Join Your Wonkette This Evening For Frightening Coverage Of ‘America Votes On Politics 2010′

by Jim Newell

Your editor “Jim” here has not been able to think of anything funny or interesting to write all afternoon and apologizes for that. (Not really.) Various evil forces are destroying his stomach. So just read the POLITICO for important primary coverage tonight. Look at how excited and healthy they are about politics right now, whipping out the “___, ___, and ___, oh my!” headline construction. Dear god. Don’t read the POLITICO tonight. We’ll be back typing things in an hour or two. Two? Let’s go with “two.” Kentucky is divided into two time zones, making this scheduling infinitely more difficult. What if Rand Paul wins one half, and Trey Grayson the other? This is how “time” works. Thanks for nothing, Jeebus. Okay must lie down now. [The Page]

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jagorev May 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Why does Jim’s tummy Hate America?

Feel better, Jim! Try some Alka Seltzer. Or Pepto Bismol.

Texan Bulldoggette May 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Damn. Pics of those 3 guys could have me turning gay.

Hallux Valgus May 18, 2010 at 5:22 pm

that’s what you get for hanging out with Ezra Klein

geminisunmars May 18, 2010 at 5:24 pm

I know what’s wrong with your tummy. You looked at those fellas’s pitchers all day.

Extemporanus May 18, 2010 at 5:24 pm

1. Liar
2. Liar
3. Pants on fire

SayItWithWookies May 18, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Wow — Dick Blumenthal looks like he has yet to evolve a frontal lobe. Not that he doesn’t look creepy in every pic so far, but that one is especially bog-people-esque.

V572625694 May 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm

[re=580038]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Rand in particular looks like the village idiot. The shorts-and-blazer getup the other day didn’t help.

And Combat Dick looks like someone who’s just found out that going to Harvard and washing Katherine Graham’s car won’t necessarily get you every fucking thing you ever want.

Pilate May 18, 2010 at 5:27 pm

Can you believe Daily Kos is supporting Dick Blewitall?

I bet they’ll probably blame the “stupid voters” when the Dems lose ANOTHER Senate seat.

ella May 18, 2010 at 5:29 pm

If the Alka Seltzer and Pepto don’t help, have a stiff adult bevvie, Jim. You’ll need your strength to get through a couple hours of hearing Chwis Matthews mention he’s in Phiwadewphia talking to his old fwiend, Eddie Wendeww.

chascates May 18, 2010 at 5:30 pm

Evil stomach forces can be countered with a nice, cold White Russian.

chascates May 18, 2010 at 5:30 pm

And by White Russian I mean the drink!

V572625694 May 18, 2010 at 5:30 pm

[re=580046]Extemporanus[/re]: Brevity is the soul of wit, as you have demonstrated.

Buzz Feedback May 18, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Veteran Dick is giving Slade Gorton a run in the Skeletor department.

gizmo1204 May 18, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Stop eating Triscuits, Jim.

Katydid May 18, 2010 at 5:33 pm

All Kentucky is divided into 3 parts;
One of which the wingnuts inhabit,
The rednecks the other,
The third, those who in their own language are called Teabaggers
To our gall

rmontcal May 18, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Was it booze or Raisin Bran?

Snarkalicious May 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm

[re=580049]Pilate[/re]: Meh. The dems could run the corpse of Wesley Willis and stomp Linda Mac. As long as Dicky-boy doesn’t end up having to admit he imported 14 year-old whores direct from Hanoi so he could experience the ‘Real Vietnam’, this one’s in the bag.

SayItWithWookies May 18, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Souder looks like Denny Hastert and then Little Paul seems to have been hit with The Love Chromosome. And they all escaped from the Island of Misfit Dick Tracy Villains.

mr. sixinch May 18, 2010 at 5:42 pm

No doubt Turbulent Tuesday will be followed by Whimperin’ Wednesday.

Mr Blifil May 18, 2010 at 5:53 pm

OIly Shrimp, Fucktards and Cumswapping, OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN!!11!

slappypaddy May 18, 2010 at 5:55 pm

lay off the country ham, jim. eating it all at once is no solution to the problem. whatever the problem is.

srsly, take care and feel better soon.

Sara Benincasa May 18, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Okay, I know Blumenthal didn’t actually go to Vietnam, but doesn’t his FACE look like it’s been in the shit? That forehead ghost-wrote “The Things They Carried.”

jagorev May 18, 2010 at 5:58 pm

[re=580052]chascates[/re]: a Russian chick wouldn’t hurt either

blinky_twinkie May 18, 2010 at 6:03 pm


4. Profit.

lamoll May 18, 2010 at 6:04 pm

Such beauties! Ron Paul looks like the genetically-challenged love child of Danny Kaye and Harpo Marx.

JMP May 18, 2010 at 6:07 pm

Jim, get better, and here’s hoping that Arlen Specter has a worse evening than you. I did my part to make that happen this morning.

SmutBoffin May 18, 2010 at 6:13 pm

[re=580064]rmontcal[/re]: Can’t it be both? I.e. currant vodka poured over bran flakes.

Good for ya.

red sky May 18, 2010 at 6:20 pm

I wish I could be at the voting booths
when all the paultards show up to find out that
KY has a closed republican primary (must have been registered
before Dec 2009). There is going to be a lot of pissed off “independents” and

La Cieca May 18, 2010 at 6:22 pm

[re=580087]lamoll[/re]: And his toupee is recycled from an old Lucy Ricardo wig.

Prairie Flower May 18, 2010 at 6:23 pm

You’ve probably been poisoned, like the Bush people in Russia (per Laura B.).

A little yogurt will fix you right up.

bruiser May 18, 2010 at 6:27 pm

Dick Blumenthal was really quite entertaining in that Willard remake from a couple years back.

lamoll May 18, 2010 at 6:31 pm

La Cieca: Yes, yes yes! Loooooooooceeeeeeee!

coolcatdaddy May 18, 2010 at 6:40 pm

Is image C a morph of images A and B?

WhatTheHeck May 18, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Jim, the kindest thing I can say to you at this point is, I hope you don’t shit your pants.

BlueStateLiberal May 18, 2010 at 6:59 pm

[re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: I thought the same thing, the guy looks like he’s been through hell. Maybe passing out toys to kids is a lot tougher than we all think.

joementum May 18, 2010 at 6:59 pm

[re=580038]Texan Bulldoggette[/re]: Or have the ghey turned back straight.

Extemporanus May 18, 2010 at 7:14 pm

[re=580054]V572625694[/re]: thx

[re=580085]blinky_twinkie[/re]: You may be on to something: Those weren’t shorts, they were boxers — Rand Paul is an Underpants Gnome!

Extemporanus May 18, 2010 at 7:21 pm

[re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: He was great in Apocalypse Brow.

“I love the smell of Tiger Balm in the morning.”

XOhioan May 18, 2010 at 7:27 pm

@La Cieca–I’ve been wondering what it looks like from the back. Worst hairlid since “T.J. Hooker.”

Nappied Hypotenuse May 18, 2010 at 7:35 pm

The hed is worse that even Jim suspects. Not only is it x, y, and z, oh my!, but there’s the jejune (yeah, I said it) sex, lies, and SOMETHING. And then, to top it off, they got the pix in the wrong order. Blumenthal should be in the middle…

The Station Manager May 18, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Does anybody else look at Rand Paul and just want to see him shout “LOVE SHACK, BABY!”?

Monsieur Grumpe May 18, 2010 at 7:40 pm
blinky_twinkie May 18, 2010 at 7:51 pm

[re=580141]The Station Manager[/re]: Oh, God, I’d love to see him leap out of the closet (literally and figuratively) at the next family reunion dressed like Richard Simmons and shouting the lyrics to “Rock Lobster.”

oldguy May 18, 2010 at 8:37 pm

Blumenthal Calls Military Claim ‘Misplaced Words’

Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, a Democrat running for Senate, said he took “full responsibility” for saying he had served.


zhubajie May 19, 2010 at 8:07 am

[re=580087]lamoll[/re]: Well, generally speaking leaving Texas for Kentucky is not a step up in the world.

mumblyjoe May 19, 2010 at 8:54 am

[re=580079]Sara Benincasa[/re]: Hahahaha. It’s funny because the book is a shocking and heartfelt outpouring of Tim O’brien’s personal ‘Nam trauma.

Ducksworthy May 19, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Dr. Paul’s haircut suggests that his hair has not fully grown in since the lobotomy.

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