscuits, Jim.

  • Katydid

    All Kentucky is divided into 3 parts;
    One of which the wingnuts inhabit,
    The rednecks the other,
    The third, those who in their own language are called Teabaggers
    To our gall

  • rmontcal

    Was it booze or Raisin Bran?

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=580049]Pilate[/re]: Meh. The dems could run the corpse of Wesley Willis and stomp Linda Mac. As long as Dicky-boy doesn’t end up having to admit he imported 14 year-old whores direct from Hanoi so he could experience the ‘Real Vietnam’, this one’s in the bag.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Souder looks like Denny Hastert and then Little Paul seems to have been hit with The Love Chromosome. And they all escaped from the Island of Misfit Dick Tracy Villains.

  • mr. sixinch

    No doubt Turbulent Tuesday will be followed by Whimperin’ Wednesday.

  • Mr Blifil

    OIly Shrimp, Fucktards and Cumswapping, OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!11!

  • slappypaddy

    lay off the country ham, jim. eating it all at once is no solution to the problem. whatever the problem is.

    srsly, take care and feel better soon.

  • Sara Benincasa

    Okay, I know Blumenthal didn’t actually go to Vietnam, but doesn’t his FACE look like it’s been in the shit? That forehead ghost-wrote “The Things They Carried.”

  • jagorev

    [re=580052]chascates[/re]: a Russian chick wouldn’t hurt either

  • blinky_twinkie


    4. Profit.

  • lamoll

    Such beauties! Ron Paul looks like the genetically-challenged love child of Danny Kaye and Harpo Marx.

  • JMP

    Jim, get better, and here’s hoping that Arlen Specter has a worse evening than you. I did my part to make that happen this morning.

  • SmutBoffin

    [re=580064]rmontcal[/re]: Can’t it be both? I.e. currant vodka poured over bran flakes.

    Good for ya.

  • red sky

    I wish I could be at the voting booths
    when all the paultards show up to find out that
    KY has a closed republican primary (must have been registered
    before Dec 2009). There is going to be a lot of pissed off “independents” and

  • La Cieca

    [re=580087]lamoll[/re]: And his toupee is recycled from an old Lucy Ricardo wig.

  • Prairie Flower

    You’ve probably been poisoned, like the Bush people in Russia (per Laura B.).

    A little yogurt will fix you right up.

  • bruiser

    Dick Blumenthal was really quite entertaining in that Willard remake from a couple years back.

  • lamoll

    La Cieca: Yes, yes yes! Loooooooooceeeeeeee!

  • coolcatdaddy

    Is image C a morph of images A and B?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Jim, the kindest thing I can say to you at this point is, I hope you don’t shit your pants.

  • BlueStateLiberal

    [re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: I thought the same thing, the guy looks like he’s been through hell. Maybe passing out toys to kids is a lot tougher than we all think.

  • joementum

    [re=580038]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Or have the ghey turned back straight.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=580054]V572625694[/re]: thx

    [re=580085]blinky_twinkie[/re]: You may be on to something: Those weren’t shorts, they were boxers — Rand Paul is an Underpants Gnome!

  • Extemporanus

    [re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: He was great in Apocalypse Brow.

    “I love the smell of Tiger Balm in the morning.”

  • XOhioan

    @La Cieca–I’ve been wondering what it looks like from the back. Worst hairlid since “T.J. Hooker.”

  • Nappied Hypotenuse

    The hed is worse that even Jim suspects. Not only is it x, y, and z, oh my!, but there’s the jejune (yeah, I said it) sex, lies, and SOMETHING. And then, to top it off, they got the pix in the wrong order. Blumenthal should be in the middle…

  • The Station Manager

    Does anybody else look at Rand Paul and just want to see him shout “LOVE SHACK, BABY!”?

  • Monsieur Grumpe
  • blinky_twinkie

    [re=580141]The Station Manager[/re]: Oh, God, I’d love to see him leap out of the closet (literally and figuratively) at the next family reunion dressed like Richard Simmons and shouting the lyrics to “Rock Lobster.”

  • oldguy

    Blumenthal Calls Military Claim ‘Misplaced Words’

    Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, a Democrat running for Senate, said he took “full responsibility” for saying he had served.


  • zhubajie

    [re=580087]lamoll[/re]: Well, generally speaking leaving Texas for Kentucky is not a step up in the world.

  • mumblyjoe

    [re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: Hahahaha. It’s funny because the book is a shocking and heartfelt outpouring of Tim O’brien’s personal ‘Nam trauma.

  • Ducksworthy

    Dr. Paul’s haircut suggests that his hair has not fully grown in since the lobotomy.